sndman

Hey all, just wanted to close this out with positive closure. The wife and I have had very good discussions over the last couple of weeks and have also agreed to not swing with friends in the future. To much sexual tension when you see each other every day and the friend can't control his own urges. But hey live and learn and one thing for sure is that we both communicate a lot more now. Its reasuring to know your with the one and you can talk things thru.

Hey all thanks for the feedback. There are two sides to every story and when swinging ther may be more. I will forward this thread to my friend and have my wife read it. Not so that I say 'told you I wasn't over reacting' but to open the line of communication. At least that is my true intention. We are all new to this and when doing something new you somettimes get hurt. I want to learn from it and in the end I may find the life style may not fit. 1/ After I was able to discuss the situation she did state there was an attachment with the friend. 2/ We started together. They have had one other meeting, get to know you/introduction setting, but nothing developed. This was not a swingers bar. This was a vanilla party with other friends. Disagree only because this was the second time the situation occured. The first time was with Ms. fun.... When we started down this path as couples and between my wife and I, we all agreed to NOT play without first discussing. We didn't want there to be any issues and thought this would be a good basis to begin. Ms. Fun and my wife made out during an overnight girls-night out without discussing it. Yes, I was upset. My wife and I discussed it and said flat out nothing would go on with out first talking. Because I actually do trust my wife. I've trusted her when she goes to concerts with other guy friends or been out all night at star watching parties and I've not been around.

I like to cut to the chase so my question to the board is: Am I over reacting? Please read below to understand why I’m asking the question and if I’m being an ass then lets call it that way…  Wouldn’t be the first time… My wife and I discussed swinging for a couple of years, more fantasy than anything but actually started swinging about a year ago. The couple we swing with have been close friends for about two years. Anyways, we started out slow with soft-swapping but moved quickly to hard. During the first few nights I found myself jealous and called a stop the swapping friendship. As a group we discussed what was going on and I and the other husband also met to discuss. What was bugging me was his continuous lusting after my wife. Even during general social situations. All things being new he didn’t realize it was that obvious and said he would keep it in check. My wife and I also discussed the situation and agreed to some ground rules. Mainly that nothing happens with out discussing it first and it would be agreed to by both couples. This summer we went on vacation, we both have boys the same age, and had a good time. Once the kids were down in the other adjoining room the adults were able to play. During the vacation I noticed how often the guy was not walking with his wife and son but always between me and my family. I discussed it with my wife one night and she thought I was just getting jealous again. Maybe, but I asked her to just be observant over the next couple of days and she doesn’t see let me know. After the first day she noticed and it was not just me being jealous. This past Halloween things went south. We were enjoying the evening dancing and having a few drinks, as I said they are close friends and we have the same circle of friends. So, I’m chatting with another couple and my wife excuses herself for a bio-break. No problem. I then notice the other guy head downstairs. After a few moments, 5 minutes or so, jealousy starts to kick in. I head downstairs and my concerns are realized. I head around the corner and see them in an embrace and kissing. So I’m a little pissed at this point. So my thoughts are what have they been doing and what would they have done? So yes, I was jealous for the fact my wife didn’t want to sneak downstairs with me when I asked her earlier but also I feel they both let me down. When we first started swinging I became jealous and I talked to both of them and they both assured me I had nothing to worry about. It’s not the kissing that pissed me off but its that I had a suspicion that I could not trust my wife and friend. Needless to say we are ending the swapping friendship. It took me a couple of days to talk to my wife about how I was feeling and she is apologetic. I’m having beers with my friend when they return from vacation. I believe the overall friendship will survive. Now the other wife believes I over reacted and I’ve blown the situation out of proportion. Now you know why I’ve asked the question: Am I over reacting?