txnewbies

Thanks to everyone for your response - blunt as some where! I needed to hear it all and appreciate it. And Vjklander - you are right -- it is hard not to be the center of attention. I have learned a lot and hope things can progress from here.

Thanks for your response. We met the woman through another personal Web site. She understood that I was not comfortable with intercourse - and actually she was glad. It was her first experience as well. She was very understanding of me and made sure that I was comfortable with things. Actually, she couldn't have been sweeter. She was very concerned and even called the next day to make sure my husband and I will be ok. We haven't heard from her since and I hope her next experience will be better. I have told my husband that kissing is important to me - would like to make out more often. I have mentioned it several times over the past 6 years and that is why I figured he didn't like kissing that much. We do kiss but it is usually a nice sensual no-tongue lip kiss. I told him that I didn't mind if he kissed her just no long, intimate kiss. I told him it bothered me because he hadn't kissed me like that in years. He didn't say anything to that. When we first started discussing this lifestyle, he didn't share a lot. It wasn't until an arguement occurred that I finally got him to open up about what he wanted. He basically wanted it all but doesn't feel comfortable having another man in the room so different room swapping was great for him! That threw me for a loop - I thought he wanted to experience this with me - not separate from me. And if he were in a situation, he would just go for it. I admit that I am bi-curious so not having another man present wasn't that big of a deal - but now I wonder how he would react if there were.

My husband and I had our first FFM a few weekends ago and it didn't go too well. Now I don't know what to do about it. Let me explain: A woman came over to the house and we all sat and chatted awhile, had a few drinks and all decided that we were comfortable with each other and started getting into it. It was fine at first -- I had told my husband previous that I was not comfortable with intercourse or heavy kissing. He said he was fine with that. But once we got started, the kissing got more and more deep-throat and soon they were making out. I guess this bothers me because he doesn't really make out with me anymore - I shrugged it off thinking he didn't like kissing. Anyway, we got more into things and they were progressing quite nicely but then I made a mistake. I started thinking about what I was doing. I started becoming ashamed at myself and angry at him. The woman was larger than I am so it made me upset that he found her sexually attractive because I do try to keep my weight down. I was then no longer attracted to her. I told them I wanted to stop and we did and she left very quickly. Since then I have tried to talk to my husband about it. He has never once said anything negative towards it or her and hasn't done much to stroke my ego back. I'm hurt and he doesn't see it. I mentioned the "making out" and he told me that he didn't see it as a big deal. Am I making too much out of it? I have tried to let it go - we have even made love since. He tells me that he will tell me anything I want to know -- I just have to ask. Now, too, I am still interested in the lifestyle or am I just fooling myself? Is the fantasy better than the reality?