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pacpl4funn

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About pacpl4funn

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    Contributor

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  • Location
    PA
  • Swinging Experience
    3 years on & off

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  • Favorite Club(s)
    TJ's

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  1. 2nd marriage for both. His first was, "got the girl pregnant~do the right thing" lasted 22 years till he couldn't take it anymore, dirty house, no love, no attraction, and NO SEX. My first was, fell inlove to young, (16 yo) thought I knew it all, yatta yatta, while I was busy making a home and raising our children, he was busy screwing anything he could nail (including my baby-sitter) finally after 20 years, enough was enough. Met 2nd hubby while divorcing the first, said NOPE, NEVER AGAIN, and so did he, so we met in the middle. Lived together for 7 months before giving in. We'll be married 3 years the end of March and have been together 4. I desired a more traditional marriage (less the cheating) 2nd hubby wanted to explore swinging, had I known he was serious, I'd still be SINGLE! However, all swinging aside, we have a pretty good relationship. And if I were to become single again, I'd be damn sure to make sure any potential mate was on the same page as me.
  2. your correct Lee, he wanted that dumpling all to himself, but he doesn't want me the same way! I find it strange that a man can share the most important, special person in his life, but not his dessert. LOL
  3. Hi Cat and thanks for the note, my answer is pretty simple, I love him. And how do you walk away from the one you love? It's funny, the other night we were in bed watching tv, and one of those online dating commercials came on, (we met on yahoo 4 years ago) so we got to talking and he said in the beginning he was affraid to tell me that he was hairy all over, that I might find it a 'turn-off" and not agree to meet him in person. All I could do was laugh, and then I said, "You being hairy would have never been the reason for us not meeting, but.... you're so lucky, had I known you were serious about your interest in swinging and screwing other people for fun, had I known, I would have never got involved with you at all." 3 years ago when he first started the serious swinger talk, we were at a resteurant, after dinner, we decided on Apple Dumplings, we were full so I suggested that we share one dumpling, he said, "no, I don't want to share one, I want one to myself"...... Well that statement hurt me, He made me feel that the apple dumpling was more special then me, his wife. So if someone, anyone can explain why that apple dumpling was more important then me, I'd sure like to know.
  4. well I know it's been awhile and I'm still reading the board, so I thought I would post an update. On the marriage front, we're ok. Still together, he still checks our swinger account for email but has not sent out anything. And from keeping a watchful eye on his chat msger, I haven't seen any conversations. So from what I've seen, at least it appears he's cooled it. On the sexual end, since I pulled the plug and put my foot down, sex on the home front is better, the frequency has improved and he's trying different dietary suppliments and testosrum (sp) cream to help boost his libido. He's also definitly more attentive and affectionate towards me. And even just a little possessive too. Swinging, Nope, nothing yet, I miss the socializing, parties and select friends we've made, but I'm not ready to jump back in just to give him what he wants, "One Way" streets never work and that is something he has to come to terms with for us to ever be part of swinging again. when, or if we get back into it. It will be for "us". And even better news.... I finished the baby blanket, and have begun a new one to keep here for when we have the baby visiting, and ohhhh it's a girl, we have a brand new grand-daughter as of Jan 21st. 8 pounds 20 inches long and the sweetest most perfect and soon to be very spoiled baby. I hope everyone is well, safe and happy. pacpl4fun
  5. Backbone? Yep, you could definitily say I've grown one, I'm done bending over back-wards to give him what he wants.. I'm done eating spoonful after spoonful of his shit. And you betcha, he doesn't want to look at this site, he absolutly can not stand anyone else having a different (or correct) opinion then him! One of the reasons I gave swinging a try to begin with was because of him debating why he wanted it. And why I should do it. Regardless to what I wanted or didn't want. He knows if he came here and posted; "I want to swing, but my wife doesn't" That he will be told NOT to swing.. Which is NOT what he wants to hear. He panicked over me msging that woman was cause he was probably worried what I would find out, which was not much cause she would really talk to me. She was giving the whole stupid act. Even when I told her I had half their chat infront of me! As far as him going out alone to swing, I personally don't think he has the balls or the confidence to do it. He always brags that he never cheated on his first wife and had alot more reason too. He only got as far as he got because he did a wonderful job making me feel guilty.. Not to say that he wont go it alone (if he gets daring), but if he does go down that path, he knows to not come back. Cause if he does, I'll put his c**k through a meat grinder! (j/k ok maybe not)
  6. intuition897---- Did it look like his heart skipped a beat when you confronted him about it? Nostrils flared a bit, pupils dilated? OMG ! He was so scared, he had that "oh shit, I'm dead" look And while I was ranting, my heart was literly pounding so hard I could hear it. I don't think in the 4 years we've been together that he has ever seen me so angry, hurt, shaken, etc. all at the same time, I was absolutly wigged out from head to toe! He was panicking because I told him I msged that woman he was chatting to. And I did ! I never say I'm going to do something without doing it. Of course she was all dumb and stupid about it. But I am no fool. And your right, the health of our relationship has been on me from the start of swinging, of course he'd say and do things that made it appear he too was looking out for us, but it was really him he was looking out for. He always has to have that control over everything while making it look like I have the final say. Everything has always been about what he wants, needs, desires, and I was so stupid and inlove with him that I wanted anything and would do anything that made him happy. The upcoming holidays we're so busy and so overwhelming and we're expecting our first grandchild in the next few weeks, all I wanted was some time away from this, I spent 3 weeks kniting! Finding someone to play with was the last thing on my mind ! But him! Nooooo, that's all he can think of. I told him I wanted time away, and he still had to push. well now I've pushed back. It may have taken me 3 years to do this, but I'm glad I did. I'm done giving in and getting less and less as time goes on. His fascination with swinging needs to stop, or as I told him, "If you don't care about us, If you need it that bad? Then go get it without me!" Of course he says he doesn't want this without me. And right now, there is no room in my life for swinging, even if it was something I truly wanted. Granted I had some fun, not as much if I really wanted this, but I guess that's to be expected when your really doing this for someone else..... And should the day come that I do want it, it will be because I want it, and NOT to make him happy. And if never enters our life again, I know he will be sad, but it's not going to hurt me any. But if he can't deal with never having swinging again, then he needs to move on and find someone else. I wish he would read the posts here, he might actually learn something, but instead he thinks this site is a joke and that no one knows what they are talking about. In closing, Thanks to everyone for all your support.
  7. Hello and Happy Belated Holidays, Thought I should write an update, As most who have read my past posts, I entered swinging because my husband wanted this, badly. He felt he I should give him a 3sum because I did it once along time ago, so I gave in, he wanted to have ppl watch us, I gave in, he wanted more 3sums, I did it, the moment I had fun, he freaked, he wanted clubs so we went, he wanted couples, so we did and he broke his own rules, he wanted to see me with another woman, I tried it. Granted I've had some fun, not a whole lot, just enough to keep me interested. But our relationship needs a vacation from this. The more I gave, the less I got, his sex drive for me has been going down hill for about 2 years. We talked and thought it was a form of malemenopause, but then he started saying how we both could use to loose some weight, so a bell went off in my head, maybe I'm not attractive to him cause I might have put on 10 -15 pounds since we've been together, his long ago comments about how his x got fat and he didn't want her began playing over n over in my head. I told him straight out that for Christmas I wanted a normal life again and that if he doesn't have the desire for me in the bedroom that I will not sacrifice what little sex we still have, so basicly if nothing is happening in our bedroom, then nothing is happening in swinging. period. Then the other night I was in the mood, he said he was a "little", but then he fell alseep, about an hour later, he woke up and was all over me, I was like , where the hell did this come from? I even asked him what changed your mind, he said , he didn't know. Something got him worked up, but it wasn't me. Then I went last night and snooped around on his computer, to only see that he's still emailing solo women for 3sums, and couples for swapping, and even sending out msges on yahoo groups to try and hook us up, AFTER I tell him I want a break away from this........ and then I saw his off line msges to some woman, saying how between her boobs and mine, what a way to go.... etc. etc. well that was the last straw, I blew a gasket, went into the bedroom, woke his sorry ass up, gave him a good "what for" and said if he doesn't want me anymore, that if I'm not the woman of his dreams, that if EVERYTHING I give him isn't good enough anymore, to take his pay check and move the f*** out. Surfice to say, he woke up very quick, full of reasons & excuses, "I only sent those emails cause I knew nothing would come of it, you know everyone is fake" ..."and I only talked to that woman once in 3 months and that was to see how she was doing and if she needed me to update her webpage" , "and if you don't want swinging anymore, just delete the accounts and get someones address to send that free club admission to..." Goes into telling me that he loves me, doesn't want anyone else, that he doesn't have the "drive" that he once had, but that I'm the only woman for him, yatta yatta yatta. Now I feel like the "bad guy" cause I'm putting my foot down, but he's damn lucky it's not up his ass right now. Not sure if I over re-acted, but there isn't enough sheet shaken going on between us lately, let alone overall attention (says he wants to kiss n cuddle, etc, but that he doesn't want me to think it's going to lead to more, so he keeps his distance) So I get hardly any physical attention, let alone sex. And what little there is, I'm not sharing it. I don't really expect any replies, I just needed a safe place to vent. I didn't delete our swinger accounts, I just put us on "away" because I know I need to regroup and he needs to concentrait more on us. Phew ! I feel better for getting this off my chest. thanks.
  8. OMG! Damn, Montresor, you actually read what I was attempting to convay ! After the life I had, and out of the blue, us finding eachother, making a life together, I had bliss.... everything I wanted, who says "fairy tales' don't come true??? Found the man of my dreams after years of nightmares. Having had nothing but unfaithful cheaters, drinkers, and women beaters all my life, meeting him, falling inlove, taking that breth of air in sheer relief, finally to have a man in my life that would be toe-tickling inlove with me, and want to be with just ME......... Not to say that we didn't have our own share of hurdles just getting together, we did. Distance, kids, jobs, ex's... I knew he had the interest in swinging when we were 'corting' but I never took it seriously, thinking it was his way of appearing open minded and 'cool' because I had confided in him that I had once done a 3sum with a former b/f that had disastrous results to my life ! And that I never wanted to repeat that in fear of the same type of outcome (or worse) (I explained to him that I was separated, on the rebound, got involved with this guy, fell inlove with him, got pregnant with twins, he got drunk one night and beat the shit beat out of me while I was pregnant, put me in the hospital, then he abandoned me!! Then when I delivered my twins, my daughter was born blue and my son was very sick.) He really seemed to understand, or so I thought, after we moved in and eventually got married, he began talking about the 3sum, telling me if it had been handled properly when it occured and I wasn't made to feel so dirty afterwards, regardless of the subsquent events that followed. I might have enjoyed it. More so, pressing the issue that if I did this with a man that 'truly' loved me (HIM), that the results would be better....... That I should NOT punish him for someone else's mistakes! Boy that really made me think, made me want to research swinging, I wanted to learn as much as I could so I could make a clear choice... I was very VERY scared of being used and hurt again. So after reading everything I could and talking to him over and over trying to figure out 'why' he wanted this, what his 'goal' was. I really needed him to NOT want this just so he could fuck other women.... As I made this clear that if he only wanted 'this' so he could be with other women, then I wanted no part of this or him.... More so, I needed to know that he wanted to explore 'this' for 'US'..... The more I read, the more I learned, the more I understood that this really could be a fun way to explore and open up on a sexual level..... So I agreed to give this a shot, but also asking him if there was anything that he didn't want to happen if we did eventually play with other people. I wanted us to aproach this with caution and so did he, and thats how and who initated the no kissing or cumming rule. You asked and stated; Yes he said no kissing, no comming inside me or in my mouth, etc.~ but as he stated after the swap, "I didn't think it applied to me cause they didn't have any rules on no cumming"..... So to me, this was a direct violation of HIS rules and more of a "Do as I say, NOT as I do" type of thing..... Yes, as we partisipated in the mfm 3sums, he was fine as long as I came away with the mixed feelings afterwards, but the very 3sum I felt totally relaxed and truly had a good time, and wasn't 'suffering' afterwards, he pulled the emergency break, wants no more swinging, 'ever'.... tells me he didn't feel comfortable, thought I was enjoying the other guy more, he didn't like his dirty talk, ie; using the words... slut, whore...etc... At that moment, I felt like I was being punished for finally having a good time.... It took me time to get to that point or level and have it ripped away at such a critial moment. We've had 2 mfm 3sums and that full swap since then and I'm back to not enjoying myself, I'm afraid that he'll be hurt or upset again if I do have fun and let myself enjoy it again..... I have expressed my fear of him being hurt that if I do have fun, he says that he wants me to have fun, to enjoy myself, just that, that one guy really made him feel UNcomfortable, and that he really didn't pull the plug cause I had fun. I've had my taste of swinging and I do like it, and would like to do more as I'm comfortable.... He's opened up a door for me and I'm just scared that once he see's me truly having fun like before that he'll get freaked out and slam it shut again..... Yes I love to kiss, it's just something that is so hot and so senusal, I find myself resisting the urge to kiss the man that is having sex with me. Would I like to taste him cum? god yes.... Feeling it punp deep inside of me? yes! Kissing and Cumming is soooo natural and makes everything feel so complete. But I refrain from my wants and natural uges because I know this is something he is NOT ok with. So whereas I am showing respect for him in controling myself or my desires, so yes 'kablooey' it shocked the hell out of me to see him smack me in the face with his double standard..... And even now when we talk about the rules, he insists that my mouth and insides are for him.... but then when I say 'ok' then this rule must apply to him as well, he gets argumentive and tells me if the other cpl doesn't have an issue with him cumming, then why do I...... In attempting to get us both on the same page for cumming, I told him, if he feels these rules should not apply to him, then the rules need to go..... LOL Boy! He did a real quick about-face, reafirming that he was still allowed 'body shots'? I said, sure.... external cumming has never been an issue. LOL However the internal cumming is an issue.. and that if he expects other men to abide by HIS rule, and respect it.... then he too must abide and respect it.... So I think we're somewhat clear on the cumming rule, I'd be happy to see it go, but he's not ready to have another man fill my mouth. LOL Maybe in time....... thanks again Montresor for showing such indepth analysis, you are very intuitive.......
  9. Good Morning, I know I haven't been back to reply or properly post a thanks, I had hoped to do so sooner, but sadly I hadn't the time, I re-read all the posts so I can hopfully do so. To everyone, wether your post was helpful or critical of me (personally) I do sincerely thank each and everyone for expressing your view. My 'out-look' on swinging may or may not be the same as we are all different and have many different opinions as to why we are here and involved in this lifestyle to begin with. Swinging has it's own meaning to each person. And we are no different. AND from "everything" I have read, learned and discovered in these past 3 years, it takes alot of trust, commitment, communication, compasion, care, and yes... boundaries.. These boundaries are there to protect and hopefully preserve the relationship that means the most to you. In commited relationships, this relationship should be the # 1 priority to both people, however when "swinging" and or "getting some" becomes the "main goal" then that's where "issues" can and will arrise. We are all human and bound to make our share of mistakes, it's what that person does AFTER he/she has made the mistake or hurt the one he/she loves that makes all the difference in how the wounded person can heal. In closing, I hope that everyone that has more experience in this lifestyle would continue to keep more of an open mind AND heart for the new less experienced people who are trying to find THEIR WAY.... "Live.... Learn..... & .... Love"
  10. Well to be honest, in all the 3sums we've done, I never let myself get that out of control, the other guy always knew that there was no cumming in my mouth or inside me, and if I was on top, and he said he was getting close, then I would finish him off with my hands. In 3 years of playing, there has not been anyone except my husband to cum in my mouth or inside me. Why ? Because I love and respect my husband. In closing this chapter on this situation is, Had I saw the movment of him lifting her off (as he said he did) then our rule wouldn't have been broken, however I didn't see it. And I'm tired of having my eyes called a liar. What's done is done, there is no going back to re-do it. I do have a question that I'm kinda reluctant to ask,
  11. So where does the root of your hurt and anger lie?? I guess to me, the root of my hurt & anger I feel is because this was such an important issue/rule TO HIM when we were orginally discussing it, he was so very adimtt that those body spots were his and to be reserved for him and him alone. And how does that compare to his motivations for the "rule" in question? I'm not too sure what your asking.... I can't read his mind, but I can safey say that perhaps his motivation for that rule is, he didn't want HIS space violated. OR that LIKE with the other poster on here who was about to do anal with the other guy and her husband got up, got dressed, walked out and yelled at her the whole way home and here anal hadn't even been discussed as a no no, it was found out the hard way. I guess when I really think about it, my hurt & anger were due to the fact that I felt like,,, he needs and desires to keep spots on me for himself, ok, but yet he had no forethought for me or himself when it came down to him keeping what is needed that makes those spots on me so sacret to him. I don't think I made much sence out of what I just said.
  12. Let me reply to this, cause this is a really good question, when we were first educating ourselves, we read about the rules and safety etc,,,, I asked if there was anything that he didn't want to happen with anyone else. He said that he didn't want kissing, he thought it was too personal, to filled with emotions, Now I love kissing, but that was not something he felt he could handle, so ok, no kissing, then I asked him about cumming, he literly raised himself off the chair and said NO, that MY mouth and pussy were strictly his, and that was the way he wanted it. No discussion. So of course I asked what about body shots or external cumming, he said that was ok, but then added also that he didn't want anyone cumming ON my face that that too was strictly for him. I don't think he saw or thought of a negitive outcome if he were with someone else and came, as his comments over this situation were, "I didn't think the rule applied to me if the other couple didn't have the same rule" So basicly my perception on his way of thinking is, other men can't cum in my mouth or inside me, but if the other couple are ok with it, he can. I hope this clearifies or gives a better view of the how these rules came to be.
  13. thank you txduo2000, very much, I greatly appreciate all you said and as always I take it to heart, And beleive me when I say, in our normal everyday like, we are the best of friends, sure we disagree, that's normal, but I always try to discuss it, now granted, hubby isn't the great at wanting to discuss things, he has some trouble articulating himself, anotherwards when he says something, it's hard to know what he actually means, it's not coming out 'clear'. But aside from that, we're totally inlove, want whats best for eachother and our marriage. I do forgive him, cause I love this man, and I know he loves me and didn't mean to hurt me, that's why I came here, to gain some understanding, to learn alittle more. I don't want to 'brow beat' this man to death cause he made a mistake. I can't change what I saw happen, but I don't want to keep hurting inside. As I've personally found since we've been part of this lifestlye, every experience wether it be good or bad, is a learning experience. And thanks to everyone here, telling me like it is, has actually helped me. I'm not mad, or angry at him anymore. Yes, I was angry & hurt, for the last week and a half, since this happened, I felt so confused, betrayed, shaken, feeling that I didn't know where I fit in his life. And yes for a moment I felt very replaceable. We / I had never had this experience of having another woman there, assuming my roll, in effect, taking my place, I don't think I was over reacting, I was hurt. People hurt. I just had to find a constructive way to deal with it, and coming here, listening to everyone and their views was helpful. I read somewhere, as comfort levels increase so does the level of play. And I do beleive this is true, especially for me, we started out with the minimum, watched and being watched, gravitated to bringing another man into it, and the first guy we played with regularly for almost a year, then a few different guys along the way, we experimented with alot of same room sex. Attended M & G's hosted by friends, even hosted a small gang bang for a female friend, However without going into all the details, as I'm sure not everyone is interested in what we've actually done, we're not about quanity of partners, for us, it's about the quality, establishing friends, wether it be for play or not. I actually think I'm retarted in my way of thinking sometimes, LOL, I really thought if anything about the swap would have thrown me for a loop, it would have the other sexual acts, ie; foreplay, oral, fucking, etc......... it was actually exciting & arousing. So I find it odd that the one part, a natural bodily function that is normal duing any sexual stimilation would have such an adverse effect on me. Either I'm really fucked up in the head or not as much as I thought. Maybe I'm more kinkier then I even know. LOL Oh well, I dono, :-) thanks all and everyone have a great day.
  14. just one more thing before I head out to work, The swap with this other cpl, neither of us had any expereince in doing this, this was a first time, it was unknown territory for us, I didn't know how I would handle the other woman thing, hubby didn't know how I would handle it either. Many here say I'm all about controling, and that's not true, control is not the issue, for me, truth is.... it's about love, trust, caring, safety, concern & respect for your spouse. I read in a different post about a women who was blind-folded in the B&D room for the first time, and couldn't see her husband, and she freaked. She was in unknown territory, just as I was. Thank You for all the responces, I take them all to heart, and even those that were very harsh and unfeeling too, you have ALL actually helped me to see things that I didn't see before. pacpl4funn
  15. Good Morning, While yes I came here seeking insite, clearity and maybe just some emotional support. And from all the responces I can tell that every one has an opinion, some are partially right, and some I guess can't read or lack comprehension as to what I was expressing here. I guess that's my fault. Yes we've been in this for about 3 years, why aren't we further???? Well hey, we have jobs, families, responsibilities that come first, and to even meet someone can be time consuming. But regardless of all that, hubby and I both agreed that swinging would not take over our life. HE didn't want it to be an everyday or every weekend type of thing. HE said cause if it were, then it wouldn't be as exciting...His words. And I agreed, it's what he felt comfortable with. When my hubby first told me about swinging and swingers and his desire to want to try this, yes sure I panicked, big time, In my history I've always been a bumm magnet, nothing but cheats and women beaters. And through the grace of god, we found each other, had so many obsticals in our way, distance being one of them, we were 5 hours apart. But we made it, and we made it work. So after we get together, he tells me about this and how he's always wanted to try this, says how he never had the balls to ever utter a word to his x wife in 22 years about this, and being how close we are, he felt he could tell me about it, you have no idea how that made me feel, how special I felt. So sure I felt special, does that mean I didn't panic, hell yes I did, but what do you do when you see that something is so important to the one you love??? The first thing I did was to try and understand it. The whole concept, discuss it, educate myself and him. And that's what I did. I read everything, learned what this lifestyle is 'susposed' to be about. Everything I read said if your not on the same page, to proceed with caution, go at the slower person's speed, to not rush, to take your time, create safety rules. To determin what's acceptable and not. To treate your spouse with respect, to be caring, concerned, to talk about things that you find upsetting. etc. etc. etc.. In 3 years, to some we have done allot, yes it took me 3 years to be capable of the swap, and I don't think I was ready, or as ready as I thought I was. In the 3sums that we're done, we played with one guy regularly for almost a year, then the guy broke our rule and kissed me, hubby didn't like it at all, he tried to talk to the fellow, he denied it, so hubby said we were never playing with him again. Hubby said we needed some us time so he could 're-group' because it upset him.... Then a few months passed and we played again with a few different guys, and each time I was feeling more comfortable. You could say it was growing on me. As I had felt very tence, very scared, I knew hubby was enjoying it, but at the same time I felt if I ever really got into it, hubby might not be able to handle that. So I told him that I enjoyed what we were doing but that part of me was being careful for his sake. And he appeared very happy that I was being considerate to his feelings and said that he didn't want me holding back. He wanted me to really enjoy it, that HE was ok. So the next time we played, I let myself go, I really was able to enjoy it, I knew hubby was ok, he said he was ok, so I finally had some real fun. Then came the after, he pulled the emergancy brake. He got all freaked out on the way home, said he didn't want swinging anymore, he said, he felt this guy had disrespected me in his 'dirty talk". This was so unlike my hubby, in the past it was clear I was wasn't having THAT good a time, he was fine, the one guy kissed me and he didn't freak out and pull the plug, but because this guy talked a little dirty, he pulls the plug???? Nothing made since, It was almost a year before he wanted to do anything with anyone, and in all that time, I felt it was cause I finally had fun. He still says it wasn't cause I had fun, but cause of this guys talkin. Anyhow, here we are, rules are broken, there nothing I can do about, it, I didn't come up with the rule, he did, I didn't break the rules, he did. I love him no matter what, yes my feelings are hurt, do I love him any less. NO. Do I want to feel safe while we're playing, absolutly. And like I told him, if he can't adhere to the rules he came up with then it's not fair to the other men that we play with. And let me say this, that did not go over well at all. Well I think I've said enough, everybody has their own view and I respect that, I really do, I didn't come here to cause any drama, all I wanted was some opinions, some clearity, some help and maybe some emotional support. pacpl4funn
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