Vanilla Hypocrisy

[Vespertine]

I had to share this.

My husband and I went to a NON swinger party Saturday night. These so called vanilla people would make swingers blush. I was even uncomfortable..

I couldn't get over it.

Funny thing, we know a few couples that were there really well. They've always insisted they could never be involved in the 'swing scene'. How could we do that sort of thing, they've wondered? There was a lot of touching, feeling, nakedness and same sex groping (even between the men! ) at this vanilla party. There were piles of woman on the couches, limbs twisted together. There were husbands and wives in corners with other people's husbands and wives.

We laughed our asses off and made sure we kept our distance, lest we be blamed for their immoral behavior.

I guess as long as you don't call yourselves swingers (or don't discuss your actions the morning after) you're not doing anything wrong. :rollseyes

[biblonde]

Kinda sounds like a swingers party to me...It is funny how some in the vanilla world talk down on those of us that enjoy the lifestyle but in a party situation act the same way. But since it was a "vanilla" party it is okay to act that way. There are so many hipocrits out there for sure!

Funny the vanilla folks made a swinger blush...oh my

[good times]

We've run into the same thing before. The difference is we brought the subject of swinging up to them because we surmised that what they were really doing was soft swinging. The result is we don't get invited to very many vanilla parties any more.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by good times

The result is we don't get invited to very many vanilla parties any more.

This is the exact reason why my husband and I made extra effort to make sure our behavior was appropriate.

It was very, very hard not to succumb to some of the temptations. I have a feeling they can rationalize their behavior because they were 'drunk'. Had we joined in on the activities, we couldn't use the 'We were drunk' excuse, because we're already swingers.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

This is the exact reason why my husband and I made extra effort to make sure our behavior was appropriate.

It was very, very hard not to succumb to some of the temptations. I have a feeling they can rationalize their behavior because they were 'drunk'. Had we joined in on the activities, we couldn't use the 'We were drunk' excuse, because we're already swingers.

Mr. and I had a similar experience when we went out to a vanilla office party at a restaurant. Nothing quite that wild going on there, but it seemed there, too, everyone who was behaving indecently (and they were carrying on in ways that would get them thrown out of a typical swingers club) could use the "I was drunk" excuse the next day. What a crock. Typically we drink very little when we know we're going to be in a sexual situation because we want to be aware of our actions, aware of any dangers to ourselves or our partners, and because alcohol causes decreased sensation/blood flow to the genital area...which is kinda the opposite of what we're all planning on happening, right?
So anyway, all this sickening behaviour of wives and husbands trying a cop a cheap feel on the side or set up a secret rendezvous wore pretty thin. Ironic that we're the sick freaks, eh?

[good times]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

It was very, very hard not to succumb to some of the temptations. I have a feeling they can rationalize their behavior because they were 'drunk'. Had we joined in on the activities, we couldn't use the 'We were drunk' excuse, because we're already swingers.

Yep, that was it when we brought it up later, the excuse was that they were drunk and couldn't believe they did that. We weren't even swingers at the time but it wasn't long before they all thought we were.

[beaverz]

It amazes me that many people can have an affair behind their partners back, but if the subject comes up about people that swing they will come back with something like “that’s sick”. I think generally that most the villain world is accepting screwing around on their partner as normal. Almost every villain couple we know (family and friends) one or both have had an affair, some causing divorces and some not.

Society/religion teaches men to enjoy women that are open sexually, as long as it's not their wife and society/religion also teaches us that married women are not supposed to enjoy sex. I think there are many men that are intimidated by their wife's sexuality and I think there are many more married women that are afraid to be open sexually with their spouse. So many will look else where to satisfy their sexual needs.

You see many religious figures and politicians telling us what is moral, but have a difficult time practicing what they preach.

[graygo98]

Boy, even vanilla is more intense in the tropics... or is that just snowbound wistful thinking?

Seriously, this thread has laid out one of life's great ironies: sneaking, lying and cheating are tolerated by most and practiced by many and yet an open joyful exploration of sexuality with your own partner is depraved.

Oh, and what beaverz said, Dito

[WesternSwing]

This is so true. All of it. It was a "vanilla" party that got Mrs. WS and I into swinging in the first place. Lots of people from Mrs. WS's office were there. Many friends. Met new people. Titties bared everywhere. People french kissing other's that weren't their SO's, groping others, I know of at least two instances of women giving blowjobs in bathrooms to men other than their spouse.

Now most of these people know we are swingers now, and they don't care since they are pretty open-minded, however they are the same ones that say they couldn't do it themselves. "Hmmmmm.... what do you call that BJ you gave some stranger in the bathroom?"

It is definitely more socially acceptable to cheat on your spouse and lie about it then just be open about being sexually attracted to someone else and having fun swinging together. I guess two wrongs (cheating and lying) make it right???

Mr. WS

[Chemistry_0518]

How interesting that just last night's episode of CSI: Miama included references to and scenes of what was called a "friction party". This appeared to be a vanilla party wherein the participants are free to grope and make out with whomever they choose and the rules are simple: no intercourse. Of course many seem to disregard the rule as was done by a couple of the suspects to a murder, but essentially it is exactly as you just described.

How strange is that?

[HotMoCpl]

Must have been one of those immorality parties. The kind you go to on Friday night so you'll have sins to confess to the preist on Saturday so you can be promises heaven on Sunday. Personally, in my book, I wouldn't call that having a life. Surrender

[sepacouple]

Dito what beaverz and graygo98 said

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Chemistry_0518

How interesting that just last night's episode of CSI: Miama included references to and scenes of what was called a "friction party". This appeared to be a vanilla party wherein the participants are free to grope and make out with whomever they choose and the rules are simple: no intercourse. Of course many seem to disregard the rule as was done by a couple of the suspects to a murder, but essentially it is exactly as you just described.

How strange is that?

I saw that too, and thought about this thread.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Chemistry_0518

How interesting that just last night's episode of CSI: Miama included references to and scenes of what was called a "friction party". This appeared to be a vanilla party wherein the participants are free to grope and make out with whomever they choose and the rules are simple: no intercourse. Of course many seem to disregard the rule as was done by a couple of the suspects to a murder, but essentially it is exactly as you just described.

How strange is that?

Damn, I missed last night's show.

I can honestly say that I didn't notice any murders happening at the party we went to on Saturday night.

[Vantabulous]

Vespertine,

Did you check on all of those folks on Sunday, though?

Standing on my side of the fence - which is where I'm going to stay until all of you can talk about "vanilla" couples again without steam blowing out of your ears - I really can't speak to the issues you folks have had to deal with where "Vanilla Hypocrisy" is concerned. I can't even say that I've ever been to a party that remotely took on the proportions of inappropriate behavior that's been described here.

The one thought that's been going through my mind about this thread is that it strikes me that all of us tend to be drawn to certain personalities where friends are concerned. Doesn't mean that they're all alike by any means, but there must be some similarities between them that make us comfortable around them.

For example, I wouldn't feel comfortable in a swing setting with someone I wouldn't be comfortable with outside of it. To be sexually intimate with someone who I wouldn't be in the same room with outside of the setting would strike me as totally hypocritical. Just me perhaps...

My point, if I'd ever get to it, is that it may be that some of your vanilla friends aren't that much different than your lifestyle friends other than not being upfront and honest about their wants or desires. Easier to blame it on the booze, right? Just because they may never have acted the way they did while sober doesn't mean they didn't think about it.

Van

P.S. And all of you can quit piling that firewood around that stake!