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Jeepgurly

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About Jeepgurly

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 04/21/1975

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Married Female
  • Location
    nowheresville
  • Occupation
    wife, mother and finder of lost things
  • Swinging Experience
    Started about 11 years ago...
  1. I like dark jeans and a white button down shirt, buttoned up except for the top 2 buttons. Not fully tucked in maybe just the front to show off your belt. Think thats a nice look thats casual, sexy and not trying too hard. Don't know if you ever watch Bravo's Date my ex, if you have or can, anything at all that Slade wears on that show is fabulous Here's a link to his myspace, theres a slide show of him (even a pic of a button down white shirt with jeans outfit) Even love a baseball cap and t-shirt on an attractive man. Says you're just confident and can look naturally sexy and not too posy for pics. Wouldn't suggest it for a date but for a pic or 2 I definitely think sexy men can look even sexier with a ball cap. Oh wanted to mention H&M, they have awesome clothes for men and women. Not your khaki and polo kinda store for sure.
  2. I don't think that I ever go with the objective of scoping out the women first. I go and scan the crowd and look for whoever i'm attracted to and then see who they're with. It just always is the women that are attractive. We were recently at a meet and greet at a vanilla club and a single guy walked by and I noticed him immediately. Hubby didn't, but asked if I saw anyone there for the meet and greet that I was interested in, the answer was no that night but I said I sure wish that guy was here for the meet and greet. I think I enter openminded just open to attraction. Its something you just notice.
  3. This thread initially was exclusively about looks, about an observation we'd made that apparently another couple had also noticed. That attractive husbands are hard to find. I think that immediately in this lifestyle I walk into a room and scan it and based on attraction zero in on who i'm interested in, it has never been the man. Not because I like women more but because I have yet to find one that stood out or was what I would call attractive or even appealed to me in any way that would garner more interest. I will spend the night having fun and getting to know people but pretty quickly I've already assessed the crowd and know which couple, if any, i'm pursuing. Thus far, i've made that decision based on my attraction to the wife and whether the husband is not repulsive right off the bat and then later after we've met them if he has a good personality and we click in some way. But without attraction to him there is no chemistry, at best its a friendly conversation that i'll enjoy if he gets me and my sarcasm. Love people that get me. But that doesn't make that person hot, it might make them doable but certainly not hot. And for me without chemistry the sex is a chore with hubby. I think the reason I have enjoyed sex with single men, is because just like you've witnessed they tend to be more attractive and take care of themselves in a way that married men don't always. Theres no settling for him because wifey is hot, theres only my interest in him to worry about.
  4. Chicup never claimed that its the hubby's faults I don't enjoy sex with them. I don't blame it on them at all, its simply for me a matter of chemistry; with it the sex is awesome and without it, its just not. The actual sex itself has little to do with my enjoyment i've found. And I have enjoyed sex (A LOT) with men before in mmf where the single man is one i've chosen because of the chemistry between he and I without having to worry about a 4 way match, or where he wasn't a package deal to get the wife. Single men i'm attracted to are easier to find is all, men in couples thus far just haven't appealed to me, i'm hopeful though Would be flippin' awesome to enjoy a 4 some with all parties involved.
  5. You know Julie, I actually think i'm pickier with women. I worked in a strip club for years and its affected my preferences for women. I know perhaps it sounds like I have unrealistic expectations but as far as men go I will settle for average looks if we have chemistry and good conversation. And yes I have been settling to get to the girl and i've yet to enjoy sex with any of the hubbys. We have had mmf with 2 men which I enjoyed but even then it was all about incredible chemistry, they weren't hot either, so I don't need hot necessarily just chemistry and i've yet to put my finger on what it is that ignites that for me... 2insandiego - I agree that just because you're hot doesn't mean you'll be good in bed and vice versa. But for me I can't even get up the interest to proceed without some kind of attraction/chemistry. I've found that if I have incredible chemistry with a guy it makes average nothing to write home about sex fabulous because I just can't wait for it and i'm so worked up that it heightens all of my senses and then hubby is always there to finish me off and make sure that its the best no matter what.
  6. Its interesting hearing everyone's different experiences/opinions on this. To the question are women beating down the path to hubby, I would have to say that yes they are. He gets hit on a lot on my behalf, on his own and on us as a couple. He's an open receptive happy guy that while quiet seems to invite conversation with his vibe... With me, i'm quiet too but people tend to approach hubby while i'm in the bathroom or refilling drinks or whatever. Hubby says i'm intimidating, who knows. Wasn't trying to be negative Fun4ds, was just bringing up an observation we'd made that apparently another couple had noticed themselves and brought up to us. Just wondered what everyone else's experiences were or if any body else had noticed this...? Like someone else mentioned, for us its mainly about the girl and if she's a 10 and hubby's a 6.5 then we'll see if personality wise its doable for me, if hubbys a flat out troll then its just not gonna happen. Think lately though that i've been thinking about not making any concessions. If its not fun for both hubby and I then what the hells the point. We may switch to just soft swap with the possibility for more with the understanding that its gonna be a rarity for us. Think we're fine with that.
  7. I'm attracted to a wide range of men for different reasons and ordinarily in a normal vanilla situation some of these men might appeal to me....eventually, becoming more attractive as I get to know them. Thats the thing, i'm talking about immediate physical attraction, noticing out of a crowd attraction. For women I agree with you Chicup, in RL and in the lifestyle off the charts hot every ones fantasy women are rare but i'm not delusional I'm not shooting for that. What I guess I was referring to as far as the women went was better then average with a great body and someone that would not go unnoticed anywhere, women that require a second look and draw your eye back to them over and over again throughout the course of the night, I think there are plenty of those kinds of women in the lifestyle. Inevitably though their husband is older, alot of times significantly older, out of shape, and balding. I don't think my expectations are too high. I'm not expecting supermodels but even better then average (which to me is not ugly, with a good body, well dressed with a neat presentation) is tough to find. Believe me i'm not shooting high. Not looking for what would normally attract me in RL at a vanilla club.
  8. Since we've been involved in this lifestyle we've noticed that it seems there are 2 unicorns. It is possible that this 2nd unicorn is only scarce geographically... The widely known single female AND the attractive couple. Seems attractive husbands are hard to come by, I think I would be safe to say that in the 10 years or so we've been going to events and meeting people I have only met 10 attractive husbands. This is a high estimate, I can't actually remember 10 that I can count can only remember 4 off the top of my head but hands down I can recall at the very least 30 very beautiful women. Women that would be beautiful or hot in any lifestyle. The men on the other hand are looked at on a sliding scale based on what else is available in comparison. These aren't men that I would even notice outside of this lifestyle. Wonder if anyone else has noticed this....? Or possibly if this just might only be the case where we live? I've always noticed this and hubby and I have had many talks about it, but this past weekend we went to a party and met a couple that jokingly referred to us as the OTHER unicorn and when we asked them what they meant, they said a couple where BOTH the hubby and wife are hot. Which led me here to bring it up to all of you. We're taking it one step further and saying that it is not just a hot couple that's hard to find, but that hubbies in general in our experience are normally downright ugly, at this point am grateful for average with a good personality and a decent body. Hubby wondered once if we had ever met a hot hubby with an ugly wife and the answer is NO! I think men are more visual and wind up with the best that they can get where as women connect on other levels and can look past appearance but let's be frank here, in this lifestyle I don't love these men (like their wives), so attraction is a must and your hot wife is not your ticket to ride all the rides It is good for me that chemistry isn't solely based on appearance because I have NEVER been with a man that I was immediately physically attracted to besides my husband and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel
  9. Hubby and I met and started dating/having sex in 10th grade, we were both virgins when we got together. He was 15 and I was 16. He's still only been with me and my only sex with other people has been during swinging with him.
  10. We accept and give certifications. We accept them from whoever gives us one as long as its not crude or insinuating something that never took place. We however only give them to people that we felt like we connected with and would like to get to know better. And generally we like to keep it PG and stick to what kind of people we think they are. We also tend to look at certs when looking at people's profiles, if they are long time members and have no certs I wonder like a lot of other people if they are legitimate or just pic collectors, or some other kind of fakes. When people have certifications they help me to get an idea of what kind of people they are and who they tend to hang with and sometimes you can glean which couples they just made an impression on and which ones they've played with and based on that, if we are their type or if they are ours. I think we are attracted to a very specific type of couple, young trendy, cool, in good shape and if we notice a theme in the type of company they keep then we can pretty much decide wether or not we think we might hit it off. All of that plays into wether or not we're interested or wether we think we'll be compatiable. Maybe we're superficial, which is fine but we know what we like and we look at the profile pics, read the profile thoroughly and look at certifications to figure out what type of people they are and who they tend to hang with. We also look at the fact that while they may have made an impression on a lot of people and received lots of certs most people only return certs to the people that they've played with or connected with in some way and those are the certs that say the most to us the ones that they've returned. You'll also notice the people who try to rack up as many certs as possible by certifying everyone they meet and only a 1/8 of those people return the certs. We think the certs say a lot....
  11. If we are hitting it off with the couple and I feel like thats where we're headed then at that time I feel its appropriate to bring up boundaries. I only don't appreciate it after we've only just met and I have no idea where we're headed. Why do I care what your boudaries are if I have no intention yet of sleeping with you. Lets just find out first if we're all interested, and if it feels like we're all on the same page and if the sparks are flying then lets talk about it. I met this perfectly nice couple at the party we went to last weekend and although we weren't attracted to them we enjoyed meeting and talking to them. But what was odd was all the while we're talking to them about your average pleasantries the wife was grabbing my ass , it was so out of context and so uninvited that at first I thought I must be mistaken. Then she said they'd like to get together with us even if we don't have sex tonight, which I suppose was a compliment but to me I am wondering how I gave her the idea that was where we were headed. I don't know, I guess I just don't approach people that way and no matter how much I may change I hope I never change so much I think its ok to grope someone right after meeting them. I would never assume 2 minutes into meeting someone that it would be ok for me to grab them anywhere and it still boggles my mind. If my side stepping her wandering hand wasn't indication enough of my disinterest she had to drop that comment also. I just felt that they were very presumptious but maybe I am wrong and thats normal in swinging. Jack and Jill thats exactly how I feel! I will talk to anybody that approaches me wether we're interested or not but a nice approach goes a long way. I was enjoying meeting the people above until the wife started groping me. After that I was disappointed because even though I wasn't interested in them, I had been eager to meet anyone - besides who knows who they could've introduced us to but after that we quickly wrapped it up and beat a hasty retreat across the room. O'lord I know that! We met people there that had business cards for just this purpose, never heard of such a thing! I already realize we're a minority in how we approach things, thats where the self doubt had come in its why I wrote the post to begin with. But I think i'm over my doubt for now, we're different and I think thats a good thing for us, I don't care to be like the couples we met. That is so ME! I do that! Yes I need to work on it. I'm so lame. :rollseyes Again thanks all, its good to hear differing opinions and to get some support and to know that even though we approach things differently its still possible to enjoy this lifestyle and to find others that like to be approached intelligently as well. Thanks again
  12. Hi everybody thanks so far for all the great thoughts and ideas regarding my post. A lot to think about. I do agree with a lot of what has been said alot of it is dead on accurate. But because I was trying to summarize a lot of thoughts and experiences into as short a post as I could manage a lot was left out that would give you a bigger better impression of who we are and indeed how we feel. For Additude I can understand your analogy and while its a good one, I don't think it pertains to what I meant. Maybe what I said, which is all you can address/respond to but not really what I meant. What I meant was we're all at a swinger's party so in the back of all of our minds (at the very least, in the front for many) we all know thats what we're there for. But as i'm learning your name and the other getting to know you basics, I don't need you to bring up the possibility of sex already. I know why i'm there, I know why you're there but for me I like to feel out chemistry first and even if I am attracted to you I still like to get to know you without you bringing up what we both already know is a possibility. If it feels right it'll come up naturally i'm sure and when it does under those circumstances I wouldn't mind it a bit, i'd even welcome it. I think for me hitting all the steps is exciting, building up the anticipation. As far as the restaurant analogy, if I could use it and tweak it a bit. Some go to restaraunts and perhaps want to just dig in without looking at the menu, stuff their faces and go. We're not in a hurry. We might want to have a drink first, share some conversation and enjoy a leisurely dinner - whats the rush afterall? And when someone is rushing me, then they just don't appeal to me. Thats fine, i'm in it for us afterall. I feel better about us and how we're progressing after a few days to think about things. I really don't care to morph into another type of couple. I don't care to rush us and I think we'll be fine. I do need to brush up on my flirting but its the initial meeting we have trouble with not the talking after we get some face time.And contrary to what some of you have said, we really don't care to develop a relationship with these people outside of a superficial one. I know that for us we could even swing within a night of meeting someone if the chemistry was right and it was a natural progression. I don't even mind them swinging with others on the side, thats none of our business but I just feel like if you're interested in us then focus on us and let it be about us when we're together. When we're together or when you're pursuing us I don't want to feel like anyone will do. For me a lot of the appeal comes from being desired and if I don't feel desired watching them make their rounds then it just won't happen for me. That almost translates itself into how I live my life in general. When you're with me be with me thats all. One other thing: I don't find that crass - what I feel is crass are close ups of your genitalia, sexual or dirty talk outside of a sexual situation or even before I would think it was appropriate with a new couple or someone we've just met. Cheesy would you like to CUM join us lines. I like to approach any relationship the same way, hitting all the basics first the same as I would in my vanilla life but in a swingers setting theres the added excitement that we both know that if we hit it off it could progress. I don't want to see your dick or talk about how big it is, to me thats crass. I just want to get to know you a bit. I hope i've clarified some of my thoughts. Just putting them out there for all of you and stopping to think about how it is I do feel is helpful for me. I appreciate all the feedback.
  13. Sometimes I wonder if this lifestyle suits us. I am not an exhibitionist, i'm shy, modest, self concious and pretty conservative as far as flirting or initiating anything goes. Whats worse is that I am slightly oblivious to overtures towards me and when I do notice them I don't know how to respond/react even when I am interested. My husband and I have been together since 9th grade, 14 awesome years so far. We were eachothers first and up until a foursome we had with a close couple we knew a few years ago we were eachothers only. In fact he still has never been with anyone but me and I have just been with him and that 1 couple still. He wasn't at all attracted to the female in the couple we were with. She is my opposite and I think it was too far a departure for him. In any event, we dealt with that fine. We are very solid and we enjoyed the experiences we had with them as 3-somes without her and as 4-somes so we knew we wanted to do it again one day with another couple after they moved and we couldn't get together anymore. The trouble is finding a couple that will evolve naturally into more. Seems like everyone is on fast forward. Not only that but I seem to be judging approaches from a vanilla standpoint. I know that if we could meet a couple we would enjoy ourselves but I am so put off by some of the approaches we receive. I hate crassness, closeup body part pictures, being touched without any provocation from me or people that don't seem to be selective. That to me is the biggest turn-off. I will walk into a room and automatically be attracted to a few people maybe 2 or 3 and they will be the only ones I express interest in, I will certainly be friendly if approached by other people but I am not interested. People that move around quickly, and with a lot of people make me lose interest. I guess I need to feel special and courted and I don't feel that way if i'm one of many I guess. I like to be pursued, in someways i'm very old fashioned and prudish. I don't know how to flirt and feel akward trying, it comes so unnaturally for me. Parties where people are having sex all over the place turn me off. I prefer get togethers in normal clubs where people meet, dance and take it from there - elsewhere. I also don't like getting together with a couple we haven't met to meet over dinner or drinks, it feels contrived and pressured with the prospect of sex looming over me. What if we don't click and we've wasted a perfectly rare oppurtunity to use a babysitter meeting with a couple I frankly have no intention of sleeping with that night and then we may not even click. I like the no pressure atmosphere of a regular club gathering where we can get lost if theres no chemistry and not waste the night. Just this past weekend we went to a club where a swingers group was meeting and we had a really nice time. And although we did dance all night - we stuck with only eachother. He's as shy as me, extremely picky, and never makes any type of move on anyone and in fact doesn't really express interest in anyone unless I ask him. He's not a dead fish, he talks when people approach us and is very friendly and laid back but he just doesn't initiate things. We never talk about sex with any couples, I figure if theres chemistry it'll happen and then we can set groundrules. Nothing brings me back to earth faster then the other couple bringing up sex as if they assume thats where we're headedhow presumptious of them I think. I on the other hand make these super lame attempts at flirtation that are so veiled they come off as harmelss vanilla compliments like "Nice boots". Anyways back to the club. As soon as we got there I picked out 2 women and a couple I was attracted to and spent the night trying to position ourselves in situations where we might have the opportunity to talk. I ended up approaching the couple and making small talk, complimenting one of the womens boots and making eyes at the last lady. All 3 were interested but I don't know how to progress and stay in my comfort zone and I fear that we just don't move quickly enough to not piss off people. The lady that I was making eyes at, kept trying to maneuver herself over to me and even held her hand out to me while she danced but my husband said I just turned my back on her and kept on dancing. I didn't notice I guess. She also grabbed my butt several times while we danced close by but I didn't acknowledge that I had felt anything, I didn't know what to do about it. How do you respond to a stranger grabbing your ass when you haven't even spoken? She was also in a heavy grindfest with 3 people including her husband (who was not attractive to me at all) who was fingering her right there on the dance floor of this vanilla club. Her husband was mostly the reason I wasn't receptive to her advances, the last thing I wanted to do was be saddled with a guy I wasn't attracted to just because she was hot. I know this whole post is disjointed but is this whole thing just not for us? I feel defeated and like we'll never be able to experience this type of thing again because of our hang ups but I don't know if I can be the type of girl that just wants to go out and have sex as quickly as possible. I know couples aren't interested in courting us and I guess I don't blame them but I would like to feel like we were selected as opposed to one of many. So what do you all think, is this just not for us?
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