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JaneAndJohnDoe

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About JaneAndJohnDoe

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    Couple
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    Ottawa, ON, Canada
  • Swinging Experience
    Since November, 2005

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  1. And this, I think, is the crux of it. Performance anxiety... It's a lot of pressure on a man to have to perform in front of other men, at least from what I understand. I'm not a man, so it is difficult to understand, but I can sympathize. I mean, as a woman, if we aren't aroused, we can easily pile on the lube, which tends to (at least for me) facilitate arousal. But if a man is not aroused immediately, it takes more work, and it is highly visible that he isn't physically into it. Yes, I would say the fantasy of a gangbang with strangers suddenly loses its appeal when a man is faced with the reality of it all.
  2. Exactly! It is so much more fun, at least to me, when the people we are swinging with genuinely desires us. I don't want to be just a pussy to someone...an easy lay. I want to be wanted. I can't imagine that it would be that different for men.
  3. That makes sense. That's why, if I were to organize a group sex situation like this (I wouldn't organize a gang bang...I like playing with the women too), I would want to organize it with people we already were familiar with. This way, it would be with people that already respected me, and weren't seeing me as a "cheap and easy" target.
  4. I think you're probably right about that one, Chip.
  5. Hi guys, I'm hoping you can help shed some light on a weird problem we've seen crop up on one of the adult personals boards we frequent. OK, here's the situation... We've seen a rash of posts lately. These posts are from women who want to organize a gang bang in their local area. It is either organized by the woman, or by her man who wants to screen the applicants. Over and over again, the post is initiated, and a large number of guys will eagerly pop up and announce that they would love to be involved in said gang bang. Ultimately, the thread dies off and no gang bang is ever actually organized. Now, when this happens, I always assumed that the original organizer had backed out and changed their minds. But, as it turns out, this is actually not what seems to be happening. I spoke with a guy who had actually attempted, on 4 separate occasions, to organize a gang bang fantasy for his own girfriend. His experience with this attempt really surprised me, and I was wondering if any of you could help me speculate as to why these experiences seem all too common. Here's what happened with my friend... After trying to organize gang bangs on 4 separate occasions, he has given up on the idea because none of them ever worked out in the end. Each time, he and his girlfriend actively communicated with each and every interested person. Since neither he nor his girlfriend were "Ken seekers", they didn't discriminate based on age, looks, or weight issues. All they were looking for was a group of men who were respectful and considerate. In the end, they communicated with at least 30 men in a 2 week period prior to the event. For each event, at least 15 stated they were going to be there. They were all given the date/time/location and the location was paid for out of the couple's pocket. Here were the stats on exactly what happened for each of the 4 events. Event #1: One person showed up, then left within 10 minutes because "he was uncomfortable about the lady's man staying in the room" Event #2: Two men showed up, had sex for 5 minutes, and immediately and abruptly left. Event #3: No one showed up Event #4: One guy showed up, and they had a great time. I should add that the lady in this situation is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. She's in her early 20's, and has a healthy and mature sexuality. So, based on my friend's experience, I would say that there are two possible reasons organized gang bangs have trouble getting off the ground. One is the organizer isn't serious, is just fishing for compliments, or just gets off on making men slather for his woman. The second reason is that a large number of the men who "apply for the position" get cold feet, and shy away from the fantasy becoming a reality. Or, they just get off on the idea of it, rather than the reality of it. What are your thoughts on this?
  6. OK, take a deep breath. Let me ask you a question... Up until recently, you thought he was entirely heterosexual, right? If so, then why weren't you worried that he would run off with some girl? He likes girls. You know he likes girls. So why wouldn't you be worried that he would leave you for another girl? When I say it this way, does it make it clearer that trust in your relationship is just as important for bi experiences as it is for hetero ones? Compare the two situations, and think about how there is no difference whatsoever between him liking girls or him liking guys. Just because he may be attracted to both doesn't mean he wants to cheat on you, leave you, or run away with someone else (male or female) Since you obviously trust that he's not running off with another woman, why are you worried he might run off with a guy? Now, having said that, there is a huge difference between being attracted, physically, to someone of the same gender, vs being willing to have a relationship with someone of the same gender. Many people don't get the difference, so I'd like to hep if I can. When I was a teenager, I thought I was "just curious" about having sex with other girls. In my mind, all we were doing with each other was experimenting, and we certainly weren't lesbians. Then, in my early 20's, I started to realize I was just as equally attracted to females as I was males, but I still didn't want to believe I was "bisexual", because I could not have imagined actually having a girlfriend, a woman I would want a full time relationship with. Then, in my early 30's, I met and fell for a woman. We were, in every sense, girlfriends. So, I had to throw away my silly labels and realize I wasn't just "flexible" about who I could sleep with...I was a full fledged bisexual woman, and I was ok with that. Then, wonder of wonders, I met and married my soul mate...a man who is also bisexual, so he understands me far better than most people ever could. He's also open to swinging, so our lives could not be more enhanced than they are. My guess is that both you and your boyfriend are "flexible" bisexuals, meaning...although you will be pleased to play with people of the same gender, neither of you desire a relationship with people of the same gender. But even if you did...even if you were both full-fledged bisexuals...you are in love with each other. You have chosen to love each other at the exclusion of all others, male or female. If you wouldn't cheat on him with a man, why would you cheat on him with a woman? Similarly, since he chose you, at the exclusion of other women, there is no reason to think he would dismiss you for another man. He loves you. Don't worry about labels. Enjoy the experiences together, and at the end of the day, know you have a lover who wants to please you so much he's willing to experiment with new situations to see you enjoy yourself.
  7. We had an experience with a man we like to call "Mr. Bitey" and it wasn't nearly as much fun as one might imagine. The problem was that, although I often enjoy passionate and almost feral sexual romps, there needs to be a particular "mood" in place first. Mr. Bitey seemed to think that I would enjoy him coming up behind me and literally digging his teeth into my neck, with no pre-emptive lick, suck, or even a nibble. Just went straight for the Chomp. I dealt with that by gently pulling away (carefully, for fear of losing skin) and turning around, whispering "be gentle" into his ear. It seems he understood. but I was wrong. As the evening progressed and we were all in the hotel room (3 couples), Mr. Bitey seemed to greatly enjoy me, in particular. He was all over me, which was nice, until he went down on me and literally bit my clit extremely hard. I yelped, and again, tried the "be gentle" words. His response? He bit it again (albeit slightly more gently this time)! When he was on my breasts, he literally bit and added a scrape to my nipples (mainly the right one). By this point, I was barely aware of it because we were actively involved with other body parts and I was in the midst of a terrific series of orgasms, but... After everyone left and I put on my terry cloth robe, I was horrified to discover that my right nipple had turned blue and was so raw that it couldn't stand any material touching it. It took a few days for the scabbing to appear and come off, and now my right nipple is almost its normal color, but it was truly awful! My own husband couldn't touch it for many days, and I wasn't able to wear a bra either. My question is...why would people attempt to bite someone without specific permission? I would never dare to assume that someone likes to be nipped without first clarifying it with them, or at least starting by applying gentle tooth pressure and gauging response. And if someone says "Be Gentle" shouldn't that be respected?
  8. I know. I kind of got that feeling as well. I felt rather helpless, actually. I mean, we really want her to get caught, primarily because we feel the ONLY way to swing is to be 100% honest with your spouse. If she doesn't come clean about this, it will eat away at her and may affect other swinging situations. For THEIR sake, I hope she decides to trust in their love enough to come clean. After all, isn't this what we're all about? trusting in the love we have for each other, so much so that we MUST remain completely honest with each other? But, we can't do anything for them. This is something they need to work out all by themselves. I completely agree. I was so stunned from her "Let it ride" comment and her gall at actually showing up to the Meet, that I really didn't know what to say. I was so startled! Guranteed, though, if we ever do see them again, and she acts like she still wants to play, I know exactly what to say. "I'm sorry, but until you tell him everything, we have decided we cannot play with you. We don't feel comfortable with it, and we must respectfully distance ourselves. If you ever do tell him what happened, please let me know and we'll be happy to meet with you then so we can openly talk about it with all four of us. But until then, it would be better if we don't communicate" Of course, the evil side of me wants to say... "I'll tell you what, honey. Let me contact your husband behind your back and invite him to play without you and make sure he doesn't tell you about it. Trust me, he's going to have a blast with us, and you DON'T NEED TO KNOW what happened, how it made him feel, or anything. How do you like them apples?" but of course, I wouldn't do that. ROFL
  9. UPDATE: Hi Guys, Thought I would update everyone on what ended up happening last night at the Meet. We got there pretty early (we were the first ones there) and waited for the others to join us. A few people arrived, and animated conversations began. After about an hour or so, we were beginning to breathe a little easier, thinking this couple wasn't coming after all, saving us the difficulty of needing to make a decision (we feel like wimps, but we would really rather avoid the confrontation). BUT... They walked through the door and our hearts sank. We, of course, greeted them cordially, and within a few moments, I asked the wife if she needed to go to the restroom. She said "not right now". I said "You NEED to go to the restroom" and she finally caught my drift. As soon as we got in there, I said "Did you tell him?". I was floored, visibly shocked, when she said she had NOT told him any of what happened. I said "Are you out of your mind? There are people here who remember you from the last Meet, and this is bound to catch up to you. Someone is going to say they remember you!" She said "Oh, I'm not worried. if anyone recognizes me, I'll just tell him that they know me from my online profile" (Incidentally, their online profile does not show their faces, so I have no idea how the hell she thinks she'll pull that one off) Holy crap! I honestly cannot believe this woman thinks she can actually get away with this. I said "Seriously, are you kidding me? This is very uncomfortable for us. We're now stuck in the middle of a potential problem, which is NOT what we wanted to have happen. I don't know what we can do about this. Both hubby and I are very uncomfortable. I'm worried I'm going to inadvertently slip up if we spend any time with you guys. After all, I'm a chatterbox, and I sometimes don't think about what I'm saying before it comes out of my mouth" I was desperately hoping she would get nervous about this possibility, and catch my drift. I was hoping she would realize that I was basically saying "If we spend time with you guys, I'm going to "accidentally" tell him". But she had the gall to say "Oh, you'll be fine. Just let it ride" Let It Ride? Seriously? I knew then that we would never play with this couple. We just can't get involved in this train wreck waiting to happen (to borrow the phrase from another wise poster to this thread). But now we had the REST of the evening to contend with. It was an awesome evening, we met lots of great people, and had a lot of fun, but in the back of our minds, this couple was there, fully expecting to leave the bar with US, and we didn't know how to handle this situation. There were a few times throughout the evening that I noticed the lady would be off mingling with other people, while her husband was sitting there looking cranky, all alone. At one point, I mouthed "are you ok" to him from across the bar, and he nodded briefly and flicked his eyes at his wife. The look spoke volumes. He wasn't happy with the way she was behaving. I feel for him, I really do. We felt like we were being quite rude, by deliberately mingling with everyone except them. Poor guy had no idea why we were giving them the cold shoulder, and there just isn't any way we can make him feel better. At the end of the evening, we looked around and realized that the couple had mysteriously disappeared at some point, which gave us the perfect "out". We left with two other couples we had met, and ended up having an absolutely fabulous time playing with them...more details on that will be on the blog within a few days. Over the next few days, I wonder if Couple A will contact us. If they do, we'll update again, but in the meantime, we dodged a bullet on this situation, and I hope we avoided an uncomfortable confrontation.
  10. Well, tonight is the big event, and we will definitely be sharing the details of how it all went. Oh, and another irritation that was a side-effect of all of this... Our blog is all about our swinging encounters. Here we had our first FFM threesome and we couldn't share the story on our blog, because this couple knew about the blog! We didn't want to talk about the situation on our blog, because we worried that the lady's husband would read it. arrgghh! We had a perfectly good juicy story to tell, and couldn't tell it. LOL Not to mention, we would have loved to talk about the problem that happened as well, because from what we understand, this may be a fairly common problem that crops up with swingers. Our blog is all about the FULL swinging experience, including problems like this, and it has been frustrating, to say the least, that we couldn't tell the tale and perhaps help others who might experience similar issues. Oh well, I'm certain we will have many more stories to share very soon. John and I want to make sure our blog stays completely true to reality. We don't make up stories or experiences. We share each "exploit" as it happens. Man, you don't know how tempted I am to "out" her on the blog. But we really don't want to hurt anyone, least of all her husband. And after all, she may very well have already told him the truth, maybe even immediately, but the problem is, we simply don't know. She hasn't elected to let us in on whether or not she came to her senses the next day. So, I promise we'll update this thread after the event (well, the next day) and let you all know how it all went down (pun intended).
  11. That's a good question. I suppose if she 'fesses up, then there's nothing for us to be uncomfortable about. After all, she might have screwed up by coming out with us that night against her husband's wishes, but her courage in confessing to her husband would speak volumes about her commitment to their relationship. So, if we learn that she has told him everything, and I do mean everything including the fact that she wanted to include my own husband, who graciously declined the offer, then we'll need to decide at that point how we both feel about playing with them. That part of it will have to be decided with our gut instinct "in the moment", since we're not sure if we're going to be able to be "warm" about them again after this happened. I have no idea if the sparks are still going to be there, or if they will be too severely muted after this situation occured. But, whatever happens, I'll be certain to let you know...
  12. Maybe she thinks we're all powerful and able to control the masses with our minds. LOL I can just picture this... One of the other attendees starts to open their mouth and say "Hi __insert name__", but with one glance, I am able to predict that and instantly glare menacingly in that person's direction, thus ensuring they never utter the words at all. Riiiiight. ROFLOL I think if she shows up without telling her husband first, then she's about as dumb as a box of rocks, or she thinks her husband is. Either way, we don't want to play with that.
  13. You guys are absolutely awesome, and John and I really appreciate your feedback on this issue. We really didn't want to get sucked into any drama. After all, swinging is supposed to be fun, an activity reserved for mature adults who are open and honest with their partners. aarrgghh! Here's what we've decided to do... See, when the couple contacted us again and wanted to get together, we were floored. We were the ones that suggested that since we were going to be at the Meet and Greet this Friday, they should join us there and we could go to a hotel afterwards. We thought "hey, if she hasn't told him about what happened, then she's going to find an excuse to never show her face at the Meet and Greet, out of fear of being caught". Imagine our confusion when they replied that they would LOVE to be at the Meet with us. It leaves us with all these questions. "Did she tell him? If she did, why has neither he nor she mentioned this at all?" "Is she just not smart enough to realize he is going to catch her in her lie if she shows up to the Meet and others recognize her?" "If someone recognizes her there, what the heck is she going to say to cover up?" So, here we thought we were being so smart by saying "Come to the Meet and Greet", because we thought that would solve the problem completely. *sigh* I hate drama! Anyway, so what we're planning to do is go to the Meet as planned. We have a few other people we are looking forward to seeing there, so no matter what, we're going to have a fabulous time! If they show up (at this point, I have to wonder if she'll dare) then I will immediately find an excuse to whisk her off to the ladies room, and I will flat out ask her if she told him. If she says "no", then I'll point out the absurdity of her being there where others will recognize her, and explain that this puts us in a really awkward position, and we can't play with people who are dishonest with one another. I will inform her that if asked, I will tell her husband that yes, she did come to the Meet and Greet with us a few weeks ago, and we had a wonderful time. I will also tell her that we refuse to lie for her, and if he asks us if we played, I will tell the truth. I refuse to lie for anyone. If she's pissed off, then so be it. She can leave and explain it to her hubby later, or not, as she sees fit. We're not here to help them with their marriage. I didn't put a plaque on my door announcing marital therapy when we decided to be swingers. We're here for fun, frolic, and good times with people who "get it". If these two don't "get it", then they'll never "get it" from us either. LOL
  14. Hi everyone, I have a situation we're not sure how to handle. I'm hoping you guys might be able to offer some sage wisdom. OK, here's the situation... We met a fabulous couple that we hit it off with immediately. All four of us had chemistry, which we were all happy about. The husband travels a lot for his business, so it has been difficult to arrange an actual evening of fun, but the anticipation hasn't been a bad thing. At the end of our first dinner meeting, the husband of the other couple said to us "If I'm ever out of town and you girls want to play, go right ahead". We didn't think much of it, as we had no intention of playing without him present. However, a couple of weeks later, we were planning on going to a local Meet and Greet. We asked them if they would like to join us. The lady said her husband was going to be out of town, but she would love to come with us, for the company. We didn't think anything of it, since, again, we had no intention of doing anything more than mild flirting with her. She came with us, and we all had a wonderful time. We flirted like crazy, and it was a lot of fun that my guy had two women on his arm. When we left, we drove her home, and she asked us in for coffee. I think we all knew what was going to happen, and it was ok, because the husband had already said that he would not mind if the girls played in his absence. My husband's intention was to strictly watch, which was fine with me. Well, things heated up between she and I, and within a short while, we found ourselves naked in front of her fireplace. We decided to take it upstairs to her bedroom. We continued the fun, and all the while, my husband stayed distant, watching attentively, of course. At one point, she suggested I take care of my man while she was going down on me. That sounded like fun, so we started doing that. However, she quickly lunged towards his cock, rather abruptly, and before we had a chance to stop her. My husband gently popped himself out of her mouth and moved away to a safer distance. He lost his erection pretty damned fast, though, and it stayed lost for the rest of the time. Neither he nor I were very comfortable anymore! The heat dwindled after a short time, and we kind of stopped. I turned to her and asked her "Are you sure your husband won't mind about tonight?"...and her response really upset John and I. She said "He doesn't have to know. In fact, he didn't want me to go to the Meet and Greet tonight, so I'd appreciate if you don't tell him". Oh Man! This was exactly what we never wanted to involve ourselves into! Now we're faced with a predicament. We never expected to hear from them again, because we figured the lady would be too worried about her husband finding out what happened. BUT... The husband has been nagging her to make arrangements to finally have our FIRST encounter together, and we have no idea how to handle this situation. They want to have an evening with us this coming Friday, and they plan to meet us at the next Meet and Greet. This is a possible problem, because although we can keep a secret if we have to (although we don't want to have this lie hanging in the air), there were others who met the lady at the last Meet and Greet, and they will surely recognize her again. She's as good as caught, and we're stuck in the middle of this. We don't want him to be hurt. We genuinely like him. And we don't want to be embarassed either by the whole situation. Does anyone have any advice? Here are some possible ways of attacking this. Any comments welcome: 1. Should I call the woman on the phone, hopefully without her husband there, so I can ask her if he knows? (if he is there, I can ask her discreetly with simple yes/no answers) 2. Should I email her and subtly ask her a question that can imply the "situation" to see how she responds (keeping in mind that her husband sees the email as well) 3. Since she lives near us, I could easily drop in to say hi, and if the husband happens to be there, ask her discreetly at some point when the husband isn't around. (Let's not forget that the husband would probably wonder how we know their address) 4. Bite the bullet, go to the Meet and Greet, and play it by ear. If this is the option, then what should we do if someone recognizes her? After all this, the option still remains that she may have already told her husband everything, and I certainly hope that's the case. We're planning for what to do in case she hasn't. 5. If she did tell him, but only told him half the story, for example "I went to the Meet with them, but nothing happened between us" or "I went to the Meet, and she and I played (but doesn't tell him about her lunging for my husband's parts)", then we're in a further bind, because we may inadvertently spill the beans, not being certain of how much she told him. So, the question is: how do we find out not only if she told him, but what she told him? 6. At the Meet, should we sort of spend most of our time with other people, rather than them, even though the plan is to go to the hotel with them afterwards? My thoughts are that I can discreetly go to the bathroom with her (you know how girls are LOL) and ask her early in the evening. This seems to me the most viable option. 7. Or....? They are a genuinely nice couple, and our feeling is that she was really lonely without him. We would hate to be the cause of strife between them. And in the end, we also accept part of the blame, here. Although we were told that her husband knew about her joining us at the meet (which we discovered to be a lie only AFTER the fact), we also should have questioned her a little more thoroughly before we decided to go to her place. (But then again, if she was deadset on lying to us to have her way, how would we have known otherwise? We were not only going by what she told us but also what her husband told us as well, when he said it was "ok" for the girls to play in his absence.) Thoughts...?
  15. Like many women from this thread, I am one that finds it intensely erotic to see my man involved with another man. In fact, during my repressed youth, I was horrified by my own fantasies, and thought I was truly twisted. I have always been bisexual, although I didn't admit it to myself (I told myself I was just experimenting with girls, when in reality, I was very much the seducer with them) for many years. But that didn't shock me. What shocked me were the repressed, hidden thoughts and fantasies I had about seeing two men together, with me in the room. Strangely, I was never turned on by gay porn. My fantasy was for me and my husband to have the chance to have sex with another, bisexual, man. But I thought I was weird, and sick for having these fantasies. When I met my husband, and he told me that he was also bisexual, but had very limited experiences with men, I was more turned on than I can possibly express. I knew that this man was perfect for me (for far more reasons than this, but it certainly solidified it) and that if I ever had the chance, I would DEFINITELY want to see him have sex with a man, oral, anal, didn't matter...I was INTO it! Now that we are swingers, it has become a reality for us, and I couldn't be happier about it. My husband loved it too, and we are even closer, knowing that we both love both cock and pussy. There was something just so incredibly erotic about seeing my husband, my pussy loving husband, slide his lips down another man's cock. OK, this is making me hot again just remembering it, so I'd better send it quick. LOL
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