kands7107

Thank you to everyone. With a loooonnnngggg few days if talking, it's the affection side he didn't like. I'm not quite sure how to get that resolved just yet, it may take some time. It was never something I considered asking, and in all likelihood, he probably would have said prior that it wouldn't have bothered him. It's one of those things that you don't know til it happens. We agree with JustPassingBy that we are putting things on hold for a little bit. I know him pretty well, and have gotten to know even more over these past few days. I think right after was very fresh and it needed a little bit of time to settle and get some rational thinking going, but it's hard to be rational when upset. Thank you all for your replies, thoughts, and advice. I've been reading this forum for about a year but never posted and it's fantastic to have the support here.

I should probably re-iterate what I mean by flipped out. He wasn't yelling, he wasn't screaming, he was just kind of in panic mode. We did sit and have a calm conversation, but he kept going off on all kinds of tangents and saying he was ok with things, then 5 minutes later saying he wasn't. We talked all day yesterday and more today. It's not a ranting/raving type of freak out and I probably should have made that more clear. It was just the phrasing that was in my head first thing this morning. But yes, I agree, it's probably a good idea to have him read through this and see if any of the responses resonate with him and can open up some more discussion with a little clearer perspective.

You are correct on both. I'm naturally a touchy/feely person so affection is a huge part of things for me, as well as a turn on. We had talked about all this prior, and he came out and said there were no limits and no boundaries. I am guessing the not being able to have it happen part wasn't part of the images he had going on. At this point, he's feeling like he never wants to go down this road again. I'm not sure what to think on that - I know him well enough that seeing as how this has been a thing for him for years, to take the entire idea off the table permanently probably isn't going to be our reality when things settle from his initial reaction. My guess is that we'll need to go back to baby steps for a little while before going in this again. And to separate rooms, as Gordo mentioned, he is adamantly against that at this moment. He was prior to Saturday as well. That'll be down the road even further, should we continue on this. And I really hope we do, because having this as a part of our lives has been fun and great for our alone time too. He does tend to react strongly first, and then re-assess so I may try to just let it be for a few days or weeks.

I agree. I'm not sure, because he's not sure. He went back and forth on a million different things, in as many different directions, and I had a massive headache last night after it all. What he did say continually is that he doesn't like the affection part of it - kissing, the neck rub, etc. I get that. However, I'm not the type to just go at it with a random person without some sort of liking who the person is - no romance or any of that, but I need to like the person. My first thoughts are...he was okay with you giving him oral but you can't rub his neck...seriously? Yeah, no kidding, that was my thought too. You continued to make eye contact and reassess as you proceeded; you did everything right. Thank you. That helps me know I did all I could have done in that situation.

I'm going to try to make this concise. We have been talking about getting into the lifestyle for 5 or 6 years. I was always hesitant. Before I met my husband, I had my share of FWBs and plenty of recreational sex. He never did. 3 years ago, we started with the girl/girl side of things, where husbands would watch and then have at it with their own wives. I was pretty happy with that but my husband always pushed for more. A year ago we entered the local LS scene and started getting to know people, as we were new to this area and wanted to get the girl thing happening again. Two weeks ago, we met a couple we clicked with. Really clicked. The four of us got together to meet 4 times, hang out, and get to know each other, not to mention a ton of texting. They have been the first couple I felt ultra comfortable with and the only ones I could see things going forward with. Saturday night, we got things going. Well, I did. My husband couldn't "make thing happen." Which is a major rare occurrence for him. Every step, I looked over and mouthed the words "you ok with this?" And he said yes. We stopped after oral since he was having issues. I didn't want to if he wasn't going to. After we al sat around and talked, me next to the other guy, him next to her. The other guy had twisted his neck somehow so I was massaging the back of his neck with one hand, as we talked. Once they left, he flipped. Completely. He can't get the vision out of his head. He thinks there is an emotional attachment with me and the other guy (I get to know people for who they are and become friends before I can even think about anything else happening.) This went on all day Sunday too. I spent most of the day crying. I love my husband. Not once in a million years would I consider leaving him. I can compartamentalize sex, and leave it where it happened but I'm getting that he can't. What frustrates me is that I was always reluctant and he pushed for it. Then I enjoyed it, a lot, and he is freaking out. We've been together 12 years, not one instance of cheating etc.. We have an amazing marriage which is the only reason I agreed to this. Now, obviously, I need to handle the other couple. I like them a lot as people and want to remain friends, she's bi so the girl girl thing he is still comfortable with. I'm just wondering if anyone experienced has words of wisdom. I never in a million years, in all our conversations, thought to ask if he was ok with the rubbing neck part. I think that's where he's more upset, but at this point we are taking it all off the table til we can get this sorted out. Anyone? Any help or advice would be appreciated.