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AandP

Registered
  • Content Count

    6
  • Joined

Community Reputation

40 Excellent

About AandP

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 08/12/1964

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Happily married couple for 25 years; He is A, She is P
  • Location
    Arvada, CO
  • Interests
    We are both sports fans. We like going to all kinds of shows, plays, movies, and concerts.
  • Occupation
    We are both professionals in the business community.
  • Swinging Experience
    We are just exploring the idea, and have little actual playtime. We are really here to learn.

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    AandP80001
  1. I really want to thank everyone who has responded so far. It really helps us to go into this with our eyes open. Still, we know that every situation is unique, and we want to take steps to have a positive experience. So, to say that something needed fixing implies something was broken. Perhaps you misunderstood my post, but we don't feel something was broken. Something was missing, and it's there now. That would be the romantic spark I talked about. And yes, 2 weeks (well, 4 now) are enough to know it is back. Is it here to stay? I don't know, but we are committed to keeping it alive right now. Right now is all any of us has. Can anyone answer that question about themselves with 100% certainty? Amazing advice, and thank you for it. We had already completed the David issue. In fact, we both knew it was done before I posted. I just want to give her a chance to experience something herself, and was feeling selfish about my having an experience before her. In truth, there is far too much danger there for either of us, and we do not want to risk any chance of damaging our relationship. So how do we know when we are ready? Frankly, we don't think we can ever "know" we are ready. We can only prepare for it smartly, and then choose to do it or to not do it (yes, I am channeling Yoda, but it seems to apply). One thing I can say is that we get you really care to give us advice to keep us as safe as possible from proceeding too fast. What should we be looking for to let us know that we may be ready to start? Also, I just got what you all mean when you say "taking one for the team". I assumed it meant that it meant being willing to be with someone you are not attracted to so your partner can be with someone they are interested in. Now I see it has many more meanings, including this one. Thanks for showing me that. Great advice, bbarnsworth, and thank you for caring. A and P
  2. Well, time sure has gotten away from us. It has been a couple of weeks since last we posted, and a lot has happened since then. The short answer to Julie's question is, Yes, there are updates. We will catch you up quickly and then we have new and exciting questions. First, nothing happened on Thanksgiving. P never got close enough to the other guy (David) to start anything on Thanksgiving, and it will not be until Dec 20th before she works there again. More on this guy later... Seeing that P was not going to get a chance for a while, she asked me (A) to set something up for myself with another woman to see how that went. I had already been talking with someone about our fantasies and so approaching her was easy. We planned to meet the week after Thanksgiving at a hotel for a few hours. It was a complete eye opener for both of us and the results have been amazing. For me (A), I was able to be reminded that I could satisfy a woman sexually. I really had become disconnected with myself as a sexual being, and after so many years of just going through the motions, it was great to re-discover myself. I also was able to get very clear who P is for me, and discovered just how lucky a man I am to have P as my partner. I did not know how talented she is in some areas sexually since I had nothing to compare her to. For P, she was out that night and she got home after I did. Her first reaction was one of anger and jealousy. She was mostly mad at herself for allowing it to happen. What happened next was about 4 hours of discussion about our relationship, what we wanted going forward, what we wanted out of the possibility of swinging, and what both my and her fantasies were really all about. She revealed to me that she was looking for more than just a sexual experience. She had come to the conclusion that we were not a romantic couple any more, and she was looking for a replacement for me to regain a spark that was missing for her. I was also looking for a spark, but she was really looking for someone else to be romantic with. At this point, I became convinced that we may have been breaking up right then and there. I told her that I wanted the spark back too, but that I wanted to explore swinging as a way for us to enjoy each other more. I did not want to replace her, which she had assumed was what I was wanted too. I explained that her possible affair with David would not work for me since what she really wanted with him would not only not work for her (or him), but be devastating to our relationship as well. Something shifted for both of us at this point. I will let her post her own comments in a separate thread about what she felt at this point, but what happened was that we actually became romantic and connected again. It started feeling like we were 25-30 years ago, when we first met and got married. What an interesting result we got out of this. Now, timing is everything, and I actually was scheduled out of town the next evening for 2 days of training. In retrospect, it was perfect timing. I went out of town, and she stayed home to “process”. That night, I started getting messages on my phone from her. These messages had pictures attached of her in very sexy lingerie. Further, we had phone sex for our first time in over two decades. The next day, she went out and bought more naughty apparel and sent more pictures the next night, along with more phone sex. When I came home, she picked me up at the airport wearing some of her new attire under her coat. This is not the same lady I have been married to all this time. This had never happened, even when we were dating. Quite frankly, our first “lifestyle” experience was better than I could have hoped it would be, and we are so much more secure and connected because of it. During these last two weeks, we have had romantic dates including massage, dinners, and even a helicopter ride at night. She is sharing her fantasies more openly and they are far more sexual that she was willing to admit to me before. She actually started to approach the lifestyle with the same thoughts that I have been. That it could be fun for us to share these experiences, that we could enjoy sex with others for fun without romantic involvement, and that we could actually enjoy our relationship at a deeper level than ever before. We both are still unsure about what will happen, but we are going into it as a solid, secure couple. If you hung with this very long post up to this point, thank you. We have questions for those of you who would like to continue to assist us. First and foremost, what next? How do we proceed at this point? We are a lot clearer on what might be available and our eyes are open a lot wider now. Further, both of us seem to be aligned now. We have made contact with another couple in our area we met off of SLS. We plan to meet them next week for dinner, just to get questions answered and see what might happen. We plan only dinner at this point, and don’t think we will go beyond that. However, we want to be prepared, so what have we not thought of? What should we bring to dinner? Also, P is still interested in this David guy, but in a much more sexual way. I am not sure it is a good idea that they meet since the feelings may still be there. However, I do feel that I owe her one since I had my experience with someone else already. Advice, please? Finally, are there others of you out there who have experienced this new level of closeness? We know each situation is unique, but we would love to hear about your experiences. One last thought, we are grateful that this board exists. It has given us an outlet for asking questions, and a place to post our feelings and experiences in a safe environment. Thank you for that. A and P
  3. Well, we are very new to the idea of swinging, and we are in no way experts here. However, we do have an opinion about this. We have had several discussions about bringing other people into our sex life and, while it has not progressed beyond conversation and fantasy, one thing our research told us is that we should have rules in place before starting anything with someone else. First among these rules for us is that we talk about everything, absolutely everything, both before and after. If both of us agree that something is going to happen, then it is not cheating for us. It is a respect issue and an integrity issue. Integrity means honoring your word, doing what you say you will do. Sometimes, what you say you will do is what is expected by others (say, your wife for example) even though you may not have said so verbally. In this case, your word is that you would be honest with your wife. According to your original post, you have not done this. Now, I will not pass judgement here. I ask you to look for yourself. You asked "Does that make me just a cheating asshole?" Only you can answer this, and you already have. Looking for validation here is inauthentic and a lie. Now, that said, cleaning up your integrity may seem daunting to you. Yes, it means coming clean about what you have been doing and who you are. I invite you to consider that you have no idea what may happen in this conversation with your wife. It could go any number of ways, including several you have not thought about. My question to you is, what kind of marriage do you want? You get to choose. Honest and respectful? Full of lies and deception? Something else? Once you choose that, then the actions to take will be obvious to you. Again, just an opinion from someone who is no expert.
  4. Well, let me catch you up on where we are here. Last Sunday didn't happen as planned. In fact, it didn't happen at all. She only saw the guy for about a minute all day, and from across a crowded room. I was actually disappointed by the result and we immediately began making plans for the next chance we would have. The next chance is actually tomorrow, on Thanksgiving. She will be working again, and he should be too. We both decided that she needs to be very bold about making this happen since the last time was such a bust. She is going to seek him out and use every chance she finds to get him alone. Further, other discussions have started or continued too. What about a lady for me? Do I have someone in mind (yes, 2 actually)? What if he wants to proceed right away with her? Can she be alone with him (this one comes up a lot)? So I looked at the advice from BiloxiCouple... Great advice, and thank you. It's happening pretty fast, and we want to make it a great experience for both of us. We are both feeling very comfortable so far, but so far, all it is is talk and being together. How do you know you are ready to take new steps? Also, Thanks for responding and asking about this. It's is not an issue that she sees him at this job. It's a part time job, more of a hobby really, and they don't work together. They do not even work for the same company. And she has a career apart from this P/T job. But I can see the pitfall that might happen in a situation like this one, so thanks for looking out for us. I invite other experienced people to share and advice too. We really think this will be a grand and exciting thing to add to our relationship, but we want to do it well. Thanks. A
  5. Greetings, I am the male half of a happy couple married for 25 years. Lately, we have been sharing a fantasy about bringing other people into our sex life. Today, we are taking a small (but giant) step towards making this a reality. She has been fantasizing about a guy she knows who she sees about once every couple of weeks at a part time job. We have been using her fantasy to enhance our own fun in the bedroom. We like making up stories with one another about her being with this guy, either alone or together with me. Today, we are taking a step to making this happen for real. She is at the job today, and she will be seeing this guy. She always gets a hug and a kiss on the cheek from him. Our stories always start with her giving him a real passionate kiss instead, and it goes from there. Last night, we were talking about her going to the job the next day and she asked me if she could kiss him for real. We have been talking about this for a while now (several months), but this was the first time she actually asked me if she could. I decided to see what might really happen, so I told her yes. We made some ground rules like that she cannot do more than kiss him without permission from me, and that we must always tell each other everything that happened. She also asked for permission to give the guy her phone number and I said ok. I also told her that if she had the chance, she should find a way to play with herself while there. It is a very public place, so this may or may not happen, but she said she might try that too. Some other things we talked about last night included other women for me, if she was at all bi-curious (she admitted she was a little, emphasis on curious), and about couple swapping. Up to this point, we had not talked about anyone other than this one guy, so it really opened up a lot for us. She is a little fixated on this guy right now, but she said there were other possibilities in the future too. Well, she is there right now and I will not get to speak with her about it until later tonight. If she is going to actually do it, she probably already has done it. I sit here, writing this, and I am hoping she did do it. Now, all I can do is wait for her to come home and see how we both feel and talk about what may happen next. So here I am, waiting for her to let me know what happened. I am excited, I am nervous, and my stomach is doing flip-flops. We joined this board about a week ago and this is our first post. Since we seem to be taking new steps in our sexual relationship, I wanted to ask for advice and make sure we do this "right". Ok, so we have a ton of questions about this. What should we be doing before we take this to another level? What rules should we be discussing before we continue? There is so much we don't know about this lifestyle and we know we could not have thought of everything we should have. I am not sure I am comfortable with her being alone with this guy. I would prefer to be a part of the event, but her fantasy often includes her being alone with him. I do like the idea of being alone with other women, and I feel guilty about being selfish about this. I am not sure what questions I have around this except, so any advice on this matter would be helpful. Another question we have is about finding other couples. Last night, we talked about it some and we have no clue what to do next. We are both in our mid 40s, a little overweight (more me than her), and live in the Denver area. I signed up on Swing Lifestyle but my initial reaction is that there is a lot to be careful of when looking for compatible couples. We are both business people in our community and want to be discreet. We are both obviously excited about what could happen next. This board seems really inviting and friendly, so we are really looking forward to seeing what you have to say.
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