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acmarius

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  • Content Count

    4
  • Joined

Community Reputation

15 Good

About acmarius

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 04/02/1968

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Toronto
  1. Hi Everyone: I appreciate the feedback - I don't think as a couple we're strong enough or have the same interest in this side of our sexuality or our relationship -period. It is frustrating, no matter what - doesn't matter how much you communicate, at some point you've said everything you can think of, without pissing the other person off too much - conclusion, I'm game to start slowly and see where things go, and she is not - those are our values. We have not spoken about this really over Xmas - over the past month. We've given ourselves a break, and I think the ship has sailed. I've got mixed feelings - on one side I feel my sexual desires disappearing (less interested in sex, less interested in masturbation, less interested - period), and on the other hand I keep thinking of looking elsewhere. Now- before people start posting 100 replies to this comment, please keep in mind I have never cheated on my wife and I don't have anyone on the side either. Kind of feel my life, desires are passing me by. Swinging is just another item on my list of things that I have put aside to stay in this relationship. My kids are what keep me here - for them to have a family is more important than my desires right now - divorce is not my answer or quick fix. Thanks, AC
  2. hi Edison - One comment - there has to be a middle ground? Sounds very black and white, though I never felt like the lifestyle was..anyway...thanks for the clear cut answer.
  3. Hi Everyone- First thing I want to say, is thank you for taking the time, and writing...the comments and opinions - I really appreciate it, and I hope I can give back someday. Ok, on the the feedback: My previous relationship was not something we discussed often - it really is something that we've - my wife brought up recently - 3 months ago. It was not something that I liked to discuss, and I don't compare the 2. My wife asked, and to be honest, when it comes to the lifestyle, these were my only experiences to date. Like it or not, they will be a reference for me. I agree that they are not the manual, but for the time being -other than what I read in the forums and what I'm currently feeling - this is it! Someone asked why didn't I marry my previous GF - great question. Sex was great, but nothing else worked for me. I didn't have the rest of the relationship - did not feel I found my other half, my equal, etc. We were together for many years, and it dawned on me eventually after trying that....well, I can't stay in a relationship just for the sex. *LOL*- I know someone is going to write something about this...but why not try to find your soul-mate, someone more complete. Anyway- next comment. Intuition wrote - that my wife may have been thinking - "so you want a slut...be careful for what you wish for.." - the more I think about it...I agree. I think that last few times we spoke about 'lifestyle" there was this 'lashing-out, agression" that I didn't appreciate. I can don't think that I've been so open with my wife over the past few months - we couldn't communicate more about this topic than we have. Current situation - we have not spoken about this in about 2 weeks, and we're probably going to wait till xmas is over - take a break. I'd like my wife to join - and assuming that we reopen our discussion about lifestyle - it's something that I'll put forward to her, she'll decide. When I listen to my wife - I know, this is not in her values. No matter what I do, what I say - she feels that she needs to do this in order for us to be together - > I know this is wrong. I've been telling her that she needs to enjoy this, have fun - this is not fun for her. You know - since we stopped talking about this, I've been able to concentrate at work, think about other things - for a while, this 'choice' was becoming to heavy - almost a burden for me, possibly for my wife-at this point I can only speculate. I'll give the comments more thought - and get back to everyone - again, thank you. Marius
  4. Hi Everyone- My wife and I have been together now for over 9 years, and we've had issues over our 9 years together, always managing to resolve them, no matter what they were. Where the sticky issue is - prior to getting married with her, I had 'experienced' MFM, FMF - which I completely and utterly enjoyed - no issues. My girlfriend at the time enjoyed the moment, and we never felt threatened or felt that we would leave each other- etc. It was purely a question of having fun and playing together, and it worked. Now- move forward several years. Got married, had kids, and the wife and I seemed to be moving in opposite directions sexually- different interests, and at times no interest-lack of desire. So, after discussing all sorts of alternatives, and me being opened to trying anything with her - you name it, I've tried it...one day, she asks me about my experiences with my ex-girlf. Swinging or anything related to this was taboo up to this point. From her point of view, either she does something with me in the short-term or she doesn't see me in the picture...gets the feeling I'll move on, etc. Yes, it has crossed my mind. Several months have pasted since that day, and we've managed to head out to a local swingers club, but as a couple, we have not crossed over that line. I actually backed away from it (*shacking my head*) - here's why: as we discussed things that we'd like to do, and just talked about 'rules' - she began to change - she became more aggressive about sex, about anything related to sex. She demanded to be fucked a certain way, and didn't see why she should let me swing with another woman. She also didn't want to swing in the same room. I'm sitting here today wondering, how did we get so hard core!? And what's fair about this or fun?? I'm always going to compare my current situation to the one I had years ago - and this situation is not fun. In fact, if we move forward, I get the feeling that we won't be together for very long, we won't care about each other for very long - am I misreading this situation?? - comments, questions...I need someone to talk to about this, any help would be appreciated. thanks Marius
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