dizzilizz

Hi everyone! Just been through a relationship ordeal which started with a swinging proposition. Not quite sure what to make of this all and feeling that perhaps we should put the swinging on hold...however I'm afraid this would push him away. Okay...let me start at the beginning...will be a long involved tale...sorry! My "husband" and I are not legally married...have not had a marriage ceremony...but we have been living together with our 4 children for 20 years and consider each other husband and wife. Quite a few years ago we had our first threesome with another girl, then again with the same girl. We visited a club and had a situation that ended badly and have since not had any other swinging experiences. However we are still both open to the lifestyle and hope to have other experiences. 3 years ago I had our 4th child and have since been very busy taking care of him and very tired. He's quite an energy ball! A couple of months ago I just started to feel like myself again and my husband and I have gone on a couple of dates with one another. My first time getting out of the house in the last 3 years. He however has continued to go out with his friends and enjoy himself. Which is where this whole situation started. He was at his friends house one night with his friend and his friends girlfriend when they both propositioned ONLY my husband to join them in a threesome. He calmly let them know that he did not do that without me. Including me however was not something the girl (I'll call her Kay) Kay was not quite comfortable with. All of this was told to me by my husband. I had issues with this, since I was left out of the whole proposition. So basically this was a no go for me. Didn't want any drama...and wasn't comfortable with the whole situation. So we said no. This should have ended the whole thing right there...however events occurred that spurred this further. Few weeks later my husbands friend and his girlfriend Kay broke up. Kay was left in quite a situation, as my husbands friend left her with unpaid rent and possible eviction. My husband being worried about her and the whole situation asked me to call her to see if she was doing okay. BACKSTORY ON THIS...Kay is originally from the same small town I was from (small world) but I didn't know her. We met briefly once and that was it. I do know that my husband had a bit of a little crush on her because of the way he talked about her and the way he acted when talking about her. Not something that bothered me at first. ANYWAY...I obliged my husband's wish and called her. She thanked me for our concern and let me know she was okay. This started our facebook friendship. After that call, my husband continued this friendship with her via e-mails (which I have never seen or read but only been told about) and private phone calls. He was pushing me into all of us going out together with the hopes of having a threesome with her. I however was somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of a threesome due to the fact that I barely knew her. So I agreed on all of us going out together. We had a fun time and enjoyed ourselves...however there were certain things that bothered me about our "date" out together. He always sat closer to her and seemed to pay more attention to her. This did not make me feel so great but I tried to brush it off. Now...after this "date" in which we all had fun, I could tell that my husband was disappointed that things didn't go further. He kept pushing at me and asking when we could go out again. I know at this point that he's still hoping for a threesome...and I'm thinking it's still a possibility...however the original proposition that she gave to my husband which excluded me is still hanging over my head. Just can't seem to get past that. I know my husband see's my reluctance because now he's starting to tell me things such as "he doesn't want to lie to me" and that I'm "being an obstacle." These comments sent me over the edge. Did nothing to help me...but made me wonder what was really going on. Now I'm worried. A couple of nights later my husband left to go over to Kay's house without inviting me. He was gone for 3 hours and tried to sneak back into the house. When I asked where he had been he skirted the question by telling me he thought I would be asleep. Now my brain and emotions are racing. Guess I'll try to shorten the story a bit...since that night where he claims nothing happened he has been sending this girl Kay sex e-mails and still talking to her on the phone. All the while I'm trying to deal with this situation and my emotions. I keep telling him I want to be involved...as has always been the case...but I'm left in the dark on these "conversations" between the two of them. Other things were said that hurt me deeply...such as he wanted to go out together again because he wanted to spend time with HER. And other things as well. Eventually it came down to me asking Kay point blank if she had sex with him. She answered a big fat NO! and I continued to converse with her by e-mailing her my whole emotional mess of the situation. Since then she has stopped talking to my husband. Which he seems a bit depressed and angry about. I'm trying my best to deal with this situation. My husband has even finally admitted that had he had the chance he would have Cheated on me! This admission has left me spinning! Dealing with many emotions, and more! It has even caused health issues. However I am working to do the best I can to fix this. But I worry that perhaps if we continue with the swinging at this moment that other situations like this might arise. Am I worrying too much? If I put the swinging on hold to help heal whatever is broken between us I'm afraid this will push him away further. After all it seems as if that is what caused this whole situation to begin with. Any insights any of you might have will be greatly appreciated!

Hi, New Here. Been reading some of the posts and everyone seems really helpful here, so I'm hoping I can get some insight into a situation that has just arisen this past week. Background: My husband and I have had a couple of threesomes, a swap and gone to a couple of parties. No problems...we both agree that we do it together or not at all. So far so good. However, this past week my husbands friend (whom I've met) and girlfriend (whom I've never met) approached my husband about having him join both of them without me. Both know that he's in a relationship with me yet they still only invited him. My husband proceeded to let them know that it was a no go unless I was involved...basically we don't play alone. It was mentioned that the girlfriend was not comfortable with her boyfriend with other women (they usually do only other men), but then proceeded to invite me when they realized that my husband and I don't do solo. As it didn't really surprise me that they asked my husband about this, it does offend me that they weren't willing to have me included knowing full well that we're in a relationship together. I must admit that I'm angry about that and also that I'm hurt and upset that they originally didn't want me included. Also the part about her being uncomfortable with her boyfriend being with another woman also bothers me. Now because of my hurt feelings and being a bit angry at them, I seem to be the one causing problems because I'm not comfortable with this situation and personally hurt by it. Because of my feelings I'm the one being the killjoy...like I'm letting everyone down even though they didn't want me there in the first place (except for my husband). This is causing some friction between my husband and I. He says he understands and doesn't want to put me in a position that will cause problems and confusion. But he still seems angry and upset at my feelings in this. He has even defended their position as to why they would consider not including me. Personally this is something I would never do to someone else. I would invite either a single person or a couple...never just one married partner, so I don't understand how they could ask my husband to do this...and to go behind my back and not let me know about it. Yet my husband seems upset that I can't understand their point of view. This whole situation has caused me a great deal of stress. Am I wrong to be feeling this way? Should I be understanding of their initial request and be able to "just get over it" and be able to join in without worrying about being the odd man out and if they really want me there at all? I really don't want to be the bad guy in this situation and have everyone angry at me...but I just can't seem to get over these feelings of hurt and deception.