JohnUK

I'm pretty much convinced it's more than sex. It think it's some emotional thing. But I don't know what. Maybe turning 30 panicked her. (Like its that old! ) The thought of telling her she can't sucks, to me. She'll either resent me or cheat on me I feel. I can't take that. I wish I felt more like her then she might have something to worry about and realise what she has and forget her urges. Instead she knows I only want her but she also knows our relationship is hanging by a thread. And with our 3 childrens livelihoods at stake it must be a strong urge for her to not be able to let it go! I know she's regret everything in the end. It seems she's determined to hit the self-destruct button! I did tell her that the grass is always greener on the other side and that there's loads of girls out there who've slept with loads of blokes but who'd love to have someone who worships the ground they walk on, as I do hers! I've thought about letting her do it and dumping her straight afterwards. It's better than her not doing/exploring this and it affecting our relationship indefinitely! I think the bottom line is we want different things. And if it was: I want potatoes and she wants rice then that's a workable problem, but something as profound as this is probably hopeless, unless she snaps out of it/comes to her senses. But if its how she really feels and not a mid-life phase then I think it's pretty much hopeless. It's tough because the kids are pretty much oblivious to it all. I really feel like letting her do it, pretending I'm ok about it but dumping her straight afterwards. Otherwise I can say "No" and she may well do it behind my back eventually or it could be an issue for us forever! All this has affected my love for her though, sometimes I feel I don't really know her like I thought I did. Could it just be a mid-life crisis that she needs help with? And she doesn't really want the sex after all? Sorry, I know you all are not consellors but you've got much needed valuable experiences and advice. Thanks again for your replys! John.

Thanks all for your replys. Firstly, I may not have made it clear. I don't want to be with anyone else and she doesn't want me to be with anyone else either. But she would try to understand and let me (with difficulty) if that's what I wanted. So she's not too selfish in that respect. She knows it's tough for me but she's trying to be honest with how she's feeling. She says, after much talking, that maybe the feeling will pass. But as I love her so much I don't want her feeling this way if its what she needs. We've decided to wait a while and she how she feels. I admit I am hurt that its something I can't satisfy but I do actually understand where shes coming from. I know it'll only be a physical thing but I don't know how I'll feel about her afterwards. I hope ok. Also I'm worried that this might open some floodgates with her and she might not want to look back. She says she doesn't think so but did ask me what if she did feel like this. I think I'd want out of the relationship, in fact I know I would. This just isn't for me. Especially the way it is, ie: she'd never want me to be there, she's not in to 3somes or more. Should I try to understand and let her get it out of her system if she still feels this way or make a stand. She says she won't do it if I don't want her to but I don't want her to stay feeling like this. I'd prefer she did what she had to do and get it out of her system, even if it means us splitting up! I really don't know!

Hi all, and Happy Easter! My situation is probably a little different from most who post here. My partner (she) finally has come clean and has admitted she wants to have sex with another guy she knows. We've been together ten years and have 3 young children together. She's never been with any one but me and was pregnant with our 1st child at 21. Recently she's turned 30 and this has created or brought to a head some issues for her. So suppose its a bit early for a mid life crisis but it feels a bit like one. She feels she's missed out on different things havings children so young. Recently she went on a few holidays with her friends and probably enjoyed the freedom which she's entitled to! The thing is...while the idea arouses me, i'd honestly prefer her not to do it. I don't want to tell her this because I don't want her unfulfilled or unhappy. Also the feeling may stay or come back stronger if she doesn't act on it ever. When I talked about the risks to our relationship she said she wouldn't do it and that she'd have to "come to terms with it". I'm afraid she'll be unhappy, and maybe cheat on me eventually. Even if there was no emotional attactment which she says, I still don't want her to do it. She doesn't want me to be with anyone by the way. How do we sort out this mess anyone? Advice from women especially welcome! Thanks JOHN ---------