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jinca

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About jinca

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  1. The GRS is really, in my opinion, the last and smallest of the hurdles. It ices the cake, so to speak, but all of the other stuff seems a bigger deal to me. Swinging still has the same meaning to us (me, I guess that's the only person I can truly speak for). It allows me to enjoy my sexuality and brings depth into my existing relationship and immediate pleasure in my playing relationships. As things continue to change in the physical arena of her transition, swinging will allow me to "fill the void" and continue to be fulfilled sexually by a male partner and add more fun and excitement to my bisexual needs. Thanks for the compliment, J.
  2. Absolutely none. Long story in the short simple version, there has been several court cases that have already been ruled on for various reasons regarding custody and other issues that usually pertain to someone wanting to get out of the marriage. Basically, the ruling in all cases have been: you were once married as man and woman, you are still married regardless of surgeries or gender identity or name. There are many states that allow the person to go back and even change the original birth certificate to their "corrected" gender. This creates some minor complications in the system. Many years ago, doctors wouldn't sign off on GRS (genital reassignment surgery) until the couple had divorced, so it wasn't on the state or federal level, but coming from the medical community. I suppose in most cases it doesn't matter anyway because the couple splits. Fortunately for us, we will still be married and be allowed the legal benefits that we have been entitled to since the beginning. The only problems we've had is with someone that doesn't approve and wants to throw a wrench in the works. A few companies and financial institutions had employees that gave us problems on a lower level, we just took it to management and followed some instructions given by some excellent organizations that have done all of the legal research and paperwork. Hope that answers the question!
  3. Don't worry...not going anywhere soon! I'm glad you learned something, sometimes the lessons elude even me. Something I have learned from my membership on Transsexual boards over the years is their dating rituals. It seems the ones that are able and want to have sex prior to surgery do exactly what you described. Not telling until the last minute could be very disastrous! There are some that post surgery, never tell, because they go entirely stealth. In our case, I think that becomes VERY difficult to do. We are legally married, have a child and the story would become very complicated with all of the fabrications necessary. At events that my daughter participates in they have assumed that M is my sister and comment on how supportive she is for ONLY a sister, at that point I will usually correct them and tell them that she is my partner (they never ask why we have the same last name...but I don't think most people make the big connection...most people don't think in terms of transsexuality regardless of the evidence). We aren't advertising who we are, but we aren't ashamed of it either for people that we are willing to get closer with (even platonically). We have pictures of us on the walls of us as a male and female couple and people who don't know the whole story haven't asked about them (that seems REALLY bizarre, but they may either not notice, or not know how to ask). Anyway, I had figured that other than the couple that we are hoping to reconnect with...if we were to get closer with others that we would become friendly first and then well in advance to playing we would let them know. A club situation would never be a problem, because M has never attended a club and has no interest in membership.
  4. Personally, I would not show my daughter the ropes (even if it just meant taking her to a swing club), however, I might talk with her about it if it ever came up and be more informative than going into the details. I would never tell her about the details of my sexual escapades, but might tell her about my choices in life. (We'll cross that bridge when we get there though, hopefully, not for another decade or so!) However, I know of some people that hop the border (didn't you know that California is it's own country!) and go to Nevada when their sons become of legal age and take them to a "ranch" for sexual pleasure. I'm not comparing prostitution with swinging. I'm trying to say that I would not personally do that. I guess there are different shades of this theme. Is it something you would not do, yet would not be disgusted or offended by others if they did? There are still countries where fathers initiate their daughters into sexual activity to "lovingly" show them how it's done. I put the lovingly in quotes, but they definitely feel that it's a favor to their daughters and no one in the society looks down upon it. I'm not saying that I approve of this behavior, but didn't we learn about all of this in Sociology. I mean, we can take sex completely out of this equation and say there's a million things that I would not do, but wouldn't care if others did. There are also many things that I would not do and would be very offended if I knew others did. Then there are the handful of things that I would speak out against because they are so offensive to me (very few indeed). Isn't that what makes each one of us unique? In reading this I haven't seen anyone that is asking for another to take their side in how their outlook, just not to be criticized for the outlook. Is this really so heinous that we can't just reserve the right disagree and not speak out against them? My $.05 (looky there...I'm a big tipper!).
  5. We have generally had a no questions barred rule. It makes things so much easier and usually clarifies issues for others that feel they have experience in this area . I say "feel they have no experience...because how do we know...most transsexuals go "stealth"...meaning that unless you knew them before and after they probably will successfully transition and you would never know that they were born the opposite sex. This may not make a lot of sense...but I'll give it a shot...I'm not going to deny that it wasn't emotional in the beginning. I would compare it to the feeling (although I don't know it) of finding out that your spouse has cancer and is going to die. You will get to watch them go away slowly and the catch is that they have already picked out this really fantastic person for you that knows all about you and already loves you and will take great care of you. I would say the most difficult part about this is that when she emerged, we were so wrapped up in all of the changes and the support of the changes that I didn't have very much chance to say goodbye to "him". The grief process seemed long, but maybe it was average. I don't know. It is the same person, however, I have to say that it would have been easier if I had just picked out a woman that I wanted to live with. Being with a transsexual for the beginning years is like living with a teenager (everything is new and exciting to them, including the hormones and bad makeup!). We're over that hump now and I think the only big draw back is the overwhelming amount of female energy in the house. She's always had more yin in our relationship, even when she was "he". And I've always maintained the strong yang side. I think that's why our relationship transitioned well...the basic dynamics of our interaction didn't change. To answer the first part of your question: I would call myself a lesbian if asked by a stranger, because it allows for less complication. I really don't feel comfortable discussing with a stranger that doesn't view things "my way" that I live with a woman (who was once a man) and I have sex with men and women. Regarding the second unasked part of your question...therapy. It is required because doctors want to protect themselves. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care (HBSOC) is the bible and rule book in the transsexual world and even though most transsexuals do not agree with everything that is mandated within they comply because of not feeling "aligned" and wanting to correct a "birth defect". I have mixed feelings on this...the first part is...I say it's their body, no one has to go through counseling to get a "boob job". And there's another piece to that too... if someone is transgendered, they just are. They can't be talked into this or out of this (transgenderism/transsexualism). Rhetorical question: if all of your friends and associates told you that you were a man (I read that you are a genetic female) would you believe them? If they told you a thousand or a million times would you believe them? Could I talk you into being a man? Could you talk yourself into being a man? Honestly, barring a few mental exceptions or if you were one of the population that was transgendered, I could say right now that if you say you are a woman, you're a woman. As a side note: What about intersexed people? (Hermaphrodites) Are they belonging to no gender or an "other" category because they have both or partial genitals? Look at Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis has one X chromosome and one Y chromosome. For those of you rusty in biology, XY means that she is chromosomally, literally, biologically male. What Jamie Lee wasn't born with were the receptors for her male hormones, so she went back to the genetic sexual default appearing female. Her penis and testicles were never able to be developed. "How did she get such great tits?" I hear you wonder aloud. At puberty, the testes start to produce a large amount of the male hormone testosterone but, in the absence of its receptor, this has no effect. However, testosterone is converted to estrogen, and so normal to enthusiastic breast development occurs. It's not uncommon for those with complete AIS to have rather large breasts. There's also little to no pubic or axillary hair, and of course, no periods, as there is no uterus present to produce a lining which to shed. I guess this long drawn out answer is that our society requires and medical standards have been developed to require us to prove who we are by "dropping our pants". If I say I'm female and know I'm female, it's not enough...I have to have a vagina and anything between requires the HBSOC which includes a year or more in counseling and signatures by many.
  6. I guess my original concern is that these friends of ours are absolutely awesome. Even if we never play with them again, I wouldn't want to lose them as friends. I'm thinking that they may even want to let "M" (my spouse) become "complete" for her sake, but don't want to make any assumptions. They are voyeuristic in nature and we have put together pictures for them, but nothing below the waist. Recently, the wife asked if we had anything more. I didn't ask for clarification and the moment was lost. That whole conversation got me thinking that they may not be interested in waiting a year. My spouse has lived full-time for over two years. She constantly gets "hit on" by both genders as a woman. We have taken up no offers, only because it would be deceitful as they are hitting on her as a woman, and are really not interested in a Gwyn/Eddie Araujo event taking place. I'm not the "Beast" in the relationship, but she definitely takes the cake in the "Beauty" contest. As to love...I think it takes a whole different kind of person to stay in a relationship that changes in this way. Sexuality and gender are two totally different issues. I'm sure you all can see that (especially after reading different posts). M considers herself lesbian and I am bisexual. That doesn't automatically make it a fit for this marriage to continue through something like this. It's taken over five years to get to a point where I know we will overcome the issues that surround this and we're still very young (she's not even thirty yet). That doesn't mean I think less of a person who doesn't stay. Actually, any person that makes a decision on this issue deserves respect in my book. I loved "him" and miss "him" and "his" qualities. But adore her and look forward to a continued loving and sexual relationship with her. Hope this isn't TMI for everyone, I realize that this doesn't seem to be everyone's "bag" but it seems that more information was wanted.
  7. Your answer was appreciated. It seems you had it somewhat right. I am a genetic woman (and not changing) and my spouse is a genetic male that has been living full-time as a woman (undistinguishable to everyone that doesn't know without her clothes off and only known by our before and after friends) but isn't scheduled for surgery for about another year. We will live as a lesbian couple. I know the friends are interested in the "after", but am not sure if they are interested in the 'now". I guess there's only one way to cross that line and appreciate the suggestion of directness. Thank you.
  8. In order to have GRS one has to live full-time in the new gender role for at least one year, hormone therapy for one year and a recommendation from a psychologist and psychatrist that they have been seeing for a year. My spouse (and I) have substantially exceeded the required "year" on all of these counts. It seems your reply is a little condescending. Insinuating that anyone would haphazardly embark on such a course seems to me that you presume me and/or my spouse idiotic. It really wasn't the comment type I was looking for, but I suppose I opened myself up for this reply. To clarify, I am not seeking approval or counsel in the area I mentioned, but rather, questions pertaining to reconnecting with a couple that we used to play with frequently and are still very close with. My spouse and I have an "active" sex life together and want to know if the "lifestyle" will ever be part of our lives again.
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