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dezaray

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  • Content Count

    58
  • Joined

Community Reputation

15 Good

About dezaray

  • Rank
    Active Contributor

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    SINGLE FEMALE
  • Location
    Baltimore
  • Swinging Experience
    newbie
  1. WHO are YOU or ANYONE else here to determine IF im "doing a good job at living my life"? YOU judge me, which is a WHOLE LOT different than offering advice, or responding to a post a TRUE friend may very well offer HONEST criticism, but MY friends dont judge me based on what they believe to be right or wrong.
  2. so are u calling me stupid or him? u lost me. I called myself stupid, i have other choice words for him that are much more severe and truthful. I'm human and allowed to make stupid mistakes, although i do consider myself an intelligent woman on many levels. I hurt myself in my stupidity, he set out to manipulate me, thats a whole lot worse than acting stupid. most of the rest of your post is well taken, and already in line with my thinking, thank u dez
  3. ok that's it, I dont know if I'm a swinger or not. Call me what you will, freak, nympho, bisexual, whatever! LOL My new label for myself is: SWINGLE!
  4. well if they're single they don't have a woman, in my definition of being single. If I'm in a relationship I don't consider myself single, however I know most men do even if they are in a relationship. anyhow... perfect topic for me! Why you ask? IN MY experience anyhow, MAYBE someone can learn from this, I SURE did! and I'm using the word *they* in loosely general terms, I DO mean ONE guy in particular in this case, although I'm SURE hes not the only guy to play this game, notice I didn't use the word *man* - because they lie and manipulate to try n get what they want, saying they want more than FWB, thinking that will win them the prize of boinkin whoever they want to. - because they have selfish reasons for wanting to swing. - because they have their own agenda. - because they are disrespectful. Dez
  5. so your saying swinging is NECESSARY to your relationship? Now to me, that makes no sense... anyhow we OBVIOUSLY see things differently, and I feel a LOT of judgment coming from you, so maybe you shouldnt feel the need to reply to my posts. If neither of us are getting anything out of it, why waste your time? Dez
  6. so then how would i eventualy (no time soon!) tell a potential parnter this is something im interested in down the road IF we work out? I dont think it would be fair to not tell someone.... nor do i want to end up with anyone sexually closed minded...
  7. it's already over, and will stay that way, no going back in any shape or form where he is concerned. He doesnt deserve me as a friend let alone as a girlfriend/lover or anything else. NO FUCKING WAY! All along it was a priority to find couples/singles that would respect me in this, all the while I wasnt getting respect from the MOST important person, from him.
  8. and theres something wrong with looking for a person that has the same sexual appetite as i do? the same sexual desires? for a relationship.... FYI i was looking for either a fuck buddy or a relationship, depending on who i found and which they were better suited for. I was NOT looking to fool anyone like he was, i was NOT looking to even explore this lifestyle WITHIN a relationship.
  9. thank you Mr. B, however it was my own stupidity that i believed him, and yes i am glad i wised up to his games before it went too far.
  10. because of his impatience, and total lack of respect for me, i have no partner, its over. not sure if i will persue this lifestly on my own as a single female or not, im sure it would be a WHOLE LOT easier for me tho if i decide to. Whatever i do, ill be taking my time at it, and healing my wounds before proceding further with anyone for any reason besides a plain ole fuck. if i get the balls enough to open myself to ridicule by telling the whole story i will have to do it later
  11. Does swinging only work for married couples? It seems most swingers are married, and have been for a long time. If two people love each other, and both want to explore swinging together, it should work, right? I thought it could... however I/we were wrong. I guess those of you that have been here a long time have probably seen this happen before... Maybe we did set ourselves up for failure by not building our relationship more beforehand... Is being married 1st the ONLY way this can work? I ask myself where did this go wrong? He was too impatient, and I wasn't as ready to dive right in like he was, along with our differences in how we chose potential play partners. BUT isn't it a lot of trial and error, and complications on agreeing for most couples? so hurt, let down, and confused. Dez
  12. no way! I had to clear my damn tabs when my sister was here visiting. no, only pay sites that require membership to see certain photos no I keep it all seperate not in screen names/user names, however once we chat I generaly share my 1st name only. They don't need to know my last name. AND there are people out there with their own agenda, there are crazy people too! met one last night! OMG! I bet ANYONE experienced in this lifestyle can give testimony to bad shit going down and what they would have done differently to have avoided it. TOO many variables, TOO complicated for me to just jump right in and throw caution to the wind. Thank you Julie, reading this makes me feel validated in how I approach this lifestyle.
  13. What is being discrete to you? Is it not going to the grocery store with your play partners? .....when making phone calls, not being blatent with details for all to hear? .....not having loud conversation about swinging in public? .....if you see a play partner out in public, not being obvious about your swinging relationship? .....not leaving blatent phone messages that someone vanilla could potentialy hear? .....being respectful and not groping people in public places? .....being respecful and asking if you can touch someone in a swing environment? .....not flashing your body in public, swing or vanilla environment .....not performing sexual acts in public, swing or vanilla environment .....not posting face shots on your profile .....not posting genital shots on your profile .....not sharing your last name, home/work address & phone #? This list may or may not be my own ideas about discretion, but rather a list of assumptions. I was recently in a situation where I had to question how I defined discretion for myself. I have very mixed feelings on this, and havn't quite figured it all out yet, although my mind IS open to different ideas so that I may figure out how I feel about it. I can't always imagine situations in advance (in this realm) to know where I stand on a certain thing... until it presents itself like this one did. WOW this is some complicated shit! When will it all be worth it.... Not a direct question, just asking myself outloud. thanks in advance, Dez
  14. I simply see it as someone WITH no boundaries, judging those that do have them. I don't care for being judged, it makes it seem like you think your better than me. you=general terms 2 of our main rules, boundaries, limits, whatever you want to call them: -NO penetration w/o condoms. I'm NOT in this to place my TRUST in strangers, sure to a degree we are, however to trust another man to fuck me with no condom is PURE INSANITY! and -We ONLY play together. For US, to trust each other that one wont play without the other, IS about RESPECT, and honoring the relationship NOT jealousy or insecurity. enough said
  15. REALLLLY!!?? Seeeeee, experienced people DO think that... so how do experienced people decide wich it is? Jealousy or new....? My SO has accused me of being jealous, and it REALLLY pisses me off, because I'm not. I KNOW what I do for him! I KNOW we share something that can't be replaced by some sexual fun. I just want to take things at my own pace, if he had it his way, the pace would be a LOT faster funny but not so funny, because it causes issues sometimes. As with anything new I'm about to embark on, I like to be informed and make good choices. We're just realllly new, and I admit, the further we get into this, the more we talk, the more I learn about this lifestyle and other people's opinions/outlook on things, the more secure I feel in letting go of some of the original rules.... like only kissing each other. I now see it's unfair to place that limit on my SO, (it's caused some discontent between us) however I'm going to reserve the right to refrain unless I'm SO turned on/attracted to someone that I feel I want to kiss them. As far as other rules: -We ONLY do this together. -always condoms with penetration! -I don't want other men cumming on my face, or anywhere near my crotch (for obvious reasons) NEITHER of these above will EVER change, period. Below, these are up for change possibly, in the future. -No anal w/other men -no rough stuff from new play partners, maybe down the road once there's some history established... that's pretty much it oh and we've agreed not to mix play partners with real life, although again, there are exceptions to this, and it may or may not change depending on who we meet, and how we jive. I can see potential for that, which is why I gave up on the kissing thing. Would be off topic to get into explaining this one here... although I'm sure any seasoned poster knows all the reasons people, mainly women give for this rule. I'm sentimental and a lil old fashioned in a few ways, what can I say.... Thanks ALL!
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