Thanks for all the advice everyone. And thanks for the warm welcome. As for why we're not starting with couples swapping, i guess my wife is not really in other men right now. I suggested it when we discussed posting on the forum for advice and I've also brought up the idea of maybe a MMF threesome for her cause I understand that's easier to find, but she's not interested at the moment. She's had an awkward drunken threesome before and she's always wanted to have a proper one. I actually have a friend who was/is a unicorn, so I'm hoping to be able to tap into her contacts. Though before reading these forums when she said she was a unicorn I thought she meant she was a sparkly, carefree, unique person. I'm not sure if we 're going to be able to do the big party thing at first, my wife has a big problem with crowds. Sorry if that was a little rambley, still a bit nervous, I know most of the theories but never actually put them to the test.
I'll have to check out that book you mentioned funcoupledayton, I've never been all that great at the whole party thing, that might help me figure out what I was doing wrong. :P
Again thanks for all the advice and it's nice actually being able to talk about this stuff with other adults.