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BigirlandHubby

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About BigirlandHubby

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 08/13/1976

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Orlando
  • Swinging Experience
    2 years

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  • SLS Name
    bigirlandhubby

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  1. This seems to be a very common situation. This has happened to us with 3 separate couples. I think men just get intimidated when their wife seems to be really enjoying the other guy. We had a couple that we were VERY in to, and became fantastic friends with before we did the full swap thing. We tried swapping 3 times, and all 3 times I got on fantastically with the other wife, and he and my wife just didn't do anything (I am a bit more endowed than him, but he also had "issues" he told us about, he said we are the same age and I am more successful and it intimidated him that I could get it up if the wind blows right). My wife felt like she was taking one for the team because he just didn't flirt with her, or seem like he wanted to be with her (and it was really messing with her self esteem) so we stopped seeing them. I felt bad, because our last encounter was only with her (with her husband's permission of course), and we were really fantastic friends outside the bedroom, and both my wife and I had strong chemistry with the woman in bed, it was just him who didn't seem into it. Anyway, my advice is NEVER "take one for the team". There are more fish in the sea. We had an amazing thing with a couple we were good friends with, a wife who would come over to play alone with us (our unicorn!) and we gave it up because my wife just wasn't feeling it. I still see him all the time at the gym too, so it's tough for me because I like them as people. I suggest you move on though... Ever since we moved on we have had so much less drama in our lives, my wife's self esteem is way up, and we have met some really nice couples on sls (and she is out with a "girlfriend" as we speak). If you are looking for couples, I find that finding ones you DO have full chemistry with doesn't take all that long and it's worth the effort.
  2. Thank you Tybee!!! That was a very helpful thread!!! Bi-girl
  3. I have been on this board for about a week now (Hubby found it for us, bless his amazing heart!) and I must say how wonderful the advice from Tybee is... you are simply AMAZING and full of wonderful wisdom! She even directed me to this thread from the thread that Hubby started regarding us, and I, again, thank you Tybee... it was, indeed, very helpful. I wanted to make one comment about the rejection issue... I have found that Hubby seems to deal with this much differently from me. When he was "driving" and doing the writing & planning, I felt we were headed in a direction toward people that I was not interested in... not that he would intentionally do something that I didn't want to do... but he would have a problem if someone wrote to us and they talked back & forth... then I would check in on things and say "yeah, they don't do it for me" or "no, I am not interested in them, honey" (I mean that is why people post pictures, eh?) and he'd say "but... they seem cool and I have been talking to them... let's just go meet them and have drinks and see how they are in person" and for me... I'd rather not get someone's hopes up and have the expense of dinners & drinks if there is no physical attraction... or the physical attraction isn't feeling right to me. To me, it is so much easier to "reject" someone before meeting them... and at that, I don't even think of it as "rejection"... it is just not the right fit, for whatever reason... it's nice to talk to people, but what I keep telling Hubby is that just by "talking" to them doesn't obligate us to anything in anyway. Hubby and I spoke about it, and he understands and agrees with me, and now that I am "driving"... I find it is working really well and he is so supportive and amazing (as he always is !!!) I hope I don't come off sounding insensitive... and I have self-esteem issues too... so rejection to me is hard to take (my rejection experiences have been limp noodle men... in the heat of the moment... that has been the most difficult stuff to deal with and in this board I have found I am not alone in that and that the penis can be a tricky "mind of it's own" sorta guy!) I am so sorry for the people who just blew you off... and I agree with Tybee that it was on THEM, not YOU. Maybe you guys are intimidating in a good way --- too hot, too smart, you know! It is sad, but it is better to have dinner with someone and find out it isn't working out rather than get in the heat of the moment and have drama insue... people freaking out and not being able to handle things... we've seen that first hand from a man who got upset in bed once because my Hubby was getting his wife off better than he could... the guy freaked and caused quite a scene saying to his wife "you like HIM better than ME, don't you". We all heard it, it was SO wrong, and it ruined everything. THOSE people should not be doing this... so just consider yourselves lucky to break free when you did... no harm, no foul... they should have given you an explanation, but maybe it was too difficult for them. You will always wonder... but just know that it could be worse, ya know. Big kisses Bi-girl
  4. I do agree about needing counselling. I have been in couselling before (about 15 years ago) regarding my father... and it would probably do me some good, you guys are right. I must say that I feel like you all here have been fantastic support and, you can ask Hubby, my smile is back, I am feeling my head square on my shoulders, and things seem to be feeling comfortable. I often find that talking something through is just so vital... yes, father issues need counselling... but you guys may just see a lot of me on this board... it is theraputic in it's own right. I feel like part of something, part of a group, sharing similar experiences, having similar stories... it is nice to know I am not alone and I am not the only one with the feelings that I have. Bi-girl
  5. Ok... dude taking your wife to the swinger club without telling her? Very bad idea. Communication and HONESTY is the most important thing to have with your spouse, and if you are tricking her, then you don't have either one, and this lifestyle is not for you. MOST couples we have met in our 2 years have been couples who the WOMEN first suggested it. I am not saying that's how it is with everyone, but it was definitely that way with us, and it did start with MMF. My wife was crazy about anal and fell in love with 3some porn, and we had a very close (dutch) friend who we always joked around with, one day he said "so are you guys serious about this?" and we ended up having the time of our lives with him. You don't "get" someone to do this, you talk to them, if they say no it's NO. You don't push or convince someone to do this, it has to be something you both want. My wife is very Bi, but goes back and forth about really not wanting to be with other men and wanting them, and my approach is when she is "back" I am back, when she is forth, I am forth. Tricking her, is pretty much the worst idea I have ever heard.
  6. We are laughing our asses off!!! WELL PLAYED!!! That is the quote of the month. Our first MMF was with a very close friend of Hubby.. He has an IQ in the high 150s, is in amazing shape, is into the arts, and is one of the most fun guys we have ever met (he throws a party in Vancouver every year that, I shit you not, people fly in from as far as Texas for). He is well hung, gentle in bed, can last as long as we want him to, and is pretty much the perfect guy because he is bi and makes the whole night about HER and US, it wasn't about him at all, he was basically a living sex toy for us, and loved being that FOR US. It was really incredible, and we had him back 4 times before we moved from Vancouver (we still miss him)... Those guys are SO RARE! But if you want to be a single male, you need to be like him. A meathead steroid jock with a giant cock is not what couple are looking for. It's not about jealousy, it's about you being a dill-hole and not appreciating the fact that you are a sex toy in the bedroom and maybe a good friend outside of that, but being there for her not for you! Most of us guys in (at least the ones I have met) in the lifestyle are there for the women, we are there to revel in the beauty of our bisexual wives. In bed, when I cum it's like "shit, it's over", when I make or help make a woman cum, I feel fulfilled. That's the kind of lover I have always been. If you want to be a single male in this lifestyle and be successful I think that's the kind of man you need to be (not try to be, I mean at the heart of you, you need to want to get her off more than getting off yourself, if that's not you, then you are not going to do well at all).
  7. No shit??? We JUST moved from Canada... Vancouver... we lived there for 5 years! Beautiful, but rains WAY too much. Florida weather is much more my speed ... we love our fellow Canadians (well, I am not Canadian - only at heart - but our daughter is Canadian and I am SO proud of that!) Thank you for that! I am still figuring ME out... Hubby will stand me in front of the mirror, buck ass naked, and say "LOOK AT YOU... YOU are SO F*@king HOT!" and it is hard to SEE that, but I see it more and more. You know, you pop out 2 kids, and you worry about not being the same physical being that you were when you met your love at age 17... and I am not the same, I think I am BETTER! I had my best friend from high school visit me after not seeing her for 9 years and we were looking through high school photos and she remarked that I looked better NOW than I did back then. That meant SO much to me! And, with prettylady's comment... I have to say that I am the "CRAZY & LOUD" fun girl... not sure where those are on the "sexy" or "cute" spectrum... I lean more toward "cute", I think... I would have to learn "sexy". I am the girl who gets up on the tables at bars and rubs my booty on the adoring men's faces below... well, I can honestly say I have only ever rubbed my booty on hubby's face at a bar, but I sure do shake and gyrate the booty and have a freakin' awesome time... up on that table, I feel so alive! LOL:D Maybe I was a stripper in a former life. hehehe Did I write this, or did you 'prettylady'? Gee... I think these words could have come off of the tips of MY fingers onto the keyboard and into the computer... for sure! Hubby has heard the "prettier than me" song over & over... it is like it is on a record rolling on continuous repeat like those freakin' Baby Einstein videos that you can play in "repeat" mode for kids (yes, I do have young kids, can you tell I am becoming ADDICTED to these boards... and have spent some of my afternoon reading over several threads and deciding if I should put in my 2 cents or just take it in and what I am realizing is that I AM NOT ALONE! And it feels good. Hubby ROCKS MY WORLD (for several reasons, of course) but mostly today for finding this site so I could see that I am a lot like others out there, experiences tend to fall along the same lines... cocks don't get hard... women feel unattractive... people figuring out their place in the swing world... and it is fantastic! I will expect him to "rock my world" in a different way tonight
  8. We have been to a club once, and getting up the nerve to go was big for me... but we did go and had FUN. I just have to muster up the strength... it makes me nervous... but I know it could be way fun, so thanks for the suggestion! Yes, I have thought about counselling to help me with my "father issues" and I also lean on Hubby a lot for that... he is a great help & support and always has something wonderful to say. Yeah, I didn't think about the indoor cat comment being "pouting", thank you for that perspective. I hope you were able to see Hubby's remarks regarding the cheating comment... and I know how passionately he will NOT become his father and I do know that both those comments were made in frustration and anger, which he shouldn't do because they stick with me in a very personal way. We have had similar discussions where Hubby has been very reassuring about NOT swinging if I don't want to and being OK if we don't do it. We did decide to stop when we moved from Vancouver, BC to Florida in September... that was my call. He pouted a little bit, but got over it and we were happy as we have always been. It was ME that decided to get another account set up here in Florida, and I really think we are not as much "headcases" as we may seem ... LOL ... we talk a LOT about this issue and we are constantly communicating, making sure we each understand the other and making sure we are ok with where things are going. We are not just about swinging... it is a small fraction of who we are... and I like that it genuinely feels that way because for a while, it seemed like it was every word out of our mouths, every conversation during the day... but now that we have worked through things, it is much more comfortable. My hope is that it remains like that. I am so proud of Hubby for seeking this board out... he's such a great guy... and he did it to help US and to make sure he was doing the right thing for US & me... and some of the comments on this board have helped him to see things differently and we have come to a new understanding and I am very pleased. I love the above comment... and I said that to Hubby last night... if this all stopped tomorrow, we at least DID it and TRIED it... and we are the same... we don't "need" swinging... and for a while there I felt that Hubby did... but I truly believe that we are in this together and for the same reasons and I feel so good about it and I have the people on this board to thank for helping us and making us feel like we are not alone. Thank you I know Hubby was quick to post last night when he read your mail because he worried that my posting about one comment that he made in frustration and anger was portraying him in an incorrect light, and I feel that is true. I feel like that comment unfairly made him seem like some a-hole dick who only looks to get his rocks off... and that simply isn't the case. He is one of the most sensitive men, so in touch with his feminine side, listens to what I say... I can go on all day here . I was frustrated about those 2 comments that he had made and wanted to see what the "take" on those comments would be ... and I appreciate your input. I totally agree about your above assessment of cheating vs. swinging... Again, thank you to all of you... I am now addicted to this board. I was so reassured (I guess that is a sad word to use, but it is how I felt) to read of a woman who was so terribly upset by a man who didn't get a hard on... ahhhh... been there (several times) and NOT done that. LOL... a little hard to "DO" it when it is limp as a noodle! But, after lots of research and talking to Hubby, I have come to learn what crazy beasts those cocks can be sometimes... and reading her thread also helped me feel better to know I am not alone. You guys ALL ROCK
  9. Hi... Hubby here, I just want to say that I never said swinging "Scratches the itch" to cheat. I have rejected the trophy wife of a rock star, I think I can say without a doubt that I would never want to cheat on my wife. A brief history of Hubby's past. My father ran off with a hot 20 year old french lady when I was 4 years old. My father cheated on my mother 6 times (that she knew about), and it destroyed her and our family. I would never do that to my wife. I have told her many times that I am not interested in Polyamory, if she offered for me to be able to see other women I would not do it. This is about US not about me, not about getting rocks off alone (that's why we don't like the separate side of the room full swap, neither of us like that). I genuinely love to watch her with women, and with other men, it's a huge turn on. The comment my wife posted above, I do feel was taken a bit out of context. We were talking about weather or not I ever "think" about other women. I said basically every day I look at a pretty woman I would enjoy sex with if I wasn't committed to her. However the swinging thing is a BIT like having your cake and eating it too, because I don't think physical monogamy is natural for men.. I DO feel very strongly that emotional monogamy IS VERY natural. I am a very committed husband and father, my wife's happiness is everything to me. I enjoy sex with other women, but only when my wife is a part of it, and enjoying it. The "house cat" comment was not about being on the prowl, it was simply my way of saying I am willing to return to physical monogamy as well as emotional, it wasn't intended the way she took it (at the time, as well as today when she still takes it the way she sounded on here). It simply meant that I am willing to "belong" to her body and soul is she asks. The swing thing is something we have both said, could end, and we would still be as committed to each other as ever. Anyway, I agree with a lot of what you guys have said on here, you have really helped me to see that I am not left out, that I can sit in the passenger seat and be there with my wife. It has also help her to verbalize things in a way she hasn't before (like having a hard time saying NO to me when I suggest couples she isn't in to). The moving cheese is a fantastic analogy, but you know... I can have fun just being in the maze, who needs the cheese when the maze with my wife is so entertaining! We have dumped a lot on this board, and I do want you guys to know that we have an amazing life together we ARE that happy kissy couple that everyone else is annoyed by because we are so "cute". Even without swinging my life is pretty sweet (the wife, the kids, the pool/hot tub, the house, the 08 vette, the 07 GSX-R, the dream job in animation). We grew up together, we have been together more than half my life, and are very secure as a couple. Neither one of us is pushing the other in this lifestyle it's something we both want (most of the time), and it is about US, together. Neither of us would run off alone with other people. Thanks for all your insights! We really wish a couple of you were closer to Orlando, haha
  10. I wanted to state one more thing and that is that Hubby is an incredible person and the "negative" things are few & far between on the swing issue... we are not all "drama" and fighting... we are figuring this out like any normal couple with their baggage does. I feel guilty for not being more secure with myself and for making any issues... but he continues to love me & support me... he has found a wonderful new understanding recently and is so supportive and letting me just be me, like he always has, but understanding that I have this desire to have more control over our swing life, and I appreciate him so much for that. I just didn't want anyone to get the idea that Hubby is some horrible person for being frustrated & angry when I "move the cheese" yet again on him. He handles himself with great dignity & love for me... and I doubt anyone else out there would do the same for me. He is simply FANTASTIC.
  11. Hubby has not really thought of the soft swap as "worth it"... not to be negative on him, because I love him terribly but when we had a discussion recently about being soft swap, it was very apparent that the entire thing isn't "worth it" to him if we are soft swap. I didn't quite know what to do with that... I know for him, he wants to experience another woman WITH me, so I can see why he'd want to have sex with her... but that means that I am somehow "obligated" or "expected" to have sex with the male, and that isn't always my flavor. I am comfortable having sex with Hubby, obviously, and we had one single male that I was happy to have sex with also... I was attracted to him physically & on a friend level... but that seems rare to me. What are your thoughts on that? I agree with this... and my worry is also when Hubby splits off with the woman and I am left with the man, and I will try to look and see what is going on with Hubby... and he is always all hot & heavy fucking or getting close and I am doing NOTHING. I have had one man tell me that he could "sense" that I was distracted or "not there"... and he's right. Our swinging with couples started off with an experience where Hubby was fucking a woman in our hot tub and her husband was "making out" with me and going no where with a limp cock. I was angry with Hubby for what felt like him going off to the other side and fucking her... that image will, unfortunantly, be burned in my brain forever. I think we have had good experiences too, but we have learned that we need "rules"... like staying within arms reach of each other, that he doesn't fuck the woman until I am "getting some" cuz he's always ready to go and often (probably because of me) the guy is NOT ready... maybe these rules are unfair but our experiences have led us to this and after LOTS of LONG discussions we have to find a way to make this work for both of us. The frequency thing is something we have discussed... I guess I feel like my turtle pace of things and not wanting to allow this swing to be WHO we are has made it so that a while ago, even Hubby bringing it up would upset me... my thoughts were "why does he care?"... "why am I not enough for him?"... "why is he just thinking about fucking other people?" and so I would get lost in that spiral. Those feelings creep up sometimes, but I feel like since I am "driving", I can control my feelings better because he is leaving it to me. Ultimately, I am the one having sex with EVERYONE... I am the one that "goes both ways" in this, so since I have the most interaction with everyone, I feel it should be me who gets to choose, also because I have the "attraction issue" (or lack of) with the man... and for Hubby, he wants to meet everyone (a slight exaggeration ). I mentioned to him about a woman who's profile said that she can sometimes orgasm just with nipple play (I am super orgasmic, but not that good!) and his eyes lit up and I told him that the hubby was not attractive (I have to be able to picture myself kissing the man - happily - I don't know why) and he laughed and said "I know what my response would have been if I'd been 'driving'... I'd have said 'it couldn't hurt to meet them'"... we both laughed. I want to thank ncmd_couple for the comment below: (I can't quite figure out all the ways to set up the "quote" part on this board )... And I decided some years ago that I am happy with who I am as a man. You just need to do that as a woman. You aren’t perfect, (what ever the hell that is) and your hubby still loves you and has been with you all of these years, be proud of who you are! I find that like the wind blows, so does my ability to be happy with who I am and be comfortable in my own skin... it is never consistant and one never knows which "bi-girl" they will get on any given day ... "confident bi-girl"... "crazy bi-girl"... "unhappy & worried bi-girl"... this list is LONG . I think the swing stuff has at times made my feelings about myself worse, the self doubt and questioning my place / my standing / the why's... I have issues with being "good enough"... and I narrowed that down to the fact that when my father left for his girlfriend, he started over... we weren't "good enough" and so he went and had like 5 fucking kids with this other woman, leaving my mom to have to fight for child support and he never visited us, he just LEFT. He was an ass hole abuser and I was better off having him gone, but still, as a kid you learn and realize you have been abandoned or that you weren't "good enough" and so I relate that to things with Hubby... we have the most amazing life... Hubby has a new motorcycle, great house, '08 corvette, 2 great kids, hot wife... and we are an amazingly happy couple... and I know the reason I have been given for swinging is because "it's fun"... but why am I not enough? Hubby tells me that no one ever has "enough"... that is an unattainable word... ok, fine. But, we are married and in the times when we have talked about not swinging anymore he will say things like "I will just have to go back to being an indoor cat"... as if it is a BAD thing to JUST be with me! OOOOO... it pisses me OFF!!! It pisses me off that it is so important to him... if it's a hobby or just "something we do"... the who the fuck cares? I think that is my worst & most frustrating part of all of this. That by NOT doing it ... I am in turn "doing" something TO him. This is not about HIM exploring his BI side... it is about me exploring MY bi side... still, no matter what, he gets to fuck a pussy at night, and if it is only mine, why is that BAD or "not enough"... (my words, not his). He's said some pretty shitty things when we have had our discussions about not swinging... and I realize they are out of frustration & anger... I know he would never cheat on me... I know that for sure... but he's said stuff like "swinging helps me to not cheat on you"... the desire to fuck every hot piece of tail is there for him, but he doesn't act upon it (like every man, I suspect and I appreciate that he doesn't and wouldn't cheat cuz I'd be GONE... no looking back!) OK, now what do I do with that? OK, I am going to stop writing now because I am getting overly emotional and I just need to chill. I hate thinking about this stuff and I know it is good to talk it out (trust me, Hubby & I have talked until our faces turn blue about this and I am just so over droning on the details of how we see eye-to-eye in all aspects of our life except this... it gets more attention than it deserves... and I feel like we get lost in the abyss of "swinging" and it makes me angry). Thanks again to all who are posting... I look forward to your input. Bi-girl
  12. I never said he had to "fuck the dogs"... as I would not be interested in "dogs" either. Yes, I agree that I have issues, but everyone does about one thing or another. And, just because we are trying to figure this out and ask for advice does not mean that we are not "US" in this... it is NOT all about me, and I never said that it was. The one that needs help in figuring things out is me... yes, but it is NOT all about me. The reason I want to do this is to experience something electric & totally different WITH Hubby. I have said that his comfort zone is much wider than mine and to make it work for US, we need to compromise and come to agreements, like any normal & functioning couple would. When Hubby "does the driving" he is overly eager and wants to be out there meeting & swinging with every couple he finds attractive. I want a more "normal" life than that. That is not my comfort zone, and I would like to have a different (lower) volume than he would. I do not want this to occupy so much of my life... raising 2 kids, family, obligations, blah blah blah... again, about compromise, NOT about ME and only ME. We do, and always have, treated each other as equals... and just because we don't see 100% eye to eye on this issue and have to work on it and come to compromises or find a comfort zone does not mean that I am somehow not treating him as an equal, or vice versa. Life is about compromise, especially when you are married. No one person always gets their way... leaving the other in the dust to figure it out... and this is why I think our marriage is one of the strongest I have ever witnessed. Just because swinging and "the lifestyle" (I, personally, can't stand that word because) doesn't come easy as pie to us and we actually have to think about it and work through feelings does not reflect badly on either of us, as a matter of fact, I think it says more positive things about us as a couple - that we would give each other such consideration and want to have each other feel comfortable. I think it says more good than bad... I think we got off on the wrong foot in swinging with a bad experience and from that we learned a lot. I DO know that in the end of the night, he is my partner & I am his partner... and that he will be next to me, holding my hand through life until we are old & gray. It is not about doubt of him or our relationship. I appreciate your perspective and frankly, there are days where I think you are right, if I am being honest. I hate arguing over other people's involvement in our life & relationship. On those days, I am ready to hang up and just move forward without all this stuff. I think as Hubby understands me more and expresses his emotions/thoughts more clearly to me, those feelings are less... but when he starts with the "I worry you are going to take it away" (meaning I won't want to swing anymore)... I get so angry. What am I "taking away"? He still has me! Thanks again for your input.
  13. Hello everyone I am the "bi girl" in the duo "bi girl and hubby". I greatly appreciate all of your input. Hubby got on here in a genuinely sweet way to try to sort things out. I appreciate him looking for advice on a topic that we are still discovering and learning about. I wanted to clarify a few things. Hubby is comfortable with anything & everything... he has not a jealous bone in his body... so when he mentioned our "rules"... it may have sounded more strict than it is (at least in my eyes). I do feel that he has been overly eager in this process and when he sees people he finds attractive (especially if the woman is attractive & we both agree... but the guy is ho-hum) then he will, dare I say "push", in a loving but still eager way to "just meet"... but I have a problem meeting with the expectation of what we are all in this for (SEX) and then rejecting people when they are fun & fantastic... but I still don't find the guy attractive. I have an easier time being picky on line than to someones face. I loved the "IT'S MY PUSSY"... and that is my new motto. Hubby has never ever ever forced me to do anything.... he is the most amazing guy in the entire world... we have been together for 15+ years (high school sweethearts) and we are both in our early 30's. For me, I have self-esteem issues. The Tybee Swing... do you know me? LOL... you hit the nail on the head and I was reading out loud to Hubby after he showed me what he'd found in this board and some of the responses that he'd found... I read your response : Because she is much pickier and much more slow to move forward with people, perhaps she has felt pushed or rushed when you are flirting with women you meet, hunting, and planning. Or, perhaps when you're hunting, you're presenting people to her that 9 times in 10, she has no interest in. Maybe asking you to stop doing that, while she continues just looking (you only used the word "looking" in what she's doing online) is her pace. As she looks, maybe she's trying to figure things out for herself. Maybe she feels that there's only going to be 1 in 1,000 that will be of interest to her. Sometimes, men can get so anxious and so into the hunt, that it can overwhelm a woman who is slower, and make her feel like he is rushing ahead of her. (I don't know you, but this is just something to consider.) I think she's so extremely picky about men ("ewww, he had a little hair on his chest" or "he looked a little chunky in one of his pics"), is because she really doesn't want to be with men in swinging. There are some women on one end of the bi spectrum who are only interested in their own man and exploring with other women. Swinging with couples isn't really their thing. When you add the fact that most of the men she's been with haven't been able to keep an erection, that's just another nail in the coffin for her, with going forward with men. She definitely has self-esteem issues/insecurities with her competitiveness with other women. That is so true... and I agree that I am overly picky... but it goes back to the "it's my pussy" thing... and also... I don't want to be in a situation where I feel trumped... some porn star looking woman for my hubby to fuck... I know it isn't about comparison, but in my eyes I would be comparing and wishing I physically looked like her... like girls who look at magazines in an unhealthy way and want to be thin. I am not a "fat" girl... I am shapely and curvy and love my body (most of the time ) but it is like this for me... I want to bring a copy of myself into bed with us. The female we have been with (her husband allows her to play alone and we've done that one time) is great physically... I feel like we are physically very similar. I wanted to speak up on this board and get into the discussion because I am guessing that lots of you can help me and give me great advice out there. I have so many different "issues"... things that I have sorted through and as I am finding myself in this journey and realizing that I am hot and attractive, lots of my fears are going away (so, can you say "abandoned by my father at as a young child - physically abused by him when I was young - found the love of my life at an early age and worry that he'll be less attracted to me if he fucks some hot ass woman, my father left, why wouldn't my husband - mind you, my husband is NOTHING like my father but a father is supposed to stay with you through your life and be there for you... abandonment is a big issue with me - worrying about suffering in comparison... blah blah blah - parents can really mess with your head even after they are out of your life!) So, to start off somewhat slow, I can let you know that the "rules" we have set up regarding our "playing" don't have to really do with during playtime - we stay within arms reach of each other (past experience of some man taking me out of arms reach - our first experience ever was a big mistake and got us started off on the wrong foot - and while Hubby was fucking his wife, the guy was limper than a noodle and kissing me like we were 13 - EWWWW). So, we also try to wait to make sure that the "other guy" is going to be able to perform before Hubby "gives it to" the other woman. Ideal situation for me is to have just a single person in bed with us - male or female - those have been my favorite experiences and we have had both. It is more about us playing with ONE person rather than us going off with the person we are "expected" to swap with. I am not really into the guys either... the single male we were with was super attractive and a friend of Hubby's and that was a bit different... but for me it is about my bi-side... I have an amazing cock (and even better Hubby attached to it - LOL )... to play with whenever and wherever I want to... so that is not lacking in my life. We have an amazing sex life. But, usually to find a woman who is willing to play, I have to "take one for the team" with her hubby... and it isn't that I think he's gross because I won't go there if he is... but it is like I see Hubby playing with MY TOY... ... that being the woman... and Hubby. I want to be in that game... not off with some guy who I could give a shit about fucking. I know some have said we should not be swinging... and on some days, I could not agree more. But, I think back to the experiences of our MMF, and the one time we had our FFM... and there was 1 or 2 couple experiences in there that were "good"... and I think that it is FUN and can be FUN... but I always feel like it is taking up too much of our time... our conversations seem to revolve around that topic and I refuse to let swinging define us... we are so much more than swinging... we are high school sweethearts, we have 2 amazing kids, we are more in love everyday we are together, we are best friends, we know each other inside & out... but we are also opposites in a lot of ways and so this is something we have in common to "do" together... and so when Hubby brings it up, I tend to think "Oh, that is all he thinks about is fucking other women"... but in all honesty, I have gotten past that way of thinking quite a bit lately... but it tends to be a sore spot for me. I just want it to be like a hobby, something we do occasionally, not something that we argue about because Bi-girl isn't meeting the desired frequency or meeting up with anyone this month... we have to go at my pace or not at all... and if that means we stop for a while, then we do that so I can take a breath... but ultimately, I start up again. I loved the cheese analogy too... and I have to say that sometimes to hide the cheese really well... I eat it! LOL!!! It is GONE!!! Yes, it is a maze and unfair for him to have to "figure me out"... but if he can just be patient and let me drive and not side seat drive and piss me off, I know I can make this fun and I know we can do this together. I look forward to any & all advice you have regarding what you think and I am excited about being on this forum. Bi-girl (Hubby is at work)
  14. We can't call our female because she is married to a guy who we also play with. So we can call them both over, but never her alone (and her alone is what my wife is in the mood for more often than not). So she decides when she comes over alone because it's on nights when her husband is out and she is looking to play. He knows, and is perfectly fine with it (in fact it was his suggestion the first time), and the four of us are very good friends. But you are 100% right, what my wife is really looking for is a single female (for us, not just her). The 2 year search is very frustrating for both of us, because we will find someone, talk to her for a week or so, and then she says "so my boyfriend and I want to meet..." or more than once "I just met this great guy and here is a picture of him" (which is inevitably some out of shape guy... I can't stand the couples that fish with a "single female" as bait).. or, we end up not hearing from her after initial mails..etc... I have absolute veto rights in who we swing with, but there are a ton of rules on me, and none on her. My wife is very picky. The women have to be less attractive than her, but still attractive, we have to be friends first which takes a lot of "dating" which can get frustrating for them. It's a tough situation because she has sort of a warped self-image so many of the couples that are into us, she finds the women "threatening" (including our rare semi-single female) which is tough for me because we do have a lot of attractive couples mail us online and we never write back because they are "too attractive", or the woman is hot and the guy is just not attractive at all (and I have said she should never "take one for the team"). She has major fears of rejection, and the multiple experiences with limp guys have just reinforced those fears. Then we find couples that seem right for us, but some problem comes up (the woman is too hot, the husband looked heavy in one picture, he has some chest hair, etc..), and she wants to blow them off (something I have a problem with too, I feel we at least owe them explanations etc..) or they blow us off the same way and she feels totally rejected. The whole thing just doesn't feel healthy, but she doesn't want to call it quits (and we have had bad fights because I have basically said "if this is the way it's going to be, the frustration and tease isn't worth it to me, and I want to just stop all-together").
  15. if there were not restrictions on single males you would end up with a 40 to 1 ratio of men to women, and a bunch of single guys thinking it's a meat market. Just go on AFF and check out who is "camming" right now... 4000 men, and 45 women... the 4000 men have an average of .01 viewers and the 45 women have an average of 150 people watching. Guys don't get it, single men are SO easy to find that when you go looking, that alone is a turn off. You simply don't need or want them coming after you, if we wanted a single guy, we could go to any bar on the planet and pick up the best looking single guy in the place and take him home (if you are a moderately attractive couple and approach a single guy for no-strings attached sex, chances are they will say "uhm... yes").. That's why there are restrictions, we go to a swinger club we are there to find women with men, or women. If we were looking for single men, we could go anywhere, or ask any of our single male friends who we already know and trust (which is Waaaay more likely than a stranger). On the whole, single guys get blasted, act like idiots, think that it's ok to jump in and play without asking, start fights, or think they are so hot they can just run up and start rubbing on a guy's wife. The only time we went to a place that allowed single guys there were fights all over the place, and drunk guys acting like grope-happy tools in a meat market where everything is free and they are god's gift. Never again.
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