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skeghed

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15 Good

About skeghed

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    Contributor

Personal Info

  • Location
    Corpus Christi, Texas
  • Interests
    fishing, camping, outdoors, beach & SEX
  • Occupation
    massage therapist
  1. Thanks for the feedback. I didn't mention that we have swung numerous times before with no problems - couples & MFM. I have given blowjobs to other friends of ours also with no problems. That's why I was wondering what happened this time. I have tried talking to him about this but he says there is nothing wrong and that he has no worries. I guess I'm confused about what is different this time and why he denies having an issue when he obviously does. It made me wonder if maybe I was overzealous with the whole "he's gonna be here working today just wanted to let you know" and "talked (or texted) him today just wanted to let you know" thing.
  2. My husband asked me to give a friend of ours a blowjob and I agreed. I told him before we did anything that I didn't want to if there were going to be any problems because the guy is around quite a bit and I enjoy just hanging out. He never had any problems with me sitting around talking with him before and he knew that he was going to be doing some construction at my work. He said there weren't going to be any problems and so I gave him a blowjob. It was nothing spectacular - the guy is average. Still ok, not dissing him in any way, just - you know he was ok. Anyway, the next time we saw him socially hubby got kindof standoffish - not rude or anything...just not as friendly as usual. I think the friend picked up on it and he has been kind of stand offish as well to me (not to hubby). I haven't called him for anything other than work, haven't been flirting with him, talking to him more than I used to. Well then my husband accused me of sneaking off to give him another blowjob. I may have been alone with the guy for 15 minutes total! I told my husband any time the friend and I talked on the phone or texted and what was said (it was about work always). Husband has been sitting right there or nearby when I have talked to the guy in person and there have been no chats on the computer or anything. Neither the friend nor I have said anything to each other about the first blowjob or any future one. Did I do something wrong? Is there something I can do to help my husband understand that I will not do anything he is not there to see, nor will I initiate contact for that purpose? Any advice would be appreciated.
  3. By the way....here are my answers 1. Husband initiated. 2. Gave several reasons...fulfilling our fantasies, didn't want us to cheat, exploration. 3. Well, mostly....It was mostly for his fantasy fulfillment as I had done a lot of experimenting prior to us meeting - and neither one of us would ever cheat (be tempted, maybe for a sec - but not actually do it). 4. My initial reaction (for several years) was that I did not want to take our fantasies any further. 5. We started out with several threesomes (mmf) - we have tried a few couples. 6. We both enjoyed the threesomes very much...so far we apparently haven't found the right couple, because we haven't had very good experiences with them so far. 7. Mmmmm, well this is something we are still working on....he still insists on initiating contact, deciding times, frequency and location - and I haven't gotten to pick a partner yet...but we both have to agree to go before we go...and we have both done our share of vetoes - so I guess we still get a "D+" as far as this goes. 8. Well, he has learned that surprises are not my thing, and I have learned that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - that I could actually enjoy it. We still have some issues to work out, but we can take it day by day as far as those issues go. WOW! Tired hands going to take a needed rest after these long-ass posts of mine!
  4. In talking with a few friends of ours who have tried swinging - and also looking at several websites, message boards, etc. - I have some questions to pose. We were talking about how swinging was brought up, what were the person who initiated the conversation's reasons for wanting to swing, the initial reaction of the s.o. to the request, etc. Overwhelmingly, it was the male that brought up swinging and that "pushed" for making it a reality. It turns out that a good portion (I would say a fair majority) of the wives were not interested in taking the fantasy any further than fantasizing until the husband pushed further. The husbands gave several reasons why they wanted to swing....to spice up their sex lives, to explore the couple's sexuality, to keep from cheating (or being tempted to), to explore the wife's bisexual curiosity, to satisfy their fantasy(s). Almost ALWAYS they said they did it for their wife's sake. A big majority of the wives said they felt pressured into swinging and that they feared the husband would either leave them or have affairs if they didn't comply with his request. HOWEVER - after really discussing it between ourselves (us and the several couples) it seemed to point to the fact that 1. The initiator of the conversation suggested swinging for their reasons (wanted some strange, fulfil their fantasy, etc.) 2. The s/o that felt pushed into it generally did not enjoy the first several encounters with their partner enjoying someone else (if ever) 3. The s/o felt intimidated and a sort of rejection when their feelings were not taken seriously or were derided. 4. The s/o usually enjoyed threesomes with the opposite sex and handled their partner with the s/o's same sex much better when threesomes were what the experience started with. 5. Most of the time, rules were pushed by the initiators that pushed the hardest to start swinging in the first place (meaning those that really pestered the s/o and wouldn't take Fuck you! for an answer) 6. Once the s/o overcame their misgivings, they enjoyed swinging more than the initiator. 7. Those that split up and/or quit the lifestyle found that the initiator was unwilling to share control with the s/o (as far as frequency, initiating contact, changing rules, location, etc.) So - anyway - the questions..... 1. Who initiated the conversation? 2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing? 3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his) 4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o? 5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf) 6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards? 7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle? 8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed?
  5. Thanks John! I am relieved to know I am not the only one that felt that way! But really, I have seen some insensitive posts to several subjects....and there is one or two posters in particular that for some reason are extremely suspicious of anyone that has any degree of jealousy or insecurity issues....and that is a shame. But overall, I would say this is one of the most supportive and helpful bunch of people I have found. I just hope that people will really look at what is being asked and try their best to answer THAT question without trying to dig up anything that may or may not be there. (I realize that sometimes more info is needed to answer a question - and that is not what I am talking about.) Also - you say you used to have problems with it....what were they and how did you get over those problems? (If I may ask.) And do you have anything that you reserve just for you and your s/o? Thanks again!
  6. I have seen posts by people who laugh at the thought of a couple having a rule against kissing anyone else. Please let me just post this from our point of view and then you can comment again if you wish. To us - kissing conveys an emotional attachment to each other. And, also, we want to reserve something that is done only between us. Don't get me wrong - kissing is EXTREMELY arousing to us both....and is an important part of foreplay for us both. But we as a couple have decided that this is one of the things that we want to enjoy only with each other. Also - it is kind of disconcerting to see people get laughed at or slammed for some of the rules or restrictions or feelings that they have towards swinging. It ,may be like second nature to some couples and I am really glad for you - but to others, it is sharing one of the most intimate parts of their relationships and it takes getting used to and they have some reservations and YES! problems with it. Before you hit that "post" button, some of you might want to remember that and know that if they are taking the time to a) look for sites like this (and this is the best I have found, BTW) b) read the boards and c) post their questions that they are most likely sincere in their want to overcome any problems and are looking for sincere answers, advice and stories of experiences to help them out. Laughing at their feelings/problems could be very discouraging to them and cause them to blow off the lifestyle altogether or plunge in to a situation that they are not comfortable with because they now feel like they aren't "normal" for feeling the way they do and that they should "get over it" or blow it off. WOW! Didn't mean to go on like that.... Sooooo....anyway....is there anyone else that has the "no-kissing" rule or any other couple that reserves something that they do just between themselves?
  7. I do notthink that my husband is going to leave me for another woman and I thoughtthat I had made it quite clear that my feelings were not that it is ok as long as it is just me getting what I want. I came to this board looking for some help in getting past my fears so that I COULD hopefully do this for HIM. He is the one that asked me to sleep with another man as a fulfillment of his fantasy and to help me fulfill my fantasy. I have never asked him for this - even though I do enjoy it. We do both realize that we probably jumped into this faster than we should have - especially with the couple - but we are enjoying the MFM (both of us) and plan to continue it. It is mainly me trying to pay him back for his generosity, I guess - but without going at it wrongly again so that we both can enjoy it without causing hurt feelings. I really appreciate all of your responses! This board is extremely helpful and you all seem very insightful and caring. Thank you very much! :p
  8. Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. No, I am not insecure in the bedroom right now. And I do enjoy the MFM thing very much. And so does my hubby. I guess my main thing is that when we started talking about the swinging thing, and when we actually decided to try it - I had told him that I wasn't sure I would be comfortable with another woman being present at all. But now he mentioned that he would like to try it...and I want to try it for his sake. Yes, it would be me doing something for him only. He has told me over and over that it really doesn't bother him if we don't do it with another couple - and that he doesn't feel cheated - but I feel like he is and want to help him out. But before I do this, I want to know if the feelings I have are normal or what? I'm really wanting to know if some of my fears are normal jitters or if I should wait until I feel less fearful or if it is a sign that I will never be able to do it. I would like to know if anyone else has had these fears and went forward with the experience and what the outcome was and any suggestions as to what I can do to overcome my fears.
  9. By the way....we have talked about it and would not consider swinging alone or in separate rooms (neither of us).
  10. My husband had brought up the idea of swinging for about eight years before I finally agreed to try it. He told me that his biggest fantasy was to see me with another guy - and I had always told him that I didn't want to be with another woman...and that I wouldn't want to see him with another woman. Well, I agreed to try swinging - but I wanted to go in slowly so that I could be comfortable with it. We discussed our fears and agreed that it would have to be with someone out of town and not a friend and that there would be no women (he still insisted that he did not really want that - but that if I wanted to in the future - he would certainly agree). We had a MFM with a friend and YES! I did like it and was comfortable with it (even though he had pushed the boundries and broke two of the rules that we discussed). Well, the problem is - he asked if we could do a couple and I told him I would look into it and see if I thought it would be something I would be comfortable with, but please don't push it because I wasn't really sure about it and had expressed that from the start. He set up a meeting with a couple from out of town and suprized me with it. It was a horrible experience - the guy was bi and the girl was too and they were into witchcraft heavily and other stuff (not that I'm judging - just way not within my realm). Well, anyway neither of us was attracted to them - but I thought I would just do it and see if I could handle it. I didn't experience any jealousy from seeing him screw the other woman - but I think that is because I knew he didn't find her attractive. And I tried looking over at them every once in a while to see if I could be turned on by seeing him with another woman at all - NOTHING! But now we have been in several MFM's (ALL at his suggestion) and I want to do the couple thing for him. I have a problem, though. I still am not bi and I don't know how I am going to take it if I think the other woman is more attractive than me or if she gives him a better orgasm than me. I would like to think that I could just be jealous for the minute, and be happy that he is getting some pleasure - but I am not sure that I can. I really, really love him and don't want something to screw up what we've got. He has sincerely apologized for crossing the boundaries before and he has not done it again. He said he thought I was just waiting for him to take the first step. He has also told me that the couples thing is not that big of a deal for him and he would be happy to stick with just doing the MFM thing - or if I am not comfortable with that, then stopping altogether. I do like the MFM thing (c'mon - what woman wouldn't) but truthfully, I could live with it or without it. It is always him who suggests we do it again. I have conciously looked for men that are not attractive (not ugly - but just so-so looking) so as not to make him feel threatened or in competition. He says he doesn't care if I pick MR. America, if I get pleasure from it then that is what turns him on - but he mostly gets turned on by watching how much the other guy likes what he is getting and knowing that he will remember how awesome it was and want it again for a very long time - he says it is kinda like his way of bragging. The thing is - I feel guilty that I don't feel the same way. It does not turn me on thinking of him with someone else. Not in the least little bit. I have told him that and he says he understands and that it really is not a big deal to him. But I WANT to give it to him. Please PLEASE someone tell me how to get past my feelings of jealousy! I know he will be coming home with me - I have no worries that he is looking for someone to replace me or that he would do it without me. He has had chances to screw around and hasn't. I guess I am afraid that if someone is better than me, that he will be thinking about how he wants it again (like he says the other guys do when they get me). I am afraid it will make me feel insecure in the bedroom and about myself in general. He is really supportive and insists that it is just a fantasy of his, but that his best fantasy and the one that gets him off the most is the MFM. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Someone tell me how to get over this or about some of your feelings and how you dealt with them. Are my worries just "newbie jitters" - fears of the unknown - or am I just not suited to this lifestyle? I really feel guilty and feel like I am being a selfish bitch, but I don't want to jump into something that could possibly cause a major problem if I can't handle it. [ 12-18-2001: Message edited by: skeghed ]
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