75% watch the others do?

[slolrner]

I was traveling in the Orlando area earlier this week and was listening to talk radio and heard a statistic that I wasn’t at all sure about.

The caller owned a lifestyle lounge in Orlando and reported that through out the lifestyle that there was a consistent statistic of 75% non participants and 25% participants in the lifestyle. The 25% he termed hard swingers, the 75% soft.

He said that the 75% may flirt and watch but will never hook up and leave with another couple or single, and they will never engage in the lifestyle in their private lives. This seemed to me to be low but then I got to thinking and wondering what your opinion would be?

[NakedInSeattle]

I have been amazed at the high percentage (don't think it's as high as 75%) of couples that come to a swing club and just watch the dancing, turn down invitations to dance, and just generally act like "lookie loos." I think they just get a kick out of being on the brink of doing something naughty but never can get past their hang-ups. The funny thing is it's not just a one-time thing. They return to do it.

On a cruise recently, the swingers found a way to link up beforehand on an internet group. All members of the group professed to be experienced swingers. When it came to meeting on the ship, only about 20% of them showed up. What the others got out of "almost doing it" I don't know. Does it just add to their fantasy lives?

Maybe some of our more learned and experienced members here can add some understanding to this behavior.

[TNT]

I don't know if those statistics are correct or not but, with what I have seen at on-premise clubs, socials, house parties and conventions there is a significantly larger amount of those who just stand around and want to watch than actually participate.

I don't mind being watched, and have on numerous occasions, but...I want those who are watching to at least get naked as well. To me it is very rude to wander into a room where people are playing and stand there fully clothed. If you have no intentions of playing either leave or get naked.

Teresa

[VegasLee]

I would say that those numbers are very close to being correct. We have seen it at the club and also at convention and in our travels.

Many people call theirself "swingers" yet they really do not swing, they just hang out and watch Swingers.

When we where in Florida I think the numbers where closer to 90% to 95% watching and very few really playing unless you count the women making out on the dance floor during dances.

We even made some major rule changes in Jan. at the Rooster because so many people would fill up the group room and couples only area just watching. One or two couples would play and 40 fully clothed couples would watch. Now if you want to use the couples only area you must be naked. You can still just watch but there is no clothes allowed in that area anymore. Has cut down on the usage but now 12 to 15 couples use the area and they are PLAYERS! Sometimes less is much better. Yes, we lost a few people over the new rules, many of them complaining in our forums without ever coming out and checking out what it was like but the owners did not see it as a loss. They saw it as a return to what the Rooster was built for, a swing club, not just a cheap peep show.

[northindycpl]

Maybe the watchers are actually waiting for something?

Mr. Indy and I go to clubs often to dance, see friends and have fun. Sometimes we watch and sometimes we play together.

We are picky about our playmates and look for some discretion from other couples with whom we play. We have learned a lot about who is discrete and who is not by watching. We do play. We play quite a bit. Sometimes at the club and sometimes not.

[CB_n_Red]

We've certainly seen the same at clubs here in the UK - plenty of watchers and rather fewer participants, though I don't think the percentage of watchers is as high as 75%, let alone 90%.

Among the online adverts I reckon 99% are not actually looking to play, but that is a rather different issue.

CB

[tribbles]

What are couples who only play together but like the open sexuality at clubs called?

Where we are at now, puts us in the not swinging but not just standing and looking group......

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by tribbles

What are couples who only play together but like the open sexuality at clubs called?

Where we are at now, puts us in the not swinging but not just standing and looking group......

I would call you a diagonal couple as opposed to vertical or horizontal

[lcjtsd]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

We even made some major rule changes in Jan. at the Rooster because so many people would fill up the group room and couples only area just watching. One or two couples would play and 40 fully clothed couples would watch. Now if you want to use the couples only area you must be naked. You can still just watch but there is no clothes allowed in that area anymore. Has cut down on the usage but now 12 to 15 couples use the area and they are PLAYERS! Sometimes less is much better. Yes, we lost a few people over the new rules, many of them complaining in our forums without ever coming out and checking out what it was like but the owners did not see it as a loss. They saw it as a return to what the Rooster was built for, a swing club, not just a cheap peep show.

VegasLee, now that is a great idea!!! We haven't been to the Rooster as we live waaaaay Northwest. We have been to the Green Door twice and the thing that turned us off was the people just standing there looking with their clothes on. I just couldn't get him to "come to attention" with all the lookie loos.

The idea of no clothes in the couples area is a great one as while you are there doing your thing you never know who is going to join you or ask you to join them. Even if this doesn't happen, at least everyone gets to watch everyone else doing something.

I agree that some may not like this but it sounds like you are getting Quality over Quantity. Much better atmosphere.

Mr. LCJTSD

[Alura]

NorthIndyCouple suggested:

Maybe the watchers are actually waiting for something?

This makes sense to us. We're not clubbers, swing or vanilla, and have only been to one. If we did go back, it's not likely we'd play there. It is possible we might meet someone and go somewhere else, probably at a later date. We think our house is an ideal place to play. We just have to make sure the teenagers will be away.

Alura

[RNDNV]

Depending upon the venue, I think it is a fair thing to say that as much as half, if not slightly more so, are "watchers", "observers" or couples in the process of exploring or outright soft players. Frankly, there is nothing wrong with this. Everyone was a newbie once, and I think sometimes people forget what it was like to have never done swinging before.

Different people need differing amounts of "warm-up" time to the idea of swinging, and frankly, some never make it to actually doing it. I think those that continue to come and put themselves into the space eventually do "cross the line," and for many of those who do, they don't embrace the lifestyle as a way of life, but simply as a temporary foreray into play life. One thing I have come clear about is this, there are many more people who swing or have that potential to do so than we think, AND, there are not as many people who truly swing as we would like to think.

At the end of the day, unless you see people party in an open room environment (which I guess is the very minority preference for most people) no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors, or how many are actually doing it. Frankly, I have met some people who talk a big game and in reality have never played (and I don't think they ever will) and I have met some who come across as downright virginal, only to be the wildest people you ever met once you get them naked behind closed doors.

I stopped trying to guess who the "real players" are a long time ago, and in doing so, have been quite surprised sometimes who we have ended up in bed with. In my estimation, that's half the fun in this game.

[cracker60479]

The high rate of those on the verge, those who show an interest but do not participate seems to be supported by the people who enter ads and never answer or reply positively to an ad and are never heard from again.

[midnight hour]

I think the average is lower at our social club from what I have seen...granted it took me a few months to even play with Mr. Midnight in public...only recently did I do anything with anyone else in a public place...but we have played somehow about every other time...we go with no ideas that we will hook up or *have* to hook up..if it falls into place great...if not...no tears shed...we look more for single men, hard at a club...

[Pineyfolks]

Ok guys. This one caught my attention because it is JUST what is going on with me. Mr Piney has been to clubs and such. I have only been in a 6 way with people I already knew.(he was there with someone else) Now, as we approach OUR first club together, Iam afraid this will happen to us. Meaning, since we ARE new we want to go slow and see how it is. Remember, I have never been to one. Our plans for the first visit is just to watch and get aquainted with some of the people there. (if something else feels right then we are ok with that too)I have heard that swingers dont like watchers all the time, and I also understand that we don't just walk in without an invite unless it is the group room.


So, i am very afraid that will happen. (people not liking us watching). I am shy to some degree. If I feel like people don't like ,me I leave. If I know they do i'm great and the life of the party alot of the time. I'm scared that this topic will taint my first club expierence.

Those statistics do seem pretty high. Thanks for listening (reading)

Ms Piney

[jennandjamesinm]

I guess our problem is that we really haven't found a couple that we have both "clicked" with - its always I am attracted to the male or he is attracted to the female. So I guess for now, we could be classified as horizontal Believe me, if we find that right couple - we won't be a part of the 75%!!!

Jenn