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pairbond

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About pairbond

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  • Birthday January 1

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  1. We certainly have vastly different ideas of "creepy." It's hard for us to even conceive that anyone participating in swinging and having multiple sex partners would NOT keep track of those they have had sex with. If the Health Department should contact you and say that someone you have been with has tested positive for some STD and you may have been exposed, and would want to know who YOU have been with in the past 6 months, it would be totally irresponsible NOT to be able to notify people you have been with that they may have inadvertently been exposed also. Swinging entails responsibility, not just fun. We will continue to keep a list, although it contains only first names. WE know who these people are. Nobody who ever gained access to the list would know who these people are without their last names, which are not given on our list. Certainly, however, if we were ever notified that we may have been exposed to STDs, and thus may have inadvertently exposed others, we would feel that it is our responsibility to be able to notify the people we've been with so that they could immediately get themselves checked out. To do otherwise, in our opinion, is completely irresponsible swinging behavior.
  2. Julie, we don't put notches on our bedposts or keep diaries either. What we DO, though, is keep an excel file of names & dates. Hopefully we won't ever need that, but if the Health Department ever notified us that someone we had been with had an STD and wanted us to get ourselves checked out and wanted to know who WE had been with, we think it is only responsible to keep records.
  3. Isn't it interesting how few people are willing to say how many people they've had intercourse with in their lifetimes? Both of us were married once previously. I was her 8th sexual partner, and she was my 6th. After nearly 9 years of swinging, she now has had intercourse with 42 men and I have had intercourse with 34 women. So I am averaging about 3 new sex partners per year since we started swinging, and she is averaging about 4 new sex partners per year. I guess we're just sluts, but we sure are HAPPY sluts!
  4. We have just 2 rules. 1) Have fun. 2) Remember who you are going home with.
  5. Both of us were married once previously and both of us had several different sex partners between marriages before we met each other. I do think those experiences made swinging much easier for us than for those who have been "one and only" for each other all their adult lives before contemplating swinging. When you have been married previously and had other sex partners between marriages, it is abundantly clear that sexual exclusivity, or being the only one to do a certain act with your spouse (such as anal sex, for example) is not a relevant issue. What IS relevant is your love for and commitment to each other. Obviously the fact that you've had other sex partners and already done everything is not a deterrent to that love and commitment. I just think it's harder for the "one and only" couples to get beyond the upbringing most of us had about monogamy and sexual exlusivity.
  6. We have found that our swinging frequency has varied wildly. One year we had two different stretches when we were swinging with a couple or a group on 10 consecutive weekends! Other years it has been only 3 or 4 times in the entire year. People's lives involve a lot more things than just swinging. Work related issues, children's issues, elderly parent issues, and health issues can all steal your time and leave you less interested in swinging than at times when everything is going well for you. So there will be hot stretches full of much sex and many partners, and cold stretches when very little is going on. We have also on several occasions taken an extended break from swinging. This usually happens when we discover that we are actually having sex more with others than with each other. When that happens, we pull back and focus on devoting more time to our OWN relationship. Then we get back into swinging on a less frequent basis.
  7. Tease, there are MANY reasons why people swing. Among them are just plain curiousity, a desire to not miss out on experiences, the desire to live out some sexual fantasies, the desire for variety in sizes, shapes, & colors of sexual partners, the desire to experience how OTHER PEOPLE have sex, and the desire to experience things that two people just can't do without adding others to the mix, such as threesomes, double penetrations, having sex with more than one person in the same evening, and even gangbangs. Swinging most definitely improves the communication between a couple, and increases their honesty and openness with each other about their sexual interests and experiences. As a result, swinging becomes an exciting, SHARED experience, whether you are together in the same room where you can see each other having sex with someone else or just tell each other about your experiences afterward. It jumpstarts your libidos to higher levels than ever before, so that you and your spouse are having more frequent sex at home together. You try out new "tricks" together that you learned from having sex with a different partner. And the friendships you develop are wonderful. It's so neat to have friends whom you can greet (in the privacy of your or their home) with a tongue kiss and feel them up! It just feels so LIBERATING!!! Swinging isn't for everyone. Couples should always move into it only at the pace of the slower of the two of you so that you can BOTH become comfortable with it. Finally, one of the biggest fears of a hesitant spouse is that you will discover that you like sex MORE with someone else than with your spouse. That just doesn't ever happen, in our experience. Spouses just know each other so well, and know exactly what to do and in what sequence to turn each other on the most. Once in a while sex with others can be AS GOOD as at home, but never better. However, the open flirting, kissing, feeling, and sex with a new partner DOES increase excitement levels, and that carries over into your own sex life at home. Don't push your hubby. Just keep talking and be sure to reassure him that it's about EXCITEMENT and VARIETY, not about LOVE for anyone else or about disappointment with him in any way.
  8. Cheating had nothing at all to do with our interest in swinging, although we know couples who got started swinging as a result of one or the other of them having cheated. My wife cheated on her 1st husband. I never cheated on my first wife, although as our marriage started deteriorating we tried open marriage and both of us had sex with other people. Open marriage, like swinging, is not a cure for a troubled marriage. My current wife and I have not cheated on each other. We got into swinging due to a combination of curiousity, recognition that we were getting older and it was "now or never," so to speak, and because we had relocated to a new city where we had neither friends nor relatives within 500 miles of us and we hoped that swinging and physical intimacy with others would make it much easier to establish intimate friendships. It worked. Several of the couples who were the first ones we started swinging with are still our closest friends after almost 9 years now.
  9. I am 59 and my wife is almost 58, although she could easily pass for early 40s. We have been swinging for 8 1/2 years now, and some years were extremely active!
  10. We put a hot tub on our screened-in, roofed-over back porch and we use it year round. We simply lower the water temperature setting to not more than 99 degrees in the summer, so it's just luke warm. In the winter we will bump it up to 100 or 101 degrees. Hotter than that makes us feel like lobsters being boiled. We also especially love to use the hot tub when it's snowing outside. And the hot tub is a terrific ice breaker to get people naked together. We always turn on at least enough jets to keep the surface roiled, deliberately so that hands beneath the surface are NOT visible. Part of the purpose of the tub is to encourage people to not only get naked together, but to start feeling each other. Lastly, those past age 40 will appreciate the value of hot tubs for soothing sore aching muscles and easing the pain of arthritic joints. Tubs rock!
  11. Heck I was already 50 years old and my wife was 49 before we started swinging. We see generally 2 trends in ages for swingers. One group started swinging in their 20s, or at least very very early in their marriages. A second (and much larger) group didn't start until they were in their 40s. It seems like having children at home and building careers just makes swinging too difficult for many couples in their 20s and 30s. Then after 40 the kids can be left home alone, careers are established, and people start thinking about what they may have missed out on all these years, and they realize that if they are going to experience erotic pleasures they better start soon before it's too late!
  12. We have seen this discussion many times before, and people always get offended by it. People who refer to themselves or their desired playmates as "professionals" mean something very specific. Technically, anyone who gets paid for services is a "professional," but most people view the term as meaning someone who has a career that requires advanced education and or extended apprenticeship. That would mean people like physicians, nurses, lawyers, engineers, professors, researchers, scientists - in short, not a career like sales or construction which are basically learned on the job. That's all people mean by "professional" - someone who has advanced education or training in field that requires such advanced education or training as the ticket into entry level positions.
  13. Wow! That speaker doesn't know what he/she is talking about. We have been swinging for 8 1/2 years, have met dozens of swinging couples, have attended on-premises swing clubs 6-8 times, and have attended probably 2 dozen private house parties, and have hosted a half dozen swinging house parties at our own home. The only time we have seen women feeling discomfort is when they were new to swinging and were not acquainted with all the guests. The truth is, women RULE swinging. It is the women who decide whether or not to swing. It is the WOMEN who decide who they will play with, or how many. Women at a swing party do the choosing, not the men. We have NEVER seen a single instance of a woman being forced to participate in anything. Whoever gave that talk was doing nothing but speculating, pure and simple, based on his/her own insecurities and imagination. The truth is totally opposite. Although it frequently is the male who talks his female partner into trying swinging, it is the woman who enjoys herself most and who wants to keep on swinging. That's our experience based on our personal experiences and our knowledge of perhaps 60 swinging couples.
  14. About one month. We were lucky. I found a couple near our age and who lived not far from us who sounded like "our kind of people." We met them for drinks & dinner, and 2 weeks later we did our first spouse swap.
  15. She got tired of hearing me fantasize about it when we were making love, so one day she told me to "either do something about it or shut up!" I did something about it! :-)
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