My husband and I had our first FFM a few weekends ago and it didn't go too well. Now I don't know what to do about it. Let me explain:
A woman came over to the house and we all sat and chatted awhile, had a few drinks and all decided that we were comfortable with each other and started getting into it. It was fine at first -- I had told my husband previous that I was not comfortable with intercourse or heavy kissing. He said he was fine with that. But once we got started, the kissing got more and more deep-throat and soon they were making out. I guess this bothers me because he doesn't really make out with me anymore - I shrugged it off thinking he didn't like kissing.
Anyway, we got more into things and they were progressing quite nicely but then I made a mistake. I started thinking about what I was doing. I started becoming ashamed at myself and angry at him. The woman was larger than I am so it made me upset that he found her sexually attractive because I do try to keep my weight down. I was then no longer attracted to her.
I told them I wanted to stop and we did and she left very quickly.
Since then I have tried to talk to my husband about it. He has never once said anything negative towards it or her and hasn't done much to stroke my ego back. I'm hurt and he doesn't see it. I mentioned the "making out" and he told me that he didn't see it as a big deal.
Am I making too much out of it? I have tried to let it go - we have even made love since. He tells me that he will tell me anything I want to know -- I just have to ask. Now, too, I am still interested in the lifestyle or am I just fooling myself? Is the fantasy better than the reality?