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arvcpl

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arvcpl last won the day on July 13 2008

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About arvcpl

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    Has Left the Building

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  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    Arvada, co
  1. Wow, what a shocker! Guys lying to chicks to get in their pants??? Who would have ever thought of such a thing???? Yeah that is some cutting edge material you have there. C'mon are you serious? Guys have been lying about their relationship status' and intentions for a piece of ass since the beginning of time. This is no news flash. All it is is just twisting the words around a little bit to fit a different niche. If a guy wants some side action and doesn't want his wife to find out he tells his potential side action mark that his marriage is crumbling and that he wished he had found her before he met his wife and that she has all the qualities and assets that his wife doesn't and as soon as he can take care of all the details with the kids and the paperwork he will leave his wife and they will start their new lives together. As chicup pointed out, they often fall for it hook line and sinker because it is what they want to believe. the only different with this scenario with an open marriage couple is the wife and husband have an agreement that it is ok, but the concept is still the same. The "other woman" will be interested and enticed because she thinks she will end up with the fairy tail . If a guy comes out says his wife is ok with it and knows all about it the other woman realizes no red blooded American male is ever going to leave a woman that lets him fuck around and she will realize that she is just sperm depository to dump his extra leftover load into. No chance of ending with the fairy tail dream = no poontang. So yeah, just like every Jr high boy that learned to tear off a piece of ass at 14 by letting the girl think that he was in love with her and that they would end up together, so too it works for the 35 year old man with a happy wife and marriage at home. Some things are universal and timeless and men preying on the instinctual aspirations of women for a piece of ass is one of them. This is just a slightly different twist for a small unique population segment. It may be sad and pathetic and wrong but it is true nonetheless.
  2. Our biggest issues have been finding people that we are attracted to who also find us attractive. My wife is very picky and is not attracted to many men and she is also not very bi and is attracted to even fewer women. Also she is a very reserved person and doesn't open up to people very quickly and so she is often viewed as aloof and at times even snobbish. She is also very slender, fit and attractive so people often view her as the snobbish hot chick. If you were to read the account that The Fuse wrote about Mr Fuse you could pretty much replace "Mr Fuse" with Mrs Arvcpl" and it would be a very accurate discription of her as well. I am not without my challenges as well of course. I know you all will find this shocking but I am not exactly Mr Charming:lol: I have learned to become much more assertive and I probably try to compensate for her social reservations and I probably go to far so we come off as the steriotypical "she's hot/he's not" couple where people say, "well she's pretty attractive but kind of stuck on herself and he's a bit overbearing and aggressive. Our biggest challenge is to try and become more moderate as couple as opposed to being polar opposites of each other.
  3. Just to clarify the count on one hand comment. What I meant by that was the number of times that every man in the room performed flawlessly could be counted on one hand. There have been a good number of times that there may have been some trouble at some point but people still did eventually get the job done. I have had that happen a couple times myself. I did not mean that there was a total failure that many times.
  4. I kind of answered this when The Fuse asked it with different verbiage. I'm not sure if you are taking offense to my gym rat and marathon comments or not. My point to mentioning that is that some (but certainly not all) of the men that this has happened with are people that are fit and healthy and take care of themselves. If people find it arrogant and superficial that her preference is fit men I don't know how to respond to that. I am just an average looking at best guy myself and she treats me well so while I think I get your point I am kind of stumped as to how to respond. As I responded to the fuse I do not know if there is something about her that is turning them off. I think she is the sexiest woman alive but then I'm married to her so yes I am biased. In all honesty though, I don't see her treating them in any way differently than other women are treating me or other women treating other men. I also need to add that a few of the men (or their wives)have at some point or another mentioned that this happened in other encounters that did not involve us so I don't think she or we are completely to blame. That's the best answer I can provide to that line of questioning. We have never conducted "exit interviews" on people after the fact to determine why they felt they couldn't perform but I doubt anyone would be open and honest about it even if there was something she is doing.
  5. We do enjoy 2/2 encounters but it has happened about just as much with them. The alcohol is a issue. I don't drink at all and my wife drinks very little. The alcohol is kind of a one-two punch for potential playmates. If they are drinking too much right from the start they are gross drunks and we don't invite them to play to begin with but even if they haven't surpassed the obnoxious stage it still has an effect. Great thoughts everyone and thank you for your honesty and advice!!
  6. These are all valid questions and many of them we have asked ourselves over and over ourselves. Then men in question are in good health and have ranged in age from early 20s to 50 with most in the 30s. My wife is very fit and attractive and is extremely picky and selective. Most of the guys are very fit and healthy and many have been everything from gym rats to some actual marathon runners. these are not couch potatoes that have let themselves go. She is an oral master so that is not a problem:D As far as any of her behaviors I honestly cannot point a finger at any behavioral trait of hers that may be to blame. Now keep in mind I think she is the hottest woman in the world and she is the love of my life so of course I don't think there is anything wrong with her and I think a guy would have to be nuts not to want to be with her but I am sincere in seeking resolution here so I am open minded to if whatever responsible roles she/we may have. Of course we have never point blank asked any of these guys why they can't perform and they all have stated she is a beautiful and sexy woman and have all said the perfunctory, "it's not you!" When she picks out someone she is attracted to and interested in she is a motivated and participating lover and is not at all passive and is definitely not a dead fish if that is what you are getting at. And I do also believe in the sincerity of these men that they do want to be with her. Alcohol I know has been a factor and we are a bit partial to group experiences and I realize that some people can not perform well in a group situation but this has happen just as much when it is just two couples ( we don't play separate so I can't address that)
  7. Wow, thank you for all the great replys. I do not have time to address some of the questions that have been asked of us at the moment but will try to get to them when I have time to make a proper response. Thank you for respectfull and open discussion!!!!
  8. I know I often come off as obnoxious and crude in many posts but I do wish to have an open and frank discussion about something I think is a real issue for countless people in the lifestyle and I assure you all that I will be nothing but sensitive, compassionate and approach this with great humility. This past weekend we had an encounter with a very nice couple and for about the umpteenth time in row the other male was unable to perform. My wife and I got to looking back and crunching the numbers and the vast majority of the times we have been with another couple or couples the other male could not perform at all or had great difficulty at one time or another. I won't pretend that this has never been an issue with me either. I have always eventually been able to get into action and get the job done for both parties but there have been times I did not perform to my expectations or to my satisfaction. I do not have ED. In fifteen years of marriage I have not failed once at home with my wife but I have had difficulty a few times in swinging situations. Many of the other men that have failed have also claimed that they have never had any trouble with there own partner at home and I believe them. I have no reason to believe our experiences are unique. I believe that ED within the swinging environment may be epidemic but people don't talk about it much. I'd like to change that and I'd like to talk about it openly and frankly and see if there are some things that can be done to correct it. This is having a serious impact on our enjoyment of the lifestyle. In a couple years of swinging we could probably count on one hand the number of times that someone did NOT have some kind of performance problem. Many of these are healthy and vigorous guys that claim to have never had any problems outside of the lifestyle and I believe most of their sincerity. My wife is getting frustrated to the point that it is having a very detrimental effect on her enjoyment of the lifestyle and she cannot help but taking it personally thinking that she is not attractive or desirable. It has been a real downer on me as well since often times the other couple makes such a big deal over it and blows the mood for everyone. I think there have got to be some common variables that can contribute to this and I also think there has to be some solutions since these are healthy guys with no prior histories of ED. Please share you thoughts and insights and experiences as well as please offer freely any possible solutions, tricks or techniques that can offer some help. If someone has a failure to perform it does not just effect that guy and his partner, It can turn a whole evening into a bust for everyone as some guys just turn into assholes and cause scenes and discomfort for everyone when it happens. Any advice, feedback and solutions will be greatly appreciated. Please offer any observations you have made and offer any tricks or techniques that have worked for you. Thank you.
  9. If she wanted to take you she would have. If she wanted to answer your emails she would have. If she wanted to call you she would have. You have your answers to all of that. My main issue is why you want to go to a club with someone you aren't involved with and you claim you don't want to fuck while you leave your girlfriend at home. WTF? Whenever I run into a guy at a club that is there by himself and claims his wife is at home but that he is just there to "check things out" I want to smash his face in. If some guy is at a club and he comes with a ticket that he is not involved with and just wants to get into the club to hit on other women I want to smash his face in twice. I don't actually practice or condone violence of course but those are just uncool things to do. If you want to go to a club and your GF is ok with it then why for the love of all that is holy in this world don't you go to the club with your GF?
  10. I wish I could say that this is an isolated incident and it will never happen again but I'm afraid that wouldn't be accurate. This scenario or something similar will probably be more the norm rather than the exception. Oh yes, every couple couple will shout from the rooftops that they treat single fems like queens and they probably do mean it when they say it but remember as a single you are entering into a couple's bedroom. they may be thrilled and excited that you are there and they may be sincerely appreciate that you picked them to be with that night but they are a couple and you are coming in as an extra. When a single enters into a couples bedroom they are entering into the couples domain as vehicle for that couples fantasy. Their bond and their committment is with each other and not with you. There are couples out there that have their shit together and both of them are equally attracted to and interested in interacting with a single fem and they don't have any issues with the other partner being with a fem but many other couples don't have their shit together and it is probably rare that both parties are equally attracted to and interested in the fem. Usually one or the other is going to have some reservations or some issues with the whole thing to one degree or another. There are probably a lot of couples where the guy has a major FMF fantasy and the fem half is just going along with it to please him. My guess is that is the case with this couple and she just isn't that into it or into you and the guy is afraid she is going to freak out on him and call it quits. That's their issue just move on to the other 14 million couples wanting a single fem. Of course they'll have their issues too. The next couple may be the opposite, it could be the fem half all over you and the male half just sits there or fiddles around with his dick trying to get it hard. Bottom line is most couples are going to disappoint you or irritate you in one way or another. If single women loved going to bed with couples there would be a ton of single fems in the lifestyle and obviously that isn't the case. There is a reason single fems are called unicorns and that is because they are so rare. There is a reason they are so rare and now you are discovering why that is.
  11. Swinging is not like Hollywood porn movies. If you have ever seen any real human beings before, that is what you will encounter in swinging. There are all types of people at clubs ranging from the beautifull to the hideous. Some you will find attractive and many you will not. Some will find you attractive and some will not. Our experience is that most women are accepted for sexual purposes but most men are not. When it comes to noncommitted recreational sex, men are not picky but women are. It is your husband that should be worried and should be the one getting the make-over and hitting the gym.
  12. Are the 3 of you actual adults that have any swinging experience or are you some high school kids worrying about who is going to go with who to the prom this spring? Is this gal married and have a bunch of kids to feed? If so that's one thing, if not let her worry about her so called love life and you two take her up on it if she is wanting to crawl in between the two of you in the sack some time. I too think you are investing way too much emotional energy and investment into this. If every couple waited for a single to be "0%" entangled from any BFs/GFs, there would be no 3-somes in the world. ALL singles that are desirable enough to want into your bed are going to be involved with someone else out there to one degree or another. It's reasonable to not want to deal with someone that is in a supposedly committed relationship and you don't want some pissed off spouse or SO hunting you down and kicking your ass, but to wait for some gal who's on the outs with her BF to be 100% over him untill you can have a FMF with her is crazy. If she has formally broke up with her BF she is fair game and the longer you wait the less she will be motivated to play with you and with each passing day the chances of her finding another BF or of her and him getting back together increase. You two are not marrying this chick. Her emotional tormoil and her relationship follys are not your concern. If she is a consenting adult over the age of 18, isn't married or otherwise committed and the 3 of you have a mutual attraction and all are consenting, that is all you need to get naked. I hate to break it to you but I bet 90+% of the FMFs that take place out there occur when some gal is in the process of dumping some BF or husband.
  13. Note to all swingersboard members : you haven't had a real ass-kicking untill iapr and goodtimes both give you the stompdown within six minutes of each other:lol: While it was a bit of a painfull read it is probably with great merit and I shall take everything that all of you have offered to heart. While it is never easy to hear, "you are sucking at this" there are times when it is what you need to hear. I had my little self induced pitty party and now realize that I just need to chill and maybe do some more homework. I do want to also thank NCMD_couple for that litle reality check as well. You are correct, I had my yardstick where it did not belong. It is not reasonable to measure ourselves against the perceived success of others. I will read through all of these posts again tomorrow and we will have some more talks and come up with a game plan where it isn't about what I am doing wrong or what she is doing wrong but rather how we can both do more right together as a couple.
  14. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice although you might make me face a few harsh realitys that I was hoping could just be easily swept away:rolleyes: Anyway, I'll try and address a few points and questions. First off for those that say that this isn't really about sexual orientation you are probably correct. the reason I addressed the straight female aspect is because she points to a lot of women's bisexuality and is fearfull of it and afraid that they will want something from her that she may not want to do. I don't think her orientation is an issue at all but she does. The real irony with that is that in reality with the right people she is no less bi than a lot of other women that consider themselves bi. I know I know, it confuses the shit out of me as well. Yes she is very socially passive in vanilla life as well as in the lifestyle. She has a few close female friends from childhood but is otherwise pretty socially inert. She doesn't dislike people or tries to avoid social contact she is just not very outgoing or engaging. Yes we have played with couples, a couple singles and have been in some groups before so it's not like we have never had any success. And no we have never been kicked out of a club and noone has ever made any indication that we are not a respectable couple. Our relationship with each other is quite warm and sound and we do appreciate each other deeply and we enjoy our adventures together. I do not feel that I harbor any "bitterness" but perhaps some frustration. I look at many other couples at clubs and partys and they are less attractive than we are and less "motivated" but they seem to function so smoothly and things seem to happen so effortlessly with them and yet we seem to struggle and often have so little to show for it. Part of my frustration comes from I used to think it was me holding us back but I look at these other men and they are no where near as attractive and outgoing as me and yet they are so much more successfull as couples than we are. Then I realised that the other women are just so much more in tune with each other and with the group than what my wife is. Part of that frustration is that I can change and adapt myself but I can't changer her. She complains to me that we aren't well enough liked and accepted and I used to think it was because of me and I have spent a lot of blood sweat and tears trying to make myself more attractive and a better player but the lifestyle is so female oriented it that a lot of my efforts haven't really accomplished anything. While in the mean time the other guys with their pot bellys, unkempt hair and grungy jeans and t-shirts are seeing more success than me, so yeah I am a little frustrated here:mad: I feel like I am going at full output and just can't do anymore than I already am. However she is the one complaining that we aren't having the success we should but yet 80% of a couple's success or failure depends on the female half and not the male half. Anyway, I know I am just ranting here but I am frustrated. I do appreciate all of your suggestions and do ask that you keep them coming. I'm not sure what my course of action is going to be but I do appreciate the help.
  15. Oh and no I do not use her as bait at all and I am not one of those guys that just sits there. I thought I had addressed that in a previous post but I am the assertive one and the one that makes about 99% of all of our introductions. What my fear is is that since she is so socially passive that I am overcompensating and am coming off as an aggessive male that everyone fears so much. Yes there is a difference between being assertive and being an ass but people have a lot more issues and discomforts with a male approaching them and doing all the talking rather than the female.
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