How have your interests changed since you've been swinging?

[DBStPete]

Since our host-mistress is asking a lot of questions today, I thought I'd ask a couple.

For those of you who have been at this a while, do you find that your tastes have broadened over time? That is, do you participate in activities now that you wouldn't have before? How have you progressed? Do you think you're "done"?

What I find much more interesting is whether your tastes in *people* have broadened. Do you find a wider range of "types" sexually stimulating than you used to? Do you find some people sexually attractive now that you never would have before? How has that changed for you, and again, are you "done"?

Thanks for whatever you'd care to share.

Mr. DBStPete

[jcbicouple]

We would have to say that our tastes have definitely broadened. When we started, our main interest was exploring our bisexuality (this hasn't really changed) , and we were into soft swing only. We now are much more into the full swing of things, so to speak. One of our "rules" was that we would only play with bi playmates, whether male, female, or a couple. Even though our preference is still for bi playmates, we've recently begun playing with couples where only one was bi, and have played with a few straight males as well. We have also recently played with a couple at the club, after they told us they were both straight. That was a definite first for us, although the female did turn out to be a little "curious" LOL.
From an appearance standpoint, we have broadened our horizons as well. Initially, we set up all meetings via the internet. Our decisions were based on a few e mails, and physical attraction based on a picture. Since we've been attending a club, we've found that personality, and the way someone carries themselves can change our view on whether they are attractive or sexy or not.
As we continue to play, we find that our tastes and desires do sometimes change, and we will probably continue to find things that we enjoy, that at one time were out of the question.

[good times]

our tastes in the types of activities that we are willing to engage in has broadened somewhat. As for the people we will do those things with we have actually become more selective.

[WesternSwing]

I have always found a wide variety of women interesting. There is not any one "type" that I go for. It is much more about the total package. So for me swinging has not "broadened" my tastes any, but is has allowed me to keep exploring them.

Mr. WS

[naughty A]

If anything they've narrowed. In the beginning we were eager for new experiences but having been let down or even burned... far more times than we'd like, not so eager any more, far more selective about the partners we accept.

We've fullfilled most of the fantasies we started out with. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. I guess we have a better idea of what won't work out ahead of time now.

I miss the excitement of the time when it was all new but learned a lot of lessons along the way. I'm afraid to say it but I think we might be 'done'.

[Greg & Sheryl]

In regard to the type of activities we participate in, that has remained the same. In regard to the type of people we seek to play with, that has actually narrowed. As we gained more experience, we were better able to define what we don't want in a playmate.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by naughty A

I'm afraid to say it but I think we might be 'done'.

Done swinging, or done broadening your tastes?

[naughty A]

done swinging.

[xxoticangel]

Over the years our swinging expierences have gotten fewer and farther between while our "taste" in partners have narrowed. In the begining we were so excited by the newness of playing with others that we would pretty much fuck anyone that was not repulsive. That lasted for almost a year after we started. Since then we have slowly gotten more picky about our partners and our encounters have declined to only a few times a year. On the other hand our openness has broadened. In the begining we were only girl/girl for a couple of months, then we moved to oral only but everyone played, then to full swap but with many restrictions (no kissing, no anal, same bed, etc.). Now our rules are few. We kiss now, we do anal with the other woman but not with my wife (not her thing but she doesn't mind if the other girl likes it), still prefer same bed but will do same room. She has had girl/girl encounters with out me present or while I was in another room.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by naughty A

done swinging.

Looking back on all the experiences you've encountered in the lifestyle- do you think it was worth it?

Knowing what you know now, would you have ventured into the lifestyle if you knew what to anticipate?

Have you found you've had more negative experiences than positive? Has swinging changed your marriage in anyway, good or bad?

What was the defining moment when you realized you were probably 'done'?

Are you mostly bored with swinging or let down with all the bullshit there is to wade through?

Please feel free to ignore any and all comments.

[EvilMJ]

Ours have definately broadened.

We started as just playing with a couple who were close friends. After a nice discussion one night with hubby where I decided that I wanted a different partner other than the couple we were with, he agreed that it might be fun to start seeking others. In fact he thought he would like to see what one of the clubs might be like (so I have started the hunt and found two clubs in the local area that I did not know existed!!)

So for us, since we are realtively new, things have started to expand. It does not mean we intend to play a lot, but once in a while would be nice. Due to our jobs the winter is not condusive to much free time as work depends on the *!@$%#!!! Weather.

[naughty A]

twenty questions here. major essay here.

Originally Posted by Vespertine

Looking back on all the experiences you've encountered in the lifestyle- do you think it was worth it?

was it worth it... Yes. sure there are individual experiences that I regret Tried pretty much everything I ever wanted to - a lot of things I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do otherwise. I don't regret that. I just wish I felt the same enthusiasm for it. Our tastes were broad to begin with and now as another poster said - narrowing.

Knowing what you know now, would you have ventured into the lifestyle if you knew what to anticipate?

Hell YES. Would I have done some things differently - sure.

Have you found you've had more negative experiences than positive?

more negative experiences than positive. - uh - hmmm. yes about 70/30. I'd say in the beginning they were even - bad and good and of late - all bad. In the beginning the bad experiences were mistakes we made with each other (back before there were websites with this kind of information!) but lately - poor choices in partners... lowering your standards for the sake of ... well it's been a long time since we - mistake. even people who should know better make mistakes.

Has swinging changed your marriage in anyway, good or bad?

In a way - it has been damaging but not the way that you'd think. We both would like to continue but find the old fantasies don't cut it when the last time we tried it... -blank- happened. I'm feeling more disillusioned - he'd like to keep looking and looking and looking... but since I do most of the work involved in finding prospective playments - he doesn't deal with all the weeding out, bone of contention. Good for the marriage in that we can talk about pretty much anything - we've already hashed out the rules, both know where the do not cross barriers are.

What was the defining moment when you realized you were probably 'done'?

the defining moment. hmmm. When I stopped looking forward to the dances, last October? Long since had pulled any ads. We were still attending dances with a well, we'll go and have a good time even if it's just with each other... if we met someone great if not... so what. and then even that stopped being fun. But I wouldn't say there has been a defining moment I still have moments of optimism, and in fact we are planning a Swinger vacation (last ditch effort? I wonder) at the end of winter but... I'm finding it really hard to muster excitement for it. :rollseyes

Are you mostly bored with swinging or let down with all the bullshit there is to wade through?

definitely let down. I'm tired of the clicques and the liars and cheaters, I'm tired of attitudes, I'm tired of couples that don't know what they want, I'm tired of not meeting people that we BOTH can be attracted to both physically and mentally and are attracted to us. I'm tired of looking and not finding. I'm tired of the build up and the let down,

Yes, Vespertine, I'm tired of the bullshit.

[NWARcouple]

Originally Posted by naughty A

twenty questions here. major essay here.

definitely let down. I'm tired of the clicques and the liars and cheaters, I'm tired of attitudes, I'm tired of couples that don't know what they want, I'm tired of not meeting people that we BOTH can be attracted to both physically and mentally and are attracted to us. I'm tired of looking and not finding. I'm tired of the build up and the let down,

We can relate to how you feel, naughty A... Several of your comments were very descriptive of our own experience. Although, I wouldn't necessarily catagorize our overall experience as negative.

However, there have been times that we were more enthusiastic about the lifestyle than we are now. We were frequently going to the dances, socials, and clubs locally, and in whatever cities we happened to be visiting. It was fun, entertaining, and interesting. But, after a while it seemed a lot like work trying to meet couples that we really clicked with. It's not really that we were or are disappointed with swinging so much as it was really time consuming.

We still have our online ads, and we'll still enjoy going to clubs and meeting people. However, our participation has become more of an interest as opposed to a lifestyle. We still enjoy meeting other couples, we keep in touch with those that we have become friends with, and we'll enjoy playing with other couples as well. So, in this respect, our interests have narrowed... We have become much more selective, although not in the ways that many might initially expect. And, we have learned what to look for in other couples.

As far as sexual interests are concerned, our tastes have broadened. And, we are much more communicative about what we like and dislike, which is probably the greatest factor contributing to that. There are still things that we are excited to try for the first time and many things that we want to experience again! We'll just go about things a little differently.

[Chemistry_0518]

When My Little Princess and I started, the appeal was for having a single male join us. We are not at a point wherein the single male is no longer appealing and we prefer single females and couples. As for the "type" of person, we have always been broadminded and selective with regard to attitudes and personality. That has not changed.

[misterbates]

Originally Posted by naughty A

twenty questions here. major essay here.



was it worth it... Yes. sure there are individual experiences that I regret Tried pretty much everything I ever wanted to - a lot of things I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do otherwise. I don't regret that. I just wish I felt the same enthusiasm for it. Our tastes were broad to begin with and now as another poster said - narrowing.



Hell YES. Would I have done some things differently - sure.


more negative experiences than positive. - uh - hmmm. yes about 70/30. I'd say in the beginning they were even - bad and good and of late - all bad. In the beginning the bad experiences were mistakes we made with each other (back before there were websites with this kind of information!) but lately - poor choices in partners... lowering your standards for the sake of ... well it's been a long time since we - mistake. even people who should know better make mistakes.


In a way - it has been damaging but not the way that you'd think. We both would like to continue but find the old fantasies don't cut it when the last time we tried it... -blank- happened. I'm feeling more disillusioned - he'd like to keep looking and looking and looking... but since I do most of the work involved in finding prospective playments - he doesn't deal with all the weeding out, bone of contention. Good for the marriage in that we can talk about pretty much anything - we've already hashed out the rules, both know where the do not cross barriers are.


the defining moment. hmmm. When I stopped looking forward to the dances, last October? Long since had pulled any ads. We were still attending dances with a well, we'll go and have a good time even if it's just with each other... if we met someone great if not... so what. and then even that stopped being fun. But I wouldn't say there has been a defining moment I still have moments of optimism, and in fact we are planning a Swinger vacation (last ditch effort? I wonder) at the end of winter but... I'm finding it really hard to muster excitement for it. :rollseyes



definitely let down. I'm tired of the clicques and the liars and cheaters, I'm tired of attitudes, I'm tired of couples that don't know what they want, I'm tired of not meeting people that we BOTH can be attracted to both physically and mentally and are attracted to us. I'm tired of looking and not finding. I'm tired of the build up and the let down,

Yes, Vespertine, I'm tired of the bullshit.

OMG!!!...we could have written that word for word....and we thought we were the only ones who felt that way.....Our time in the lifestyle(7plus yrs) has brought us to the point where we also no longer have the enthusiasm that we had at first...too many liars,fakes,headgames,broken promises,..etc...etc....
We really have decided that its not as much fun as it used to be...or maybe it never really was that fun at all...i don't know...

Right now we have a 2 couples and a single guy in our lives...all three are relatively new to us...the oldest being the single male we met a few months ago....and the newest being a cple we've been chatting with online but haven't met face to face yet.

They are probably our last effort in this..as we've pretty much been disgusted and bored every time we've gone to a club or a dance lately...If things dont work out with these people then i am guessing that we are done ....as we are both so beyond tired of searching... it's not even funny anymore...only to have our hopes and hearts smashed into the ground by people who have no clue what they want out of swinging or have no desire for anything more than a quick anonymous fuck.....

But then again....once a swinger always a swinger...LOL!!!....I know us...if the opportunity arises...we'll go for it..but i doubt we'll be actively looking anymore.....

Mr B facelick

P.S.....I do love this board though....so i'll stick around here for a while....(all the newbie questions make me giggle.....sorry!!! )it seems that all the intelligent people in the lifestyle have congretated here....yea there are a few "not so brights" here..but for the most part the biggest contributors to this site seem to have their shit together......too bad ya'll didn't live closer.....