Do Women Hold the Power When it Comes to Swinging?

[TH1PG490]

I've seen the statement all over the forums that "Women Hold the Power" when it comes to swinging. Could somebody explain this in a little more detail for me?

Thanks in advance, I'm learning alot reading these forums.

[Chicup]

I would assume it stems from the idea that with most couples its the men who really push the swinging at first and the women who say yes or no to everything.

At least thats how I interperate it. I think if you are in a strong relationship this won't be the case.

[mrs good times]

In a club atmosphere generally it is the women that "make the deal" so to speak because if a man approaches another woman they can often be percieved as too aggressive. If the woman makes the approach it is less threatening.

I think if you are in a strong relationship this won't be the case.

I have to disagree with that.

I think mrs naughty holds the power with our swinging. Not all of it but probably 99% .

What I mean by mrs naughty holds the power is this is more about pleasing her than anything else. So she holds the power.

And we have a stronger relationship than anyone we know.

[519Couple]

Well, it's quite a sweeping generalization, wouldn't you agree? I think the statement comes from the idea that many men will go along with what their wives want, but that the reverse isn't true, or at least is true less often.

It certainly doesn't describe our relationship, but it's pretty accurate for many couples we know.

[crestviewcpl2]

Power might not be the right term. More like respect. A respected woman will be able to voice her likes and dislikes and have them acted on. And in a mutual respectful relationship the man will do likewise and his opinion will also count. In the past, (showing my age) a man who respected his woman's wishes was pussy whipped. Now its okay to have mutual respect and therefore women may be preceived as holding power since they now have a voice. IMHO

[Greg & Sheryl]

The best explanation we can offer is that the women are the ones who establish the boundaries in the Lifestyle. In any given swinging situation, nothing will happen without the full consent of the women. The women determine who they fuck, when they fuck, how many people they fuck, and how they go about fucking them. They also make those determinations for their men. In our relationship, Sheryl holds absolute veto power over our swinging activities. No matter how much Greg may want to meet a certain couple or go to a certain party, if Sheryl does not approve, it’s not happening.

[VegasLee]

At the age of 13 in my little trailer park of life I started understanding that Women rule the world. Has always been that way and it will always be that way.

Many women do not understand that they are in control of everything. Some men believe they are in control but after my understanding the truth I have had a very great life.

I am the male, I am there when the ladies want me for something. They are the ones in control. They say what will and will not happen not only in this lifestyle but in life in general.

Most everything that men do in life centers around or is for women in some form or fashion if you really think about it.

Now, there is execptions to this thought. Gay men do not tend to do things for women. Some people wonder if they are smarter then is straight men.

[JustAskJulie]

One of the major rules of swinging is that you move at the pace of the slowest person. Since more often than not it is the man bringing swinging up and raring to go for anything and everything, that slowest person is the woman. She is (most often) the one who sets the boundaries and determines how far things will go.... therefore she holds the power.

[lovefest04]

I have said that the women hold the power.

What I mean by this is most eaisly expressed through an example.

A man wants to get laid, so he walks into a bar and announces that he is going to be there for 30 minutes and that he is going to leave with a woman he chooses and return to his hotel and have sex. How many women line up to fuck this guy? Answer: studies show less than 1% will.

Now reverse the senario, a woman walks into a bar and announces the same intention. How many men line up? Studies show about 78%.

Who the heck is in control here.

It has also been my experience that when involved in swinging the women tend to make the rules, determine the pace, and generally control the evening activities.

As mentioned above, I too realized long ago that women are in control. Once I let that be ok, wow great things have happened in my relationship and life.

To all you women out there, there are men who would love you to step up and exert your natural control to make this world a better place.

Steve

[TH1PG490]

Thanks for all the responses.

So here's what I get from this:

1). The slowest person basically controls the activities because you have to go at a pace they are comfortable with and this is typically the women. In my case she brought up the idea but she probably knew she wouldn't have to twist my arm, .

2). I think we all know the saying "If mama isn't happy, nobodies happy"

3). It's better to let the women take the lead because most couples are more comfortable with that.

[De and Ci]

Very interesting study, Lovefest04, that makes sense. But as far as swinging goes-I seriously wonder if the guys are always the ones that want to push the swinging. For starters, my dad revealed to me a few years ago that my mom (they divorced long ago), had suggested they try swinging because "they should try something different" is how he put it. He told her no way and was of the opinion that "swinging was some pretty weird shit". We weren't swinging then and of course there is no way I would tell him what we do now. When I was single, I dated a couple of women who brought up the subject of group sex and that it might be fun. I always dropped the matter. My brother and his now ex-wife tried to get me to have sex with them-and she was pretty darn enthusiastic about it. Another girlfriend asked me to have sex with her and her boyfriend. This was all years ago-and I was very uncomfortable about that stuff. Nowadays my attitude would be different (I'm in my late 30's). Recently we asked a girl we know about a guy we saw her with at the club we frequent. She said he dumped her cause he "wasn't into that". My wife and I first went to a couple's club in '97 at the suggestion of a friend of hers at work. I thought it was ok and stuff but didn't really care to go again-for months after that my wife kept asking me to
go again-that her friend at work and her husband want to go take us there. I always said no-too tired, better things to do, etc. Eventually she stopped asking and we forgot about it. Two and half years ago we had moved to Austin and started talking about these clubs again-another girlfriend of my wife had revealed to her that she and her hubby were swingers and tells her some of their exploits. We go to a restaurant on Valentines day, get a little hot and my wife suggests we go to this club-we've been going on a regular basis since then. I mentioned the other day how I didn't want to go again after our visit 7 years ago, she said probably because "you weren't ready then"

Anyway, it makes sense that its always the guy who urges the woman on , but based on my experiences-I have to wonder. Maybe its just a coincidence with me but still, I believe the percentage of couples where the woman initiates it is more than most people think

[good times]

I agree with you De and Ci, if my wife hadn't expressed interest in this to me I would have probably never brought it up. Three or four years ago if you had told me that my wife would be into swinging I'd have said you were nuts.

[xxoticangel]

All I can do is restate what Greg & Sheryl have already said. Angel determines the when, where, how, and if of any sexual relationship we have. Ultimately she has control of our S&M games through the use of safe words. During swinging I usually make first contact but only after she has approved the person/couple. If I pushed it she would probably "take one for the team" but that would only lead to problems. We like to pretend that it is 50/50 with both of us having veto power but let's face it, the odds are slim that she will be attracted to someone that I don't want to play with.

[javelin]

I actually started a thread about this a few months ago. I also see that women hold the power in the majority of cases. Also, I also think that couples with bisexual women have a much easier time of swinging than not. Again, this has been my personal experience at clubs and resorts. The ladies get the action started, control the pace and determine the ultimate outcome. The guys are along for the ride and thankful for any handouts they may get. If that is not having power I don't know what is.