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bfofbigf

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15 Good

About bfofbigf

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    Just Getting Started

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
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    Boise
  1. Im going to say a few things then i will let this go on this board because honestly we thought wed get help here, not just negitivity. First off, it was my idea to look for help to understand what we are both going through, yes, the horrible girlfriend. I am not this horrible uncaring person that everyone thinks I am but thats ok everyones entiled to their own opinion and feelings. We posted this thread together, I didnt just come across it and decide to add my side of the story. Are they the facts? Sure they are, theyre my facts, as his are his facts, so both of us have real feelings and a real outlook on things. We both have valid facts and feelings. I am willing to work with him and he with I, but this new dialog is just starting to open with us so we need HELP. Its apparent now we came to the wrong place. Is the right place some where that will just support my "selfish" needs? NO. The right place is some where that will help both of us work towards what we are looking for. HELP in understanding and working through issues we are going to perhaps be faced with. We both know what the situation is, we just dont know how to deal with it. I was going to post in a seperate thread but I thought maybe if we posted in the same thread it would get both sides and maybe a better understanding of where we are, or trying to be, and I thought that would get some direct feed back. And yes, I had hoped that it would be more positive. Info that may help both of us. As I stated, he may be able to join in the future but i wont know that until a "woman" is at hand and if she feels comfortable too. Yes, hes hurting AND Im hurting too. We are both hurting together. And yes people change, thus the current situation. He says he wants me to do it but at the same time its a some what unknown to how he will feel when presented with it, I dont even know how Ill feel when presented. I have done things to try to make him happy and have went out of my comfort zone for it. You all are correct that neither of us should have to feel uncomfortable about anything. But at the same time, Im sure you can all agree that its better to have open communication then to lie and sneak around like most people unfortuately do. Theyre are several relationships and sites we have found that are in similar situation as we are and they are happy now but their feelings were hurt at first, on both sides. This is not a one sided deal and its not going to be treated as such. I do thank one poster that stated we should focus on us for a while and I do believe that to be true. Unfortunately this feeling for me will not subside so it will be faced again later, as it has been for two years now. Whether anyone on this site thinks I love him or not, I do, very very much. He also chose to be with me knowing what I wanted and so it is hard to deal with when things change, because it has for BOTH of us. But because we love each other we want to work at this. Is it such a terrible thing? Will it work? We dont know, but we can hope and pray it does. And we can hope that one day we will both feel comfortable with things and meet in the middle. But as I stated before we just arent sure where that is yet, if there is one at all but we will keep looking. Thanks again....
  2. Hi everyone- This is the girlfriend of the poster. I read all the responses here and I must say, ouch, you all are brutal...hehehe. First off, Id like to add to this orginal post that my boyfriend of 3 1-2 years forgot to add in here. "He" wanted me to hook up with women in the first place and he understood he was not going to be involved. He was also able to join one of my first encounters with a woman, since he and I were a couple. He was very much part of the action, he just didnt touch her, she was a lesbian. He seemed to be fine with it when I was alone with her after that. As for the next gal I was involved with, I spoke to her for over a year before actually pursuing the next step. He was fine for an entire year but when it got to the nitty gritty he changed his mind. And now that I want to pursue more women, now he isnt totally comfortable with it. He doesnt say dont do it, he says he understands and accepts it, I know he doesnt though by comments he makes. At the same time though, its an extreme turn on for him. But then again, sometimes I know it hurts him, I have a good understanding of how this might make him truely feel, and of all the confusion we are both going through right now. To him, Im extremely sorry, I cant shut off my need or want of women, I dont ever want to lose him though. I dont know what to do to make this better for both of us. Unfortunately, I'm not into the whole three sum thing, its just not my style, its a turn off to me. And it would not turn me on to see him with another woman, no how, no way. And I tried the three sum thing, I tried that for him, I didnt want to do it, but I did. Why, because I knew it was what he wanted and it would make him happy. I love my boyfriend and want to spend my life with HIM, no one else. Im not interested in any man but him, and I dont want to share my entire life with anyone but him, male or female. Why I'm explaining this I have no idea but I made it this far so I may as well continue. He and I have a great sex life.... but I crave women at the same time. And I certainly dont want to end up taking him for granted because he cuts my desires for women short. I want to keep our honest communication open. I "crave" him as well, I love him very much. If he were bi I would be ok with him sleeping with the same sex and he knows that. He also knows that if I ever get on a certain level with a girl he may be able to at least join again, even though I dont like it, and of course we would have to take that third parties feelings into consideration too. We have open communication and more of an understanding after doing research on our situation in the last few days. I for one hope we can work through this and meet in the middle, but who knows where the middle is at this point. Thanks for all of your responses. I know you all think I cheat on him but I am completely honest with him and I am trying to be as open as possible and sensitive to both of our feelings and move at a speed that is comfortable for both of us, not just his speed, nor just mine. I wish I could be more like you all and swing, but I cant be, and I got to be true to myself. Is there anyone that has experienced a similar situation that may have some positive advice? Ideas, besides just breaking up? Maybe I should also add that we both very much want to stay together and work through this together. Thanks for your time...
  3. My girlfriend has apparently always had an interest in women. About a year after we got together and just talking, I brought up how I would be OK with her being with another woman. Initially, she was elusive about this, but I saw that she was going to a women for women chat room on Yahoo. She has had two sexual encounters with two women now since we have been together. Each time, I don't feel all to comfortable about the whole thing because I feel like she is cheating on me. She tries to "explain" to me that I am not to be involved in this portion of her life. She says that without me, she would be a lesbian and not bi. It's like she wants to live two lives and I am only in one of them. I have tried to explain to her that I want to be with her, but that she needs to communicate with me more. She has to work at trying to make me feel comfortable because this is something she wants to do. I tell her that I need to feel better about this whole thing also. I am just unable to figure out what she could do to make me feel comfortable. Maybe a little involvement, but not sex with other women. I don't know. She says she loves me and does not want to be with any other man but me. She also feels that that is enough communication and that the rest is up to me. Although I do feel that I am responsible for my feelings, she as my g/f should also want to help me feel comfortable about her choice in lifestyle. I really do want to make this work, but I don't feel like she wants to and if she does, she is not showing it due to me feeling like I have to take it or leave it when it comes to her lifestyle choice. I need help. I really want to make this work, but I feel like I am getting the short end of the emotional stick and that I have to deal with it. I'm just looking for some guidance and suggestions. TIA!!
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