Do experienced swingers play with newbies?

[Honey_Tampa]

I was just catching up on my new nighttime routine of reading through the usual witty posts and responses on the Swingers Board when a frightful idea popped into my head. And now I can't sleep until I ask...There are so many swingers here who have had loads [I love puns] of swinging experiences. Mr Honey and I have had "a few".

Frightful idea: What if experienced swingers don't want to meet or play with us because we're "inexperienced"?

Granted ... we didn't just fall off the back of the VanillaSex-R-Us delivery truck but .. honestly .. I have more toes than swinger-notches in our bedpost.

I've heard of people being wary of "newbies" because they maybe haven't ironed out all their rules and boundaries. Or they're not ironclad sure yet they don't have jealousy issues. Or whatever other baggage they could bring with them to sandbox.

We have been in this lifestyle off and on for 7 years so we're pretty clear what we want and what our rules are. Regardless..... If we put in our profile or in an ad that we have only had a few experiences, does that automatically make people click the "aww too bad/thank you for playing" checkbox?

[She_n_Jaybee]

We're a couple that's half-experienced, half-newbie. So far it hasn't been an issue and we've mostly got any little quirks or problems ironed out. We're both very comfortable with each other and we know what each other likes, what our limits are, etc. It all just seems so natural when we swing.

We have no problem with newbies. More than willing to be one of those first notches on the bedpost. But we're both good at reading people and we can pick up potential jealousy or conflict before it gets out of hand. So, if the other couple really isn't ready to swing, we'll back down and seek their comfort level.

I guess it all depends on the swingers. Some of the swingers I've known over the years are only interested in adding another "notch". So if you're not ready to swing, then they will feel you're wasting their time. Other's are looking for something a little deeper and enjoy the process of going from new acquantances to being swinging partners. Just have to find your category.

jaybee

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Honey_Tampa

I was just catching up on my new nighttime routine of reading through the usual witty posts and responses on the Swingers Board when a frightful idea popped into my head. And now I can't sleep until I ask...There are so many swingers here who have had loads [I love puns] of swinging experiences. Mr Honey and I have had "a few".

Frightful idea: What if experienced swingers don't want to meet or play with us because we're "inexperienced"?

Granted ... we didn't just fall off the back of the VanillaSex-R-Us delivery truck but .. honestly .. I have more toes than swinger-notches in our bedpost.

I've heard of people being wary of "newbies" because they maybe haven't ironed out all their rules and boundaries. Or they're not ironclad sure yet they don't have jealousy issues. Or whatever other baggage they could bring with them to sandbox.

We have been in this lifestyle off and on for 7 years so we're pretty clear what we want and what our rules are. Regardless..... If we put in our profile or in an ad that we have only had a few experiences, does that automatically make people click the "aww too bad/thank you for playing" checkbox?

Why would you put in your profile that you've only had a few experiences? Besides, with 7 years off and on experience, we'd hardly consider you newbies. I think you're assuming that everyone else has a long, long list of conquests and it's probably not the case...at least not with everyone. Don't sweat it.

Pepper

[Deptydog]

I myself would have to wonder about someone who was THAT concerned about your experience level. We recently got together with a couple at a party who were there for the first time. I also was recently with a single woman who was making her first foray into the lifestyle. In both instances, we did our best to make their experiences a positive one. That is something that experienced swingers can do for "newbies".

I have met the kind of folks you describe and they come off as too snobbish for my tastes.

[hilltop]

Originally Posted by Deptydog

we did our best to make their experiences a positive one. That is something that experienced swingers can do for "newbies".

there you go . . .

I look at being with someone who is new as a way to make the experience a positive one and try and stay very sensitive to their shifting boundries.

For me, it's no different than introducing someone to any activity that you're experienced in. I wouldn't put a novice rider on a horse then slap it on the ass and watch it take off with them nor would I refuse to ride with them just because they'd limit where we could go. I just adjust to what their comfort level is.

Double diamond slopes aren't for the uninitiated, but with time and positive experience, they can get there!

[Deptydog]

Originally Posted by hilltop

I wouldn't put a novice rider on a horse then slap it on the ass and watch it take off with them...

Hmmm.....slap the newbie swinger on the ass and watch them go...Sounds Hot!

Kidding...I was just kidding!! :slam"

[NandTfromCA]

We have been at it for a little over 3 months now and nobody has had a problem with our newness. In fact, we play with a couple who has been swinging for years and until we quantified our experiences for them, they thought WE were the experienced ones. I have to think that their comfort level with you will depend on your comfort level with swinging, them, and each other.

We have played with 1 brand new couple ourselves. (Does that make us not newbie's anymore since we "broke them in"???) They are obviously in love, comfortable with each other, and were mutually interested in getting naked with us. It was a great experience.

Have fun!

T- Mr.

[wiscpl]

We recently experienced the opposite effect from our experience. We met a single woman who has very little experience and had all sorts of questions for us about the lifestyle. When she found out about our variety of partners she felt as if she may be inadequet for us. We assured her she wouldn't be and welcomed the freshness in her.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by Honey_Tampa

Frightful idea: What if experienced swingers don't want to meet or play with us because we're "inexperienced"?

There may be some experienced swingers out there who would be turned off by inexperience, or infrequency, or whatever you consider your situation, but you're probably better off without them anyway. If you are in the lifestyle to experience new things and HAVE FUN, you don't need people who may be rating you on your level of expertise. (Besides, there are some people who LOVE playing with newbies. )

And I'll ditto some of the comments above. There are people that don't care, as long as YOU are sincere in what you're interested in and let them know. Back to the old communication thang.

Originally Posted by Honey_Tampa

We have been in this lifestyle off and on for 7 years so we're pretty clear what we want and what our rules are. Regardless..... If we put in our profile or in an ad that we have only had a few experiences, does that automatically make people click the "aww too bad/thank you for playing" checkbox?

Again, you'd probably get that reaction from people you wouldn't really enjoy playing with anyway because they are picky or simply because they don't want to put up with n00bs. And if that's not true, I think you'll have plenty of other interested parties looking your way anyway if you are honest about who you are and what you want.

At this point in your "swing career" I think you can leave the newbie-ness out of the ads. However, once you start seriously communicating with interested couples or singles, you might want to bring out the fact that you have been trying things out for 7 years, or whatever, but your actual experiences may be limited. The folks that are okay with that are in the "consider" category.

Have fun and good luck,
Thrax

[WesternSwing]

Being inexperienced in swinging would not be a turn-off for us. In fact, Mrs. WS commented the other day that we seem to be the "gateway drug" of swinging. LOL

Mr. WS

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Being inexperienced in swinging would not be a turn-off for us. In fact, Mrs. WS commented the other day that we seem to be the "gateway drug" of swinging. LOL
Mr. WS

Could you please ask her if she wants to help a guy who already has a habit?

Thanks,
Thrax

[lovedoctor]

You probably have a lot more experience at this moment than we do, considering that our first experience was almost a year ago, and then not again until this fall. But we are to the point now that we don't feel like beginners anymore.

We were incredibly lucky to meet a couple that we felt right at home with early on, and although they weren't all that much more experienced than we were, they really have been our mentors. Sometimes I feel as if we have gone from 0 to 70 in a heartbeat, but it has been a work in progress.

One couple we met early on was VERY experienced (more than 20 years) and they kinda scared us. We felt a little like "new meat." They really liked newbies! Suffice it to say, we didn't play with them just to get more experience. And we are pleased we made that decision.

So, I think that the bottom line is compatiblity and communication, no matter who you are talking to as potential playmates. Don't worry that you are turning some potential person off. You are being who you are from the get-go, and you want to meet the couples who have similar outlooks, right? From my impression of your posts, it sounds like you have your head on straight, so just hold the course and you will do fine!

[wolfnblu]

You might find this interesting....Wolf and I are a little "put off"...for lack of a better word, by couples who are attending a TON of parties (listed on their profile)....and have a TON of validations from other swingers. They post on every topic on the forum within the site, they are involved in the monthly photo contest, they are on the "Who's Hot" list because of all the "sizzles" their profile gets (which is really a popularity contest). From all appearances, it seems like these people know everyone, and have "done" everyone. We tend to think they are a little TOO experienced. Hmmm. That might be a good topic question.....is it possible for swingers to be TOO slutty? LOL We just really don't want to be THAT popular....we want to meet a lot of people, but be selective about who we play with, and not have a million validations. I mean, really....once you're validated, you're validated and everyone knows you are real. What's the point of having 82 validations?

[graygo98]

Originally Posted by Deptydog

We recently got together with a couple at a party who were there for the first time. I also was recently with a single woman who was making her first foray into the lifestyle. In both instances, we did our best to make their experiences a positive one. That is something that experienced swingers can do for "newbies".

I have met the kind of folks you describe and they come off as too snobbish for my tastes.

Most of the people that we have met behaved like Deptydog. It imight be pure luck or maybe that's just how the majority of serious couples in the lifestyle are. They remember their "earlies" also.

Some may be looking for something that you are not comfortable giving, like to hit the sheets 20 minutes after hello. As long as you are absolutely clear about where you are and what you want it should be easy for both couples to decide if there is any fit. If they are the rare pushy ones who just won't take no for an answer.... repeat NO! and move on.

We think, from our own early preferences and now from the reaction of real new couples to us now that we have a bit more experience, that if there is a bit of prejudice it more likely goes the other way. Newbies often shy away from really experienced couples and may not even consider them.

[Honey_Tampa]

Well I'm quite surprised at the responses. And relieved.

You know ... I am continually surprised at the variety of interests/beliefs/rules/etc among swingers. It seems like every single person or couple has a teeny weeny different spin on an idea, desire or rule. I love it! And I'm so pleased I found this board.

Btw, what does a "validation" mean? Do I have a girlscout patch I have yet to earn?