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friskymonkey

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About friskymonkey

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    Contributor

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    SF bay area
  • Swinging Experience
    just starting out

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  1. Comm, it sounds like you're being a pretty good sport about this. Certainly a better sport than I would be if a similar situation happened to me. When swinging, I am trusting everyone involved -- especially my husband -- to keep me feeling safe and not take advantage of me or exploit me when I'm making myself vulnerable and open. If my husband pulled a stunt like the one you described I would be hurt and angry beyond words. I'm not sure how I would regain my trust of him enough to put myself in that situation again. Did your wife definitely know that you didn't want any MM interaction? Afterward did you tell her you didn't like it and don't want to do it again? Is she willing to listen to what you want in addition to telling you what makes her hot? There is certainly room for mistakes and missteps in this lifestyle. But if your wife knew you were opposed to this and did it anyway without your knowledge or consent ... then if after you told her it upset you she continues to pressure instead of capitulating and being sorry and supportive of your choice ... well, in my book, that is just very very bad. I would have been appalled.
  2. I have to admit that the first couple we met in the lifestyle were nearly as inexperienced as we were and while it was fine for drinks, no one really knew how to take it from there (especially us two women who the party was supposed to be centered around). Then the other husband suggested an elaborate date starting at their house, watching porn, girls playing dress up for the boys, then dinner, dancing and off to a sex club. I freaked out. It was too much, I felt overwhelmed, couldn't find my attraction to any of it. So we bailed. The next couple we met was very experienced. We took it slow and after getting to know them a bit I suggested that we meet them at a club. She was so cool and low pressure, yet very appreciative of me and very skilled at every part of the seduction. It was great! She knew just how to woo me and make me feel comfortable. We had a great time. And she had a blast, too, in spite of the fact that they're normally a full swap couple and we're not. So for me, the experienced couple was perfect. Not to say that a less experienced couple couldn't have worked out also but it was great to have someone who knew the ropes to gently take the lead. I plan to become more emboldened as I become more experienced. I look forward to being the veteran who intiates the newbie someday.
  3. Steve, I *know* you don't want to hear this but red lights and sirens are going off in my head. The road to heartbreaking, homewrecking affairs is paved with well meaning people who were going to deny their physical attraction and just be "really good friends". And now she's sneaking behind her husband's back to talk to you about their relationship issues? Oy, this is going no where good. Just another noob with a humble opinion. Rooting for you.
  4. I'm going to switch and suggest a different tack: Stop talking about it! It sounds like she's pretty confused and you're pretty frustrated. If you're just going around and around then nothing's getting done. I started thinking that (and maybe you're not doing this, maybe you're venting here more than at home) if my husband was talking and talking about full swap swinging I'd be getting more and more turned off to the idea. I'd be wanting him to give it a rest! I'd be sick of hearing about how much he wants to jump this other woman and how turned on he is by her and how he knows what I want even if I don't and how everyone would be knee deep in ecstasy right now if only I wasn't the one holding up the show. Mrs. Steve can certainly speak for herself but I'm *always* the slowest member of the foursome and I can tell you that there's pressure there. Even if everyone's being nice and no one's nagging. I love what Intuition said, I would go back to soft swap and have fun. Let your wife know that you're ready for full swap when she is but otherwise, don't keep bringing it up. I know waiting is hard but the last thing you want is for her to go too far before she's ready and regret it.
  5. I completely agree! There are a lot of couples we've met in the lifestyle who do everything up to but excluding intercourse with play partners. But this never made sense to me because, for me, kissing and oral are way more personal than intercourse (especially intercourse involving a condom). So I guess I'm odd too. Sorry to hi-jack the thread... Now back to your regularly scheduled thread in progress... Hi thesalshow, I have very little experience but on the website where I meet most of my play pals, it's very common for couples to state that they only want same room sex and playing between the girls. Heck, my husband and I are just those type of folks. And at the club I attended, there were several couples who came, had sex with just each other in the group room and then split. It didn't seem the least bit unusual. Have fun out there!
  6. Hi crazycatz, I'll chime in and second what everyone else has said, communicate and love yourself. Trust in your partner's love. My reply is maybe too practical and obvious but... I'm not sure whether you and your partner have a particular woman in mind for your MFF? I ask because on the website where I play (BayCouples.com), there are lots of plus sized women. Why not swing with a BBW? I always notice how sexy and confident and gorgeous they are. So, it's possible that the woman you wind up playing with will be your size or bigger. Like many, many (all?) women, I sometimes have body image issues, too. I diet/exercised/obsessed for weeks before my first swing party because I kept thinking about how everyone would see me naked. Afterward, I felt silly because at the party when things started heating up and clothes started coming off, the size of my butt was the last thing I was thinking about! Hope your MFF adventure goes off as well as your MMF did!
  7. Steve, It sounds like you and your wife have really good communication. It also sounds like (and I could be totally off base here) that you're so amped up to full swap because you're so hot for this other woman that you're pushing. Like I said, maybe I'm completely wrong. Also this worries me because it sounds a little like you're suggesting that she owes you... I can certainly understand how hard it is to really want to be with this other woman with whom you have the strong chemistry. But even though your wife (maybe sort of) has said you could go ahead, she has told you that she's not OK with it, at least not presently. If I were you, honestly, I would back off the idea for now. Let it rest for a while and focus on the two of you and your relationship (like you sound like you have been) and like Sarah and Shelly said, keep talking. My guess is that if she were ever to consider bending the rules or extending the boundaries, it'd be when she's feeling really secure and loved and supported. Pressure to do things you're not comfortable with is one of the least sexy things in the world. Best to you both!
  8. I gotta agree that he's a weaseler. He made an assumption that wasn't accurate. I'd be straight with them and if she wants to play alone, bravo! Once I "went with the flow" and let a woman go down on me at a party when I really wasn't into it. I'm one of those people (sue me!) that needs to have some kind of connection with the other person before I engage in play. But this particular time I was having great hot sex with my husband and a strange woman came up and wanted to and my husband was so turned on by it that I, like you, made that split second decision, or lack of one. I didn't exactly say yes but I didn't say no either. And then after she went down on me for a few seconds I skeeved out and sat up. I've cringed about it ever since but it helped me learn that, for me, sex isn't about being a good sport and hoping my desires will catch up to everyone else's.
  9. My husband pulls out of me every time. That's just our thing. We don't do it for birth control nor for disease prevention, we think the visual experience of his orgasm is one of the fun, hot parts of sex. We even did it back in the days when we used a condom. So we wouldn't consider it the least bit of an inconvenience or the least bit weird.
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