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Sunswept

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Sunswept last won the day on October 28 2013

Sunswept had the most liked content!

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About Sunswept

  • Rank
    100 Posts Club
  • Birthday 06/30/1950

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Single Male
  • Location
    Washington
  • Interests
    Art, music, collecting, love the water
  • Occupation
    Engineer
  • Swinging Experience
    Sex in moresomes since college
  1. Whoohoo! Well done. You may want to try events that are couples only, or have only a select and limited number of single males. We have nights like that are like that here at various clubs, but I don't know how they roll in Germany.
  2. I also think that it is conditioned by porn. And I think the reason is is so prevalent in porn is that it makes for more dramatic images and simpler production. I can see how it may have some appeal in terms of power dynamics, and for a guy seeing himself unload. But unloading on the face does nothing for me, but whatever floats peoples boats. It can have appeal for me to shoot it somewhere other than inside, but that is situational and depends on the "vibe" and even the mechanics of what is going on. The face thing was never a feature in my collage group sex experiences, and it has not been that big a thing in my swinging or poly experience. There is a lot in porn that does not really happen that much in real life. On the other hand, I have had a surprising number of women take great glee from giving me a handjob when I am laying on my back and watching me squirt straight up like a balky Italian fountain. Oh the delighted squeaks and squeals!
  3. In my experience, penis size should be the least of his concerns. Yeah, there are size queens, but that is more of a preference than deal breaker as far as I can tell. I have met women that have sort of a fetish for smaller than average too, a woman I play with often included. Her favorite thing is to have just the first few inches of her vagina fucked, repeatedly penetrated, etc., and gets disappointed if I neglect to do that for her. If she sees someone that can give her that and get in to the hilt and really bone her, she will want to swoop on him -then endurance will be his big worry. She loves to do that forever. Bigger worries are being able to approach people and even speak if there are security issues if it's his first time, if there is chemistry with people you meet, etc. Being rejected goes with the territory, there may not be chemistry with specific people for all sorts of reasons even if you are the most attractive people in there. Beginner's jitters are common, but some people find a little vulnerability endearing. Just dive in, relax, calm down, have fun and try to have reasonable expectations.
  4. Yeah, this is my approach, especially the "but we know you're the type of people that will respect our feelings without further inquiry." part. That usually works. If pressed, and they have shown any openness to advice, I will give it as directly, constructively and kindly as I can manage, or if I feel they may be a big problem to themselves or others, I will as seriously and honestly tell them why I feel that way. But sometimes people cannot take a hint. Sometimes as hard as it is, you just have to be a bit blunt and I don't know any way to make that not suck. All I can say, is as hard as that may be, it is better than waiting for the next shoe to drop.
  5. I love to hear anything that could be easily guessed about what I want told to me -ending in a "...don't you?" An example, "You really want to ________ me ....don't you? (use your imagination to fill the blank..loll!) It's even better if the person saying this throws something in about what they want also. An example: "You want to _____me as much as I want to _____you....don't you? Extra points if it is whispered in my ear, and any variations on the theme. Endings like "....won't you?" or ".....Will you"...etc. The possibilities are endless. And that's just for starters. I'm not going there, or this will get too long.
  6. An occasional glance around now and then, by male or female, is to be expected, but there have been times when I have noticed this phenom also, and it is annoying. I have seen women do this too BTW, but seems like guys do it the most. I enjoy hearing about other peoples experiences, but yeah, some guys can get into full boast mode and I find that very annoying also - to the point of uncomfortable. That's when I begin thinking "This isn't going to work out" and move on. It sort of depends on the situation and the person, some guys are actually pretty cool when you get to know them but are compulsive goofs. But in a first encounter, its a huge turn off. I think insecurity drives this sort of behavior, but then I have seen obvious social cluelessness drive it also. When I am trying to get to know someone, I expect a minimum of presence. Not only that, but how the heck do I even know what I am doing if I am not present with those around me? The more presence the better actually -which is one of the elements that leads to a hotter time for all if you ask me. Like Woody Allen said: "90 percent of success in life is just showing up." From experience, I tend to think one of the secrets of an unforgettable swinging experience is just being present. So no, I don't think you are being too sensitive.
  7. If you were the husband that had prostate surgery, and you had no clue what was going on and you found out somehow, maybe your wife (your sister's friend ) confessed out of guilt or something else no one has control over happens -how would you feel? Often these ethical problems can be better evaluated by putting yourself in the shoes of each potential participant. For myself, no way I am going to facilitate a subterfuge. If you can gets the husbands consent, that's another thing. But if the couple is not into this at all and that 'suggestion' was just the alcohol talking -then you have all the issues with coming out to this couple, and how that would affect the friendship, etc. Again speaking only for myself, I tend to avoid these sorts of situations. Besides, its nice to have non-swinging friends.
  8. Only she has the answers you seek, and only you have the answers to why you don't want to ask her. But maybe this is a chance to open up the communications a bit between you two? Swinging is a lot more fun when you can talk about anything. Its a lot more safe too. Married people that are cheating are dangerous on many levels, and I will bring up one danger I have not seen mentioned. In my experience, which is long, I have noticed that people that cheat usually do something that gets them caught eventually. I don't know if that is some sort of unconscious thing they do, or if its calculated, but it seems to happen a lot. But I digress. You do not want to get involved in some drama between a cheater and -the rest of their family, their kids, all their friends, maybe the whole town. You do not want to go there, I have seen that happen more than once. If swinging is not about respecting other peoples personal ecology, as well as our own -well then I am not sure I know much about swinging at all. Seriously. Imagine some really hurt and/or pissed of spouse ending up on your doorstep someday. Don't go there. Now, maybe whoever you are playing with has some sort of "arrangement" -OK if that's the case, but be careful. However, I stand by my views about swinging with cheaters, my main point is that married people are often seen as emotionally safe, maybe so. But they are unsafe in so many more serious ways.
  9. Good comments and observations by all. Having experiences as part of a committed couple, as part of casual couples, and as a single -the first thought that comes to my mind is that what I expect from a couple as a single is not too different than what I expect from a couple as part of a couple, if that makes any sense. Respect for starters, I know that covers a lot of territory and don't ask me how I know when I am getting that, all I know is I know it when I feel it. Also, I expect any prospective couple to be 'comfortable in their own skin", congruently onboard with each other -and both onboard with including me in the play. I am not too keen on getting pulled into any drama, or any 'taking one for the team' sort of deal. I expect good communication skills and good boundary/limits "sense." I expect to meet both people in the couple and expect any decisions about playing be made as a group. Add a sense of humor, a dash of authenticity and humanity, a sense of fun -and everything is good. I don't expect everyone to match in all ways, or everyone's turn-ons to be the same or shared, but that's where the ability to talk openly about things, and respect, comes in. I do appreciate a couple that makes me feel comfortable and I work to do that for any couple I play with. It is a dance, easy does it. I find if everyone stays aware that we are all real people, we can all have a real good time. So that's a short list of things I look for and expect from a couple, and what works for me. Relax, be real, have fun.
  10. glassypeaks09, I hope you take what I say constructively. People do all sorts of things they did not intend to do, or would not have otherwise done when they have been drinking a lot. Not just in swinging either but in regular life. You can have all the rules in the world, drinking a lot can make all that a moot point. Another thing is that the most predictable thing about people that have been drinkng a lot is that they often become unpredictable. No way for us to know if anything else is wrong, the drinking thing throws the whole thing into question... unless we were there to see what really happened, which we were not. You are not sure what happened yourself. Just get past this, forgive each other, handle and communicate about anything that comes up about this incident promptly. Listen to each other and simply say you are sorry and mean it, that applys to both of you. Forget about any "who is right, who is wrong" stuff here. It was a shared screwup. Next time you, your partner or you both drink a lot and swing ... leave and go home... be sure to get a ride. I imagine I am not the only one who will not swing with anyone who has to drink to swing. I drink socially, but not that much when I swing because it numbs me out and I lose awareness. To me, thats like going to the movies wearing my darkest sunglasses. I hope you will put yourself in a party host's shoes, and ask yourself if you would invite you two back to a party if your drinking had caused a scene or a drama. Life is too short. Either swing a lot, or drink a lot... but not both at once.
  11. I am not suprised by the ambivelence of a lot of people toward anal play. Even when people get past the "Ick" factor it can have, it is one of those things for the uninitiated that is so easy to get wrong -even if you are trying to do it right! It's one of those things where really being checked in and in tune with your partner is super important for best effect. Also, because it adds a layer of distraction in terms of making sure that health risks are minimized, it is not the easiest thing to incorporate into swinging situations. It can be a very intimate thing, that can rub across the grain of the swinging ethos. We kept most anal play to ourselves, but there were a few partners we trusted enough to play that way. Having said all that, I agree it can be really hot, and I get very intense full body orgasms from it, and I know women that do too. Ms Sunswept and I use to love anal play doing 69, sucking and licking with our fingers in each others ass. lol! I see mention of prostrate massage, and for any male that has not experienced that, it is worth a try. One note on that: It takes a 'touch' and learning just the right strokes and pressures to use for each particular partner. I can me made to cum from an exqusitely well done prostrate massage with no other stimulation at all. LOL! Ms Sunswept was just like this! My preference for fucking is an excited, supple, hot pussy, but Ms Sunswept would often get too wet and want it in the ass for that "really getting fucked" feeling. That happened when she was hyper aroused, which is the best time to try this if you have not done anal before. She would get shattering long lived orgasms from a good ass fucking! With a good DP, she would go into a completely different dimension, being filled up like that really increased the intensity. I feel patience, working up to things slowly, lots of lubrication, high arousal AND REALLYING TUNING IN to your partner and your partner giving you good feedback are the main secrets. Some people are just not into anal at all, and that is OK too. I know people that really made a good try at it, and it just did not work for them. So I think it is one of those things that is highly individual.
  12. I think it was William Faulkner that said: "Everyone is happy, until they start thinking about how happy they really are." So my phallic collorary to Faulkner's quip is that happiness is to be found in maximizing the time spent using one's penis -and minimizing the time spent measuring it.
  13. Impossible for me to think of a "best", but for a while, a few years actually -we got into a groove that seems like one long happy orgy to me now that I looking back on it. My favorite time. We use to roller blade along alki beach, (we lived only a couple of blocks off that beach) run, fly big kites, play v-ball etc, so on the weekends anywhere from two to eight couples we played with all the time would congregate at the house, and basically share all that with us. Sometimes new friends would wander in too, usually there was quite a bit going on. It was a very organic, relaxed thing, and especially in the summer time when we had weekend long 'partys' (nothing planned , all very informal) everyone having sex with everyone else in between all the fun on the beach. We would go out to this funky yummy little place for breakfast all together, go back home for a mid morning romp or to complete facinations unrealized from the night before. Then we might go blading or something fun like that, then go to lunch or all help make it naked, then more sex, maybe a nap -and between having sex -having fun out and about and blading or other fun was like long never ending foreplay with each other. Sensuous, hedonistic, horny and hot times. Relaxed, sultry sexy times. The only rules were have fun, play nice and share. Toward evening we might have a BBQ in the back yard or a tiki party with goofy Don Ho music playing. Once in a while we would all rent a limo (or two- cost no more than a cab) in the evening just to go a few miles to have dinner at a cool little seafood place, then maybe limo off to the sleepy little local tavern to have a couple of beers, dance to the jukebox and shoot a little pool. Then back to the house all horny again and ready to suck and fuck the night away in what amounted to a big slithering naked pile. People might drift in and out during the day and evening as the weekend progressed, and who knows who's arms you would end up falling asleep in -exhausted, bare and happy. The house was two story, but smallish (cozy!!!..lol!) and after any morning waking ya ya's, we would shower four or more at a time (only one bathroom per floor). Then the cycle of the day would begin again, and eventually we would all head out to breakfast and another perfect day. I think how natural and easy and how things just flowed is what makes that such a fond memory for me. Also, it is such fun to do everything in a group like that, and to feel life be that integrated.
  14. I agree with gatorvol64 totally. OK, my current thinking is that as long as Mr 2TT feels as threatened as he does, no compromise is possible because Mr 2TT's fears are overwhealming his perspective. Also, Mr 2TT please, please, please re-read your last post. I hope you can see the pattern of how you constantly 1) refuse to "own" your own feelings -and 2) you subtily push the responsibility for the consequences of your not "owning" your own feelings onto others. The paragraph that you wrote that gatorvol64 quoted above is a perfect example of that. I do not mean to sound harsh, but this is what I am seeing. I am hoping you can also see this too now that it has been pointed out? Another example is when you say you are not angry! You are angry! Own it! That you are probably more angry at yourself for getting your relationship into this fix than anything else is one thing, but then projecting that anger and the fears and doubts that creates onto others is really making things a lot more confusing for you! If Mrs 2TT says she can forego the poly relationship with Mr P, thrust her that she can! You "own" your feelings...let Mrs 2TT "own" her own feelings! Will she experience a sense of loss? Maybe, but let her "own" that for herself! Don't try to take that away from her and keep things stuck! Letting her do that will let you "own" your own sense of loss that playtime is over... for now! As for what to do to survive all this: Read what VegasLee already posted until you really understand what he is saying. Mr 2TT, you have to stop both swinging and any poly adventures because right now your fears are clouding your perceptions. Your desires to play overcame your own intentions to restrict things to swinging and your own self imposed rules, so you can't swing. Your lack of understanding of what poly actually is and your talent for putting yourself and others into false double binds means that right now you can't do poly either. You want to pull the stop lever, yet you say you cannot! False double bind! You are sending Mrs 2TT mixed messages. Mrs 2TT, I am hoping you can see what is happening here, and I am hoping that you can put your intentions to preserve your relationship ahead of your desire to fulfill your long standing feelings with Mr P, you have said you can do that and I believe you. I hope you can also see that although it might not be fair, you may have to be the one to pull the stop lever and keep it pulled if Mr 2TT waffles and can't get congruent with what he really wants to have happen, and until Mr 2TT is capable of congruently expressing and acting on his feelings in real time. Mr 2TT is feeling far to threatened to be making good choices or seeing things clearly, and hey that is OK, it happens. Once Mr 2TT's fears subside, maybe you two can have a more constructive discussion about things, but right now I do not see how you can, Mr 2TT's fears are too severe for that to happen right now. No one is "right" and no one is "wrong", it is what it is. What needs to happen is for you two is to take your relationship back to a point where the sex and love is about and between you two alone. For now anyway.
  15. Seems like there is room here for a compromise?? While 'NSA Swinging" per se is not in the cards with Mr and Mrs P, what would prevent Mr 2TT and Mrs 2TT swinging with other swinging people as had been done for 2 years, AND Mr and Mrs 2TT also maintaining the poly "V" relationship with Mr& Mrs P? Assuming Mr & Mrs P were open to Mr and Mrs 2TT engaging in swinging with other people as they had done?? Is there a way to turn this into a win/win?? I would not suggest this at all except the "2TexasTornados" seem to be open and have a good relationship. Both are clear about their discomforts, both are clear about their own needs. Mrs 2TT already stated she liked seeing her husband happy swinging, she was OK with giving that to him -maybe Mr 2TT could stretch a bit and return that comperson to Mrs 2TT?? Unless something like that can be worked out, I think the best thing to do would be to drop both swinging and the poly relationship. Reset and reboot. Seems like no matter what is decided, there will be either a bit of shared sacrifice, or a bit of shared discomfort, at least at first. Would the compromise I suggest be "taking one for the team" for BOTH Mr and Mrs 2TT? Maybe, but what I am really suggesting is that the place to start here is to explore how much each can "grow" toward the other. Maybe it is possible, maybe it is not, the discussion will tell the tale, Alura makes a good point about the other couple being a party to the discussion. A very wise woman once told me: "Intention greater than desire equals ecstasy. Desire greater than Intention equals disaster." Also, Swinger says "It's just sex" -Poly person says "It's just love"
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