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Estaque

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15 Good

About Estaque

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    South Carolina
  1. What do you care what your wife thinks? You're in love man, you gotta go for it! True love doesn't come around often. Your wife will get over it, and that hefty child support payment and alimony will get her through those lonely nights...
  2. Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.
  3. I think you should go for it. True love is hard to find. You two should get divorces and be together, I just know it will work out for you. It happens every day in the swing-world.
  4. It took over two years for us. We discussed it for a few weeks about two and half years ago, and even went as far as having dinner with a swing-couple we met online (but dinner was it). Then, just when I thought we were getting close to going forward, the wife backed out. She said she didn't see any reason to tempt fate. So the topic was seldom breeched again for the longest time. Then, gradually somethings came up, and about two months ago I got word of a swinger party in our area, and mentioned it as a passing fancy to my wife about a few days before it occured. She didn't even really seem to care. But on the day of the party, she said, "Isn't that party tonight?" Out of the blue she wanted to go. We had a great time, and our relationship has gotten better since.
  5. Totally agree. If a person cheats, lying about it is a small and insignificant further step for them to be willing to take. If you ask the person doing the cheating and the lying, most times they will deny they have a problem, attempt to rationalize the problem by blaming the other party, or in some minute incidences acknowledge they are the problem but that the don't really care to correct it. I think it comes down to demeanor and consciences. Some people have louder consciences than other people. That little voice telling us how we should or should not treat others isn't at the same volume for all of us. For instance, your wife that left you to raise your children alone obviously cared very little for anyone but her own self.
  6. While I'd agree that money problems do commonly plague relationships, I don't think I've ever met anyone that split up because of their kids. But I know plenty of people that split up because of their spouse's infidelity! People split up all the time because they're being cheated on. And people cheat for many reasons. There doesn't even necessarily have to be a problem in a marriage for one party to cheat. But anyone that doesn't think that swinging could lead to the demise of a relationship for some people -- when otherwise the relationship would have be fine -- is simply kidding his/her self.
  7. Your story sounds almost exactly like mine. Find a swinger's party in your area and tell your wife to get ready cuz you're both going. I'll bet you a paycheck she'll be into it. Find a couple at the party and do the deed. If all goes as planned you guys will be the newbie swingers on the block. That's what I did. Now we're hooked and having a blast! Not really cool with letting the wife bang people she works with though. That would mean they'd get to spend more time with her than I do.
  8. While I agree that you have to actually have to be willing to compromise and solve any problems that arise, I'd guess that when swingers split, more times than not, only one half of the couple would be inclined to place blame on the lifestyle. This is just a guess, but I'd bet in most cases it would be the half that felt slighted in some way; the half that wanted to make things work but couldn't because the other half wouldn't make those necessary compromises. Most relationships end because of selfishness on the part of one member, not always both. And selfishness is human nature, so I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But people are always looking to upgrade their lot in life. So someone could always come along in the lifestyle that your spouse becomes intimate with perhaps for no more reason than he/she just likes that person better than you. That's a risk people take when they enter the lifestyle, and you never truly know everything about your partner, even if you think you do.
  9. Telling people that "alternate lifestyles aren't for everyone" is ambiguous at best. That leaves too much room for interpretation in my opinion. "Who are they not for?" "Am I one of those people?" No one likes to feel like they are being left out or that they are missing all the fun. So the wrong people may dive in when the shouldn't. At the very least I think that if someone asks the advice of a swinger on whether or not they are right for the lifestyle (or some similar question) it's a good idea to explain the potential consequences as well as benefits. But then again, it's not our responsibility to be each other's shrinks either...
  10. I disagree. For instance, I love steak. LOVE IT! But take a steak and smother it with mushrooms and onion gravy and it's even better! Vanilla ice cream is wonderful. Vanilla ice cream with hot fudge is luxurious! Spicing up does not imply there is a problem, it just means you want to make something already good a bit better!
  11. What other reasons are there for swinging than spicing up your marriage/relationship/sex life? I can't think of any. If you just want to make some friends, what does sex have to do with that? And if you're looking for a relationship outside the one you're in, what are you missing in your primary one? Frankly, spicing up our marriage/sex life is exactly why we got into it!
  12. I'd have to admit the thought of this bothers me. It seems the pat answer is that those couples that break up after swinging "had pre-swinging problems". This seems like pro-swinger propaganda to me. Frankly, I don't know any couples that don't have some problems and I think having problems in a relationship is normal. It's how you learn to deal with problems that make a relationship stronger or weaker. But swinging could be like intentionally inserting problems into a relationship unnecessarily. Caution is definitely essential. I think that before people take the plunge and start busting through barriers they really must give this lifestyle a lot of advanced thought. I think that they should have an innate feeling deep down that their relationship and their commitment is strong enough to handle any real problems that could arise or be agitated by swinging. Anything less could be disastrous.
  13. What worries us is that we may run across someone that gets too attached to one of us. Sometimes people think that just because you have sex with them that gives them permission to inject themselves into your life. Pushy, obsessive people like that are a concern for us; stalkers and the fatal attraction types.
  14. 16 years of monogamous marriage is what eventually led us to swing. It took us that long to become so secure with one another that we could actually feel comfortable with sharing one another with anyone else. I guess we finally figured out that sex is not love.
  15. We're relatively new to swinging, but one night stands are all that we're really interested in. "Find 'em, flirt with 'em, fuck 'em and forget 'em" is pretty much the credo we're going with. We have our own "relationship" and one is more than enough for us. Just looking to spice up our own sex life. Don't really get the idea of wanting to "date" another couple; just sounds like there's something missing from their own relationship if that's what they're out to do. But to each his/her own!
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