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Elusive BiFem

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About Elusive BiFem

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    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday September 25

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    Single Female
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    Texas

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  1. Yes, for a short time. My husband died. If you would read (and participate in) the Swingers Board Spotlight Interviews, you would know these little details - Evil MJ is the Spotlight this week). But why? It would not make any difference in my opinions on the topic. I'm sorry your trust of vanilla "chicas" is debatable. I've had and still have wonderful friendships with vanilla females. As for your friendship with your husband, most would say the same, and that's great and wonderful. Friendships with other females serve other purposes and needs.
  2. You didn't hit a nerve. As said...responded to your questions and added some of my own. Personally, I think women are fantastic and make fantastic friends. I love and adore men, but if I'm looking for a true and honest-to-God friend, I'm going to head straight to the females. They have a level of understanding, empathy, and compassion for me, as a woman, that I haven't found in most men. By the same token, men offer other things women don't and can't. I hold women in very high esteem. I suppose I have been quite fortunate in that I've never had to deal with a "scandalous" female in pursuit of "my man." It seems that you may have had bad experiences with females and I'm sorry for you. Still...I don't understand exactly where you are headed. You seemed upset that the woman in this scenario was being blamed and called a vulture (that be me!), stating the man had some culpability (and nobody was arguing that he did not), but at the same time, you talked about scandalous females. I was confused as to your points then and remain so. As for treating men like they are mentally challenged when it comes to women? Not guilty here. Now...you are right. Her radar went up for a reason. But the reason was because he told her he wanted to go back to Colorado and sleep with this woman. That's just a head-on collision - no radar necessary. But again...across the board sweeping generalizations...if you let a woman into your hotel room...checkers...screw their brains out... it is still not right. Not true. Just because I might visit someone in their hotel room (as noted in prior post) doesn't make a thing about it not right. I'm not sure who I'm writing to here - male or female, but thinking female. So tell me, please...if your husband flew to a distant city and ran into an old friend, had dinner with her, later they went back to his room and talked, he came home and told you about it...would you be up in arms about it? Or would you just simply want to know who this person was, what they talked about...just as if it had been a male friend?
  3. Is that the same thing as a prostitute? I've never heard the expression. Would the hotel hire her, and then maybe split the profits with her?
  4. Hopefully, mandj, his concerns for you and your feelings will be the most overriding factor if he is confronted with this situation again. I can't help but wonder - since men and women sometimes see things differently - if perhaps he was thinking something along the lines of, "hey! we're swingers - shouldn't really matter too much." Or something along those lines. I'm rather inclined to believe something like that since he did come home and tell you about it. Now that you've expressed to him how you feel about it, I'd bet he might be seeing things quite differently. Communication, as they say...it can work wonders sometimes. Try not to worry too much while he's gone, although I understand it might be tough. And like you said, all you can do is trust him.
  5. Well, since you responded to my questions, I'll have to assume I am the recipient of the comment Sorry, I don't think I'm particularly "sensitive" to anything you write. You asked questions...I answered your questions with my reasons for disagreeing with you and offered up some questions of my own. Does that make me sensitive? I did wonder where you came up with the information that he was having an affair. Still wonder. I agree there is some room for questioning, but the fact that he let her into his hotel room does not equate with the fact that he "almost" had an affair. A married friend came to town a few months ago...we went out to dinner and then back to his hotel room and had a glass of wine and talked for 2-3 hours. Now I'm wondering...did he "almost" have an affair with me? Damn! I wish he had let me in on it because I sure didn't know it was happening. I'm not disagreeing with you in that it was probably a not very smart thing for him to do - let a strange woman into his hotel room, and frankly, I'd be real skeptical of the entire story. I'm still not clear on your "scandoulous women" comment and how wicked we are to each other. I wasn't offended...merely attempted to answer your questions and seek clarification.
  6. Why? Well, to begin with, because she (the wife) is the person posting the questions, because she (the wife) reports that this woman, after overtures being declined, showed up anyway at the husbands door, because she (the wife) says that they just sat there and talked for "a few hours," because at this point, she (the wife) believes her husband. If she is reporting honest details (honest as in given to her, although I suspect there may be more to his story), then this other woman is a vulture. However, that is also the reason I was asking...did this other woman know they were swingers (perhaps having "met" on an ad site), did this other woman know he was married, and why she just showed up at his door. And this comment... is intended to mean???? Further, scanning back, it appears you are the only one accusing this man of having an affair. I didn't see anything in mandj's post to indicate her husband and this woman had formed any type of sexual liaison. Yet. Do you see that? If so, please point it out. And then... No, I don't see that at all. I see a bunch of different people with different thoughts and ideas providing that information to mandj - calling it the way we see it - and sometimes asking for more details. Also, having read the board for one heck of a long time, I also see the same thing occurring when the poster is a man questioning activities of his partner - as in a recent thread on the board right now. What would you have us do?
  7. Can you explain this a bit better? "...so she is told..." Based upon this, I'm not certain what is going on, but for me, the fact is that she is/was chasing after your husband. Had she been part of another swinging couple - perhaps someone ya'll had chatted with on an ad site - it might be somewhat different. But did she even know ya'll are swingers? Did she even know your husband is married? And why would she just "show up" at his room after he had already declined her invitation? Why?!? She sounds like a vulture to me and I'd want to do most anything other than meet her and try to form a friendship.
  8. Well, thank you for being off topic. That thing about the 10 years was a great point and one that I think some of us pick up on but don't put into words - maybe it isn't coming through as a conscious thought. As soon as I read what you wrote, I thought, "Yeah! That's part of it!" - EBF
  9. Pardon me, but I'm confused. You said this in your first post: What are we talking about here? You meeting men for sex? Most of your comments seem to deal with meeting couples. So was this a typo or what? Now I'm sorry, but beyond that, you strike me as being overloaded with some type of BS. If you and your wife have this wonderful sex life and she is perfectly content because you bring her to orgasm on a regular basis...yada, yada...then why in the name of Sam Hill are you out looking for sex with others? And I'm sorry...I just can't buy into this thing about this relatively young woman (you mentioned 10 years of marriage and a daughter so I'm assuming wife is around 45 or less) that really doesn't care that you are attempting to go out and have sex with whomever. And this comment... Golly gee! Aren't you the benevolent one! Fact is, she has said she doesn't want to participate so what does the fact that you want her to experience another man have to do with anythng? She doesn't want to. No, I don't think society as a whole needs to look at marriage differently. Thing is...swingers for the most part do things together - for mutual pleasure and fun. Not just as an avenue to go out and share their sexual greatness with others. As Vespertine said in another thread, you married a woman, not a swinger. Sorry...can't help it...but I really wonder how your wife really - I mean REALLY - feels about this...or if she even has a clue. - EBF
  10. Thanks, ophelia, for coming back with a little more info. First off, that's great that you see him as a 10. I bet I wouldn't. Point being, when we love someone, we do tend to see them as 10's. He married you...I'm betting he see's you as a 10, also -- 20 pounds of left over baby fat or not. Give yourself some credit here, OK? If you are going to counseling because you think you need to go, again, that's great. It never hurts to work on self-esteem issues - we could all use a dose of that every now and then. But going to counseling just to get you geared up for swinging...it won't work. I don't care how high your self-esteem gets -- if you aren't happy with the idea of sharing your husband, it will only get deflated in short measure and all that work will be for naught. As for the jealousy, if you are the jealous type that might all wash out in the self-esteem building part of counseling. Then...after all that is done and said, you may want to start talking about swinging. But clear up all these other issues first. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll find yourself feeling miserable. As far as what he is wanting you to do...Vespertine really made an excellent point...worth repeating here....
  11. Whoa! Now what is this about, ophelia? He has you going to a therapist to work on jealousy issues so that won't be a problem? A problem with what? With swinging? Other than this thing with swinging, are you unreasonably jealous? Good Times is right - swinging isn't for everyone. Beyond that, tho', it is really concerning to me that this is something you feel you can't do yet you are the one going to a therapist. What about him? Is he going to therapy with you? If you are going to therapy to deal with jealousy issues related to swinging, it would be my suggestion he go with you to deal with his issues of trying to make you do things you are not comfortable with. Most any couple on this board will tell you the thing about moving as fast as the slowest partner and that's all well and fine. But this therapy thing has me shaking my head. Please come back with more details. Hopefully, I've got this totally wrong.
  12. Yeah, Dan, I do, also. True...when I'm the guilty one speeding down the road... but really, I've called upon the cops to help me more often than they've been around to "hinder" me. Lots of us have dangerous jobs and low pay. Just yesterday, a local school went into lockdown because a kid brought a 357 into the school...unloaded, thank goodness, and no one was injured. Being a school teacher is a dangerous occupation in this day and age! I'm a nurse...in addition to the "dangers" of hepatitis, HIV, MRSA, etc., I was standing in an ICU one night when I suddenly found my nose confronted by some kind of really long gun. Car wreck - drinking - both drivers in the ICU, family member of not-guily person had come in to finish the other one off. Teachers, cops, firefighters, nurses, convenience store workers, office workers...almost everything is a dangerous profession today. But you know what? We have all CHOSEN to work where we do, including those people And we all belly ache about it from time to time. Including those E-3's and E-1's. As for the termination issue...just another thing we have to deal with in this day and age. Many of us have said...get an attorney. But the fact of the matter is, it probably won't do an awful lot of good in the long run. Some things we just have to deal with and move on. - EBF Forgot to add...I also appreciate what the teachers, nurses, cops, and those E-3's and E-1's do for me, too. And all the others. I'm glad someone chooses to risk their neck in the convenient store at night so I can go buy a quart of milk at 2 AM.
  13. Be natural, jrt...be yourself. Personally, I have found that when I am nervous about something (anything), I simply admit that rather than try to pretend otherwise. Amazingly, I've generally found that others were feeling much the same and were relieved to be able to admit their own nervousness which in turn, helps to quell everyone's nervousness and makes it something we call all laugh about. And remember...you have as much to offer to them as they have to you. This can be a mutually beneficial relationship. Viagra? Probably wouldn't hurt to take some along. And don't drink alcohol. It might affect your performance, but also, when we are nervous, we tend to overdo sometimes. Enjoy! - EBF
  14. No kids, DanBridget, but yes, many years separates us. However, as I was responding earlier, I was giving that age thing thought, and as I recall, even in my early 20's, I considered a fellow 18 years old to be nothing more than a kid. Generally speaking, (Note: I said generally...) most women in that age range prefer men their own age or a little older just simply because girls tend to mature more rapidly than boys. Now...a few years down the road and those age differences become far less apparent...a few years on either side makes no real difference. But here again, I'm thinking in terms of this woman being in her late to early 40's and that might be totally wrong. The bottom line is that we all see things and respond from our own perspectives. To me, this is wrong. Pure and simple. I can't escape the fact that she is a parental figure to this boy, child, young man...however you might term him. But that doesn't mean it is everyone's feeling and they are as entitled to their thoughts as I am. The other thing that is rattling through my head (but hasn't taken clear shape yet) is the fact that the male (I'll settle on that term) lived with them for 2 years, was then absent from their home from age 14 to 18 and, according to the poster, they were not even on speaking terms. To me, that indicates some serious discord in the family/home life to begin with...then throw a sexual relationship on top of the mix...what is happening here? When do we stop to consider this might be a *male* with some pre-exisiting emotional issues going on? The basic scenario presented doesn't seem like an ideal home life. - EBF
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