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blitzen

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blitzen last won the day on February 28 2015

blitzen had the most liked content!

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About blitzen

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 01/01/1975

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Male half of a couple
  • Location
    Bolingbrook
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    blitzn_vixn
  1. Also, forgot to say that if it bothers you that much now, perhaps stop and talk/think about it. He will always be available but your relationship and how you feel about it and your SO could and may change if you proceed with something that obviously is bugging you quite a bit. there are always consequences when you force yourself to go through with something that you feel uneasy about. Sometimes it could turn out for the better but it seems more often is just the opposite.
  2. Hopefully this doesn't come too harsh but I wanted to chime in. I, like you, believe it's my responsibility to ensure that my gf is satisfied. I mean pleasurable responsibility :-) It's what we do for the people we love. It is, however, also my belief, that if I was to be replaced by someone with bigger dick, nicer body, longer lasting or whatever, then this relationship/person was not worth it. There are two aspects of the sex for most people - emotional and physical - anybody can satisfy a physical urge. The emotional is the one that when intertwined with the physical attraction makes for the best sex. Which one are you worried about?
  3. Hi Shadowpuppet, Interesting thread. I read your replies twice just to make sure I am not missing anything but I probably did anyway. Some of the posts before me have certainly touched upon some of the things that went through my mind. Here are my thoughts: This is generalization. While many men are assholes, that certainly is not all. I, like you, have dealt with many issues in my childhood and adulthood so I can relate to your frustration, disappointment and lack of trust. I've found for the large part of my life that not having any expectations have helped me not being disappointed. I trusted and relied only on myself. While it's was not the best way to live my life, it did provide a safety net and bought me some time for some healing to take place. Every person is unique and what worked for me may not necessarily work for you. I was over 30 when I started seeing a therapist and if he was able to help a stubborn, opinionated and insecure messed up fuck as me and in the midst of my divorce, I am sure you have a much better chance than me, if you ever decide to take that route. Based on what you said above (in bold), it would seem that you feel a lot more secure when in your dom role. I can definitely understand that - I have dabbled a bit in the BDSM lifestyle. Being in full control of another human being is such a trip! It requires a significant trust from your partner. It does not, however, require you to trust your partner, since you're the one in control. I think BDSM just buys more time, as we find relationship that we can twist so that they work for us but does not actually help us resolve or even understand the underlying need for dominating. Some do it bc they are born that way. Others do it bc they feel safer in such relationship. And others do it to fill a void, deficiency or gap left by other people or events. Do you know why you do it? Have you tried being the sub? That will challenge your abilities to trust someone, more so than swinging ever would. BC to be truly a sub, you really have to open your soul and offer your most inner essence to the dom, to do with it as he/she sees fit. In comparison, IMHO swinging takes a lot less out of you in regards of trust. What's the worst that could happen in swinging? What exactly scares you about it? Is it really the energy? Or is the fact that your sub is allowing other doms to take care of her needs and liking it? Would you have been happier/more relaxed if she had resisted him until the end so that you feel you were the only owner of her? From my experience, I loved sharing my sub (when I had one). It was the ultimate form of control. I didn't care about how the other dom felt as I knew they will do what it takes them to be pleased. What I loved most was pushing the boundaries of my sub and seeing how far can I take things in a way that the sub always derived pleasure. And I've tried being the sub too. I loved relinquishing control of my pain and pleasure to someone else. It was liberating. But I couldn't do it with everyone, I could only do it with people I trust. And another thought - have you realized that the sub has the actual control? The subs decides to willingly submit and it is the sub that can put a quick stop to everything you're doing. They are the ones that are pushing their own boundaries and you're just an instrument to them. This is a good one. It's not a weird place. You're just standing in two different worlds. You have to be able to compartmentalize if you want both. Ownership have no place in an equal opportunity relationship. In a dom role you decide everything for her. In a normal relationship she has her own opinion, choices and views and that's the way it's supposed to be. If you really love her, you should encourage her to be who she wants to be. Remember, you don't own her. You have to learn to trust her. If you can't do that, then you're not ready for vanilla world IMO. Focus on why can't you trust her. In normal world, people don't take well to orders and you may have to verbalize things differently: for example, instead of "I forbid you to sleep with him" you may have to specify that if she does this and that you will feel betrayed or hurt. You don't have control over her anymore so that makes you a lot more vulnerable, doesn't it? I am not really sure I understand what's the problem here. If she doesn't want to find lovers, she won't. It's her choice after all. Why is this so important to you? If you fantasize about something that doesn't mean that she would enjoy it. The way you said it, it seems that this is your fantasy, not hers. WHat does she want and what does she fantasize about? If this is about her, then make it about her. Don't get sucked in your own fantasizes. Find out what hers are and see if you could make them happen. The second part is confusing to me. You're not bringing another man to please him - that's the BDSM part in you talking. In normal life, you will bring another man/men for HER pleasure. The fact that they also like it is a necessity. If they didn't, why would they be there? You can't have your cake and eat it too - if you want them to pleasure your gf they will also need to derive a pleasure from the act. If you're not ok with that, perhaps you should stick with the dildo. This is confusing. Let me try to break it down a bit. You're ok with FFM bc the energy flows. DOes it flow bc you can play with both and both can play with you? So it's like a holiday for you... :-) What's so different between that and MFM? Is it the fact that it's all about her and you;re just another guy at that time? Not center of attention anymore? I've had MFM 3-some and I have to tell you that at least for me the energy was flowing just fine. I was sensing her excitement, desire, naughtiness, I sensed his horniness and attempt to hold back when he got close several times... it was like I was 3 separate people at that moment. I was so turned on and I was so aware of everything... it was amazing. Their desire propelled mine and mine - theirs..... Maybe we lucked out with a decent guy, I don't know. But I know the energy flow was not interrupted in any negative way. Also, about the MM play, wHat difference does it make who the cock is attached to? You're not marrying the guy, after all, you're only satisfying your own sexual urges. Is she turned off from seeing you with another man bc that would take away the dom reputation you have? And if yes, does that concerns you? After all, you are her dom, you should be able to do whatever you want... yes? I am confused.... ------------------------------ I guess I will try to share my experience in the hopes that it may offer another POV for you: I bring guys to my girl bc she fantasized about it, she loves the attention, she loves seeing them being hard and horny FOR HER, she loves being ravished with desire. It makes her feel wanted! Now, this is as pure and as animalistic as it gets. Was it easy for me to get there? Fuck no, but I love her and I have experienced all kinds of things in my previous relationships so it was only fair to shove my insecurities and fears under the bed and help her fulfill her fantasies. I guess in a way the BDSM part in me sometimes likes whoring her out and if that's actually the case then we are a match made in heaven :-) And it's worth mentioning that it was a rocky ride at the beginning for me. Reading this forum helped me a lot. I am now a lot better and stronger person than I've ever been and I have her and this forum members to thank. I would do almost anything for her bc I love her and if she decide to leave me, so be it - at least I'll know I've given it my best. Living your life in the shadow of past hurtful and abusive events will always rob you from the ability to live your life to its fullest. Funny, the moment I realized that was the moment I lost 90% of my interest to the BDSM lifestyle. But here's my question: is that how you want to live your life?? Sorry for grammar, typos, etc. I think I've mentioned it before - I am an ESL case, lol.
  4. Stop masturbating (if you are) for a few days and just tease each other. The more you can hold off the more mind-blowing it would be ;-)
  5. ENFJ Extravert(22%) iNtuitive(25%) Feeling(25%) Judging(1%) You have slight preference of Extraversion over Introversion (22%) You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (25%) You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (25%) You have marginal or no preference of Judging over Perceiving (1%) Wow, I feel so special.... lol
  6. Maybe it's because you feel they are threatening to your relationship? Or because you feel they are not respectful of it? Or because you're afraid your hubby may fall in love? Or it's because you just don't like them and you don't want hubby to be pleasuring somebody you can't stand for whatever reason...? Or... I could go on more but bottom line is your intuition is telling you "don't do it" and I think you should listen. Women have this gift of foreseeing or feeling what's going down or what's about to happen based on minuscule, obscure, and often unrelated data. Nine times out of 10, I wish I had that ability or that I listened to my "gut feeling".
  7. I think it's unavoidable to pickup a new style or way of doing familiar things, esp if you liked them. I think many people are always in a learning mode (at least I am, haha). If she picks up something that I end up liking I'm all for it. And I agree with chiccouplexx - it did seems based on how you felt that you were observing someone else's relationship and being your wife I'm sure it wasn't easy. I, too, have had my issues early on with the intimacy. Not the sex, but the intimacy. I wasn't really ready for it and it felt like I was being excluded and that's not what I signed up for. What helped me and hopefully will help you as well is communicating to her how you felt. Maybe also, like others mentioned, give each other some time away from swinging until you process everything. I've realized long ago that swinging cannot damage healthy relationship. But it may highlight any insecurities of the participants or weak areas in the relationship and I think it's important to pay attention to how you feel and also how she feels. I also second the suggestion about making sure you're participating and not just observing. At least for me, It's fun to watch her rock his world. I've said on occasion, f*** yeah, that's MY Vixen. Isn't she the best? but I can do that comfortably only with partners we've already been with. I'm almost always in the trenches when it's the first time with someone.
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