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sexinthecity

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About sexinthecity

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  • Birthday 11/19/1971

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    Florida
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  1. Just curious: are you a man or a woman? To a certain extent, that is what I want, because I want my husband to be happy (that's one of the main pleasures that I would derive). *But* what you said certainly doesn't have to be the case, and I think we the right man it wouldn't necessarily be the case. Example: theoretically, the guy could go down on both women for a long time, touch them both, kiss them both, always have something (kissing touching by either the other girl or him) happening to the women. Or that could be part of it, as well as girl/girl, with him sometimes being on the receiving end via BJs or penetration. I think the guy would have more of a tendency to just lay back and receive but a guy thinking about wanting to do this again...might want to think twice before just laying back and enjoying without thinking about giving back. We've fantasized and discussed and role-played so much...and I have asked my husband often "how would you incorporate me" or "how would you please her (or me) if you were doing that"? That sort of thing. He's had to think about it. And he knows my feelings about all of this. So if he knows what's good for him, if we were to do this, he had better not make it all about him, especially if that means the experience is really all about her and I'm basically left watching. He knows that wouldn't be cool so I doubt he would do that but you never know I suppose.
  2. Thanks everyone. We actually have found several unicorns. I think the reason is that I work from home and can be online for hours looking...but they are definitely out there. My worry is just that I might feel badly when hubby is showing powerful feelings toward her. And obviously having sex with her is as powerful as it gets. During the fantasy, I absolutely LOVE when he is turned on by other women. But I've read that this is a common fantasy and heard many horror stories. So I just wanted to see if there is anything in particular about this experience that generally makes it worse than swapping. Another question is whether there is anything that he could do to make the experience better for me, in terms of my feelings. Grrrr.....!
  3. Hello Tina and John,

     

    As we have not had any new correspondence from you, we assume you no longer are interested in meeting during our vacation in Florida.

     

    If anything changes, please feel free to send us an email or post a private message.

     

    David and Wanda

  4. You guys have read my story already. Basically we have done nothing so far but want to try a woman first. After many discussions we decided this was best for us. This is my fantasy and my fear at the same time. I'm worried that I will feel jealous but part of me feels sure that I would love to see him so turned on. So...can I hear from anyone with experience..good or bad...did threesome work for you or not? Thanks!
  5. Thanks again everyone. I am really enjoying the conversation and it has made us change our thoughts quite a bit. I'm still not into other men. I don't think that is going to change anytime soon. So hubby isn't into me having sex with men just for us both to have the experience with another woman. He feels like that is the equivalent of him raping me through another man or letting another man rape me...that sort of thing. He would never do that. So...we have changed our profile on these sites to say that we are only looking for women or couple where man watches only. I realize that will limit our options to .00005% of swingers, but still, that's where we honestly are and wouldn't be fair to a man for me to be there but not really into and in fact kind of turned off by the idea (no offense to any of the great guys on here). I enjoy making slow deep passionate feeling love to my husband...no way any guy could compare to that feeling...and I know the idea isn't to replace but the idea of a bunch of guys just fucking me...not really turning me on very much AT ALL. For me to be into another guy, he would have to be charming, good looking, fun, and basically I would have to develop a serious crush on him...not something my husband wants and really not what I want either. Not even sure that would be possible for me. We have one lady interested in a threesome, very attractive to both of us, but she doesn't travel to this area very often, maybe in a month or two we might get a chance to meet her. Otherwise doubtful we will participate. And I'm still not sure that seeing him with another woman wouldn't hurt me. I am not hurt by his desire. He loves me. I know that he loves sex with me. He is just thrilled by the variety possibility because he has only had sex with two women in his life including me. Such a nice thoughtful guy; the crazy exciting world of swinging has his head spinning! I have thought of having a no kissing/no penetration rule with the woman...this other woman is willing to abide because she is *very* bisexual and hot for me...does anyone think that might make me feel less jealous/hurt by seeing them together. Somehow touching/BJ doesn't seem like it would hurt me, but I could be wrong even about that...! And then I think maybe even penetration wouldn't hurt me as long as he didn't seem to be in "making love" mode...but not sure how I could define that for him or how he could prevent his own expressions... God! Swinging sure isn't for everyone!!
  6. Hello Tina and John,

     

    I hope you were able to view our pictures that I sent for the second time on email. I can send others if you like.

     

    Looking forward to hearing from you again and possibly getting together in Florida next month.

     

    David and Wanda

  7. Please elaborate... And thank you Mr. Alura. I just cannot imagine any woman having sex without an emotional connection, which would require the man to also engage in that emotional connection (to woo her basically). Heck, a guy would have to woo me to get me, so therefore I would have to have an emotional connection with the guy part of the equation to enjoy myself. I can't relax and enjoy oral sex with some random idiot (no offense not saying anyone is an idiot). I need to be romanced to feel any sort of anything with anyone. Unless that someone just happens to be a beautiful woman. I think I could get over the romancing for that first-time experience.
  8. I do have another question for anyone who feels like answering, but particularly the men. HONESTLY have you ever developed emotional feelings (love feelings) for the women in the swing world? That seems truly inevitable and my biggest concern. My heart would be broken for sure.
  9. Actually strange thing is that I am really the person lacking in desire for other men. He would love to be with other women (despite really loving me; I can't explain but I am sure of this) and I *might* enjoy watching. I love that he is so turned on. But honestly I do not feel any craving for another man. My husband does everything that I need in bed. I am also bi-curious, so think I would enjoy another woman. But at the same time I'm not sure how I would actually feel seeing him with another woman. And he might feel really guilty afterward, too, esp if I was hurt. So he feels that I would essentially be being raped (sort of through him) in a weird way if I had sex with another man just so he could have the same experience with the wife. I don't understand how so many women are into having sex with strange men because I can't really feel much unless I feel something...and I love my husband so I just can't imagine feeling anything for another man, particularly if I had just met them. And I don't want hubby getting emotionally connected to another woman, so one-night stands would probably be our limit. It's just all so confusing. Maybe I'd surprise myself and another man could turn me on and make me feel good in a way that my husband doesn't, but right now I just can't get into that vibe mentally.
  10. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I have a question. Was this just the next morning and then your wife recovered or did the problems linger/still bothering her? And how badly are they bothering her now? And how bad was the next morning...can you elaborate on exactly what your wife said/felt the next day and the days that followed?? TY so much for your input.
  11. My husband and I have talked a lot about societal expectations, morality and what monogamy means, etc...mostly because he brought these things up...but for me I couldn't care less about what anything is supposed to mean or be. My problem is that seeing him with someone else would most likely hurt me. If I thought it wouldn't hurt me, then I would do it, and wouldn't care about society, morality, definitions, etc. None of that stuff matters one single bit in the business of feelings and sexuality as far as I'm concerned.
  12. That would be really fun!! So, let's say we are in this room with each other only, how do we convey that we don't want anyone else to join us? Update hubby told me tonight that he really was the most opposed to this idea because I kept saying that I wouldn't want most of the guys we have seen. Like he feels like I would almost be being raped (doing it for him only not enjoying it myself). He feels like it would be easier for him if I was excited about the guy. But I still have my hangups so the update doesn't really change much! We have decided that this same room sex/possibly club scene would be interesting for us. We have a profile on AFF also asking for same room sex with partner only...
  13. Thanks again to all of you. I have been in therapy for many years...some things are just fundamentally wired. I'm fine with life and marriage...but adding this element might be too much for me given my hard-wiring. However seriously has been really strange that hubby's undeniably strong attraction to women in photos (who have agreed to meet and have sex in several cases, after seeing his photos, and who have described sex with him!!!) hasn't bothered me nearly as much as I thought. It truly has turned me on seeing him so excited which is TOTALLY weird. But there were mixed feelings at first...including one time when I got angry because he was masturbating while I was using my vibrator and STANDING OVER ME looking at the computer screen (he had gotten up to close the shades and rather than coming back to the couch and laying with me...he just stood up and looked at the photo)..so basically he had forgotten me and was into this photo just waiting for me to finish. Normally he would have been laying with me, kissing my neck, helping, whatever. So that was a moment that I didn't like. And there have been some tears...but again I seem to recover and then feel aroused. The reason I keep exploring is because our sex life has basically gone through the roof with just the addition of this fantasy role playing/photos/flirting with other couples. And I think we could handle same room sex with your own partners and other newbies might also like that experience. So maybe we just try that and stick with that limit? There is no saying that everyone has to continuously stretch their boundaries. I am sure I would have been MORTIFIED had you told me even 6 weeks ago that hubby would be doing these things with other women (exchanging photos and plans to fuck, basically). But it hasn't bothered me all that much. So *maybe* the other stuff wouldn't, either, but I just have no idea. I read one thread on here re a woman who's husband had their first full swap and then was hugging the woman and exchanging intimate conversation in the hot tub (without his wife). That would KILL me and actually seems inevitable at some point in this game. I mean, if you have sex with someone, you would at least appear to have loving feelings for them, and would be concerned about them, and express those feelings...those things I just couldn't handle. I could most easily handle hot woman walking into the room, like a prostitute and just taking her clothes off without saying any words and having sex with him, then leaving. Not saying that would be easy but my discomfort arises around the emotional stuff more than anything else. I don't want him connecting to someone else on that other (non-sexual) level and seems unavoidable..and the appearance of that connection seems REALLY unavoidable. By the way, how are these private clubs? Could we go and truly feel comfortable just enjoying the atmosphere and watching?
  14. Well my thoughts right now are that I wish more than anything that I thought I could handle seeing my husband with another woman because I know he would absolutely love it and therefore I wish that I could give him that pleasure without causing myself pain. But I don't think that I can based on my own history and emotional state in general (good but a lifetime of being fragile/highly sensitive). Our marriage is strong and has grown stronger from this role playing. I know now more about who he really is, his truest feelings, for better or worse. And I know that he loves me more than anything in this world. I just can't imagine getting to the point where I don't mentally equate sex with love. I would see love whether he felt it or not, and that would be crushing. I know logically that he wouldn't feel love, but would only be doing the whole thing for the physical release/sexual pleasure of it all, but still. I just don't believe that I could handle the reality of watching the man who has only loved me for 12 years "loving" another woman. And I'm not really sure that he could handle the reverse, either (seeing me with another man). Honestly not sure that would be okay with him. We both believe that our current comfort level would probably only include: (1) watching at a club or (2) having sex with your own partner in the same room, which itself would be highly erotic for us because we would see another couple naked and having sex. But I just feel that even that would be dipping our toes into something that maybe isn't right for us, even though it is tempting in many ways. I've read on here that marriages must be strong to endure swinging. And I think our marriage is very strong. But I think also the individuals have to have a certain strength that I'm not sure I possess--even though I'm a very powerful and strong person in many realms, I'm terribly sensitive emotionally from a very difficult childhood with serious abandonment feelings/fears that I don't think would be well-served by watching my husband essentially leaving me for whatever period of time. And in such an intimate way. But it's too bad because it is highly erotic and again would love to give him that pleasure because I love him so much. Thankfully, for me, he also wouldn't want to do anything that would hurt me. Basically the price of my being hurt wouldn't be worth it to him, and for that I will be forever grateful. Sorry to be so long-winded and I have greatly appreciate the advice and enjoyed reading this site. I wish that I had whatever fortitude you all seem to possess but I'm just not sure it is there or ever will be.
  15. I don't know. Jealousy could be a healthy thing if the theory is that monogamy is a good thing. The feeling ensures people stay committed. I just don't think I would ever get over the jealous, actually really hurt and devastated feeling. I honestly don't know how swingers could possibly handle that feeling. But they do. Which is intriguing but maybe those people are just fundamentally more secure than I am? Anyway we are enjoying the discussions. And yes I could just move on and say what do you want for breakfast. But I figure one possibility would be an extended depression, tears that wouldn't stop for months, and that sort of thing. I just really have no idea.
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