Disillusioned: A Tale of Two Swingers

[delectableduo]

We've been waiting for a confirmation signup for a couple of hours now, so if this is anonymous- sorry! Contact us at delectable_duo@yahoo.com. We have pics to back up everything we say about us in this tale of woe. Enjoy the travails of the world's worst swingers!!!
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We have been happily and orgasmically married for 15 years. She is a svelte and slender 5’10, red headed knockout, he is a Brendan Frasier look-alike with 7”. We both stop traffic when we go out in public, and we have a game we play with each other about comparing scores after any trip out of the house. We’ve both had ample opportunity for extra-marital fun over the years, but neither of us has ever done anything. We are best friends.

Our sex life is phenomenal, or it WAS, read on- anyway, if there were a sex event in the Olympics we’d bring home the gold. We usually go (on a normal, “hot” night) for six or seven hours…exploring every desire and fantasy… both achieving multiple orgasms. We do it all, ladies and gents, and it rules….

So, as “advanced” sexual beings, we started talking about swinging. We thought it would be hot and bring a new dimension to our already fantastic sex life. We read everything we could on the topic: about how swingers are actually well grounded, sexually open and honest people who don’t view marriage as a state of “property”, and all the other swinger myths… we talked and talked, and talked for two years getting ready for it.. then finally decided we were ready, worked out for six months.. and took the plunge!

Only to meet with the most absolute, complete rejection and game playing the world has ever seen. We did everything- the meet ‘n greets, the websites. Here’s what we got:

We went on a date with one couple to the most expensive and trendiest restaurant in the city- spent gobs of cash. They got a hotel room right by the restaurant. We talked and talked and talked until 4:30am when the “she” on their side very quickly and rudely said good night. Later, we saw pictures of her on the web doing everything to everybody. Guess we didn’t qualify: though we had a good time as “pals” chatting and hanging out…

On to date two: wifey on our side is completely crunched on by wifey on their side. We meet in a diner, and both wifeys end up in the back of a car making out. (if bi-ness offends you, move on, it’s one of our primary goals)—hubby on our side is lit up like a firework. We make a date…

For a trendy, expensive restaurant in another city… when we arrive we have a cordial and friendly dinner- though the heat from the last encounter is obviously not there. We then hang out as pals for a long while, until “she” on their side ditches us at a bar. “She” has to literally drag “he” out of there, who apologizes profusely. We are shocked.

So we move on to date three.. another couple, very nice folks- though physically on the marginal side for us. We’re not shallow though, and for us attitude means a lot more than “hotness”. We went out with these guys, had a great time, and were rejected BY THEM. “No Click”… At this point we, who continue to both get hit on relentlessly apart, start spending a lot of time in front of the mirror wondering what the hell is going on.

So, after all the work-up, prep, nervousness, and expense.. we have fucked NO ONE. What has it done to our sex lives? Spiced it up? NO. Now sex is a huge issue. We both have hang-ups we’ve never had… we both have desire problems… we both have deflated self-esteems.

So, a word of caution to those going down this path: it’s a roll of the dice. For us, two years of talk and six months of preparation led to the complete loss of our fantasies, the loss of this end of our drive, and a disillusioned and confused pair who are simply trying to put their sex lives back together.

Signed:

The World’s Worst Swingers

[EvilMJ]

OOOKaayyy then....

I think you have set yourselves up for some big failures!!
If you thought that your first one or even three encounters were going to be smash hits then you have seen the reality of swinging. Sometimes you have to weed through until you find someone you click with.

When setting up meetings you should not waste time and money by going to some expensive restaurant. For meetings you should go to a coffee shop or a bar, that way if you do not click or things do not work out, then you are not obligated to sit through a dinner or shell out big bucks for an uncomfortable time. You can always do the expensive dinner after you have played and determined that you like each other.

I think you are better suited for the club scene as you can go there without any expectations, have some fun, if you hook up great, if not so what you have fun anyway .

Sometimes, and as you stated you are both very hot...people can feel intimidated by the 'ken and barbieness' as well. If I meet a couple that was physically perfect compared to my after baby strechmarked body...well I might be more than a little self conscious (I would still do you though...hey I love Brendon Frasier facelick ). I remember when I was single and dating, I went through a lot of guys until I found one that clicked and made me want to drag him to bed. Don't let rejection make you feel bad about yourselves. When you fall off the horse....you gotta get right back on. Don't give up hope, there are a lot of good people out there.

[DBStPete]

There is a lot of hit or miss in swinging. It's just part of the reality of it.

From the descriptions of who you are and what you want, I think you guys would do much better at a club or hotel party. Or maybe a convention. If you're hot-looking, and ready for action, I GUARANTEE that you will not go un-laid at such festivities. I wish we had that problem.

Anyway, don't give up or be so down on yourself. Maybe what you're learning is that the vision of the world you had doesn't match up with the reality all that well. Ok, no problem, happens to people all the time. But you are not your internal vision, and just because it proves faulty doesn't mean anything about you. Dust it off, modify it as required, and move on.

One little comment to finish: we've generally found (not claiming to be experts) that people who need/want to do a lot of talking up-front are most often not going to hit it with you. Oh sure, we want to get to know you, but this hours and hours stuff? Forget it. Our experiences has been that those deals rarely move to the bedroom, and when they do they are usually a disappointment. We like people who know and are happy with who they are and what they want - like you. Don't worry, there are plenty of other folks like us out there.

Don't be a stranger, hang out here and talk, maybe get your spouse to come around too. Believe me, every little issue you have, other folks here have had, and it's quite likely that their experience can help you.

Mr. DBStPete

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by delectableduo

At this point we, who continue to both get hit on relentlessly apart, start spending a lot of time in front of the mirror wondering what the hell is going on.

I have to say - at the risk of sounding a bit negative - that this may sum up your problem...

Why are you looking into something that you are already convinced is outstanding? Early in the tale, you focus on your looks - and from what I read, you seem convinced that you have this aspect of your lives nailed down; actually nailed and glued with six months of working out prior to entering the lifestyle.

Maybe a mirror isn't where you need to look...

Swinging isn't about "getting laid". As much a part of the lifestyle as sex is, it is the connection with others that really seem to make or break this lifestyle for others. Oddly, it is the people who stand in front of the mirror and sigh disappointedly who seem to be making there way through the lifestyle. Not that they aren't gorgeous traffic-stoppers in their own right. It is just that isn't where they feel they can hang all of their chances.

I don't know...

To me it seems that you are bent on impressing someone - the trendy restaurants, et al. Most people we meet just want to connect with people whom they can like - not be impressed by; and not feel like they have to impress back.

My suggestion is to approach this as a way to meet friends - not to get laid. That hurdle is already jumped because you know what the other couple is into. Have dinner, laugh, talk and go in prepared to go home... Let things happen more naturally.

And don't be surprised to be rejected by "marginal" couples. Clicking is much more than skin deep.

Spoomonkey

[fun_pairTX]

I don't want to sound negative either, but you seem way too wound up. Learn to relax, forget dropping big bucks on meetings, just have a good time. Our first orgy resulted from six couples going bowling of all things. A couple of hours of pins and beers and we all wound up on our living room floor balls and cheers. You aren't going to click with everyone and as you spend more time in the lifestyle you will discover that it is a lot less about looks than most folks think.

[delectableduo]

Wow..great replies all! First: on our looks- we are FAR from perfect folks, but we do get attention, and that's the only point we wanted to make. It would be easy for someone to read our experiences and say: "well, you're just fugly!" lol.. we know that's not true, but we are definitely NOT wrapped up in looks. We aren't superficial, and we work out for US- not to impress anyone.

We also aren't focused on physical appearance in our "pals"- we are WAY more into attitude than anything else. We are about the least shallow people you'd ever meet, sorry if our post implied otherwise. Just wanted to get the "fugly" business out of the way and rant a little. :-)

Wifey here has stretch marks too... by the way. We call them the true badges of womanhood.

Re: expensive, overblown meetings: AMEN! After the FIRST one we swore it wouldn't happen again, and then we forgot our own rule. We thought it was a good bet based on the "diner" episode though, and we had fun despite everything else.

The other comments from you all are great! We actually talk a lot and think about things and have come to some of the same conclusions- there's bound to be some hit and miss, that's life. We just got frustrated over the miss after miss after miss. Don't worry for us, our attitudes and resolve are back--just a little late night rant there yesterday. Felt good to get it out there, now we feel like we've gotten that off our chest.

We took a long break, and now we're easing back into this- with a whole different mindset. We hope our rant at least helps some other newbies set their expectations better, and learn from our mistakes.

Re: clubs- we thought about that, but we're not sure that's our thing either. We want a little bit more intimate involvement with our "pals"- in fact- the only element missing from our experiences was the sex part..lol. We'd prefer to meet 1:1, hang out, have fun, and then close the deal if it's right for everyone. One of these days it will be! Thanks for the rant space!


DelectableDuo

--> if a board admin is reading this, we're just not getting validation emails, which is a shame because this looks like a great place to hang out. We'll keep trying.

[Vespertine]

You know the saying....

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!"



This is a good rant to post that I'm sure many can relate to.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by delectableduo

there's bound to be some hit and miss, that's life.

We call it "catch and release".

The problem with the internet is that there is just soooo much work involved. In a club, you can meet a dozen couples in a short time. You may click with one of them or all of them - and just as likely, none of them.

But if you are going to go the route of the internet, just see it as a dinner out for the two of you and you'll be fine.

Then - when you least expect it - you'll connect. We wrote recently about our frustration with single men. Within two weeks we met someone who was very compatible and turned out to be a great playmate... I thnik the fates conspire to make this a little frustrating, but it sounds like you two are going to tough it out.

Good luck!

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by delectableduo

--> if a board admin is reading this, we're just not getting validation emails, which is a shame because this looks like a great place to hang out. We'll keep trying.

You are showing as a registered user, which means that at some point you have validated your email/membership. You are on Yahoo, so chances are your confirmation email got misdirected to your spam/bulk folder and you found it. Whatever the case, your registration is confirmed.

[delectableduo]

Julie--yeah thank, the problem was that we had tried the registration link a few times and the code changed every time...duh. We're all set now.

Thanks for the replies, also all....

[darling]

We have met for dinner, couples that we have really hit it off with in clubs and where there was plenty of chemistry. But the restaurant, fully clothed situation makes for uncomfortable flirting. You may want to try meeting a couple for dinner and then moving to a swingers club situation where the sparks might just fly.

[Lookin_4_fun901]

My wife and I have also tryed to join into the lifestyle and we as well have felt this just isn't worth it. we as well have been talking about this over the past two years, reading web pages such as this one, swinger magizines etc to get information.

We have tryed the club scene.

Every night out takes alot of work and expense, we have small children, so we must arrange for a over night babysitter, make sure our stories match becouse we can't just tell grandma we are going to a swing club. The nearest City that has clubs and socials is a two hour drive so we always book a hotel room so we both can have some wine and a good time.

Back in October I posted under the heading of "Wrong Club?" We ended up in this sleezy club, ith people we had nothing in common with, was this the way all of the clubs were. I had four different people PM me and recomended that we try the club we were just at.

Since then I research two local groups whom meet in Hotels for Socials, after e-mailing back and forth I was assured that the avarage demographic of one group were 35 - 45 years old, middle class, etc simular to ourselfs.

This time we found our selfs in a ball room filled with people my parents age, the social aspected was more clickie than a High School Dance, we quickly agreed there was no one in that room that we would want to have sex with, but we both looked forward to a little dancing and good conversation. Anytime we tryed to start a conversation, we were quickly stopped.

At the end of the evening we agreed, it just isn't worth it. We are not comfortable meeting people over the internet, and we have decided we are not going to find nice looking people our age, upper middle class etc the type of people we want to socailize with in clubs.

We are done..

Good Luck to you

[sensuality]

My goodness, everyone's having the same problems we are! If any of you have read our experiences, you know what I mean. In the cases we've posted,it's always the wife who gets serious cold feet when her man pays too much attention to me.That may be what the original poster's problem is.A lot of times,as long as the wife feels complete control over what her husband does, everything is fine.But, once the mood shifts and the guys start to really pay attention to me,it seriously pisses them off.We even had this happen over the weekend when we went to a pretty popular lifestyle club...this couple was flirting with us and talking just fine, until her man stayed behind to hold our table while my hunny and I danced.She got pissed off and left him there, so when we came back, he basically apologized and went to find her.I am not kidding you, it happens A LOT! For me, as long as the other female respects me, I am fine.And, I always try to do the same...and this stuff can get pretty discouraging.But, hey...when it's meant to be, it will be!!

[delectableduo]

Ha HA! Our angst is NOT uncommon! Sorry that that is the case! If you look around the web this is sold as an "inviting and open" lifestyle.. what a myth... Anyway, sorry to hear the story of other couples in our dilemma. Sadly, there is no ready solution. We quit for a while, but we're back- just with a different attitude. Every couple needs to learn their niche, their way of playing, and we're figuring ours out. Good luck to you respondents!

[delectableduo]

Re: Sensuality's post: That situation has happened on both sides of the fence for us, if hubby likes our wifey too much, their wifey gets pissed. If their wifey likes our hubby too much.. big problem. If their hubby likes our hubby.. everyone freaks... LOL. Anyway, it's not easy getting four people together- so we're focusing on the impossible 3.