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NYFlirts

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NYFlirts last won the day on April 18 2016

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About NYFlirts

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    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 06/11/1974

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    NYC
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  1. As the person that started this thread, a few comments: 1) Zero disrespect meant to Holli & Michael. They are super awesome people and we're VERY happy to see them, and others, promoting an open and non-traditional lifestyle. 2) We're absolutely not judging what Holli and/or Michael do or don't do. We respect everyone from vanillas to swingers to poly to kink and have really good friends in all these camps and so many others! 3) @cplnuswing wrote a wonderful reply above to exactly what we were originally wondering when posting this thread. If Holli & Michael are representing "Swingers" (and I'm not saying that they are or that's their goal)... but *IF* they are, then all-things-being-equal, I think it would be awesome to have a full-swap couple that represents the majority of "swingers". Again, what they are doing is awesome, but in our opinion, it doesn't fully represent what most within this community and outside of the community would define a "swinging couple". Again, no judgement and no negative feelings, just a discussion topic that is one of many on this really unique and interesting website / forum for swingers.
  2. Good points. I just have to imagine that out of the millions of swinger couples out there, there is at least one "full-swap" couple that is just as attractive, charismatic, and willing to be open about their lifestyle. I guess it's a question of who they are promoting the LS to? If it's to vanillas that don't really know much, and Michael / Holli help get these vanillas to explore the LS, then that's fine. Our question is all the help / advice they give to active swingers on what to do / not to do. I just feel like it would be slightly better coming from a couple that can speak from experience. Again, it's not a huge issue, and I'd rather have them doing their great work than nobody... I just wish they more fully represented "swingers".
  3. This is something I haven't really understood and thought I could get some guidance from the masses here! Holli & Michael are kinda the celebrity faces of swingers and swinging. They are at a lot of swinger events as celebrities and the voice of swinger experience and knowledge to the non-swinger world. Here's my question: They aren't really even "swingers" in the sense that the vast majority of us define the term. I mean, unless there's something we don't know, they aren't a "full-swap" couple in that she doesn't play with other guys. Now, let me be VERY clear: I'm NOT saying that "swingers" only encompass "full-swap" or where both couples swap. Swinging is a very broad term. With that said, I would like a couple that's, in effect, representing "swinging" to be a couple that has vast amounts of experience doing the thing that most "swingers" do: Couple full-swap. I mean, there are all these vanilla news interviews with them where they share their experiences and say stuff like "Swinging has been great for our relationship! etc." ... but they aren't "swinging" in the sense that most of us (and the rest of the vanilla population) would interpret "swinging". Again, I have no issues with them. They are cool people and we've even met them a couple times. I'm just bummed that the "face of swinging" is a couple that isn't really "swinging" (in the sense of the word that *most* people will understand it. So, am I the only one that feels this way? Here's their site for more info: Holli and Michael | Holli and Michael
  4. I think it's the nature of the beast that men are hunting women in this LS. It's why almost all the main LS profile pics are of women and not men or both partners in the couple. Guys are out hunting for more and more... girls, not usually as much. My wife and I have come to agree that we're both most comfortable "playing at the speed of the slowest leg", so we make sure we adjust how far and fast we're going based on how our partner is doing. Brilliant points!!!
  5. OMG, I can't believe people like this are out there that are 1) this deceptive and 2) this stupid! We were browsing one of the LS sites and found a profile of a couple going to an event we're going to in a few weeks. The girl was super young and gorgeous... the guy was considerably older than her, a bit overweight, and pretty goofy looking. Well, we thought we'd check out their reviews / testimonials on the site to see what others thought of them. They had one review / testimonial that raved about how awesome they are, how hot she is, and how amazing the guy is. Our next step was to click the username of the couple giving the review / testimonial... and once we clicked we thought, "Hmm, a single guy profile... HOLY SHIT, THAT'S THE SAME GUY THAT'S IN THE COUPLE?!?!" Yup, sure enough, the guy in the couple has a single-guy profile and gave his couple's account a review / testimonial with that account. Oh and of course, his single-guy account had one review... from his couple account!!! UGH! So, not only is this guy trying to be all sneaky deceptive, he's also a total idiot to think that any person with half a brain is going to fall for this. I guess the only qualifier for people to be on these sites is a credit-card. Have you had any similar experiences with this kind of stuff?
  6. Update: I've been taking a single Cialis pill (5 mg) about 1.5 hours before I think I might need it. If I take it with less time, it seems like it hasn't gone through my system yet. Sometimes I do 2 pills when I'm really worried about performing... like this one girl I've been flirting with for 8 months kept saying she's getting depressed that 90% of guys in the LS can't keep it hard with her. I was DETERMINED to make sure I didn't contribute to that statistic, and I'm happy to report everything went perfectly! I'm still very frustrated that I can't find consistency with when / why I sometimes can't get or maintain an erection. I DO know it's 100% in my head and a mental issue since I've never once had a problem with my wife and never had problems with a girl I was dating for 5 months. On a related note: Not only do I have a hard time finding consistency / attribution for when I can't get hard, I also have a hard time determining if 5 mg is enough, or 10 mg, or maybe just none. SUPER frustrating!
  7. Hello! How are you? I liked your thread about sharing your secrets with close friends.

  8. Thanks guys! I hate the thought that I even "need" to use the stuff at all, but I hate not being able to deliver. I'm really hoping I can figure out the mental side since I know there are plenty of situations where I have zero problems.
  9. I was going to post this in the thread about how much Viagra / Cialis to take, but it seemed it should have it's own thread. I've tried both Viagra and Cialis. I don't know if I'm not taking enough or what, but I can't really tell for sure when it is or isn't making a difference. I know my problem is 100% in my head since I never ever have a problem with my wife or this one other girl I've seen regularly... but I have somewhat often had problems blowing a flat with a bunch of girls a few minutes into swapping, especially while changing positions. My biggest frustration: NOT KNOWING THE REASON!!! I mean, there is no commonality between when it does and doesn't happen. It isn't the specific girls, or places, or situations, or anything. It seems totally random. I'll have no problem with a girl, then a problem another night, then no problem again... same girl, same situation, etc. Hell, for all I know it could just be the food I'm eating beforehand? This one girl lately, we've seen her 3 times in the last couple of months. There's nothing extra good or bad about her... nothing that would intimidate me because she's so hot, or turn me off because she's not hot. Unfortunately, every time I've been with her I've blown a flat a few minutes in. 2nd time with her I took some meds and it didn't seem to make a difference. 3rd time I doubled up and I STILL had a problem in the beginning... but at least it seemed to kick in later since I was able to fuck her multiple times that night. I took them 1.5 hours before, so I figured that would have been plenty of time for them to work, no? WHAT THE HELL!?!? Ideally I'd like to find the common factor between all these times I can't get or keep it up. Again, I know it's 100% in my head, and only happens once in a while... I just can't figure it out the cause! Independent of finding the root cause, I sure wish I could determine why it seems that sometimes the pills work and sometimes they don't. Hell, I even wonder if sometimes when I take the pills and I don't have problems... if I could have skipped the pill and still not had a problem!? Am I the only one that's having these issues? Why can't I just figure out why I can't keep it hard sometimes? Why isn't it more black / white that the pills are or aren't working? I mean, shouldn't it be: I take them and 60 minutes later I can get a boner and keep it super easily?
  10. A friend out on the West Coast said his Kaiser hospital has an Rx for generic Viagra. I think he said it ends up at like $1.50 a pill for 20 mg.
  11. I would tent to agree, but I'm the type that overthinks everything and worries all the time about the risks and rewards of anything I do (I'm neurotic like that). So, if I stepped back anytime I asked that question, I probably wouldn't be married, have my own business, or gotten into swinging. Almost everything has risk... it's just a question of managing that risk properly. Similar to the above, there is risk (either direct or indirect... conscious or subconscious) to pretty much all the stuff discussed on this site. It's just up to each individual and couple to determine which risks are worth which rewards. GREAT question!! It's not really something I look forward to again. It was a LOT of work and stress on our relationship. Hell, a single hard-core relationship is hard, but managing a poly relationship AND a primary relationship... wow! I'm not saying that we'll totally avoid it in the future, but I definitely don't expect to seek it out! By way of update: We're both really wanting to re-engage with these two. We both miss them. My worry (again, it's what I do) is that we'll think everything's cool with us, proceed with them, and not realize we've been looking through a skewed / biased lens. The girl has messaged me a few times and I've mostly ignored. I guess the next questions are: 1) How do we know when the Mrs. and I are "solid enough" to re-engage with that couple (if we even should)? 2) How will we know that we're not just fooling ourselves into thinking things are ok so we can be with them?
  12. Well, we've pretty much called it quits with these two. It's just been hard maintaining all the relationships, but most of all it seemed like the Mrs. and my primary relationship with each other was starting to be impacted by our constant focus on the other two individuals. It's REALLY been difficult for both of us to stay away from them since we had really good connections, but we feel it's best for our relationship that we cut the ties. So, how do you know when the risk of problems with the primary relationship are worth the rewards of maintaining secondary relationships?
  13. Great discussion! So, IMO, the fact that there are so many different perspectives on this proves that people probably should err on the side of caution and either ask the husband his thoughts and/or both of the people in the couple at the same time. Regarding the "ownership" aspect of asking me: I do take a little issue with this. I don't "own" my wife, but I am a big part of the relationship and her activities in this lifestyle 100% directly impact me. I'm not saying the guy should have asked me to let my wife play with him... I'm saying he should have come to me and said, "Hey, independent of your wife, how do YOU feel about me asking her if she wants to go on a private date with me?"
  14. Great discussion, thanks everyone! A few points: 1) We've told this guy (and everyone else) that we don't do separate play... and said it a few times. He's heard that we have been doing private dates with this other couple... and ONLY this other couple, and I think he got his hopes up. 2) In this case, the guy knows me and knows our relationship and IMO *should* know that he should have come to me first to ask it it was ok. Another guy that's in the same position (has asked a few times over the years and been told "no") also knows we're seeing this other couple, and he had the respect to come to me directly. I think I'm also mostly bothered because I always try to err on the side of caution and know I'd never do that knowing what he knows.
  15. For two years we've had a no-hall-pass / no-separate-date rule. Well, that is until we started a semi-poly relationship with another couple. A few of our swinger friends know about this relationship. In the past, a few of the guys in those couples have asked if we play separate. Well, now that they are getting word that we are playing separate, they are chomping at the bit! We've been pretty clear that this is the first time we've done this and so far we're only comfortable doing it with this couple because we are BOTH doing it, and doing it with a couple that knows each other, etc. Well, yesterday one of the guys texted my wife (they have messaged a little in the past when we used to all play together) and asked if she is playing separate and if she'd be interested in going out on a date with him. At first I wasn't bothered, but then I started to think about it: He and I have texted way more and have more of a "relationship" than he and she do. Since he knows this is something we haven't wanted to do in the past, why wouldn't he come to me first and ask me if it was ok? I mean, in the same situation, I wouldn't have gone right to the girl and done that. I would have totally talked to the guy first. I hate being "circumvented / stepped-over" and would never do that to someone else. So, I'm a bit bothered by this. Not really upset, and I like the guy and think he's pretty harmless, so I have no intention of talking to him about it. I'm just wondering what y'all think. In a situation where you were pretty good friends with a couple and knew they were just new to stuff, would you think the guy should go direct to the girl, or get the "ok" from the guy first?
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