What's your definition of a pushy person?

[ALilOEverything]

After reading posts I've come across those saying "I don't want to come across pushy" or "I didn't like them because they were pushy"...what makes people pushy? I too get nervous when making advances because I don't want to come off as pushy but I don't feel like I'm a pushy person because I know as soon as they let me know they didn't like my advances I would step right back and then let them decide when it was right for me.

To me a pushy person isn't just someone who simply takes initiative, a pushy person is someone who continues to make advances even though it was known the advances were unwelcomed. I don't mind aggressive men, for as long as when I let them know I'm either not ready or not willing they respect that. If they continue to insist as I continue to decline...then they are pushy.

I haven't been as aggressive as I would like to be because I don't want to be considered pushy but I have to keep in mind that I'm very okay with them telling me no and I would stop in a heartbeat...so being aggressive doesn't necessarily make me pushy.

What do you consider to be pushy? Is aggressive and pushy the same thing in your eyes?

Ok, this is what I dont consider pushy.

I do not consider it pushy to bring up the topic of having sex when you are with someone you met thru or because of swinging. Everyone knows why they are there.

If I or anyone else brings the idea up and someone is not comfortable and someone tries to Push them past where they feel comfortable than that is being pushy.

Wether it be the person trying to push someone past their boundaries or trying to push them into sex is someone who is pushy.


What we have adopted, for the most part, is no sex on the first date with a couple. That is agreed on before we even meet. If after we meet once and all 4 want to get together again I think the assumption can be safely made that all are interested in sex. So therefore making the first move would not be considered pushy. If after the first move was made and not all were on board but the subject kept getting brought up after it is clear at least one in the group does not want it to happen would cross into the relm of being pushy. I do not go there. If the vibe is NO then its a dead subject. But to go on wondering all night, especialy if they leave with no swinging, Do they want to or not just seems silly.

Exception to no sex on first date rule: If we meet a couple at a swingers club. It doesnt happen always but it has happened. And we are open to the idea.

[good times]

I consider someone pushy who won't take no for an answer.

[Elusive BiFem]

One that won't take no for an answer, but also, one that keeps on trying to convince you to change your mind - even in subtle ways. They type that makes these "innuendo" type comments, but if you call them on it they look at you in wide-eyed surprise...Who? Me? No, you misunderstood.

A person that keeps on calling on your cell phone - for months after you've said no.

A person that assumes, because you've agreed to meet them for coffee, that it is an automatic "yes." "No, I said I would meet you for coffee. The brown liquid in the cup. I never implied anything more."
- EBF

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

How about a couple you played with at the club and then every week they "expect" you to play with them again. We had a couple always dropping hints that maybe later in the evening if nothing else works out we could all hook up. We even went to dinner with the promise that it was just dinner to get to know each other better and all through the meal they kept making 'joke' type comments about getting a hotel etc.

That is pushy to me . . . whether we like a couple and want to play with them again I don't want to make them feel like or them us everytime we see them it's a given.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[tazzie_n_truck]

I consider someone pushy who won't take no for an answer.

Totally agree with ya right there.

Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey:

How about a couple you played with at the club and then every week they "expect" you to play with them again.

Been there done that. No matter were you meet them. What a headache!! That is the quickest way to turn us off in a big way!!

[tazzie_n_truck]

We don't go to clubs, but we have met people who we really were not that interested in swinging with, who kept getting really pushy with us about swinging with them, they got together with some friends of ours who we swing with and they got jealous of them because they got together with us more than them.

We were glad that we actually didn't do anything with them. But because of how they treated our friends, our friends almost gave up swinging entirely because of them.

[stoutgatte]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

To me a pushy person isn't just someone who simply takes initiative, a pushy person is someone who continues to make advances even though it was known the advances were unwelcomed. I don't mind aggressive men, for as long as when I let them know I'm either not ready or not willing they respect that. If they continue to insist as I continue to decline...then they are pushy.

I think you summed it up beautifully right there... I think many of us are too concerned with being pushy sometimes, and have taken up an attitude of: "If they don't want to, they can simply say no". Obviously not when someone walks through the door, there must be at least some signals of things moving in the right direction. Once someone said no, you stick to it untill they change their mind, and you don't try and convince them otherwise. Asking once is not being pushy, but doing so time after time, is a different thing altogether...

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

To me a pushy person isn't just someone who simply takes initiative, a pushy person is someone who continues to make advances even though it was known the advances were unwelcome.

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

If I or anyone else brings the idea up and someone is not comfortable and someone tries to push them past where they feel comfortable than that is being pushy. Whether it is the person trying to push someone past their boundaries or trying to push them into sex is someone who is pushy.

These definitions pretty much match our own. Fortunately, we don’t run into this very often at the clubs and parties we attend. The worst pushiness that we experience is when people online beg for us to “perform” on our webcam.

[JustAskJulie]

I agree with parts of many of the definitions given, and can expound on others.....

To me a pushy person isn't just someone who simply takes initiative, a pushy person is someone who continues to make advances even though it was known the advances were unwelcomed.

I think that is a perfect general description.

But to go further.....

I do not consider it pushy to bring up the topic of having sex when you are with someone you met thru or because of swinging. Everyone knows why they are there

This depends. I have met at least 2 couples that I can recall that while never really saying over and over again "hey lets jump into bed". ALL they every talked about (and I do mean ALL) was sex. It was like that was the only subject in their vocabulary. To me it came off as a sort of indirect pushiness. They were making it clear they were interested without coming out and saying it... and they were doing it over and over and over again to the point that I finally walked away.

[mwsw4ever]

We were contacted by a couple close by in our community once that gave us all our definitions of being pushy.The irony is that they told us they weren't pushy people.We agreed to chat with them on an instant messanger and found out that he was our mailman.He then proceded to tell us that he knew where we lived,now things were getting creepy.Then he kept asking to call our house,already knowing our number from him looking it up from the phone book,we said no!please don't call.He kept insisting to call and we kept saying no! Then after we had told them no thanks we are not interested they still kept IMing us 2-3 times a day,till we blocked them.He also would beep the horn when he went by the house.We learned what pushy was very quick or would anyone consider this borderline stalking?

[Vespertine]

That's pushy!

[stoutgatte]

It's borderline

Posted by Julie:

But to go further.....

This depends. I have met at least 2 couples that I can recall that while never really saying over and over again "hey lets jump into bed". ALL they every talked about (and I do mean ALL) was sex. It was like that was the only subject in their vocabulary. To me it came off as a sort of indirect pushiness. They were making it clear they were interested without coming out and saying it... and they were doing it over and over and over again to the point that I finally walked away.

I agree and thats why I also said this:

If the vibe is NO then its a dead subject.