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LetsParty

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17 Good

About LetsParty

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 01/01/1975

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Vancouver
  • Swinging Experience
    6 Years
  1. Wow! So far the score is about 9 to 1 in favor of kickin' that homewreckin' lifestyler to the curb! LOL! Great thread so far. Thanks everyone!...
  2. So far, I am glad to see so many people share our view about getting involved (playing) with dishonest/lying/cheating men. My wife is still sleeping (LOL!) but I am looking forward to showing her these, and further, responses. I think I should have stayed away from the "to judge or not to judge" theme. I am glad the thread isn't drifting too far, though! I think the word "judge" is a bit harsh. I just wonder if anyone else were to approach a couple in a bar/club/online, and the woman said, "Oh, yeah, we have fun doing our own thing, too, sometimes. As a matter of fact, my last three adventures have all been with cheating, married men, in the community!" ...is there anyone here who would “look unfavorably at such a woman or couple”? THAT is a better way to phrase it, rather than using the “J” word! It's funny, because I am totally okay when I meet Lifestylers; bisexuals; homosexuals; people living in sin; poly couples... but there is just something that makes us go, "yikes!" when a woman is playing with a partner who has a wife and kids at home. Looking forward to more thoughts!
  3. Hi All! I haven’t posted here in a while, but we just met a couple last night, who had a slightly different take on the Lifestyle, and I was curious about your thoughts. They do some “cheat and greets” now and again. They may meet a couple and each go out alone with the other’s spouse. Or she may meet another guy, have some fun, and come home and tell the husband, etc. Him, too, on occasion. That’s all fine and dandy – hotwife… whatever it’s called. But here is where it gets a bit bizarre: The “hot wife” often sleeps with married men who are cheating on their own wives. These are also men in her everyday, vanilla world. A colleague from the same company; trainer from the gym; old friend; business networking group, etc. All these guys are married and cheating. My partner and I are never ones to judge others. We always believed the more open people are with sex, the Lifestyle, open-marriages, fetishes, honesty, etc. etc. the better. We’ve always said that the Lifestyle is not just about sex. Sex is the result of honesty, communication, open-mindedness, etc. I know you all understand, but the average vanilla may not. The woman kept telling us, “It’s not MY sin!”; “I’M not lying!”; “That’s the GUY’s problem!”… And the husband kinda laughed at it. I dunno. Are we turning old-fashioned and prude? Or is there really just something “unlifestyle-esque” about doing it with these cheating men from the community. It’s not that we looked at this woman and “lost respect” for her… but, Hmmm… as open-minded as we are, these people have WIVES sitting at home, thinking their husbands are at business meetings. What do you think? I understand that not all lifestylers have occasional separate activities, and to each his or her own. I’m not one to judge and say whether or not that enhances or detracts from a marriage. It’s going off with married, cheating men that kinda make my partner and I look at each other and go “gulp.” I am so curious to hear your opinions!
  4. It's too bad so many couples don't discuss this type of stuff BEFORE they got married... Monogamy is just 'assumed' for 99% of couples under the altar. It's too bad. If everyone was just honest from the moment they met... I think there would be a lot more harmonious marriages out there....
  5. Interesting thread. Interesting situation. Let me get this straight: - Husband would like to see a plethora of naked bodies and indulge in various acts of sexuality with others, and have some good clean fun before he's too old. He'd like to touch/see/taste other women - hopefully at the same time - while presumably his wife would do the same. - Wife's position is, "over my dead body. You will see/touch/taste ONE naked body. EVER." That's the gist of the story, right? Where I come from, we have a word for that... We call it MARRIAGE! (Or, I guess a vanilla marriage, if you will) Desire does us all in, doesn't it? Great opening page from my favorite book: ========== The Wrong Question Lust brings out the liar in everyone. Every erection has Pinocchio written up and down its length—yes, everybody wants to be REAL, a real boy, an honest woman, unafraid and upright—but then desire, the ultimate honesty, does us in. Desire doesn’t give a whit about shame. Our secrets, our exaggerations and distractions, it’s all just a lot of twisting in the wind as far as sex is concerned—what we want WILL come out. When we talk about sex to each other, one-on-one, we open a well-worn box of lovers’ lies – fake orgasms, promises of fidelity, boastful exploits. But on a social stage, lying about sex grows to such a grandiose level that instead of just answering with fibs and false hoods, our collective breath doesn’t even pose an honest question. ========== I guess this boils down to one of my five courses of action: 1 - Cheat 2 - Get divorced 3 - Have an open marriage 4 - Grin and bear it. Welcome to monogamy. 5 - Get back into the lifestyle. 3 and 5 work for me. 1 and 2 would be a shame. 4 is not really that fair, in our opinion. To all those vanilla spouses who think #4 is THE option... Well that explains why #1 and #2 are so prevelant in society, I guess. Think of your top options of these five, and then ask your wife. Good luck!
  6. Just my two cents worth... We are members of AFF, and the results have been INCREDIBLE. We signed up at the beginning of the summer... wrote a LONG and INTELLIGENT profile... put up some hot (lingerie/not genitals) non-face pics... ..and We've had about 75 quality responses. Got together with many of them.. MSNed most of the them... It's really exceeded all our expectations. We have heard all the horror stories, but quite frankly, we haven't experienced any. I guess this is due to the two reasons stated above: 1 - Our great profile pictures 2 - Our intelligent profile. (And when I say intelligent.. I just mean as well-written as any of the posts here) We left the Lifestyle for a year or two... and coming back this summer was a total breeze thanks to AFF... YMMV
  7. Interesting. We take the opposite approach. Who cares! We had two really awesome threesomes this summer with two very fun and attractive women. (One actually was a vanilla friend... WAS being the operative word, I guess) Anyways, both didn't tell their husbands/boyfriends. We had a blast. They had a blast. This is their crime... not ours. If a person is trapped in a sexually monogamous marriage and wants to play... well, that's okay with us! We HATE drama and avoid it at all costs... but if someone wants to play and not tell... OKAY! It's not our sin! LOL (and boy did we have fun both times!! )
  8. If I may just quickly interject something here... Body image has NOTHING to do with size or weight. My partner is around 5"7, and she weighs around 127. Super long legs, abs, and big boobs. And you know what? She HATES her body! There are people who are size zeros and hate their bodies, and people who are size 20 and love their bodies. This is primarily a female issue, I think. Some people may think I look awesome naked, and other people may think "Nope! Not for me!" What can I say? You can't please all the people all the time! It's tough to live life wishing we were thinner, younger, richer. I know my partner doesn't care about someone's weight as much as attitude... I hope this helps!
  9. Two lessons I learned in business: (Well, same lesson, phrased in two equally eloquent ways:) 1 - Never dip your pen in company ink. 2 - Don't fuck the payroll. LOL
  10. In my humble opinion, I just always compare the Lifestyle to regular dating. There is no right. There is no wrong. If I dated a woman who only wanted to go to second base, and I found that frustrating and confining, well, I'd just move on. Of course, rules do get bent A LOT in dating AND in the lifestyle, too. Personally, we don't play with people with those kinds of rules. We are all about the whole libertine... free... if it feels good, do it.... push envelopes... type of encounter. If we meet a couple and for them it's about F-F play only... like, "My wife won't touch your husband because we have rules"... well... we'd just move on. Everyday rules change. I don't think it's fair to label yourselves as a 'bad' swingers. No way. Just find people who think more along your lines, and you should be okay. (As an aside, one thing we don't EVER do is tit-for-tat type of activities. If someone's wife is dying to give me a blowjob and does so... then great for her! It does NOT mean my wife has to give him a blowjob. One time a guy was totally enjoying licking my wife's ass. I didn't feel compelled to reciprocate on her ass! That's cool. But the whole rule thing is something we don't get, and we choose to play with people without rules whenever possible.) But don't judge yourselves harshly!
  11. LOL! Okay, that previous post (2 back) was a bit radical in its thinking, but a valuable contribution nonetheless.. I guess it's like marijuana being a gateway drunk. One minute you're smoking some pot, watching Pink Floyd's The Wall, and a few years later, you're doing crack cocaine. Got it. Steal a candybar from the local Exxon, and next thing you know, you're robbing banks. There is another flaw in that logic. I WOULDN'T trade my spouse for anything. This is sex and only sex. The connection between "sex" and "love", especially for men, is something of a fiction, created by society en masse. If you don't believe me, well, please check out of the gazillion dollar online porn, DVD porn, escort, hooker, bordello, dirty magazine, and strip club industries. The desire for wild and crazy new sex has nothing to so with our thoughts of a 'loved one', per se. Are we really 'trading in our loved one' for a one-night stand? It sounds like a bit of a leap. However, some valid points are raised. Now, what about the alternatives? What about people who decide not to swing? Is that a better option, do you think? I can't help but think of all the bored and miserable couples that I see walking around the mall. The jokes in the locker room. The stories about travelling to the Orient and getting 'massages'. The separations and divorces. The cheating and lying. I'm not trying to compare the effects of swinging vs. Amish people. I am just trying to look at The Lifestyle as compared to a "vanilla" marriage. ....I still wonder....
  12. Good answer. Thanks for answering it in depth. I'll say one thing... These happy-soccer-moms... Lemme tell you... PLENTY of them have their own private/secret "yahoo" or "hotmail" e-mail account, and a large portion of them are out scewing their trainers / aerobics instructors / etc. That's the irony of it all. That's why we are so, "Bring out the desire and fun into the open!" My wife is convinced this is the wave of the future. "We are onto something here!" "Monogamy is so 20th century" etc. etc. With the advent of the Internet, women in the workforce, the social acceptance of bisexuality and homosexuality, legal decisions permitting swining clubs, hidden camera reports, the crazy stuff we see on TV nowadays... ...I think this nottion of "sexual monogamy until death" is proving to be more and more of a bit of a joke. And Shelly -- I'll one-up you... Call me crazy, but if I were looking to "lure" a woman into a secret affair... I'd bet I'd have a WAY easier time doing so on a soccer field with the Chrysler mini-vans in the parking lot, than outside a tat parlor with a row of Harleys outside. Thoughts?
  13. In my opinion, I think it all comes down to whether or not both parties in the relationship want the same thing, and whether there is a common ground with what they want. Using the strip club analogy, all different wives allow all different activities... Kinda like on a scale: 1 - You CAN'T go! 2 - You can go, but with friends only (in a group!) 3 - Enjoy, but NO private dances!! 4 - You can have private dances, but NO contact!! 5 - You can touch her, but NO genitals!! 6 - It's okay if a stripper touches/teases your privates, but NO orgasm! 7 - Do whatever with a stripper, but NO sex or oral sex. 8 - Get that private dance... get a BJ... but NO intercourse! 9 - Go all the way! Have sex with a stripper!!! So, on this type of scale, it's up to the husband to think about what he wants. (And we can replace stripper (I guess) with any other female.) In the context of having a wife... some men might be thrilled with #1... or maybe just #2 with the boyz from work. Some guys might DREAM or DIE to have sex with another woman... Number 9 on the scale. No one number is right. No number is wrong. This is about a person's desire. THEN, the second part of the excercise is for the wife to pick what she thinks is confortable in her marriage. Maybe she's okay with #4 (which is pretty common, I'm sure...) So, then, you take the two numbers and you work on the DIFFERENCE between them. If the husband DESIRES new sex (intercourse) and is a #9 on the scale.... And the wife is at number #2 on the scale ("fine, I let you go, but only for a bachelor party. NO private dances!!") ...well, there is quite a gap there. That is something that should be discussed in the relationship, I believe. How to overcome one's "Rules" vs. one's "Desires" would be a great discussion. But hey, if all the guy wants is a little lap dance without touching. And if that is all the wife is comfortable with.... then GREAT!!!! Problem solved! I dunno... everything is just so personal. Whether we're talking about porn or swinging; polyamory or an open relationship; full swap vs. being voyeurs, ultra-orthodox vs. living on a commune.... ...it all comes down to the couple in question. Whatever works for them, works for them! ....my only problem (which I have yet to reconcile) are those zillions of couples I know who think everything is hunky-dory-lovey-dovey-super-swell... when in reality, one of the spouses is banging someone from work. I've seen it happen three times this week alone. Two men and one woman. One on my softball team, one client, and one friend of my wife's who came over for drinks last night... in all three circumstances, "I knew something the spouse didn't know!!! I knew something the spouse didn't know!!!" (sad, actually) So, whatever the choices... I just hope that all the choices are HONEST choices. A-men!
  14. Hi all! Pretty funny how I've gone from lurker to poster lately. Must be the fall.... I end up in front of the PC more than outside! Anyways... Here's a serious question... As you may have seen in some of my other posts, and as I am sure most of you would agree with, we are huge supporters of the lifestyle. We think it's fantastic. It's logical. It's about honesty and openness. Taking the "you only live once" attitude. It evokes great conversation. I look at my life partner in a more sexual light than I would as a vanills. Etc. etc. Now, here is my question: So much of society is EXTREMELY anti-swinging. My parents would DIE if they knew we did this. Heck, even at work, it's more acceptable to tell a colleague, "I had an affair with the hottie from H.R.!" than it is to say, "My wife and I have consensual sex with others." Sad, but true. I know. So here's the question for those of you who are older and have more experience than we do: Could all these vanillas actually be onto something? Could the lifestyle be secretly harming our marriage? Instead of us extolling from the rooftops the fun, benefit, excitement and pleasure in the Lifestyle, do you think there is reason for us to listen to vanillas? Are we all just naive? Will Vanillas have the last laugh? I've interviewed couples. Read books. Discussed this like crazy. Aside from the usual occasional short-term problems (possible jealousy/possible drama with some couples/possible crossing some blurry lines once every few years.../etc/etc)... I dunno... This whole "sex with strangers" / "live out your fantasies" / "try some same-sex fun if that's what turns you on"... ...all in the context of a healthy and open relationship with lots of communication and honesty... ...Well, we just think it's great! Does anyone here (Lifestyler or otherwise) think that people like my parents and adamant-vanillas may have the right idea, and we don't? I've been meaning to ask this for a long time. I'd love to hear some opinions on the potential problems as the years progress and our bodies get old. (And please leave God out of the equation. We gave up organized religion long ago and could not be happier. Yeah, we could be screwed in the afterlife , but let's leave the religious zealotry and the bible out of the equation for this thread.) Thanks!
  15. Oh, by the way.. I am not even sure if I answered my own question...! We go for number #4. I think #2 is the absolute, positive worst. I may be crazy, but I think getting divorced is a better option than cheating...
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