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RunSilentRunDee

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RunSilentRunDee last won the day on July 4 2013

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About RunSilentRunDee

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 07/21/1950

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M. Male but plays as Single with Wife's Support (really!)
  • Location
    St Louis, MO
  • Interests
    Clothing optional events, Byzantine Chant, science fiction, history. tai chi.
  • Occupation
    Retired!
  • Swinging Experience
    We have been open since about 2000
  • Anniversary
    7/8/1990

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    RunSilentRunDeep
  • SDC Username
    RunSilentRunDeep
  • SwingerZoneCentral Username
    RunSilentRunDeep
  • Kasidie Username
    RunSilentRunDeep

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  1. Hey, I'm Dana and I'm curious. ("Hi, Dana!") As my profile says, I'm a married male who plays as a single (my wife knows and is good with it). I have read a lot of fantasy about this -- or stuff that looks like fantasy -- but I haven't had actual not-playing-a-role conversations with people about it. At this point, I'm lookikng forward to conversations.
  2. I was just listening to the hosts of one of my "swinger" podcasts, as they talked about hair: grooming, shaving, etc. As they wrapped it up, it seemed clear: gotta do it -- not just the women but also the men. So. I'm a male, wondering about how this "personal grooming" thing works in practice. OK, shaving the pubes, I get that. Here's what puzzles me. Like many men, I have hair that grows more widely than just on my pubes. It grows on my abdomen, it grows on my pubes (of course), it grows on my body to each side of my "pubes" area (strictly speaking), and then it grows on my upper legs. If left alone, some areas are "hairier" than others, but hair is certainly there throughout. So. Suppose I decide to shave "my pubes." When I'm done, I now have a hairless region that's surrounded by hair above (abdomen), possibly hair left and right (abdomen/upper legs), and hair below (upper legs). No doubt this would give women's mouths easier access to the playing field. But ... how would that look? I mean, to me, it seems that this would look weird, even comical. Does it seem weird to you? If it does, what do you do about it? Sure, some men will simply shave everywhere, like competitive swimmers. But to those who don't go that far ... what do you do about the hair around your pubes? And, no, it's not a real option to "simply go to your nearby club and see what the men do." My wife is not interested right now and I have no wish to try to go as a single guy. Thanks!
  3. (Nods) I have tried all you mentioned except Ashley Madison. People on CL, here at least, are looking for a "hung" (8+") bi guy under 45. Or aren't (to me) HWP. POF seems mostly to have wives who want to cheat. OKC, for me, is like Kasidie: no contacts there whom I had not already met elsewhere. *shrug* I found that frustrating, so I have been widening my searches & my "advertising." SLS gave me a pleasant surprise. We'll see what else emerges. I'll add that I'm aware that "swingers" are not made from cookie cutters. Different folks want different strokes. Some folks here will have no interests in common with mine, and won't see why on earth I should be here. And other folks may have plenty in common with me. Might not be lots of folks, but I suspect that some are out there. So, I figure it's worth becoming visible to them. :-)
  4. I don't have a "recommendation," but here's my experience so far. Mind you, I am a married guy who is here for solo activity. So my experience might not be yours. My (paid, lifetime) Kasidie membership hasn't turned up anyone I didn't already know from other social networks. No one has approached me on Kasidie. None of my attempts to approach has been successful. Kasidie does have a "business card" template; I have printed some cards from it. I'm not going to close the account; having paid for the lifetime membership I have nothing to gain by closing the account. My (free) SLS membership hasn't yet turned up anyone I do know from other social networks. Again, none of my attempts to approach has been successful. I have been approached, recently, by a "solo wife" who lives several states away and who was looking at travelling through my town a few weeks later. Her travel plans fell through -- family medical emergency -- but she still seems interested if/when another trip comes along. (My wife thinks that her "excuse" was genuine.) That's a "plus" for SLS. Have not found a "business card" template on SLS. After several failed attempts last September, today I finally managed to register a (free) account at C4P ("ClubForePlay.com"), of course as a single male. I am "wowed" by the number of profiles in my local area here. (I recognize some from SLS; that's OK by me.) Time will tell how well that will work out. C4P also has a "business card" template, and I plan to print some cards from it Real Soon Now. I have also recently opened (free) accounts at three sites that are clearly inter-linked: Adult Friend Finder, Horny Wife, and FbookHookUps. As a free member, I can only reply to incoming messages -- can't send messages on my own. I have gotten lots of "notifications" that xxx has viewed my profile. I'm not sure that all of these profiles actually exist; and I'm not prepared to risk my money on the gamble that they are. If I do find that SLS and/or C4P prove productive -- that they do lead to face to face contacts with people who are reasonable prospects -- then I will probably think seriously about purchasing a membership there. I don't mind going through a "probationary" period with local people who have not encountered me and who don't really know me. That's only prudent of them! I do mind paying for something that gives me nothing.
  5. No, I don't think you are being too suspicious. E-mail (or IM) does not take the place of face to face. A female friend of mine has told me that her ex used to use fake e-mail addresses -- and fake telephone numbers -- to con women into sexy photo sessions ... and sex sessions ... with the story that he had high paying clients who wanted to have photos and/or videos of sexy girls ... and sex. He had no client, of course. He was doing this all himself, for his own jollies. The women would ask to talk with the client. When they e-mailed "the client", or phoned "him," they would be talking to him. Satisfied, they would then tell him "yes." And he would have a great time. Somehow, they never quite got paid the fees they thought they were going to get. And so, when my friend and I discussed visiting a sex-vanilla nudist resort together last month, to split the resort's fees, she asked to see my wife face to face. That way, she could ask my wife herself whether I had been speaking the truth, when I had been telling her that my wife was "good with this." I was happy to set that up. My wife was happy to meet her over a sandwich. When I joined them after I finished work, the two of them were having a great time, talking about all kinds of things. Big smiles, all around. I wouldn't have it any other way. Your mileage may vary of course, but I would suggest that this face-to-face contact should at least be on the table. If the person with the hall pass can't do that, or says it's not necessary, or puts you off ... to me, that's a red flag. And I'm the married-but-solo guy. Just sayin'.
  6. Speaking as a married-but-solo guy myself, I think it makes sense to "hear it from the spouse" before doing anything more than a little flirting. This can be hard to accomplish if you meet for the first time in a club, especially if the club has a "hookup" vibe -- if people go there hoping to play that very night. I'm hoping that the local meet-and-greet that's coming up in a couple of weeks will be a better starting point for me. I'm hoping that people there will be more ready to be patient. Because my wife will be happy to meet a few people face to face, for *mutual* reassurance. She just won't want to meet a lot of people all at once, in a setting where she might get a lot of attention herself! Attention she tells me she does not want.
  7. This is not unusual for me, either. As SparkStar noted, I think this is better than the alternative, which I had a lot when I was in my 20s! Because of JAJ's concern, I do think it's important to bring this up early, as a "here's something that often happens" thing. We guys don't want the gals taking it personally, after all. Much better that I feel embarrassed, than that she feel inadequate!
  8. Well done. With a guy like that, "blunt" is the only way to get him to listen. I am sorry you had to spend your own time to do it, though.
  9. If you have been following my posts, you know that I do not have tons of sexual experience in this "ethical non monogamy" setting. While sometimes I feel a little frustrated about that, I'm not really upset by it. Here is an example of the reason why. Last weekend, I had my first visit at a nudist resort. As many of you will know, "nudist resorts" are notorious for frowning strongly on (what we might call) displays of public sexuality. I was there with a (female) friend, but we are not in a physical relationship; we were there to split the resort's daily fee. (She had met my wife over coffee, earlier that week, so that each could verify for herself that I had spoken accurately about the other. They ended up getting along famously -- hurrah!) My friend and I did not pretend to be "a couple," and we made it clear (1) that I'm married, (2) not to her, and (3) that my wife knew and was good with it. The resort's regulars liked that, and greeted me warmly. (My friend had already been there several times, and they loved her -- they have good taste. :-) ) That Saturday, more than a dozen members of a nudist club from a nearby city (not mine) came to the resort for a day trip. Some of their members were swingers or in open relationships, but of course that wasn't obvious to anyone who didn't already know them. Some of the visitors were considerably younger and more attractive than the resort's regulars. Late in the afternoon, I found myself in a conversation with one of these ladies: 38, blonde, and very nicely shaped. Several of us older men had come over while my friend had been spreading sunscreen on her reddening breasts. My friend moved on, and the young woman proceeded to banter with us men, all standing around together. One by one, the other men ran out of banter and walked away. She and I remained. Her banter with me was about health care. She noticed my coronary bypass scar (about 11 years old, now), and traced it down my chest. She came closer to me; in due course we stood embracing each other in a "hug," except one of her hands was down at my tailbone and my cock was definitely in contact with her belly. I knew she was married, and glanced over at his husband. He was in the pool, looking away. I will admit it: I am bad at catching and using other people's hints. I am afraid of "false positives," of interpreting something as a hinted "yes" when she meant nothing of the kind. If the setting is not already a sexuality-positive setting, I need words. I was not getting words. After a while, she broke into sobs about her fears about her health care situation. Her husband then came over, took her into his care, and motioned me not to follow. Some time later, after she was dozing on her poolside lounger, I respectfully approached her husband so that I could offer my apologies for any offense I may have caused. He smiled and waved them away. He told me, instead, that yes they had an open relationship. He had seen us; it looked like she and I were flirting and might have some fun later; and he was OK with that. (He was? Gosh, I had no idea!) We shook hands with smiles. That was the first thing I learned. The second thing I learned later (from my friend) was that the young woman was drunk. No, that's not true. She was sauced. She was plastered. She was plowed, only in terms of alcohol. (She was? Gosh, I had no idea!) I think she had started drinking as soon as they had arrived that morning, and had kept it up all day. This is probably why she broke into tears ... I think she got distracted by her own banter and lost track of what she was doing. So, to my title for this blog entry. You may say to me, "Wow, man, you missed such an opportunity!" I mean, she was young (from my point of view), she was good looking, and yeah she was hot!! Dang, shoulda, coulda, woulda! And I say, "Wow, I dodged such a bullet." Because no one that drunk can give genuine consent to anything. Or can give me the words I needed, in that sexual-vanilla setting, to be sure that it would be OK if we proceeded to "have fun." Or can work with me, if I had thought, "OK let's go" ... and then had brought her over to her husband so that I could be sure that he would be good with it. (Since he and I had never met before and had not spoken with each other before this banter broke out.) There were so many ways that this could have blown up in my face. And it didn't. I didn't push her past her genuine consent; I got a handshake and a smile from her husband; and I didn't offend any of the sexually-vanilla regulars at the resort. I dodged a bullet.
  10. For what it's worth, here's what I say: What you might have done is tell every one of those three guys: "Ask this girl. She never says no!" And then smile, and walk away. Because no woman should ever be shamed out of saying "no."
  11. Thank you for your feedback. It is good to find out what wordings are not clear-and-obvious to another person. It is also good to find out what passages might make a reader's eyes glaze over (also known as the EGO effect -- Eyes Glaze Over effect). And I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!
  12. HO kay! "RSRD" SLS account updated with the entries I had meant to make -- clipped photo added -- remarks already made incorporated. I need to sit back and think about how publicly I want a full face or full body photo to be visible there. As a non-paying member, I can't keep any photos private ... and my wife is worried about some local swingers who might think she is "available" to them, if they see me on the site. If anyone would be willing to take another look, I would be very grateful. Thanks,
  13. Thank you very, very much! I'm glad you were hyper critical, and I'm glad you found the profile I had recently updated! I'm going through it now, to reflect your very helpful comments.
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