I’m the female half of a couple in our early forties. We started exploring an alternative life style about three years ago.
We started with a profile and blog on a sex-dating site and had lots of fun with pictures and contact with other people. It strengthened our relationship and helped us get better at communicating whilst boosting our self-esteem. It has been a good experience all in all. We have had many discussions about what we would like and how far our boundaries go.
This is where a problem comes up.
We started going on some dates with single males where obviously the threesome was centered around me which worked out fine. It was a good way to ease into things, it’s fun, I enjoyed and still enjoy it.
The thing is, my husband expressed a desire to also experience sex with others, foremost with me and another couple. I didn’t feel ready for this, so instead we started visiting some couples club to see if it was possible to ease into it and get more comfortable with the situation.
My problem is that I have no desire whatsoever to watch my husband have sex with another woman. None. If anything it freaks me out and I don’t know why.
Not that I think that he will leave me for another woman and love someone more than me – believe me, we have discussed this over and over again and I know that I would be put on a pedestal should I agree to try this. My husband and I are very different in the way that we think – he’s the curious and adventurous type and I tend to overanalyze and overthink things. You may now think that perhaps it would be better if he went off and tried this on his own, but this new lifestyle is something we do enjoy together and we want to do it together. At the moment, the relationship is only open in one end (mine) and I struggle with the fact that is unfair to my husband, especially since he is the driving force behind this alternative life of ours. At the same time, I am finding it difficult to get my head around this.
We have been reading a book on jealousy for open relationships together – not everything there has been relevant, but I can read and understand the different ways of looking upon this, but my gut is still saying no. What should I do? My husband has been nothing but patient and understanding, and he doesn’t want to force me into doing something I don’t want to do, but instead we find ourselves in this kind of “limbo-stage”, stuck in the middle of things. I feel like it is putting me down and therefore has an effect on our alternative life style – my interest is less and my husband feels like he has to come up with all ideas and plans, which in turn is putting him down.
Has anyone out there been in a similar situation? How did you get over it?
What should I be thinking for me to embrace the idea of us all playing together with another couple with him playing with another woman?
Any help would be greatly received.