SamuiCouple

I don't think they are rare, in swinging or in vanilla life. It's probably more a case of those that have very set black-and-white views tend to be much more vocal about their beliefs when they encounter someone or something that crosses their very concisely defined boundaries. It's more a defense against perceived attack on their world as they'd like to see it. Almost a religion. People who tend to be willing to move their boundaries are more likely to not react or react in a less vocal way, so they are less noticeable. Notice for instance, how many males who pronounce themselves non-homophobic, will drop into the bi forum and post in a thread that may be about male-male interaction, simply to 'beat their chest' and post 'no way, Jose', just to be heard.

"Swinging will destroy an insecure relationship". This is true, most times. But in most cases that relationship will either settle down into boredom, if it is saved, or fall apart eventually anyhow, probably both. What you describe are two people who have personalities that desire excitement and constant renewal. There is a case to be made that trying to 'fix' such a relationship in the standard 'suburban' way is a recipe for failure, and will lead to future regret of life wasted. On the flip side, such personalities may just find each other more stimulating if swinging is introduced, and grow closer because of it. Boredom is the greatest foe of sexually adventurous people, and can kill a relationship before it can even start. There is no blanket statement that can advise a couple. Everything depends on their personalities. I submit that the majority of swingers are what i would term vanilla swingers. Suburbia breaking the boredom. The two of you don't sound like you fall into that category. I'll put my asbestos suit on now.

Good question, and obviously hard to define. Personally I think it lies in the type of sex a single is drawn to. For most couples swinging is about sharing. The experience of having sex with another person/couple, be it same room/separate rooms/whatever brings them closer together because it is not only about the sex, it is about sharing an exotic (and as a kicker, taboo) flavor of sexuality. The single who understands this, AND has the same craving for what is in effect a mind-fuck, is most sought after but unfortunately rare. There is a wide range of types of sex singles pursue, ranging from the basic instinct type of sex that drives them to prostitutes, monogamous sex that mostly involves some kind of romantic feelings and craving the mind-fuck that being shared by a couple brings. It's a flavor all by itself. Hard to explain. An ambiance if you will. I disagree that a single cannot be a swinger unless he/she is prepared to swing with a future partner. The kick a swinging single gets is different from the kick the couple gets out of swinging. A different flavor. But that is the point. It's a unique flavor of sex. Not the same as 'swinging with say 2 other singles who form a 'couple' for the sole purpose of swinging. It is about the bond within the couple, and the dynamic it creates. Without that bond the flavor changes. And that's why it is so hard to find a good single male swing partner in a sea of available single males. Most single males are still chasing the simpler flavors They don't even understand why the couples swing, witness the proliferation of alpha behavior in single males trying to swing. The buzz is in the relationship. For all parties, just in different ways. Ok, that's part of the argument. A bit holey, but sounds nice Let's say swinging singles are those looking for a certain range of flavors. To be defined. I hate how this spell checker keeps changing flavour to flavor.

'Swinging' puts a spotlight on your relationship. Any cracks like jealousies, mistrust and other insecurities will be highlighted quickly and starkly. Sex is the most powerful force on this planet. Swinging will certainly break your relationship should those cracks appear. If there are no such cracks, or the ones that do appear are addressed effectively, swinging together is an activity that can bind you like nothing else.

In all the years I've been cruising this planet I've never ever wondered how many inches my dick is. Still no clue. I find it really weird that someone would sit there and measure his own dick.... No wonder they have insecurity and ego problems.

We actually prefer single males, but they're hard to find. At least those that have an understanding and respect for WHY we swing... As mentioned in this thread, the attitudes are mostly too egotistical and self-serving. My wife REALLY doesn't need a better lover. They don't seem to be able to grasp this concept.

Nowhere in the title is the word 'get'. If you are not bi-curious or bi, why would you be interested? Not get interested.

Agreed. The gentlemen protests too much.... Maybe a little insecurity there behind the wisecracks.

I find it strange that straight ppl should post predictable comments in a thread that clearly addresses bi males. Feeling threatened? Your slip is showing, I'd say..... Also I'd love to know why someone who has zero interest in bi play, would not even turn around to look, would even open a thread about it, let alone post. Interesting...

We too live on a (different ) island. No real swingers here, that we can find, so visiting couples and singles will have to be ok if we want to do any swinging, even though we are looking for a few regular friends.. Sad, innit? Often one has to adjust to circumstances if you want something.

I would never recommend putting another's needs ahead of your own totally, for the long term. It will never work. Eventually it will catch up with you. You have one life, your needs need to be met as well. Well, most of them. I have been through pretty much the same situation as you. I do not regret the road I followed, even though it cost others and myself quite a high price. I did what I had to do in order to have a life as opposed to an existence, which I believe is everyone's right. I did whatever I could, putting in a lot of effort, to try and mitigate the hurt I was causing to my family as far as possible, without giving up my right to a life. I cannot recommend anything. Only you can figure out what is right for you. All I can offer is my best wishes, it is a tough road you face, either way.

This standpoint, though I can understand the reasoning behind it, always leaves me with the feeling that the man is regarded as a drooling, sex-crazed moron, that has to be 'allowed' to satisfy his animal instincts. I say no thanks. There are two equal people involved. Though the lady should be protected against being used, unless she specifically wants it, there are two people (at least) to please and respect. Any woman that wants to be that dominant as to 'be in charge' better know how to whip me

We have no poly experience (yet), but I would think that the focus effect of infatuation/limerence would be much less 'severe' if you are already in a close and loving relationship compared to coming into a 1 on 1 relationship from being alone. And if you are mature-minded, it may in fact never really occur.

Maybe stage fright? A lot of men are afraid they may not be able to perform in front of a group of men. How about trying to find a few bi men for the gangbang instead? They probably won't have too many issues....

I was going to post an explanation of my statements, but decided against it. I don't need to convince anyone. I apologize for any offence taken, and/or aggravation caused. It surely was not my intention. I have nothing to gain by making enemies. Peace