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troubled

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  • Content Count

    4
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15 Good

About troubled

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 07/01/1968

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    USA
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Wow - you guys are all amazing. THANK YOU for the comments, and sorry I have not returned for so long. Alas, my situation has not improved much, but not for lack of trying I think realcplub2 has it right for me - I need to take my head out of it. I have been with the same woman for so long. Even before marriage, I had a small number of partners, and only after a pretty serious relationship was established. So without knowing the person and that they have some basic care and respect for me, I think insecurity kicks in. Couple that with performance fear and you have... me and my problem! I have tried numerous things - positions, talking about it, pills, mental exercises, etc. No real luck. I've even become concerned that this problem could bleed into sex with my wife - fortunately it hasn't. We continue to enjoy our LS experiences (yes as suggested, I have had lots of oral sex It just isn't the same carrying this anxiety and of course the guilt of not satisfying my partners and finally myself. The needles in the penis approach just seems too much for me. Not so much the needle, but this automatic and uncontrolled erection. I dunno... I think the next step for me is to discuss with a sex counselor. As JM153 suggested, I need to find a way to allow myself to enjoy sex without a serious emotional component. I have never seen a psyc* type doctor, so am a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but expect it may benefit me in other aspects of my life beyond swinging. Now I have to figure out how to find the right doc. Not exactly something you ask your neighbors or co-workers about! Thanks again for all the helpful comments!
  2. As you suggest JM, an emotional bond does seem critical to my success. Before I even started, the notion of "sport fucking" didn't really appeal to me. I even think I am much more on the other extreme. Having said that, I would like to be able to enjoy sex with a woman I know, like, and have some connection with. I don't want to have to be significantly attached. I think that in my case the emotional connection leads to comfort which leads to sexual success. I am hoping that this is not the only thing that allows me to be comfortable. You mentioned medication... I did read a thread on the forum where someone suggested anti-anxiety medication (valium, xanax, etc). I'd prefer not go this route for several reasons. First, I am guessing it would be difficult to find a doc that would support using these potentially addictive drugs for a potentially unhealthy activity like swinging. It also would not be easy to bring up. Then of course I would prefer not require medication to get there. I suppose if it was a bridge to comfort and confidence it would be OK. Are there really docs experienced in this kind of thing? One thing I read suggested would be to find another couple that has a male with a similar challenge. This was interesting, but we have a hard enough time finding people we like enough to consider sex; adding another filter will make this more challenging. Wisconsin - In our most recent experienced, the four of us tried same room (third sexual meeting with this couple, first time same room). As I mentioned, things didn't work for me, and we did all start naked in bed. After she and I tried for a bit, I stayed on the periphery, and the three of them had fun. As I "lightly" participated, I got an erection. Didn't really want to jump up and say "Hallelujah", so I just let things go on. Thanks again for the comments!
  3. Wow! Thank you for the welcomes and all the detailed and thoughtful responses! What a community! Sorry it has taken me so long to respond back to the follow up questions - I couldn't post again until my account was verified. SW_PA_Couple: I am pretty convinced the issue is not the presence of my wife. Most of my play attempts have been in separate rooms. Some with her. No real difference. We are both really comfortable and secure with each other having a GREAT time. MN Tom: I'd say my erections when attempting to play are a mix of nothing happening, to erections that go away. I have not even got to the point of putting on a condom, except with the one successful play partner I had. I think you are on to something with trying to influence my mental state/mind blocking. WildMiCouple: I think you are dead on with my need to be comfortable. Unfortunately, this seems to take a lot of encounters with the right person for me (for example, my one success that took 5+ dates before I got there). We happen to have a hot tub, and I did get an erection in the tub on our first play attempt with the couple we recently have been seeing. Then we went upstairs to the bedroom (separate rooms), and it was nowhere to be found As you say, perhaps I need to jump on it... MrsPandMe: I did try Viagra, but as you suspected, it was not an "authentic" version. I ordered it from India.. maybe not the smartest idea, but 10x cheaper... In experiments with my wife, it seems to make a difference, but like I said, not really necessary. At 100mg with playmates, no difference. I will look into trying the real deal. I also hit the archives - more on that later. wisconsin: You got me - "timid and uncertain. They need to feel accepted and wanted and then everything will work". That's me. Delayed undressing is also an interesting idea. As I mentioned earlier, I don't think my wife is the issue - have tried separate rooms... As for public speaking - remember the "imagine the people in the room are naked" trick? I tried that, but she was already naked and it didn't work Again, THANK YOU to all those trying to help. We want this to work as we have had some great times!
  4. Hi All, My wife and I are about 8 months into "this" and have had some good fun. My wife takes to this much more naturally than me. I am more reserved, nervous, shy, etc. My problem in a nutshell is getting and maintaining an erection. I have no problems at all with my wife, but with new people, it just won't work. We did meet one couple and saw them numerous times (like maybe 10?). Around the 4th or 5th I had some success, and towards the end, it was no longer an issue. Unfortunately, it did come to an end (another story). Multiple experiences before and after this couple have been a "flop" for me. One couple recently we have seen three times - no luck. My wife and I have no jealousy issues. She (and her counterparts) have been having a blast - and I am happy for her. I mostly feel bad for the women I have left disappointed. I have tried to make the best of the situations in this regard, but.... I tried viagra - no difference. My problem is clearly psychological - anxiety. I suppose at this point it is anxiety that I won't get hard and has become self fulfilling. I would guess I am also anxious about disappointing the women I am with. Like I said earlier - no erectile issues with my wife. My wife and I are open - we have been in the same room and separate rooms with other couples. No apparent difference. One interesting point is that We have had a MFM two times with the same guy, and I was fine. I am super straight bordering on homophobic, so it wasn't the guy, but I do find it really erotic seeing my wife with another guy. I have been attracted to these other women... I want this.. My wife wants this... I know I should discuss with my partners, but it isn't easy. I know I should relax and just try and have a good time, but it isn't easy. Unfortunately it isn't hard either In case it helps you guys help me, my wife and I are both very attractive. I have an average size penis. I generally don't suffer from confidence in other areas except perhaps public speaking. I perform fine as an athlete and at work under stress. With the couple when things worked, she and I became very close/caring - perhaps bordering on polyamory. At this point, I am really discouraged. While I know erectile issues in swinging are not uncommon, it is embarrassing, and disappointing for all four people potentially. I don't want to give up, but so far persistence isnt getting me far. ANy thoughts? While I doubt many people have had THIS much of a problem, is it unheard of? Please help.... troubled
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