Do people make things complicated?

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by xxoticangel

This unfortunately is my wife's attitude also. We have just spent the weekend at a lifestyle friendly nude resort with the attitude of hooking up with someone. Since she showed no interest in anyone there I asked what she was looking for. Seems that every guy there was too something (fat,skinny,tall,hairy,big,small). Her ideal couple is my twin that is married to a BBW with acne. Also, despite being a former model, she felt threatened by every girl there. I'll be the first to admit that my standards are slightly high but out of the 50 or so couples at the resort there were still 4 or 5 couples that I think would have been fun.

When I read something like this, I have to wonder if swinging is something the wife really, really wants to do. Given your description of your sister-in-law, it seems you have no interest in her, and that might account for your wife's interest in them as a couple. You know...she doesn't feel threatened by this woman.

I know you mentioned meeting people at clubs...does she repond differently in that type of environment? - EBF

[javelin]

I think I am one of the posters who caused this topic to be raised. We have found the world of swinging to be quite difficult, and yes it is due to our high standards amoung other things I am sure. We are quite happy with each other, so we really are not looking to upgrade, but then again we are not really interested in a downgrade either. However, I think that the couples we tend to be attracted to, are more attractive than we are, so I gotta wonder why they would downgrade to us. Humm, a double edge sword isn't it. However, I guess we are also not interested in the casual swinging aspect either. We have been to a couple clubs, but actually never met anyone there. We are relatively shy couple who finds small talk uncomfortable. We have uncommon interests so chatting up people does not come easy. For example, I could care less about sports, which is about all the average guy talks about. We have met people on vacations, great people who seem to really like us as people, we get along great, then when we all get back to the real world they all disappear. It seems that everyone besides us already has enough friends, or too much work to do, or whatever, and never seems to have time to develop a relationship. I make time for people, work is secondary to me. Work seems to be the most important thing to so many people, that the real world dominates them. We are also shy about saying, "Hey, lets go to the bedroom and fuck." But many times the night has ended uneventfully because no one said just that. So, I think that for a shy couple, who is moderately picky, swinging is complicated. The people we have met who are the most successful are either the ones you are friends with 2 minutes after meeting them, or they have an outgoing bi-girl. That always helps.

[stoutgatte]

Originally Posted by javelin

We are also shy about saying, "Hey, lets go to the bedroom and fuck."

My advice would be to invest in a nice adult game... A great way to get things started without saying: "Let's fuck?" Works well for us...

[xxoticangel]

does she repond differently in that type of environment?

It seems that her response is less critical in a club environment. She has picked up/been picked up by men and couples in a club that I would never have guessed she was interested in. Her reservations grow when we get in a less sexual situation. At the resort we just hung around, played volley ball, chatted, etc. Everyone was nude but noone was overtly sexual. It seems that the more she gets to know someone on a personal level the less she wants to play with them.

By the way, I really don't have a twin. I was using the analogy to represent what I see as her ideal couple.

[RW1F]

Sorry been away a while, I wasn't singling anyone out with my post/question. It's just that I have noticed this a lot and was just posting a "food for thought" type of question. Seems to me that people in the "lifestyle" are basically sluts (not that it is bad thing) and if ya wanna get involved in wild sex it just shouldn't be all that hard.

[DBL D]

Let's get the hard stuff out of the way 1st.

"1: Are you looking for friends or just "fuck buddies". Also, how picky are you being in either case?"

Initially, Fem D said NO to the friends thing. As she has grown and her understanding has increased, she has changed to really want to have friends. Not that we shouldn't just have a one night stand with a couple, but being friends with someone seems more comfy to her now. We can invite them out for a day on the Delta. I think she felt that we would have swinger friends hanging around all the time and it would threaten our "Vanilla" existence. Myself? I just want to know that the gal wasn't just using me and that she really did enjoy me. I feel a bit used when I realize that they don't want to be my friend.

"2: Do you use the internet/magazines or do you go to on-premise clubs?"

We have gone to off-premise clubs and used the internet. So far the club has been the key. People on the internet just aren't honest. As an example, they'll say they've read your profile, but don't do any of the things you have asked them to do-like send a "G" rated photo or write more than a line or two in response to the ad. At a club you can see and touch and actually talk to the other couple. That really does help with the chemistry.

"3: Have you turned down opportunities or do you just not have any? "

Yes, we have turned down opportunities-but that's just life. We just hope that no one is too hurt by it. As time passes we all change our minds about what we used to think was important. So maybe when we meet them again, we'll feel better about the situation and can get on with it. All of us have been surprised, more often than not, by people who have skills that outweigh their looks in real life. Why shouldn't it be the same in swinging? That's not asking too much, if you're honest with yourself.

I could go on...

Male D


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