What is your thoughts on being 'exclusive' with another couple?

[freakykitten]

Exclusive that is?

Im wondering how many couples here are exclusive? What are your thoughts on being exclusive regardless if you or not? Pros/Cons?

[good times]

I'm sorry, I don't think I understand your question. Could you elaborate on what you mean by exclusive?

[couplefromma]

We were exclusive with one couple for two years. We played in almost everyway imaginable. 4somes, MMF threesomes, some heavy flirting when we were alone with the other spouse doing some errand or something. We also shared alot of "vanilla" time and have stayed good friends even though they have left the lifestyle.

I think it works for some and not for others. Like we always say you get what you want from this lifestyle. There is usually someone to share your desires or beliefs with.

[bear_and_babe]

We were in a exclusive relationship for about 6 months. Meaning that we would only swing with this one couple and they would only swing with us.

We had a great time with this couple, but I would never advise anyone to do this. Things were great for us in the beginning, then everyone's emotions got mixed up. Yes, we loved each other and told each other that. The problems started when the other couple were spending all their free time with us and not enough time with each other. This was due to their jobs and wanting to be with us and not enough time to do both.

We all decided that we should just end the exclusive relationship and only see each other when we could. Then something happened, I am still not sure what it was. They called us one day and said they never wanted to see us again! The only thing we can think of for the change in their feelings was that everyone was getting too close, and it was hurting their marriage. We never wanted that. So sadly, we do not speak to this couple anymore. That is their choice, not ours. We would love to be "just friends" with them, but they have made their choice and we have moved on.

It was a very painful lesson we learned. NEVER let you emotions get involved in the Lifestyle. We thought we were making life long friends, but I guess it was not to be.

So, my vote would have to be, NO, do not be in a exclusive relationship. Too much can happen and everyone can end up getting hurt.

At this point in hubby and I's swinging life, we have only one couple that we really want to swing with. We are not being exclusive, it's just that we dont feel like going thru the whole meet and greet thing right now, we are not putting much energy into meeting new couples right now. But if this one couple were to have a house party or invite us over.... We would be there!! We consider them our friends as well... if we never had sex with them again, it would be OK with us because they are more than just sex objects to us. I dont know if they realize that is how we feel or not, although I hope they do.

[freakykitten]

Originally Posted by good times

I'm sorry, I don't think I understand your question. Could you elaborate on what you mean by exclusive?

Exclusive as in only with one couple during a certain time frame based on personal choice.

The reason i posted this thread was because we found out some friends of ours have went exclusive with another couple.

Frankly, I was really surprised that our friends choose this.
In a way our feelings were hurt, because we really liked them a lot! But for few months there was hardly any communication. We had felt as if we had done something wrong but could not figure out what it was. Well, the other night the male couple im's me and tells me out of nowhere that they had met this other couple 6 months ago and are complety exclusive with them now. He described it as wonderful, and how great it is. I guess they are together every night, and going on vacation and such. I'm glad for them that they are happy, but at the same time I wish they would have told us sooner! Because, all this time we felt bad and was wondering if we had did something wrong! Another thing had bothered me about this situation because they had mentioned this other couple months ago and they actually were badmouthing them! So it seemed pretty hypocritical!

Being exclusive is something we have never really wanted. I feel too many emotions would be involved. On the pro side, it would be nice to not have to go to clubs or do meet n greets to find that so called "perfect couple".

[RW1F]

Sounds too much like, "will you go out with me". No thanks....... :rollseyes

[CB_n_Red]

There's no way we would be exclusively with just one couple. As far as we can see that is the fast track to too much emotional involvement with all of the potential for disaster that that entails. We happily play with one couple on a regular basis, but we play with others as well.

CB

[HotMoCpl]

I believe that if we found such a couple....yesssssssss! While variety may be the spics of life; consistantsy is sometimes good too. Its just difficult to find in this lifestyle.

Cheers.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by freakykitten

Another thing had bothered me about this situation because they had mentioned this other couple months ago and they actually were badmouthing them! So it seemed pretty hypocritical!

People make amends...

It happens.

I have said some nasty things about people who have gone on to be great friends. There is nothing hypocritical about a change of heart.

That said, if a couple came a long that really rocked our boat, I could see us spending so much time with them that we were, in effect, exclusive. But - I think if the idea of "exclusive" ever was voiced, it would freak us out. Like RW said, sounds too much like "going out".

Spoomonkey

[findtime]

We find the thrill in the variety. If we wanted exclusivity we'd only play with each other. This is a sexual thing for us and limiting ourselves to one couple would be too much like a real relationship..not just a play friendship.

[good times]

Aw, I understand now. head bang

I agree with what some others have said, we may just play with one couple for a time but if they approached us to just play with them exclusively it would probably freak us out to the point of not playing with them anymore.

[Atilla]

You know, this board is so resourceful. I am finding answers to all of my questions here and I'm loving it. What better way to have questions answered than to talk to those most experienced in the lifestyle.

OK, so we're new to this and had our first encounter with another couple not that long ago. We're quite happy that we're not looking elsewhere. They have also stated that they are not looking for anyone else in our city. But that doesn't exclude other cities or towns does it?

I've pondered this and thought that we can't possibly ask them not to see others, that's their choice. But in my mind I would like them not to see others. I've contemplated that this might be a problem if we get emotionally attached. I mean, we can all say that we won't but you never know when cupid's arrow is going to strike, right? That's the last thing that we want to happen.

So now I have an answer to something that has been on my mind for a bit and I'm happy now because I see that so many of you don't think that being exclusive to another couple is a good idea. I also see your reasoning behind this as well.

Thank you
T

[couplefromma]

Atilla,

For some of us its worked out quite well. It depends on if you and your partner and them if it works. For some of us it works well for others it doesnt but it is sure a comfort factor to know the other couple is only being with you at the time especially in regards to D/D.

Over time with the couple we were exclusive with we built up a friendship that allowed trust which led to a variety of things happening for us.

For some they dont like it for others some do. We each take from this lifestyle what we want and we have found if you search long enough you will find people who want the same things out of this.

[bear_and_babe]

Originally Posted by Atilla

I've pondered this and thought that we can't possibly ask them not to see others, that's their choice. But in my mind I would like them not to see others. I've contemplated that this might be a problem if we get emotionally attached.
T

This is how we started our exclusive relationship. The guy of our couple said that he was jealous when he saw me with other guys at the club. And I had the same problem watching him with someone else. That should have been our first clue that we were already too emotionally attached. Now we keep our emotions to ourselves and not let them get the best of us.