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troufault

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15 Good

About troufault

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 09/28/1940

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Single male
  • Location
    London
  • Interests
    theatre, opera
  • Occupation
    author
  1. At that time I was living in north London and she in south London, but we would stop overnight at each other’s homes. We both worked in the West End, so it was possible to have lunch together most weekdays, meeting at a little cafe near Soho Square. She was able to abandon all thoughts of what she had been doing that morning and concentrate on me. When we wanted to keep private what we were saying we would speak French, knowing that the likelihood of anybody around understanding us wasn’t high. We would often spend longer than we’d really got time for and she would have to make a dash back to her office while I would make my blithe way to the gym for an hour. During those happy lunchtime meetings, which we looked forward to so much, we would tell each other about ourselves, our lives before we’d met, our beliefs, our expectations, our happiest experiences, the times we had been most afraid, the worst things we had done, what displeased us the most, who had the most upset us. She told me that when it came to making a choice she knew that at every instant there were two paths, leading to two different countrysides, and that she was guided by the knowledge that enjoyment now and planned for the future not only helps to keep one happy but boosts the immune system. I told her that I’d come to believe that I was lent this life in order to learn from my mistakes and stumble into new unexpected ones along the way so that I could learn more. I confessed that I’m the kind of person whose interest is in what’s happening in the present and that I have a little difficulty in anticipating what’s to come. (I know that for anyone in business the ability to think ahead in detail is useful to have, but I seem to lack that particular skill. Fortunately my partner, Theo, has this gift in spades and when it comes to contingency planning and suchlike I can fully rely on his judgment). Pia remarked one day, “I popped into a shop on my way home yesterday to buy some shampoo and the girl behind the counter said ‘You don’t want a shampoo for greasy hair’. I said ‘How do you know?’ and she said ‘Because your hair’s so fine’. I said ‘Yes, but how do you know that I don’t want it?’ and she couldn’t understand what I meant”. “Isn’t it strange? And parents are always telling their children what they want or don’t want. ‘You don’t want a sweet now,’ ‘You want to wee-wee before you go out,’ ‘Before we go you’d like to give Aunty Bess a kiss.’ (That’s the one with the mustache).” She laughed. “Yes, it’s awful, and I’ve heard people say to their children things like ‘don’t look so sad, there’s nothing to be sad about’ or even ‘don’t act like a child’. They say ‘stop running so fast, you’ll get hurt’’ or ‘don’t stand up there, you’ll fall’ and ‘don’t touch that bench, it’s dirty’.” “Did you get any of that kind of stuff?” “No, thankfully. Children must get so confused with all that garbage. What they must grow up to be like I can’t imagine.” “I can, people always doubting themselves.” “Well, I don’t doubt myself!” exclaimed my love, “I know what I can do and what I’m entitled to: another coffee right now,” and she waved at the waiter, who came immediately. Once again I saw her self-empowerment. And the honesty I so relied on wasn’t the honesty that had been imposed by an external moral code but a trueness that shone out from inside. With a deep certainty I knew this was the woman for me. Then one day something happened. I had one of those life-changing sudden shocks. As we were beginning one of those looked-forward to lunches, Pia said, out of the blue, “I don’t know how to tell you this, darling, but I’m going to spend tonight with another guy.” I was aghast. I didn’t say anything but I must have gone pale, because she went on, “Sweetheart, I promise it’s only for tonight. I met him this morning and I’ve just got to go to bed with him. It’s not as though I’m going to see him again ever, you’re the only one, the permanent one, the genuine one. You see, darling, the two things I need in life are, one, to be with you for ever and two, to have different men. I’ve been trying and trying to work out how to reconcile them. I’ve got to balance the awful cost of having you as only a temporary lover against the appalling cost of having no variety at all if I marry you. And I’ve come to the conclusion, the really, really painful conclusion, that that cost would be the greater.” I can remember her next words to this day — “I’m not made to have just one man in my life. If you can’t cope with it, my own darling darling, then it has to be good bye.” She spoke them in a regretful tone. I picked up on the tone. “Would you be sorry?” I asked. “Very, very sorry. I love you and if we broke up it would be terrible never to see you again. I know you’re the only real one and I don’t want to lose you now I’ve found you. But I know, I know, I couldn’t be faithful to you. It’s just not possible.” I realized things then: I had to safeguard my future with her, she was speaking truth and it was truth that validated our relationship. I knew that despite what she had said Pia was the one for me, so I proposed there and then. She was taken aback but soon recovered. “If we marry it must be on the understanding that I won’t be able to stay faithful all the time.” She went over again her need for change and told me she had been supposing that if I didn’t understand her she would have to be a mistress rather than a wife all her life; it would be appalling not having me for a husband and she would grieve over the loss of me for years. I said, “OK, tonight when we get to bed, I mean tomorrow night when we get to bed, we can thrash it out properly. It’s the best place to talk.” The night after her excursion she told me all about it and once more I was struck by her openness. She assured me again that I would never have any competition, then reminded me of the unusually attractive assistant in my local newsagent who, I’d once told Pia, had been making it clear she wouldn’t mind sharing her bed with me and that it had been quite hard for me not to succumb. “You see?” she said, “We’re both human and we both enjoy life, more than most, I’d say, and that must include having sex with other people if we want. Don’t you think we should come to an agreement?” “An agreement? What kind of agreement?” She explained, simply, “Both of us can screw whoever we like but only once.” Then and there I came to a decision. I saw that for one thing she was expressing her essential nature by living according to the values of her true self, the person she was, and, for another, that what I wanted more than anything was her and her love. I had no doubt that I had them. Equally, I knew that what she wanted was me and my love — there was no doubt about that either. So what could come between us? Nothing, if we didn’t want it to. I certainly didn’t want it to. She certainly didn’t want it to. So I said I would accept the agreement and as we made love I imagined her in bed with that other man. Surprisingly it stirred me up and after she’d thanked me she complimented me. She probably guessed the reason, for she said, “If you’d like me to I’ll always tell you everything that happens.” I considered the implications. “Yes, I’d like that.” After that our feelings for each other grew yet another dimension and I found myself almost looking forward to hearing her account of her next coup. However it didn’t happen before I told the newsagent girl yes, I should like very much to go to bed with her, afterwards describing everything to Pia — who was genuinely pleased and checked on my prowess, declaring that what I had done in bed reflected on her (Pia’s) choice of a future husband. How extraordinarily cruel has been society’s proscription of sexuality. Talking about it in bed one morning I said I was thankful that Christianity hadn’t embraced female circumcision. She blanched, her hand went to her pubis and she buried her face in my chest. After a little she whispered, “It’s to prevent women from being in touch with God.” When I’m making love with Pia my experience is one I never previously knew could be. My heart beats hers. I’m free of my body, forgetting I exist. She told me something of her feelings making love with me. Everything was right, exactly as it should be, with an overwhelming sense of just rightness. I asked her if she felt this when she had another man. “With other men it’s much more the extinguishing of a need. It’s very different. It gets me to live my life. Better concentration, brighter colors, more aware, more confident, more love for everything, more me. It makes me feel so complete I could never think of stopping. But when I make love with you I’m more than ever part of God. Everything seems to fall into place, everything’s connected, I’m connected with the universe, I understand the true nature of reality. It’s difficult to explain — timeless bliss.” I remembered papa having a book by Maslow on his shelf which I had read years before and Pia’s description of our lovemaking seemed to correspond with what Maslow called a peak experience. The next time we visited my parents I took it down and checked. Yes indeed, he said that a peak experience was sometimes triggered by sex, it was like a visit to heaven and some people were able to step into it repeatedly. I felt humbled before Pia’s advanced state. Further along the path than I am, I felt humbled before Pia’s advanced state. Further along the path than I am, it is she who has guided me to the divine. It is she who has let me find out that we are all parts of God in our own distinct, individual, impossible to copy, ways. We soon married. I found marriage as sublime as I had expected. Every day was a joy. Every night was a joy. When our first daughter was born we greeted her with delight and celebration; children are the product of the sacredness of sex. I joined in in changing her nappies and feeding her. When I gave our tiny offspring a bottle and later spooned her dinner to her it was comforting to do, I found. It gave me even more of a feeling of being responsible for a precious life. Then two years later Pia gave birth again. Now there were two babies to nurture, neither to be burdened by any belief in original sin but buoyed by a belief in original good. I was pretty competent looking after the babies while Pia was away and when she came back she was usually turned on and glad to be with me again. And whenever I came home after spending a night with another girl who wanted me she was interested in every detail. My happiness and freedom gave my business an edge and we got richer. Then about four years ago we discovered Extra.
  2. One issue that seems to have been forgotten is that normally urine is sterile. Indeed, it can be used after a road accident when a wound needs to be cleaned. Another thing, those uncircumcised men the tip of whose glans show at the end of the foreskin have actually been circumcised a little. (In my view the best option)
  3. Yes, the fantasy thing sounds good. That C really loves you is abundently clear from her wanting to find out what it's like to experience being penetrated by another cock only while you're there. I'd like to talk to C, if I may: C, be sure to take it in stages so that the scene becomes familiar and therefore you feel comfortable in it. Before you have sex with anybody else, for example, go to a few parties and play sex games, perhaps including one that involves feeling a number of erections, before soft swinging while watching the people around enjoying each other. And when you do actually start true swinging, notice when you get home afterwards how your lovemaking is so much more passionate and meaningful. You have lots of heavens ahead.
  4. When I posted a month ago I didn't spell out something I believe: There is no original sin. There is original good. Original sin it seems was invented by authoritarians who wanted to stop people doing what they wanted to do and instead do what should be done. This included stopping women in the Middle East tribes, who were struggling to survive on their parched land, from having it off with their neighbours and producing sons. Understandable. Absolutely right at the time. But I cannot understand why the christian church still teaches the old testament. Jesus was love. What he tried to do was lead us beyond the old teachings. Let us give him a chance.
  5. Your fiancee C sounds a normal girl. It seems reasonable that since she has never experienced another man she is curious and is trying to persuade you to take the plunge so she can find out. She reminds me very much of a wife I met once, married for three years, who was a virgin on marrying and who had married a virgin. She was the keener to swing. I suggest you take it in stages. First take it in turns to tell each other a fantasy, both of you trying to outdo the last story. In this way you will both be better able to make a proper assessment of the other's commitment. Next, as already suggested, do some soft swinging two or three times. And it is so important to set up well-understood (between you) signals so that you know how the other is feeling at any time and to make a solemn promise to take due notice if one of the signals is displayed. Take it easy. Don't rush. Set yourselves a mutually agreed time horizon before you start properly.
  6. It is so depressing to see the results of the kind of Christianity since around the year 760 AD, I think, that tries to tell us we are guilty whatever we do, but especially if what we do is out of the usual. If something that is wholly natural can possibly be viewed as abnormal, it must be viewed as such! Let us remember that Christ taught love.
  7. Yes, religion is so important. And it depends on the kind of religion, that is, what is one's understanding of God. I have just written a book which involves swinging and a bit of the forward goes: "God has given us the priceless gift of enjoyment of sex. Most men and women do enjoy it - and even enjoy just reading about it. But we demonize the gift, probably because this particular enjoyment used to risk pregnancy." Another bit goes: "That is should be debased in this way is in my view blasphemy. And let us step into the presence of, truly worship, the loving God who gave it to us."
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