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openingthedoor

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openingthedoor last won the day on July 17 2013

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About openingthedoor

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  • Birthday 11/19/1969

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  1. While it's good to hear that some (rare?) LS play partners enjoy more sensual sex together, my overall sense from this thread is the same sense that I've had from these videos, which, as you said, is that "most" LS sex is "slam bam," and, um, seriously most women I know would simply not enjoy that kind of sex. They might act like they are enjoying it, but really enjoying it? No. Fun and entertaining perhaps, but fulfilling and worth doing? I just don't see it. So this even further supports my growing view that swinging really is just for men and women with bi-fantasies. *However* we are fueled by the hope that we can find those rare exceptions and will just pass over the rest. Also, IMHO, if swingers really were totally comfortable with their spouses being with other lovers, then having them share totally sensual and slow sex would not be an issue. I wouldn't want sex any other way so again I guess reading enough to definitely learn that this type of LS mostly isn't for me, but not because I wouldn't be interested in swapping true intimacy. I've also seen guys on this board complaining that more and more women aren't wanting to play or just want to be with girls. Well, duh!?! Of course they don't!! Regarding my approach with these guys, I will admit that I do not flirt with them. But I am friendly and I always start with a compliment. I've had guys (most) not even compliment my photos. What a complete turn off. And I don't agree that men should talk to each other only before a meet. If a guy is going to be a jerk, I'd like to know now. And, although we primarily want a threesome with another woman, part of the reason is that no guy has made me want sex with him or even tried. I'm available and online, so, harkening back to good old fashioned dating, they should try to get to know me on some level *if* they really had any desire to sleep with me. But I'm not trying to change myself to suit them because I frigging don't want a jerk so no loss on my part. Just an observation really. I'm not hot for other guys but I certainly could be. If they want it to happen, they have to make it happen, otherwise move along and miss what would otherwise be an amazing opportunity for very hot sex of the extensive giving and receiving variety. Good news is that we have been exchanging emails for a while with a very hot and highly erotic couple, so all hope is not lost. In that case, the man has treated me very well and with great respect and kindness throughout all of our exchanges. And we are now exchanging fantasies and photos like crazy. So making an effort can pay off.
  2. Yep, there is a lot of work. I've already done quite a bit but mostly I've been searching for single females. Searching for a couple has been a new thing for me. I just have been very surprised. Seems like women put up with a lot of crap and have sex that no woman I know would ever enjoy. So I've started to think maybe swinging is mostly filled with a large percentage of women who either aren't strong enough to say "no," have no self-respect, or just want to use the experience to find other women to fulfill their bi-fantasies (not talking about women on this board at all--maybe they occupy a larger percentage of the exceptions?--just the videos that I have seen and one woman from one couple we actually met). I don't know, but for me, so far I can plainly tell from either emails or our first and only first date that the guys were jerks. And if a guy wasn't giving in bed (during foreplay), well then "hell no" would be the answer to actual sex. Do these guys really think that women only need a few minutes of kissing, touching and/or oral to want actual sex? If you don't think of foreplay as something that should last for a very long time (thinking 2-3 hours in bed overall for a great sex session), then you have a hell of a lot to learn in my book. I don't mind asking a nice, willing guy for what I need to enjoy sex with him (and giving what he needs in return) but a self-serving jerk can find someone else.
  3. Just a follow up that we've seen some actual videos of swinging events, not just random porn. And the "swing" reality show are also actual swingers. And we've seen some videos on sites like AFF (those are really unbelievable). My view so far is that women pleasure each other, use vibes, etc, then men kiss, touch and/or perform oral on their female swing partners for about .25 seconds, then the women give blow jobs and men fuck them. All the while ... some random guy is saying "do you like my wife's pussy juice dude?," people are laughing and joking with each other, while AC/DC or loud obnoxious music plays in the background, lights are blazing everywhere, and everyone is doing body shots. I mean, just look at the Vegas ads--which look like having sex in a nightclub or hotel party room. So we have agreed that we will only swap if I am feeling an attraction to the guy (guys saying "yeah, baby, do you like sucking that cock?" and/or guys who think that I need to "prove" that I'm great in bed and/or honor their most holy cock will not get very far with me) *and* the woman in the couple reciprocates evenly (meaning she has sex with my husband). And my personal experience interacting with swingers so far (mostly men, online) has been that they say things like "my wife is pretty good, not sure you can top her"--trying to make me feel competitive about pleasuring them. Um, really? This is your line for getting me in bed? Another guy treated me like he was buying a car. I have had exactly ONE guy who treated me like a real person, via email, and we are still considering them for a swap (would require travel so we are waiting). I have generally concluded that probably means we will never swing, particularly when you add that I must be attracted to the guy. If we don't swing, we don't swing. We both have no problem giving to our swing partners fully and our sex is fantastic, lengthy, and very erotic. I really have no complaints and my only reason for swinging is that our sex when we talk about fantasies that might actually happen is just over-the-top amazing. I might add that although I'm more likely to find guys willing to play with me, whoever lands my husband will be one lucky lady.
  4. Thanks for the thoughts. I can see how it might be difficult diplomatically, but I still plan on making sure it happens. I'll just keep saying that I'm not ready (during foreplay) and make sure we are on the same bed. I have just seen (in videos) and read (on this board) about too much crap in the LS to do this any other way. And you said somewhere that at one club your wife had sex with 5-6 guys and you had no one. I personally just could not even enjoy that situation. We wouldn't care at all if they didn't want to do anything, as long as equal. And I wouldn't care if I didn't play and he did (meaning if guy in their couple suddenly wasn't interested or couldn't perform or whatever else). I just don't think you can trust people even if they say they understand that we want everything equal. Forgive me if I sound jaded, but we just met our first couple two weekends ago and the guy was a complete jerk, who obviously was just trying to give his wife as little as possible while trying to get as much as possible for himself. I'm not okay with that type of scenario. And I continue to believe that swinging is mostly for guys. I mean, seriously, the sex I'm seeing just doesn't look all that great (for the women). We now think that we are looking for something rather unusual in swinging but hopefully these videos and shows aren't representative of what is really happening between swingers. So I think swinging is mainly a gift that I'd be giving my husband (so if he isn't receiving his gift, no way I'm interested in just giving to some random guy). *However*, I'm open to the possibility that some charming guy would change my view of swinging men and sex. Still, in that case, my husband would feel badly if he didn't swing and I'm not that eager to have either foreplay or (definitely) actual penetration from others (since my husband treats me great and is well-endowed, so why would I?) And again I just think that I will have lots and lots of options (aka guys willing to fuck me; I mean, most guys will fuck just about anything) and the not so nice part of the swinging crowd trying to dupe us newbies, so my guard will be very high. Not a great start to sex so hopefully a nice couple will change our view entirely. We have another date this weekend.
  5. Well, thanks, but I don't think the big group thing would work for us at all (not at all, not even a little). How about more along the lines of "I just want to watch them first, then we can play." This is a real problem and honestly without sounding snooty the only way I can explain is that I am younger and therefore more attractive and likely more appealing to a larger group (aside from the fact that obviously women are more popular in general). So I could easily see a more experienced swing couple trying to dupe us by my swapping and her not. I'm very firm on my thinking that I don't want to swap unless he does. He is a sensitive guy and I have zero desire to play if he does not. In fact, a lot of this is my wanting him to play and just believing/trusting that I might enjoy myself IF I actually find a nice guy (otherwise not happening anyway). My husband is a great lover and super nice guy...and there are lots of obviously horny jerks in the world. And you can't always tell on first meet whether people are conning you. So somehow I have to make this part of the deal. Not sure how to word this, but it is our deal for sure. No one penetrates me first...We are meeting a couple this weekend and likely would also need to develop a friendship so somehow I just have to make this clear. But I can see how this might affect my play partner's excitement so not really sure how to handle. *If* I chose a guy in a couple with whom to swap, then I would treat him right. I just expect fairness on my husband's behalf. So far the guys we have met have been total tools (just a few) and complete jerks who seem to be abusing their wives in some twisted way. I can't explain it but anyway...I might screw a jerk without knowing it but not unless my husband is also getting screwed. The other negative for us (with swinging) is that we have been watching the show "swing" and also seen quite a few swing videos. The sex, from a woman's perspective, looks horrendous. We have long, slow, sensual sex and again my husband is very giving, talented, physically fit and well-endowed. Great body and great lover. So the group sex/ club scene...doesn't fit the kind of sex we would be willing to join. We aren't partying people, rarely drink, conservative & reserved outside the bedroom, and very considerate in the bedroom. Both of us give a lot in bed. We don't want the women play, then give men BJs, then get fucked type of sex (especially with loud music and lots of joking and laughing happening as sex is happening type of sex). Actually once we started really considering swap and then watched the sex, then reading about men getting rejected/duped, once again I think we are willing with the right couple but doubtful they really exist or we can find them. At least our sex is hotter than ever as a result of our search.
  6. Why would the woman from one couple be willing or wanting to meet with just the male from your couple??! Wouldn't happen with us...
  7. This is kind of just a side note. But I am the woman in our couple and I do our online searching. As part of that experience, I've emailed back and forth with a few guys online and we've met one couple. 100% of the guys have been total jerks in my view. One guy acted like he was negotiating to buy a car. Another guy gave zero compliments (despite my giving a few--of pics of him and her--and he wasn't all that great but I was being polite). He gave no compliments. Another guy gave no compliments. They don't even try to sound "nice" or make any normal conversation. There has been exactly ONE guy who has treated me like a normal human and that couple is on the very short list of being our first swap couple. We haven't even met them yet but planning on trying to connect in a few months after we've "dated" locally for a while (that couple will require a 4 hour drive south). I don't know if that's your issue but my experience so far with swinging guys is that they do not know how to treat a woman. If a guy isn't nice and doesn't try to "court" me to a certain extent, there is no way in hell that I'm having sex with him. As a side note, we've been watching the reality show "swing" on playboy and also have watched a few swing porn videos. If swing sex is anything like that show or those movies, then I have zero interest. Basically women kiss / fondle each other, and/or play with vibes, then they join the guys to give a blow job then get fucked. Yeah, um, no thanks. Unless swinging partners are much more generous, and into truly sensual sex, then again--no dice for me and by association my husband.
  8. Through all of this discussion, my husband and I have decided to consider actually swapping (before we were only looking for a FFM threesome). So I have a question about your experience that I've really been wondering about. I am 100% sure that I do not want to swap unless my husband does. He is older than me and might have a more difficult time finding a partner. I have no idea. But is it okay/normal to say "I'm not having sex with you until I see my husband having sex with your wife." I guess I could see how both sides could take this approach and then obviously neither can start or play. But I still think that is going to be my personal "rule" to protect my husband from this sort of bullshit and just wondering how that might be viewed in the LS. Thanks!
  9. I don't think this is true. Depends on the couple. Seeing my husband with another woman hurt but I was the driving force so certainly wouldn't divorce him over it. It was also very exciting and something that I can't stop myself from wanting to do again. At the same time, I have ZERO desire to be with another guy; doesn't excite me at all.
  10. I'm not really sure how needing sex from someone else is any different from needing cuddling afterward, although I don't feel that I need either from anyone other than my husband. Maybe she just meant that she wants it and sex feels cheap without it--meaning if you are going to have sex, then you need cuddling afterward or the sex feels wrong. I haven't been there but could see myself having that feeling.
  11. Still very curious. Still a huge fantasy that turns me on. Still wondering if pain would decrease with repeat performances. But I still have vague but negative feelings about what happened. And I didn't actually enjoy the experience although the memory still turns me on and fantasy has stayed the same. And I'm not sure sexual monogamy is sustainable WITH excitement. We are considering same room sex with your partner only + just going to be in the atmosphere of clubs. But I'm not sure that will deliver on the excitement front and I think once you put yourself in that environment, progress might be difficult to avoid. Pain only comes later. Also wondering whether soft or full swap might be better or worse for us. Hubby says he doesnt want me with others and I'm not craving others but he might change his mind in a club with a beautiful woman in front of him willing to have sex. Wondering how that would affect him and I. So lots of Qs still looming. Plus reading about swinging is more interesting than much else on the Net, no matter what we do.
  12. Not sure how that is inconsistent with anything I said.
  13. I wanted to see my husband with another woman more than I can describe--very very hot fantasy for me--to the point where we did it. I didn't feel badly during the event (flirting was nothing)--SEX is something else. I felt very strange to the point of twilight zone the next day and definite feelings of strong sadness for weeks (it's been about 5 or 6 weeks at this point). We survived but it definitely wasn't easy. The thrill wasn't worth the pain for me. However, going back to monogamy after all of that high adrenaline excitement isn't easy, either (even though we have what I consider fantastic sex lives for a married couple). So I'm not sure where the answer lies. I am still struggling with the answer; hubby is content with monogamy, which is probably the right answer for us. But nothing is written in stone anymore...
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