Interested in swinging with roommate, not sure how to progress the situation

[SMB1913]

Hi my wife, Marylee, and I are 25 and 24 yrs old and are completely new to the whole scene. We have talked about threesomes in the past but up until now she has been completely against bringing a third or fourth party into the equation. What has changed? Well, I’m a solder in the Army and am away for weeks at a time. About a month or so ago, while I was away, my wife invited a co-worker, Meagan, to stay at our house for the week to keep her company. It was purely innocent and it work out cause Meagan was having some problems with her living situation at the time (her roommate was getting married and wanted out of their lease and she couldn’t afford the rent by herself). Anyway when I came back Marylee asked if Meagan could stay for a couple weeks until she found a new place. About a week or so went by and the subject of her renting a room from us came up and it was discussed between the three of us. Meanwhile Meagan began to go out with our neighbor, Chris, who’s also in the Army. Anyway, we agreed that she would move in and start to rent a room out from us. Up until then the relationship between Meagan and myself was almost none existent. I had never met her prior to her staying with Marylee for that week, and when I was around, there wasn’t a whole lot of conversation between us. On the other hand, Marylee and her were like two schoolgirls. So, there was a lot of joking around about keeping each other “company” while I’m away from home and a lot of just innocent talk. About a week or so went by and Meagan’s and my relationship progressed to friendly conversation and some joking around about sexual subjects and what have you. Okay, now about two weeks ago, it turned into Marylee and Meagan teasing me about having both of them in bed with me which a couple nights later they jumped on top of the bed, with me in it, and laid on top of me and I was very turned on. Then a few days later there ware a couple incidents where Meagan walked in on me changing and there was some embarrassment on both sides. Marylee then made a comment about well why don’t you guys just strip and take a good look at each other and get it over with. Nothing happened but I did like the idea. A couple nights later, Meagan, Marylee, Chris and myself were hanging out drinking. Marylee and Meagan began to play with each other. Nothing extreme, just lifting shirts up and pulling pants down kind of things. Next thing I know I’m in bed, naked, and I had all of them, on top of the covers, with me. Marylee then strips Meagan completely and starts to fondle her. This last for about 30 minutes or so and then that was it. Now, we have talked about it and everyone seems okay with what happened and are interested in going further but nothings happened. I don’t want to push the issue but I don’t know how to go about pushing things along with out upsetting anyone. Any advice out there?

[Chip_n_Muffy]

I would say roll with the flow, since the flow seems to be moving nicely along. It may not be going fast enough for you, but now is the time to show patience. I mean really, it has only been a month from the time you had never even talked to her to the time she is living with you and flirting around in your bed. These things tend to find their own levels and times.

Chip

[intuition897]

Yup. I'm with Chip on this one. Why push? Things are moving along rather nicely as they are; why screw it up by trying to mould it into something else? Say no when something is uncomfortable, and suggest something casually if it fits the situation, but otherwise, I'd let nature take it's course here. Does the situation lack excitement for you?? lol Probably a lot of guys out there who would be envious of your situation as it is.

Your wife is rediscovering her sexuality, and is exploring it within the bounds of your relationship. There is a delicate balance here, where she feels empowered and safe to explore, that might be tipped if you assert yourself too much on things. She may get the impression that you're saying, "Okay, you've had your fun; now it's MY turn to do what I want, and you'll just have to like it." While I'm quite sure that that is not what your intentions are, people are kinda funny about thinking the worst.

If you do want to help move things along, the best thing you can do is talk openly and honestly with your wife. Ask how she feels about how things are going, what she might like to see happen, what YOU would enjoy trying...while making sure she understands that talk is one thing, and doing is quite another. Good luck, and let us know how things progress!

[SMB1913]

I totally hear you both, and that’s been my feeling from the start. I guess sometimes I just revert back to my male instinct and get impatient. To be completely honest, I’m really not looking, at this point in time, to “go all the way” with Meagan. I would be happy with maybe a little physical contact between the both of us though.

There is one thing that’s got my mind right now, and that’s Chris. I’m not really sure how he feels about the whole group thing. I know he enjoyed the show that Meagan and Marylee put on for us, but were it to go further I just don’t know. I mean I am totally not into anything bi-sexual, but don’t really mind being around another naked guy. I know he worked as a bartender at a swingers club in Florida for a while but he always made sure to note that he never did that kind of stuff before, so…

Oh, and while writing I spoke with my wife over the phone and it looks like we are all having dinner together tonight. We had discussed last weekend, after everything happened, that we would get together for drinks this weekend but nothing has been spoken of about that yet. So, I guess we’ll see.

[pumpkins1970]

Hi SMB, and Welcome to the board, I can only say Dito to everybody's advise, it sounds like everything is going great for you! I also want to thank you for being a service member in this time of our countries current situations, . Please let us all know how things work out tonight also! facelick

[SMB1913]

Thanks Pumpkins, I’ll make sure and let all know what happens tonight, if anything. Though I’m afraid nothing is going to though, so don’t be disappointed.

[SMB1913]

Okay, well I told ya’ll that I’d give you an update as to what happened the other night but have been pretty busy preparing to go to Korea next week. Anyway, absolutely nothing happened! I don’t know what the hell went wrong. It seemed like things were going about the same as the week prior, but then it all just fizzled. I have no idea.

[semntj]

Originally Posted by SMB1913

Next thing I know I’m in bed, naked, and I had all of them, on top of the covers, with me. Marylee then strips Meagan completely and starts to fondle her. This last for about 30 minutes or so and then that was it.

Holy Chit Dude! You lucky dog you!

I got two pieces of advice for you:
1. Don't push it, just let the Mrs. drive at her pace and go along for the ride.
2. Spend more time in that bed!

[SMB1913]

I’m trying to do just that (go along for the ride), I just hope this wasn’t a one time thing. I guess only time will tell.

[RenoFantasy]

You're right not to push, that's probably one of the worst things you could do. You may want to discuss this further with your wife, however. As it sounds as though she and this Meagan initiated the scenarios thus far, you would not be out of line by asking questions about it.

Definately tread carefully! Find out if this is an avenue she'd like to explore further. You obviously would like to explore further yourself, so make sure you express your interest. Reassure her, however, that if it is NOT an avenue to explore that you are right there with her, and will not pressure her on the issue. If she does NOT want to explore this, you had also best advise her that it would probably be best if she ceased such activities as this will only send mixed messages to everyone, causing frustration and potentially hurt feelings.

If she DOES want to explore this further, find out how far she wants to go with it. This is important. You've already stated that you don't really want to have sex with this Meagan girl (or at least, you don't actively SEEK to), so make sure that you make her aware that you aren't trying to just get into another girls panties. This will help to reaffirm that your relationship is secure and that she needn't fear you "fucking the roomie."

I've said it a few times... communication is your most valuable tool. Use it.

... and let us know how it works out!

Matt

[SMB1913]

I spoke with Marylee last night and we had a pretty good talk. Evidently we’ve had this discussion before, but for some reason I don’t really remember it. Anyway, we talked about how she feels and what she’d like to see happen at this point in time and I kind of get the idea that we’re on the same page. Neither of us are looking to actually have sex with anyone else, but both agree that some touching and feeling between others is fine. She did play down that she wants things to go any further with Meagan though I got the impression she’s saying that for my benefit cause Meagan is all my wife talks about when we discuss the issue, whether it be general or specific talk. So, my wife and I agree as to what we want. Our problem I think seems to be coming from the other couple. First off, my wife is very particular with who she’s comfortable with. These are the first two people that she’s actually ever seriously thought about doing something with, let alone actually acted on. Meagan “seems” to be totally into it, but Chris just isn’t. Now, they are new in their relationship, so I totally understand, but I really don’t think my wife is going to really consider anyone else. I know how selfish that may sound, and I’m sure most are saying there are plenty more fish in the sea, but I know my wife and it’s going to take a long time for her to ever feel this comfortable with the situation again if ever. Anyway, that’s where we’re at now. If anyone could give me some serious advice on how to approach this situation or if I even should, please drop a line.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by SMB1913

She did play down that she wants things to go any further with Meagan though I got the impression she’s saying that for my benefit cause Meagan is all my wife talks about when we discuss the issue, whether it be general or specific talk.

Although this isn't causing problems right now, I would strongly suggest that you have her come clean about her feelings if this is what you truly suspect. By "things", do you mean sexual play, or a possible emotional relationship? One is swinging, and the other leans toward polyamory, which are both fine...just two different branches of the lifestyle. What you need to work on is reassuring one another that it's okay to be exactly who you are, and that you are each acceptable to one another, just as you are. Imperfections/realities and all. And if that means she desires multiple meaningful relationships, you want to know about it, right?

Originally Posted by SMB1913

First off, my wife is very particular with who she’s comfortable with. These are the first two people that she’s actually ever seriously thought about doing something with, let alone actually acted on. Meagan “seems” to be totally into it, but Chris just isn’t. Now, they are new in their relationship, so I totally understand, but I really don’t think my wife is going to really consider anyone else. I know how selfish that may sound, and I’m sure most are saying there are plenty more fish in the sea, but I know my wife and it’s going to take a long time for her to ever feel this comfortable with the situation again if ever. Anyway, that’s where we’re at now. If anyone could give me some serious advice on how to approach this situation or if I even should, please drop a line.

Oh dear. You know what I'm going to say here, because you've said it yourself. I can't, in good conscience, advise you to pursue this other couple if one half is reluctant. It will just end badly, and you'll lose your friends. Consider this: if your wife is very new to swinging, and you and she pursue this ill-fated scenario, what will her impression of swinging be then, after having to deal with the ensuing drama, and seeing Meagan's and Chris' relationship crumble in front of you? Think she'll want to try swinging again? Not likely. She's more likely to tell herself, "Well, lesson learned: swinging is bad."

The other option is to back off of the situation (both of you) and allow your potential partners their space. If you really have your hearts set on this couple, that's fine; it just means that you need to be patient as they go through their relationship evolution. Chris will respond much better to another couple who is respectful of and sensitive to his feelings and comfort level. If you push, it (legitimately) gives him reason to think that you are a danger to his relationship with Meagan. You will be seen as competition, a threat. If you want to avoid giving this impression, be supportive of their relationship.

[SMB1913]

Awesome advise Intuition!!! That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing (Giving them their space). Like I said in one of my previous posts, I think sometimes I get a little impatient, but when it comes down to it, I know what’s right. I think sometimes I just need to hear it from a third party. Thanks.

[SMB1913]

So, I’m back with an update. I’ve been pretty busy over the past month or so. But, I just got back from overseas about a week ago and well, this last Friday night Marylee, Meagan and myself decided to drink a little at home. To make a long story short, we got it on. Well, more like Marylee and Meagan got it on. I did jump in after they both got off and had sex with Marylee which was awesome. The only disappointment I had, was I would have liked a little more touching between Meagan and myself. I’m not saying I wanted her to jack me off or me to eat her out, just some sensual touching. I told Marylee this and her thing is if she says okay to that, what am I going to want next time (like I wont ever be satisfied), which I see her point. To be completely honest, I don’t think it’s going to happen again with Meagan only because her and Chris seem to be getting pretty serious and well, she doesn’t want to tell him. I don’t agree with her, but whatever. So, that’s about it. Please feel free to post comments guys. I love to hear what you guys think.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by SMB1913

So, I’m back with an update. I’ve been pretty busy over the past month or so. But, I just got back from overseas about a week ago and well, this last Friday night Marylee, Meagan and myself decided to drink a little at home. To make a long story short, we got it on. Well, more like Marylee and Meagan got it on. I did jump in after they both got off and had sex with Marylee which was awesome. The only disappointment I had, was I would have liked a little more touching between Meagan and myself. I’m not saying I wanted her to jack me off or me to eat her out, just some sensual touching. I told Marylee this and her thing is if she says okay to that, what am I going to want next time (like I wont ever be satisfied), which I see her point. To be completely honest, I don’t think it’s going to happen again with Meagan only because her and Chris seem to be getting pretty serious and well, she doesn’t want to tell him. I don’t agree with her, but whatever. So, that’s about it. Please feel free to post comments guys. I love to hear what you guys think.

D'OH!!
SMB, I think you just made a big mistake...if you really want the honest opinion you just asked for. You went ahead and got naked with your buddy's girlfriend...without his permission? Or without him even knowing about it??? And what do you mean "only" because they're getting serious?

Just because Meagan (let's be polite here) had a lapse of judgment and cheated on her boyfriend (yeah, I said cheated), doesn't make anyone else involved any less of an accomplice. When a person shoots and kills another person, the people who help to bury the body go to prison, too. While you can do nothing about the way Meagan chooses to treat Chris, it says something about a person when he/she looks out for those who are not there to look out for themselves.

Perhaps this is not your belief, and I'm sure you'll hear from those who disagree with my POV, but this is the way I see things. When you have the power to stop someone from being hurt, you do it. Because I'd sure appreciate someone doing the same for me if I were in their place.

If your argument is that you didn't actually have sex with her, I'd say that doesn't really hold water. If Chris walked in in the middle of things, my guess is you'd all be stammering and trying to explain "It's not how it looks". Sexual interaction is sexual interaction.