Should we tell our doctor?

[NandTfromCA]

N and I need to schedule a time to get the Hep A/B vaccine and were just thinking about being upfront with our doctor. The less we can lie or mislead someone, the better…especially someone in charge of our health.

Any thoughts on why we should/shouldn’t out ourselves to her?

Also, I have thought about getting her to prescribe some Viagra to use for house parties or any other high-anticipation encounters. If we’re up front about why we want the vaccine, we’re concerned it could get in the way of getting a Viagra prescription (I’m 32 by the way).

What are your thoughts? Thanks for any input!

T (Mr.)

[VegasLee]

I don't know if you go to any of the clubs there in Ca. but here in Vegas we have some doctors that are in the Lifestyle that come to the club all the time.

You might want to check at your local club and see if any doctors are in the Lifestyle there. Makes it a lot easier to talk to them if they are.

[meandher2go]

id NEVER lie to my doctor. its MY body and health and im not gonna risk anything about ME.

[Chicup]

I am a doctor myself.

I have no problem lying to my doctor and I have told my wife to do the same. This has come up before but your medical records are NOT private, do not kid yourself into thinking they are. There is nothing different your doctor should do for you as a swinger than a non-swinger.

As for viagra for house parties I don't recomend it, if you happen to experiance the side effects its not worth it just so you can get Mr. Willy up an extra time.

[WesternSwing]

Mrs. WS and I have talked about this and we've decided that our doctor doesn't need to know. I wouldn't want to strain the doctor/patient confidentiality.

Mr. WS

[intuition897]

Not sure what the laws are where Chicup is, or even what they are specifically here in Canada. I'm completely up-front with my doctor, and while she's a bit tight-lipped about it, I don't care. Her job is to look out for my physical health and advise me. Period. She may personally disagree, but that's her problem. If she ever made it my problem, she'd only find herself in a heap of trouble for it.

I have to say, also, that while we are very discrete, we are not ashamed of our lifestyle choice. We're just discrete because we know most other people don't understand it and the very idea makes them extremely uncomfortable. So we spare them the discomfort. My workplace is very sensitive to GLBT and human rights issues, so I don't worry too much about our lifestyle affecting my job there. Mr., unfortunately, is in a "family-oriented" business and is in a more prominent position of authority. So indiscretion there is NOT an option. I guess it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Not sure what the laws are where Chicup is, or even what they are specifically here in Canada. I'm completely up-front with my doctor, and while she's a bit tight-lipped about it, I don't care. Her job is to look out for my physical health and advise me. Period. She may personally disagree, but that's her problem. If she ever made it my problem, she'd only find herself in a heap of trouble for it.

I have to say, also, that while we are very discrete, we are not ashamed of our lifestyle choice. We're just discrete because we know most other people don't understand it and the very idea makes them extremely uncomfortable. So we spare them the discomfort. My workplace is very sensitive to GLBT and human rights issues, so I don't worry too much about our lifestyle affecting my job there. Mr., unfortunately, is in a "family-oriented" business and is in a more prominent position of authority. So indiscretion there is NOT an option. I guess it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with.

Well being Canada is national health care I can guarantee your records are not private from the government, and most likely not private from research provided the 'mask' the name. I don't know about Canada for sure but that is the policy for every socialized program I do know of.

Thats not the real problem though. Its the fact that your doctor, staff, etc are people and have loose lips at times. Lots of people can see your records, and there is really no reason for your doctor knowing. Your doctor should screen you for STD's etc as if you were a single because while you might be married and you might think you are monogomous there is no proof your spouse is not cheating so your doctor should still keep an eye out.

If someone can tell me a reason why telling your doctor would be better, let me know, cause I can't think of any.

[NandTfromCA]

Thanks all.

It sounds like the biggest consideration for most is privacy and discretion. As Intuition said- "She may personally disagree, but that's her problem. If she ever made it my problem, she'd only find herself in a heap of trouble for it."

We’re less concerned about privacy than any other issues that would get in the way of receiving the care that we need (ie. Since we know you participate in a risky lifestyle, you are ineligible for _____ )

We’re in a large enough town that our Dr. is less likely to out us to someone we know than we are to out ourselves on Swing Lifestyle or any of the other sites. Heck, I should be more afraid of her telling anyone that I used to be a woman…OOPS SLIPPED (totally kidding).

Thanks again for your points of view!!!

T (Mr.)

[davidnjoy]

No!!! They do not need to know and it will not affect how they treat you in the end. The only difference is that you will become, at the very least, a source of gossip amoungst your doctors staff. Joy and I both are health care professionals and are both careful what we tell our doctors. Granted we can better evaluate what the doctor needs and doesn't need to know than the average lay person. My only point is that wether your aware of it or not when you tell your doctor something and he writes it down you have lost at least some privacy on that issue.

D

[fun_pairTX]

If you have health insurance your medical record is open to your carrier. If you have life insurance your medical record is also available to them as your carrier. It is also well within the realm of possibility that portions of your medical record are open to the Human Resources Department of your employer if they pay a portion of your premium. Our recommendation is don't tell anyone squat.

[intuition897]

I guess I'm just secretly hoping that we'll be outed sooner or later. I really hate living "in the closet". "Yeah, we're responsibly non-monogamous...and your point is?" My attitude is that I stand behind what Mr. intuition and I do, and I'm ready to defend it to anyone who wants to start an argument over it. This is probably the stance that lands many unfortunates on the front page of Yahoo! News, the way the supreme court of Canada's swinger's club decision was. But I just don't care. What's right is right, and I hate bullies. It isn't right that I or Mr. would lose our jobs because of a personal lifestyle choice...because it just doesn't affect our job! I'll raise a stink about it if I'm forced to.

So...unless you're as convicted as this, I'd have to say remain as discrete as you feel safe doing.

[fun_pairTX]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I It isn't right that I or Mr. would lose our jobs because of a personal lifestyle choice...because it just doesn't affect our job! I'll raise a stink about it if I'm forced to.

You could raise a stink all you wanted to but it would likely to be of no avail, especially here in the States. Smokers are required to pay higher life and health insurance premiums as they are viewed as being in a higher risk pool due to their habit. It isn't any reach at all to see the premiums being raised by the vanilla world as they view our lifestyle as a higher risk for STD's.

[fun_pairTX]

Just a quick addendum to my post above. If you are any kind of a contracted professional here in the USA, chances are 99% that your employment contract contains a broadly worded clause entitled "moral turpitude". Usually the courts rule in favor of how the employer defines morality.

My single largest concern is medical records databases, there are too many holes in the dike and there are too few fingers to plug them.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by fun_pairTX

You could raise a stink all you wanted to but it would likely to be of no avail, especially here in the States. Smokers are required to pay higher life and health insurance premiums as they are viewed as being in a higher risk pool due to their habit. It isn't any reach at all to see the premiums being raised by the vanilla world as they view our lifestyle as a higher risk for STD's.

Know what this tells me? That there's a distinct lack of solid fact where swinging is involved. The studies that have touched on the subject have given it only a cursory glance, and there have been no studies that I know of that compare the risk of contracting a disease while swinging to the risks of any other kind of higher-risk activity. Nor have I heard of any serious studies on the psychology of swinging/responsible non-monogamy. There is, without a doubt, a need for such studies.

We all grind our teeth and seethe at the crap that the general public believes about us, because due to the nature of the beast, proving them wrong is difficult to say the least. There's just nothing there to back us up...unless you count personal experience and knowledge...which we do. But as far as the nay-sayers are concerned, our opinions are biased. So...the people who really do know what they're talking about, the ones who KNOW that swinging can be healthily incorporated into a marriage, and that it has no adverse affects on any aspect of one's health, their opinions are considered unreliable. Why? Well, I suppose to those who do not understand what the whole thing is about, it's a bit like hearing the virtues of drinking from an alcoholic. Consider the source, right? :rollseyes lol

I don't know why this unfairness gets my panties into such a knot. Just something about the truth being buried under a pile of bullshit, and having one's hands tied when all you want is to uncover it. It doesn't seem to bother others. I don't know why it bothers me so much.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Know what this tells me? That there's a distinct lack of solid fact where swinging is involved. The studies that have touched on the subject have given it only a cursory glance, and there have been no studies that I know of that compare the risk of contracting a disease while swinging to the risks of any other kind of higher-risk activity. Nor have I heard of any serious studies on the psychology of swinging/responsible non-monogamy. There is, without a doubt, a need for such studies.

There is need for such a study. From our experience in the Lifestyle I'd have to imagine that the instances of STD's is much less then in the vanilla world. Swingers seem to be much more concious of safe sex, whereas it seems in the vanilla dating world safe sex goes right out the window propotionately to the amount of alcohol consumed. Mrs. WS and I know two single vanilla friends of hers that have in the past year had kids from what started as a one night stand.

We all grind our teeth and seethe at the crap that the general public believes about us, because due to the nature of the beast, proving them wrong is difficult to say the least. There's just nothing there to back us up...unless you count personal experience and knowledge...which we do. But as far as the nay-sayers are concerned, our opinions are biased. So...the people who really do know what they're talking about, the ones who KNOW that swinging can be healthily incorporated into a marriage, and that it has no adverse affects on any aspect of one's health, their opinions are considered unreliable. Why? Well, I suppose to those who do not understand what the whole thing is about, it's a bit like hearing the virtues of drinking from an alcoholic. Consider the source, right? :rollseyes lol

I don't know why this unfairness gets my panties into such a knot. Just something about the truth being buried under a pile of bullshit, and having one's hands tied when all you want is to uncover it. It doesn't seem to bother others. I don't know why it bothers me so much.

I understand completely. Sometimes it bothers me too, but a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. People tend to stand in judgement of everyone around them; it makes them feel better about themself when they place themself on a pedastal above everyone in the neighborhood, office, etc. They know better then you and goddamnit they are going to let you know it, too! Just look how quick people are to lay on the horn when someone does something they feel was stupid. Then imagine the moral trumpet they'll blow regarding your lifestyle.

Like I said, I hate it to, but it's a fact of life in the U.S. Marlene Deitrich once said "In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact." Our society is more concerned about what others are doing then what we ourselves are doing. Like I said, it makes us feel superior.

Mr. WS