I want my wife to have sex with another man but I keep getting cold feet

[Sweetsexy]

I've been wanting my wife to sleep with one of my friends that she finds attractive, at first she wouldn't go for it but eventually said she would do it. The problem is that I'm the one who got cold feet about the situation, I ended up telling her that it was a bad idea. I simply don't know how I would feel after the sex took place. I'm afraid I'll get all jealous and things will go down hill. I keep coming back to the fact that I really want this but than I dont want it. I'm confused. I think i may have let my wife down also, she got really horny about it and than I told her no and I feel like I let her down. She was starting to look forward to it alot. What should I do?? It always crosses my mind.

[lukeaduke20]

My wife and i recently had an MFM threesome with a friend of mine that lives in PA (we are in MD) so it didnt make things too wierd. There was about 6-8 months of discussion before it took place and a lot of scenarios were proposed and comfort levels were established. Now there did seem to be a great deal of unknowns as you sited (how would it be afterwards) but everything in our situation just worked out. The main thing that ran through my head was will we ever be able to have 1 on 1 again or would i need to call for back up.. there is an amazing amount of attention satisfaction that the female half gets during the whole expirence, you just have to make sure she knows where home is after its all said and done! You will know when the time is right just dont give her the on again off again head trip its not fair to her!. Good luck ITS AWESOME!

[Sweetsexy]

Thanks for the response. I just don't know when I'll be ready to let her do this. So how do I know when to bring it up again without disappointing her?? She also said that If she did it, she wants to do it alone first cause of performace anxiety?? Is this normal if you trust the male half??? I trust him, and I think she will enjoy him, he's experienced. I just don't know if I'm ready. All I know is that it's a huge fantasy for me and I keep coming back to it. Should I let them do a Full swap the first time if she's ok with it?? How far would you let your wife go if you were in my shoes???

[lukeaduke20]

it seems like performance anxiety may be a common response for women but we never discussed the posibility of 1 on 1. That leans more tward the creating side in my opinion. it is up to you and has to be discussed BEFORE it takes place. Let her go as far as you both feel comfortable with.

[lukeaduke20]

Feel free to read the story i just posted about our first expirence. It was my first time writing a story on this site but let me know what you think! http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/article.php?a=628

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Sweetsexy

I've been wanting my wife to sleep with one of my friends that she finds attractive, at first she wouldn't go for it but eventually said she would do it. The problem is that I'm the one who got cold feet about the situation, I ended up telling her that it was a bad idea. I simply don't know how I would feel after the sex took place. I'm afraid I'll get all jealous and things will go down hill. I keep coming back to the fact that I really want this but than I dont want it. I'm confused. I think i may have let my wife down also, she got really horny about it and than I told her no and I feel like I let her down. She was starting to look forward to it alot. What should I do?? It always crosses my mind.

First try checking out getting started in the FAQ section. This can give you a good idea about the basics of swinging and what your ideal mentality should be going into it. There are a few things you'll find before long on the board here, and one piece of advice is often for caution against playing with friends or coworkers. It can really complicate things.

One thing I'm seeing so far is that perhaps your motivation is all wrong. Who are you doing this for? For her pleasure? Or yours? In order to really make this work, you need to understand that you can't say "You can have fun...but not TOO much fun!" It's unfair and unrealistic. You need to allow your wife to act freely and trust her to not do anything hurtful...or don't bother with it at all. Good luck!

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Sweetsexy

Thanks for the response. I just don't know when I'll be ready to let her do this. So how do I know when to bring it up again without disappointing her?? She also said that If she did it, she wants to do it alone first cause of performace anxiety?? Is this normal if you trust the male half??? I trust him, and I think she will enjoy him, he's experienced.

I would NOT recommend her going solo. It's not the man you should worry about trusting; it's your wife. The other man's intentions mean nothing, but the fact that your wife feels she must hide herself from you (while exposing this part of herself to someone else), means that the red flags you're seeing are very real indeed. If it makes her that uncomfortable, she shouldn't be doing it!

Originally Posted by Sweetsexy

I just don't know if I'm ready. All I know is that it's a huge fantasy for me and I keep coming back to it. Should I let them do a Full swap the first time if she's ok with it?? How far would you let your wife go if you were in my shoes???

Does it really matter how far we'd let our spouses go? Personally, I'd let my husband do as he pleases. His happiness is my happiness. As long as he's enjoying himself in a healthy way, I'm all for it! But I'm not you. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of someone other guy putting his penis in your wife's vagina (or any other orifice for that matter) you'd better say so now and figure out the root cause for it...before your wife misunderstands you and goes ahead with it anyway. Or at the very least, get's really pissed off with the frequent stop & go routine. You two will need to do some serious talking. You'll need to determine specifically what it is that makes you uncomfortable. Give it very specific names; you can't just call it jealousy. Is it anger? abandonnment? embarrassment? shame? disgust? arousal? loneliness? Then keep asking "Why?" Why do you feel disgusted? Why do you feel abandonned? etc. When you get your answer there, ask "Why?" again. Peel the onion. And if it isn't scary or uncomfortable, you're not digging deep enough. Get connected with each other before you do this...seriously. You can't swing without doing this, and it can only help.

[Sweetsexy]

Well first off thanks for all the advice you guys have been able to provide. It does help. Well the story that you posted was awesome. It is something I think I would eventually like to do. Well the reason all this even came up was because of me, I brought this up to my wife and she eventually agreed to it. So this was for me not for her. But at the same time she would be getting something in return which she liked very much(cock)!!! We think this lifestyle could be good for us. I think that I would be a little jealous but not crazy jealous. Keep in mind I have never seen my wife with anyone before, so it will take some getting used to. I mean I'm the one who thought this idea up, i think I'm just nervous, I don't know what it will feel like afterwards. Now my wife had said the reason she wouldn't want me to be there was simply because she doesn't think she would be able to come out of her shell if I'm watching. She thinks the first time with someone else will be hard if I'm just sitting there watching. She doesn't think the sexual experience for her or my buddy will be of the quality that she can really provide. She says she would have trouble sucking cock, moaning, screaming, letting him blow his load in her, if I was there. She says that she wants to fuck his brains out but doesn't know if she could live up to his expectations if I'm around. But she said if I had to be there she would go ahead with it. She's not insisting that i'm there, she just doesn't recommend it. It's really just me who is nervous, she is to but not to nervous to not go through with it. When will I find out if I'm ready for this??? I trust her very much. Please give your insight.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--simply stated: Be there, encourage and validate her experience and watch her let go and fuck like crazy. Your positive approval, not voyeuristic silence, might just be the icebreaker that takes her far beyond her having sex without you there.

[Sweetsexy]

Is letting her f*** an ex-coworker who's still my buddy going to far??? She really wants to do this guy but if we had to find someone else we would.

[Sweetsexy]

I'm sure once she has his cock in her she'll forget about me sitting there watching. Do you think that letting her go all the way the first time would be a bad thing. I'm the one who has suggested it??? Or should I tell her to just do oral first. Do you think I would feel weird if I saw her getting slammed by this guy on the first meeting??

[WesternSwing]

Sweetsexy,

Swinging is something you do with each other for each other. Many do play solo but that is usually more experienced couples who've become comfortable with the very issue you are having now.

If your wife feels she can't "let loose" with you around, then there is already a big red flag flying. Mrs. WS tells people time and again that I'm her safety net, that it's because I'm there and I'm okay with it that she has the most fun. It's putting on a show for me. But she was scared in the beginning to. In fact she didn't orgasm with her partners for the first several times we swung because whe was afraid if she did it would hurt my feelings. What hurt my feelings was she wasn't having as good a time as she should have been. When we discussed this fact she was able to trust it wouldn't hurt me and now she has a great time knowing I love to watch her cum. She is my favorite porn star.

But it sounds to me like right now you need to discuss more why you want this to happen. Get to the root of it. Like Intuition says, you need to keep asking why to each answer to get to the bottom of your desire. I would say you are both entering this from the wrong direction. You are both not on the same page to begin with about it happening at all, and then not in the same chapter about how it is to happen. You have allot of thinking and talking to do.

My recommendation if you still want to go through with this is to arrange it as a threesome where you play the leading roll and the other guy is there as a stunt cock. A threesome is more fun when all three are involved. Besides, every woman should experience the feeling of being worshiped by two men at least once... And from a husband's standpoint, it's fantastic to see her having that much fun!

So figure out why you really want this to happen and then agree on how it is going to happen. And your for first experience I would in no way suggest she plays solo. The mind can imagine some pretty weird stuff when you are sitting at home alone waiting for her to return. If you think seeing her might make you jealous, not seeing what is going on will drive you stark raving mad.

Mrs. WS does play solo on occasion (like at a house party last night for instance ) and I love it. But, we've played together so much that I know what is going on in that room even if I'm not there. Right now, you don't havd any idea what is going to happen in the first place, much less if she went solo.

Take my advice: play only together to begin with, get over the issues of possible jealousy on your part and her not being able to perform in front of you then move forward if you are comfortable with it.

Mr. WS

[sexyshelby]

Given all your questions about this, you seem rather unsure of the situation. To me, it doesn't seem like you are ready to handle letting your wife have sex with another man.

I think you need to talk to your wife about how this will change your marriage. Maybe you two should spend some time reading around the board together. It may help you each to understand each other and it will definitely start some good conversation between you two.

Good luck.

~SS

[Sweetsexy]

Thanks, the info was great. Well I'm not to crazy about playing along just yet, I came into this with the fantasy of having my wife get f***** by another man. Eventually I think I would like to get involved, but not just yet. As far as having her f*** him alone is now out of the question, atleast for now. I'm so totally going to tell her that it's a absolute no if she wants to f*** him without me there. We do have a lot to talk about still , but thats what I initially wanted from this. Hopefully it will work out

[Sweetsexy]

Here's another question. I know we are not even close to this but how do I tell my friend that My wife wants his d***. I mean I'm pretty sure he'll want to do her, shes gorgeous, but HOW do I bring that up to him??? I think that would be the most nerve racking thing I've done in a long time