HoneyLove226

I am so happy to have found you guys/this site. Eye-opening. Thank you for the thoughtful insight in your responses. I have really been tearing myself up every second since the LS subject has come up again in our household two weeks ago. Having extensive time to think and conjure scenes in my head doesn't help (on maternity leave and home alone all day). Before I found this site, I was extremely throttled by all of this. I am coming to realize that this really is my new husband's fantasy/request for his sexual satisfaction and I will be honest; it is very hard to swallow. I mean, I don't mind swallowing, wink wink, but this does take the cake. This site has at least shown me it's not uncommon for mostly men but some women to want this. Admittedly, hubby and I have very poor communication skills. This, according to your responses, is a swng no no. I doubt I can even show him this post. I am very committed to our marriage. Divorce is not an option. You are so right when you say "Not right now." If ever. We need to get our shit straight on many levels before we start rubbing up on some strange. The problem with this whole thing is that I am very committed to our marriage. I want/need him to have his needs met. Sexually most of all. I am a very sexual woman and I know how important it is to me. Does this mean I have to take the most bitter pill in letting him desicrate the sanctity of our union by approving him sticking his dick in some other woman's holiest of holies????? I'm afraid I would hate him if he did it. I almost hate him for even wanting to go through with it. I cannot explain why I feel this way. Why do men seem to love the idea of their woman with someone else? He was seriously turned on by it. How do I deal with the feeling that it is wrong, but I still want to go through with it? How do I come to terms with the fact that I would be (have been!) with someone else to please him, but will not allow him to be with someone else? But both would please him and I want him to be pleased. It's very hypocritical of me. Ok, well thanks again for the advice. I'm putting the breaks on all of this until things get right. This is the last thing I need right now. In fact, I've typed this whole thing with one finger while holding my 8-week-old daughter in my other arm. Hubby can just deal with the prudish wife for now. I am incredibly kinky and am willing and able to go to tantric levels, but it will just have to be with one partner for now. And if any of you guys (or ladies!!!) have additional advice on how to get both of us happy, please let me know. I will continue to check back. I really want a good resolution. Like the title says "married with LONG life ahead."

Thank you all for your replies. Some very good advice here (and funny too - Chicup). I hear you all when you are saying slow down with all of this. I do believe the problems really arose when I fooled around with the guy in the office and then all of the sudden it was "my hubby's turn" because I was with someone else now he needed to be with someone else. That was not the deal. Somehow me acting on his fantasy gave him carte blanche to try and sleep with another woman. That really makes me feel like he's a complete PIG. Like I said before, NOT GOOD. How is it that I did something generally against my nature to please him and he turns it around that since I got to "have fun" now it's his turn. The fun part for me was turning him on (and yes the sex with hubby after was so intense - my hair was on end from that for sure). That's why I asked the question about guys just saying they want to see their woman with someone else so they can turn the table and say "now it's my turn." I think that's pretty shitty. The kicker is that I love oral. It makes me cum. It is very hard for me to cum with regular sex. It's still pleasurable but doesn't hold a candle to an orgasm from oral. I've told him this. We have been together for about 3 years and he's given me oral about 10 times total. Five of those he has made it like it's a big problem or inconvenient for him. Plus I have to beg him for it. Takes the fun out of it for sure. My previous partners loved to perform oral, so this is a 180 from what I'm used to. The other downside to that is that I love to give oral and I haven't been because I'm always sucking his dick and he won't do that for me. I am a redhead and live up to the "attitude" stereotype. Not purposely. I can't help it. So here I am doing things not unpleasant, mind you, but against my nature to please him and I'm not getting my needs met. Another reason why I hesitate to really swing. Kind of like he doesn't deserve it. I'm not getting my rocks off - why should he? Another part of me is saying "Swing, HoneyLove, cause there are men out there that will do what you need and actually like it!" Believe me, we have talked about all of this. I showed him this site. Not my post (yet) but I did tell him that I'm willing to meet his needs, but I'm not being satisfied. He gave me oral that night and it was wonderful. So to his credit, it seems like he is willing to try. I hope so cause I'm married to this guy. With a baby. It feels good to put these thoughts out there so I can anylize what's going on in our relationship. Thank you for giving me the opportunity and feedback. The moral of the story is that I know I am not ready to actually have penetration from another man. I am too scared of getting pregnant, STDs, etc. Especially some bozo from craigslist. I think hubby is just really carried away. He never had a woman that he felt comfortable enough to share these feelings with and now that I've opened Pandora's box, he's going from 0-60 as fast as he can. I can't blame him on that one. But I don't like him pushing me - especially about another woman! And yes, I've told him this. The only reason I'm even here is because a big part of me thinks that I could do it/enjoy it if I just let myself go. I know I have barriers up about it and I know that if I just relaxed and let things happen, it would be a good experience. That's why I have conflicting statements in my first post. Also, this is why I'm willing to try out a club. We can go there and just check it out with no expectations for either one of us. If we check out the club and a woman comes on to him and we just see where it goes, I'm sure I will roll with it. Just for the experience... But I don't want to be told it's his turn because I got to "have fun." Bull shit.

Dear everyone, I stumbled across this board through researching the lifestyle. We've barely dabbled. We have a club nearby and I was on their website and found this board. To get our feet wet, I thought going to a club would be better than meeting some random person from a craigslist ad (seems dangerous). Thoughts? Also, do men *say* they want to see their woman being pleased by another man to segue their desires to be with other woman? Maybe to soften the blow so to speak? Would LOVE a very honest answer. I'm kind of glad and kind of not glad that I found this site. Glad because it's helping open my eyes to understand my husband's fantasies. I want him to be fulfilled. Not glad because now I can't stop thinking about how hurt I would be if he were with another woman. Just the fact that he wants to hurts me, although the "higher self" in me knows this is how most men are. I have a huge problem separating sex & love. Like most women I would imagine. Here's my question with background: I had someone coming on to me very strong at work and I told hubby about it. Hubby brought up his fantasy of seeing me with another man. He got all excited and asked me to fool around with this guy. I really couldn't believe it at first. Thought it was some sort of test because it's not your usual relationship request. But I did - gave him a bj in my office. It wasn't bad - I'd known the guy for years and he was attractive. And very persistant. The encounter was just ok. Didn't make my hair stand on end or anything. I'm just really in love with my hubby and don't find other guys attractive enough to sleep with (unless he prompts me). I did get off, though, on seeing my hubby insanely turned on. BUT, he wants me to want it (says that's the turn on for him), but I honestly don't. I don't go around thinking "boy, I could fuck him" when I look at the produce guy, etc. I like the idea of him watching, but I wasn't the sleeping-around type before and I'm not now. I would do it for him, though. Fast forward, we found out we were pregnant (and not married). We wanted to get married and he brought up sleeping wiht another woman before we got hitched. That really surprised and hurt me. Still hurts me. He even suggested an ex girlfriend he could sleep with (and I'm friends with her). Well I got upset - it didn't happen. We got married and now have an 8 week old daughter. He recently brought up again the subject of fooling around with another guy. We were looking at the Casual Encounters ads on craigslist. I was having fun with it - just showing him "get a load of this..." He all of the sudden wants me to answer the ads and go sleep with some stranger... I told him not a good idea - baby & also breastfeeding plus I am still carrying around baby weight and don't feel 100% sexy... But he is almost obsessed with the idea and can't understand my hesitation. Now he is back to talking about being with another woman. He says I "don't trust him" enough to let him do it. I have no idea what the "trust" is about - I don't care if he is "coming home to me." I just imagine him with someone else and it makes me sick. Now those thoughts are following me into the bedroom and I am not enjoying sex with him as much anymore. It's following me to everyday life, too. Every "cute" girl I see in a store, etc, I think "I bet he would love to fuck her." This SUCKS! I can't seem to shut it off. And he makes no bones about undressing other women with his eyes in front of me and has a"get over it" attitude, which I find disrespectful. Am I crazy??????????? All of the sudden, I feel self-concious when I'm with him. I hold back on my passion because I feel like he doesn't deserve it anymore. This is my husband. NOT GOOD! I torment myself with the thoughts of him with someone else and feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore because of his desires for other women. Plus having hormone issues because of just having a baby. SO, back to my question(s): I am open and willing to check things out because I am curious and want hubby to be happy. Do you suggest a club or an ad on craigslist (when the time is more appropriate - no more breastfeeding). Hubby said it's ok to have someone come to our house, but I don't want some strange guy knowing where we live - hubby works 12-14 hours a day and I'm here alone with my baby. Also, how do I get rid of the resentment that has cropped up from his desires? I know it has to be hard to share them with me because they are unconventional, but I can't shake my feelings. Part of me says to go for it and see how I actually feel instead of imagining... PLEASE HELP!