- LMAO! Just had to say, I love this. Just finished rereading the uncut "Stranger in a Strange Land" for the third time.
I grew up in a house where male fidelity was a non-concept that was not hidden. Before I married, I had led a sexually open, non-committed life without guilt or secrecy. My husband and I married young - very young - and for the first years, he had extra marital affairs while I struggled to fill the role of stereotypical wife. After being disgusted by my dive into jealousy and insecurity, I tackled the self esteem issues that I felt prompted me towards hypocrisy since I knew I believed that monogamy was not a natural state for some people - myself included.
As I recovered myself from the latent garbage in my head, I began to open very honest communication between myself and my spouse. It solidified our relationship in an amazing way. As we grew up together we explored different possibilities and lifestyles both together and separately -always careful to approach the situations with respect for each other and discuss things first. I think it helped that I do not put much stock on physical attraction - he did - and am instead drawn in by personality or intellect so my own journeys outside the marriage were few and tended more towards extended FWB type relationships.
For myself, I had never thought of being in a poly situation. Nor had he. Several years ago, I met a man through a common interest and began to develop an strong attraction to him which was reciprocated. I discussed it with my husband and after that the relationship became physical. About a year and half in, my lover lost his apartment and needed a place to live. My husband offered him the spare room in our house and he began moving in the next day. We have been living together ever since.
As to fidelity to each other - it's really not an issue in our house. Each person is responsible for their choices but we all keep in mind that there are others who will be affected by our actions. So when someone meets a person of interest, we talk first. It's not so much approval or permission seeking as a "head-up" - lol.
I guess the strangest thing about the whole experience has been our "normal" friends. We do not hide our lifestyle and are openly expressive towards each other, so everyone in our lives knows and - I just can't get over this - approves - much to their own amazement. Half are even envious of what we have created and often express a wish for the same kind of connection in their monogamous relationships.
I never would have imagined myself in this situation but now, I couldn't imagine another way to live my life.
