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KinkyKat

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About KinkyKat

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    couple
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  1. Hi, I personally don't know why a single woman would 'hang' at swinger events at all unless she is only looking for attention and for some reason isn't able to attract that for herself eleswhere. Why would that be? by Numbskullsx2 If you go back and read some of the archive posts here by single M&F you see the same thing, which is that they're getting all the sex they want in any flavor they want in the vanilla world. (which maybe isn't so vanilla after all?) Believe me I know that the 'vanilla world' is a term used by couples who swing. Being single I or my partner can attract & be involved in any kind of sexual senerio we wanted, I could have a harem of men to see separately or all together for Fun! There is So much sex available for someone who is single. This is the thing that gets me. Both my partner & myself know what fun we can get into on our own its soooo easy! Its much easier on your own, but then your missing out on the naughty sharing relationship that a single isn't experiencing. Single women Can get sex anywhere easily unless as someone asked originally are they less hot, Maybe they think they are less hot. Men aren't even as picky when it comes to a partner just for sex. so lack confidence in getting sex or attention on their own must be the reason . There are plently of potential partners (FB) that are out there that are willing to have no strings attached sex. (I know this women who attended these things and answered ads & what got her off was that when she got with a couple she always bragged that the man of the couple was always more into her than his own wife and that he want her on the side too! Like an Ego boost for her to feel valuable in some weird way) It is easier for a single woman to get some fun in the single world than a single male, so I believe that it would make more sense for a male to attend these events than a woman, but thats not how the swingers world is set up. We as partners have given up on attending swinger events,(at least in our area) its a waste of time for us. We have more luck in the 'vanalla world'(people just seem more open & relaxed) just like when we were single. So the women may or may not be less hot, but I think its that they think they have the confidence to attend a swing event alone, then go out to a club alone. just my opinion. KinkyKat
  2. lets talk sex, sex and more sex. it may take me a half hour or more now to burn the image of families out of my brain now I agree........ I am a woman and talking & talking about sex, sex ,sex is more condusive to getting it on, wether it be with my own partner or potential ones ,then talking about anything eles. I love to talk about sex, if I was talking about my kids and family life I wouldn't be turned on either. If the only reason your meeting up is for sex, and you have put time aside for this 'activity' then why not just talk about sex? (even if you like to be friends first, I sure there is plenty of time to talk about family life when your Not wanting to play) I don't thinks that is 'cold' that family talk doesn't get ya horny....I personally wouldn't be either. And I think that you really wouldn't be interupting the bonding&trust thing if you took it upon yourself to change the subject to Sex (it probably would be appreciated!) I also can't see any reason for me to even talk to to any potential play partners about my family in detail. That may seem cold too right? If the whole idea of the get-together is SEX, why get sidetracked? Keep the juices flowing. So like I am a woman and my family has nothing to do with my sex life. I would be more interested to talking to potential play partners how much fun we are gonna have and what turns each of us On and then proceed Therefore in only my opinion. family and sex are not related, so I don't mix'em up. Playtime not family time. KinkyKat
  3. hi Say, If my partner or me said "I am bored with our sex life" and didn't bring it to the table a positive solution, such as how can We together make OUR sex life Fun again, I think it would be the end of our relationship (plus how could you not know if someone like your partner was bored? it would reveal itself somehow) Ya both gotta keep it stimulating & fun eh? We have a fantastic sex life together cause we make it that way for each other and we are always expressing & finding new ways so the level is "WOW, that was 'hot sex"... & "WOW-we have the Best, that was mind blowing!" "We sure are Lucky!" I would have to have sex like that with my partner or we wouldn't be partners. We would be platonic friends. We have been there for one another throught the thick & the thin 4 over 8 yrs and have had sex about 2525 times together. We laughed when we figured out that number (maybe alittle odd to figure that # out, but hey it was fun to do) Each of us having many encounters including group sex etc. with others prior to meeting each other, we swing now for to share a naughty sexy adventure together. If someone was to say that they were bored having sex with their Partner, I would see that as a red flag.....How could you be a happy couple if your bored with each other sexually? I do not understand -if I was no longer excited about having sex with my partner, why I would even want to swing with them, I would feel that we would be trying to replace something 'missing' in Our relationship. It would be more like 'Im bored & I am going to go have sex with someone new, until I get bored with that, and so on. I hope that wasn't too boring to read KinkyKat
  4. Hi Well.... I appreciate your opinions and thank you so much! Just to say that my partner is not submissive but is dominate in all areas of our sex life except for one of his hugest fetish. I usually play sub. But I agree with what you say in that I need to get this in control, because it has gotten out of hand. I tell him if he wants to be dominated then he can't be dominate while playing submissive. Its confusing really. Cause he is the one that got me turned on into bdsm with me in a submissive role, but gets disappointed at times that I'm not the perfect dominate for his fetish. (?) We have gone to many on premise and off premise swing clubs and have shared several experiences such as mfm and fmf (we never have yet found a couple that we all click with yet, but I am hoping to next wkend.) , and both of us were single swingers before even we met. It wasn't until he was so stuck on ME finding him a women that would be into the 'fetish', and thats when I posted here when he decided to post on his own. So really I guess we are leaning more to the fetish bdsm plus the swinging part, that was not always available at a swing club (at least the ones we attended) So I guess we will be neebies at the 'party' next wkend and I hope to get some fulfillment of my own with him of course and I really hope this helps us. FuninSun, you descirbe what you have with your partner, the openess of communication and how things should flow, the way that I want me&him to get to. I mean you hit the nail on the head about a "battle of the Wits" and by asking him if he trusts me is an awesome comeback hehee Thanks , you do have that talent for seeing through manipulation. You would think after what we have experienced together, that this trust issue shouldn't even be a concern. The posting of the ad is a control issue too on his part I believe. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but I could post my own ad too eh? Funny thing is when we were talking the other night and I was saying that all I have to do is talk to some women (maybe dominate women) and his fantasy of even 3 or more 'could' (I'm guessing) happen and we can all dominate him like he says he wants. His reply was well I don't know if I ready for that much yet! too confusing. I know I could maybe go to a forum where they concentrate on bdsm, but the thing is we are not newbies to swinging and I was thinking that I could post here. I have asked him to write his own reply or side of this many of a time , and I told him I posted my issue here and he isn't even curious to take a look at what I have written or what anyone thinks and was kinda insinuating that I couldn't think on my own and that I shouldn't need anyone's advice. I will get access to the account or........... Bye for now and maybe I will have good news for me&him after more talking and the party next wkend. Cheers
  5. Hi and Thank you Mrs. D ,the party that we went for the greet was for bdsm and it is off premise with the option of renting or sharing rooms that are equipped with equipment upstairs where you could add sex/pentatration.(I live in Canada and I know our laws are more grey and leitent) The reason being is that I am into experimenting more and learning more about bdsm and my partner wanted to go too cause he is too (we have only experimented together, no one eles involved. Actually his fetish is combined hosery and submission, and I thought that this would open doors to actually get fantasy/fetishes fulfilled and meet others who we click with so thats why were are checking this group out. So with his ,there really doesn't have to be the actual act of sex, but we (him&I) do add the sex together, but we haven't yet found a 3rd or 4th to fulfill his fantasy. So when he tells me that he is going forward with his fetish with his ad I understand and he assures me that , that is all he is going to do and if the women is not into me joining then he won't persue it, But he will not share the acccount information with me. (yet?) I wanna know the real reason and I guess what I am saying is that I do trust him... but... his actions make me mistrust him. Like what is this a test of trust?? And Havefuninsun you are right and thanks for pointing out about how he is right on the first 2, that yes I know he has a fetish (lol) and yes I did say to find a participant, but We Also agreed that if we were going to post we would each have access to the account. Do you really think I should give him an ultimatim in regards to either I have access or its see you later? I mean I am in the middle of this and sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees because this has gotten me emotionally upset. He did say "are you saying that you don't trust me?" and also "if you want to believe that I may not do as I said then your basciallly saying that you do not trust me"!! But I thought we agreed that we were doing this together? he says, "if I wait for you to do it that I was chicken to post an ad for him, that he has moved ahead and doing it himself. He did ask me to post for him a while back, but I said that "hey I will help but I'm not doing this without your input, and there we go. I guess I am really confused, cause either I trust him or not. But I feel that this definetly affecting me. Do I give an ultimatim? I feel confused by his actions, but hey if his fetish is so Huge and it is like an obsession/addiction with him I can understand that he wants to control the fact that his fantasy is going to be fulfulled with or without me. Actually the more I am writing now, I think he is being mean. Ultimatim or Not is my question. Unless we come to the agreement by talking that no I am not insecure I only want to have access to the communications. If I am rambling again sorry..........
  6. Hi Thank you for everyones replies. We have talked and talked and talked ..... He professed that I told him to find another women to help with his fetish senerio, which I did say. He also said that he could have posted from any computer and he knew that I would find it and didn't care because he is not hiding anything. He says that I have know for years that this fetish is just a part of his makeup and its not going to disappear which is obvious. I asked him about the offering of foot massages on his 'ad' and how I don't get this offer. He says yes you do and you get more and yes we do have fun with his fetish and that yes I do fulfill his fetish because we just doin't do foot massage (if you know what I mean). The reason he is looking is for US to participate in this together and if he wanted to be decietful he doesn't need an ad to be so. He is a very attractive man and seriously gets hit on by lots of women so I guess he is right and we have been faithful for this long and the attraction is for more than one woman (me) to dominate him with the fetish, which I have known forever. This fetish thing is simple but complicated and he wants me to really be a part of it and its up to him to bring this together for Us. He says that the ad was written as a lure to attract women who may possibly be into his fetish. He says that since I wasn't able yet to help him and I did give him the go ahead that he went ahead, he says he felt that I would want to censor the ad, and that the wording is a lure. I told him that he should have let me help him write it because the only replys he has gotten was the one that I sent (hee hee) and we had a good laugh cause he just knew that it was me or thought so anyways. That bring me to my issue of not having access to his account , but has agreed to let me view the responses but in reality I don't believe that until I see it. I am very confused. The fetish does not involve him even really touching or even having actual sex (Foot domination) and that he would get off with me and another women or two or three hehee and just having the actual sex part with me. He said as always that he would be more than happy to participate in what I want and really wants us to continue to have fun. He promises that when he does get a chance to meet with another that would participate that they would have to be into having me involved or he says it will be a No Go. I guess it comes down to trust. I just know how intense this fetish is for him 24/7. We went to a meet and greet last night and are invited to a private party next wkend, where hopefully together we can find a willing participant and I can get what I'm into together. Our talks and talks are not done yet but like what Likethenights decsions need to be made and we are getting close. This fetish thing is more like an object than actual anything like sex. I am still not comfortable in him meeting up with women own, and I feel that we should be doing this together, but he wants to see if he can find 'her" for Us since its his fetish and that I have to trust him on this. I think that it is a matter that he would love for me to be with him for his fantasy that would be the best for him. I have always know this, but also I know that if I wasn't the type to be open to this that he would search to fulfill his fetish senerios alone regardless. Bye for now
  7. Hi In our relationship, when it comes to what turns on my partner, isn't just the sex it is more the fetish! He doesn't really want to be with other women, unless they do like to wear stockings or pantihose. I didn't know exactly how to help him with this so he has placed ads for single women enticing them to get a foot massage by him (He did post without my knowledge, I found out (computer history) and then approached him...?) He is confusing me, He said that since I told him to be creative and gave him to go ahead to attract a women(s) who likes to wear hose he went ahead and did.... BUT we also discussed that if we posted or replied to ads that we would show prior to doing so, so it wouldn't be a secret. Anyways, he posted and said that he will meet with the woman if he gets replys and then somehow bring me into the picture. So I asked 'When were you going to let me know" you posted the ad, let alone meeting women alone to see if they are into his fetish. He said that I would have tried to alter his ad and that this is his fetish and that he is going forward to what he wants, and if I want to be involved then I am welcome to help him with his fantasy never really answering my question. So I asked "When you get a reply and decide to actually meet, where do I fit in?" he says"I will meet her and then if it is a go, I will let you know" He says, 'I have Nothing to hide" So I asked if I could have to log in info to access his email that set up for meeting women..... His answer is 'No"............but continues to repeat....."I'm not hiding anything from you" I am confused.... Actually I am heartbroken. I wear hose and stocking and boots and heels everyday, and not once has he offered to take my boots or shoes off and give my feet a massage. He said that his ad will attract women that are into his fetish and he wants me and more women at the same time to be participating in his fetish. He says his fetish is growing.. and admitted that this is a real obsession for him, posibily an addiction. That he wants more (like more than just me participating with him) I have always know this, he would never be attracted to a women whos doesn't happen to be into hosery. So I gave him the senerio that, he meets up with someone, they click and they decide to proceed foot massage leads too sex. He said that He would be telling the women that he has a partner, But he refuses to let me in on the communications that he is or will be having with others by giving me access to his email. I believe his actions do not match his words. We are suppose to be going to this meet and greet tonight for people with fetishes, I sought it out for both of us. Now I feel that I am being made a fool of, thinking that its more than likely that his fetish is stronger than being completely honest with me. If he could only say that he enjoys our time, but would also like to be with other women on his own to filfill his fetish that would correspond more with his actions. This unwillingness to share the email communication I feel is a big red flag for me. (We made an agreement not to post or reply without the other seeing") So I guess it would be ok if I put my own personal ad and meet up with men or others to particiapte in something I like for me and the 2 of us BUT deny him access to correspondence(emails etc.) Because I don not have anything to hide dear, I just do not want you to see what is discussed. Yeah right. BUT. I won't Unless I am single I feel betrayed, He is using the excuse/explanation, that I couldn't find a women for his fetish and he is not putting his fantasys or fetish on hold. I never once implied that he should I even searched and found a group that we could explore for any of the fetishes that we have. I think this may be the last straw......... even though we have a super duper sex life and are great friends. I think he should just explore and entice this women on his own, because his actions are saying that this is what he wants but then confuses it all by denying that he is hiding anything, and that he wouldn't get in a "scence/senerio" before giving me a heads up or involving me first. I think I have said too much, but I am very upset by these actions, when I thought we were on the same page. I feel betrayed like I said. If any one know anything about huge fetishes and how a person can get so obsessed about the fetish/addiction or whatever you wanna call it and how it can affect an relationship after reading the above I come here to the board to find info or advice. thank you, and if I am rambling I do apologize,
  8. hello I just thought I would update. Through LOTS more talk, the one who goes 'first' has been resolved We were being very tit-for-tat with one another, very emotional and dramatic. Sereneiders - mysef & he now understands the "me first" mindset is not in the best interest for US, and it was holding us back from additional fun times & pleasure. We cannot compare our single swinger days to swingers activities in our future, it is NOT the same thing. We know, its how we met! So... We have both come to a great conculusion and we are both looking forward to and excited, both of us would like, be turned on to sharing US with another US for FUN. We were both being stubborn and a bit childish in our way of thinking. We have discussed this and are Both open to adventure(s) Together!! Yipee, Finally! It kinda like a couple who were swinging together and then stop for a while (7 yrs ) ony the compete opposite. Its not that I've won ,it like now we have Both won. Cause now when we are out or just open to the Same adventure it makes it sooo much more fun to imagine! Finally .. these talks have done so much for US .I am truly amazed and excited (the process of coming to the same page has been good for us aas a couple. Who would have thought that two singles who were driven for swinger sex proir to becoming a pair would have these issues. Totally backwards. But now its like we Are moving forward and We are both very horny about our joint decision And feel closer too. I do love him very much, and this strain of refraining from this type of excitement has been finally conculded. Resolving this issue has done something wonderful in our communication and respect for each other. bye for now, KinkyKat
  9. Hello kinda long... I wanted to repond by saying that I did talk to my partner of 7 yrs. and told him of me posting on this board and welcomed him to read what I have written or to post his own response, and that maybe that we would even open up the communication between he and I on how to both be able to move on and be on the same page so we both are turned on. He says that I was a swinger before I met him (I say thats not swinging I was single woman having group fun) and he the same! He just happened to be included in the group of men I was having fun (sex) with at that time. he was having group sex with women too.so who cares? I didn't even know him,(gee that sounds good eh?) he was Just a participant in a group sex senerio with me and others on a few occassions. It wasn't like "ok KinkyKat, I'll participate in this session with you and other men, but hey I expect in return that you return the favor with a group of females! I woud have told him "I'll pass "cause I was a free agent and so is he and that he could have easily been with himself and group of woman instead .So why the heck was he participating with other men to have sex with a woman if he didn't want to (we didn't even know one another! Everyone was there and having fun , no one was taking one for the team! (not once did the other men who I was having group sex with ever ask me to "return the favor. Didn't need to, cause they knew they could anytime FREELY go participate with a group of women rather then being with me and other men. Like it wasn't an issue, just fun. So we actually believe it or not we started to date(nice diners, being romantic) but no committment. Then he asked for a committment, that if we wanted to have sex with others that the other would be there or it just woudn't be happening. So Me being single for so long (just dedicated to my family and my carreer) I wasn't egar to be committed relationship, but as time went by and spending everyday together talking and getting to know one another I found a good friend and I was well not exactly single anymore. He met my family and we got intamate on a emotional level, he was my lover & friend. Thats when this all came out when he knew that I was attached to him that he got REALLY demanding and started to pressure me to have sex with him and groups of women or woman. Using the 'well I did it for you! ' The thing is he DIDN"T do it for ME!!!! He didn't even KNOW me!!!! He was participating of his own free will! So he thinks he should go FIRST. I suggested that he has his fantasys and I have mine and what TURNs us on is different senerios, but there is probably a way that we could have excitement and enjoy them AND still be together fullfied. So thats why I came to the board. Two people together, each wanting something different when it come to what turns us ON besides being Hot for each other. I sucked his you know what with another woman before, Wow, no big deal, but it did not turn me on,(but sucking it with another man, that would be WOW but only for me )and I do not know how to put this but this other woman who was clearly not his type but hey he organized it (remember HOT woman only) it is so confusing. So going out to gay/esbian/open minded bars, me and this women started kissing at the bar (he picked her out and asked me to approach her, but she then turned to me and said I am not into couples after our flirting) He was not happy (even throgh he picked her out from the crowd!) Then I was just being my friendly self and other women wanted to talk to me, and that happens, and I got critisized on more than one occassion for only being able to attract sorry, butchy women and that I am insecure and not able to attract hot women He says "that ANY woman can go out and get a bunch of men to f--- her, Men will do that, they don't care, BUT it takes an espesically Hot man to attract group of women" and in that way he is more 'special' than me! So..... today I said to him that I am interested in finding excitement with him with something that we are Both equally motivated to do, there HAS to be something other than all or nothing, like a couple ,where he can have his fun with other woman and I could have a different experience too with the other half of couple and then we both coud be having fun, but he still insists that he be FIRST!! (fmf or ffm) Yes we have Both have had lots of free group sex, but have not been that free with one another. We probably shoud have known this was going to be an issue. It wasn't like we got together under 'normal' dating environment. We were both swingers (his label) now with limits, and from going from doing whatever turned you on TO do what turns me on and I am not open to exploring what coud turn us Both on. Therefore , swingers turned vanella, its the reverse and It may be harder to communicate then if you started being in relationship and then introduced swinging to each other and exporing new frontier together. I do want him to be fullfilled ,me too, but I do not like this titfortat thinking. He said "oh that board is for the women thinking that they rule the way it going to be." "And you are going to listen to what other people say" I told him to read the post and repond . I told him that some people swing and it destroys their relationship,and that this group here swings and have the experience of swinging TOGETHER where EVERYONE is happy so this board would be expert, and it is different then being single and "swinging" I don't see how it could be compared. "I'm first, you owe me," this is crazy. I hope I made sense, I just don't know what to do, cause I like to be naughty and so does he and it would be exciting to be naughty together. I thank you for reading this if you got this far. Yes everything is dramatic, but having free sex wasn't when I participated in it. ps. ( he reminds me of his prior longterm reationship where he said lead to him cheating cause she wasn't open to swinging. I just said to him today, well how did you approach her on it, the same way you approaching me now? Where I want to be with you and another women, but no other males are allowed? I said no wonder she wasn't open to 'it') bye for now, kinkykat
  10. Hello, Thank you everyone for your replies, you have helped me to re-think and also acknowledge that I did answer my own question! I am lacking confidence in my own judgement and decisions cause yes ,too dramatic for me too and gets stressful as well. I just thought I'd put my senerio out there to get perspective. I know that our 'relationship' will more than likely not be able to enjoy the fun of swinging together or apart and still be committed to each other. Actually the way that I have been treated in our attempts and conversations does not lead to me to feel warm & fuzzy. I attempted to have several woman join us but really my heart wasn't in it cause I was feeling pressured to 'pick-op and felt that that was only for his benefit.and therefore they probably picked up on it. Actually I did enjoy doing some kissing and flirting with those few women, but then he wasn't too pleased that they were not 'hot' and they were more interested in just me. See I must be mixed up cause I would be into being with a woman alone before sharing with him cause I think I may be critisized. I do feel guilty that I am being greedy, and it does require 'give & take' even though I heard that you must give first ,it doesn't apply to 'us'
  11. Hello Everyone I have come here in hopes that we can get some direction or advice and I will attempt to make this to the point. History: *Met through group sex and casual sex (just us two) and * Both have had multiple sex partners in our past, and both have had lots of group sex (separate as single people.) *I ,while still single had sex with him (mfmm ) and as time went on We became great friends and lovers for over 7 yrs. now. *Both of us like to have the excitement of new experiences sexually, Although we just can't come to the agreement of how. *I enjoy mfm or mmf , he enjoys fmf or mff. *I really do not much of any desire to be with him and another woman. *He says that if I give to him what he wants first fmf , then I can have my mfm with him second. He is firm that when we first met (didn't know each other outside the bedroom) that I have aready had my mfm with him and now 7 yrs later I owe it to him to participate in a fmf with him. He says that I am not going to 'get' what I want until he gets his first basically. He make comments like its never going to happen and that you ony live once and what am I waiting for and why don't I set it up(fmf) He says that I do not have the confidence to attract a woman and all I can attract is butchy woman , not a hot one cause I am so insecure. ok So to sum it up I feel that I am being made to feel that I owe it to him and that our swinging adventures will never be a shared experience, cause I feel that I would be taking one for the team. Are we both being greedy? We do want each other to have fun! I suggested that we meet a couple first or maybe we should swing separately or just a big group I know we should just forget about it, because we both have different views. Thanks for listening and if anyone has been in a simular circumstances and worked it out,I will share it with him to read too. bye for now, kk
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