counseling for a swinger

[fun4Ds]

just wondering here, we have had an issue and alot of peoples advice was to see a conselor. well that is decided we/ me are going. how many swingers here have been to a counselor. and with all the good advice here on the board are in fact a counselor. mrs.fun is not going to start with so im gonna go alone she has a great fear of doctors,dentist ect. and really cant imagine (opening up) to a stranger. is there any thing i shouldent say? havent ever been so im a little nervous myself with this. this will be a marrige/family counselor.several years ago it was looking like we should see one.but thaught we had worked everything out, and everyone we know says their just gonna take your money and tell ya what ya want to hear. any advice on counseling? this may not be swinger stuff but alot of us here are married. are we just the last ones to go.

[DGrey]

I've been in therapy, not because of swinging, but still therapy nonetheless.

You should be willing to tell a therapist anything and everything. You and your wife are swingers but she doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to open up to a stranger? Yet, she swings. Seems to me that if she's willing to have sex with someone other than you, she should be willing enough to talk about it with a neutral third party.

E

[fun4Ds]

i know i know that does sound strange but its also true. she is not against this counseling and will be going just not at first. the doctor fear will probably come to some enlightenment.she has a trust issue with counselors. i dont have all the answers and i really cant speak for her on this one. she respects that.

[DGrey]

Ok, that's understandable. The trick is finding a therapist you click with. One who is not judgemental but offers advice based on your particular needs.

E

[neoparadigm]

A good therapist will never judge you.. they will listen and make suggestions that may or may not help, but if you are sincere and keep searching for SOLUTIONS you will eventually arrive at a successful resolution.... similiar to what I have been going through on these boards.

Unfortunalty the posters here are not therapists.. just swingers.. discussing their own experiences .. these posts may or may not be helpful. A pro therapist will always acknowledge
and then redirect back to the focus or topic in quest of a solution or resolution. This is something few people here understand or are even aware of.. sad but true..

nonetheless, we march forward with our sights on better days..

[fun4Ds]

well your input is welcomed and i can see that you are giving the best advice you can. so have you been for counseling? maby i should have made a poll. just wondering how many of the board members have in fact been.probly my resaloutions will come from a professional. maby a guy thing but im wondering how many of us are alike. i was afraid everyone would say no, we have never had any reason to seek professional help with any issues.

[LOL_OMG]

I've been to a counselor and what I noticed while I was there that I did most of the talking. She was very supportive of things that I would mention could help me. She tried to encourage positive things that I liked to do, for myself.

All in all it was a good experience, and it kind of makes a person look inward. They won't tell you what to do, but kind of direct you so that you make your own decisions based on the things you've spoken out loud to them.

Mrs

[Chicup]

Based on the idiocy of some 'experts' I've read on swinging, I'd be very reluctant to trust a counselor of any type who was not well versed in the lifestyle.

And god help you (pun intended) if its a counselor tied to a religious organization.

[JTcamp05]

Bad expereince here......in the years before swinging, set us back a few years in life.....so guess I wouldnt be a good person to give advise on this topic. But from what I do know can't imagine swinging would be a topic they would think to highly of. I would think that they would try and blame all the problems on the lifestyle and not the real issues.

[fun4Ds]

thanks everyone probly keep on hangin around here a while. even though we are takin a break from swinging.we are doing ok as a couple. we cant seem to keep our 2 cents worth out of things.

[Amanda69]

I can see many issues arising from discussing swinging in your relationship with a vanilla or potentially religious counsellor be very careful. While yes, counsellors are supposed to be non-judgemental they cannot escape their own biases and life experiences.

Also a word of caution in some states the activity could be seen as potentially illegal or as cause for concern about children in your home. The counsellor may have obligations to report concerns to authorities. It has happened here in Canada and given the trend towards shutting down clubs in certain states it could present a risk.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

... in some states the activity could be seen as potentially illegal or as cause for concern about children in your home. The counsellor may have obligations to report concerns to authorities..

Say it ain't so...

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

I have a therapist, she is excellent. We occasionally we talk about this forum (abstractly), why swinging and many many other societal "Taboo" topics. In a matter of 10 months I have completely turned my life around. From living by the sword to a productive and responsible member of society. I got lucky and found a good one on the first attempt.

The initial session was opened by the question "Tell me why are you here?" from there the conversation just took a natural course. I think it was after 2 or 3 weekly sessions that I felt comfortable enough to start letting the cat out of the bag. To date I go once a month and there are really no topics that are off limits. My advise for you would be to answer the why are you here question without using the word "Swinging" there are a million ways to descrbe it, dont use one that will allow her \ him to jump to conclusions.....If you dont like the reaction or dont think they are right for you--find another. Feel free to ask any other questions you may have


angedky(mr)

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

Say it ain't so...

It's not so..... here. The laws of Doctor-Patient confidentiality are mostly regulated by state law. In Florida the law says the doctor can release the entire records IF the patient A) authorizes release B) Patients lawyer needs them C) court order D) patient is committed to Dept of Corrections E) and (specific) info from the record can be released if A) When a patient has declared an intention to harm other persons. When such declaration has been made, the administrator may authorize the release of sufficient information to provide adequate warning to the person threatened with harm by the patient.

Yes, there is a possibility that it could happen. However we here in the U.S. are afforded ways and means to combat the repercussions, if that security is breached by some over-zealous idiot. I personally just talk about things from an outside-the-box perspective until i am satisfied that the playing field is level.

I know nothing at all about Canadian law and cannot attest to what goes on north of the border


fun4ds-- If you're concerned about your legal rights you can access all the state laws here here

[jennandjamesinm]

Stay away from therapists that have a religious affiliation. I have a therapist that I see regularly and I have discussed swinging with her. She is understanding and actually seems well versed in "alternative" lifestyles. You might try finding someone younger (my therapist is either 31 or 32), a younger therapist might be more open to the swinging lifestyle.

Just my 2 cents...
Jenn