Member of the Week -- SecretAsianMan

[LFM2]

This week's Member of the Week is SecretAsianMan. We are glad to have him in the spotlight this week.

Swingers Board interviews are a way for us to get to know each other better. It is a way to acknowledge just how wonderfully varied a community we are. Every Sunday, a new interview will start and the old interview will be locked. Be sure to stop in and get to know them better by asking them every nosy, intimate, personal question you can think of.

Every Swingers Board member is allowed to ask the amount of questions specified by the interviewee in the answers to the default questions. If they discover that they chose too high or low a limit, they may change their choice.

Try to keep this thread about the person being interviewed. If you want to comment about things you discover you have in common or just elaborate on a response, pm them and make a new friend or start a new thread about it. This is intended to be a friendly thread, so please don’t ask anything in a purposeful attempt to get a heated debate. Of course, nobody is required to answer a question that they do not want to.

Also, please keep in mind that any answers you post are viewable to complete strangers. There is some risk in that. Again, all questions are optional.

We'll start each interview with a few overview questions to get things started:

Question limit (as the interviewee you may limit the questions on a per post or per user basis if you wish):
Gender (if not a couple):
If a couple, which one primarily posts:
Age(s):
Birthday(s):
Location:
Relationship status:
Swinging for how long?:
Prefer to swing with:
Biggest Pet Peeve:
Brief Intro:
Picture (if you feel comfortable sharing one):
Website (your own or one of your favorites):

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by LFM2

This week's Member of the Week is SecretAsianMan. We are glad to have him in the spotlight this week.


We'll start each interview with a few overview questions to get things started:

Question limit (as the interviewee you may limit the questions on a per post or per user basis if you wish):

Gender (if not a couple): Male

Age(s): 38

Birthday(s): Dec 29th

Location: Los Angeles (San Gabriel Valley - although I spend a fair amount of time in Orange County as well)

Relationship status: Currently in a monogamous relationship with a gal (not on this board)

Swinging for how long?: Off and on for about seven or eight years or so.

Prefer to swing with: Friends... or people who'll want to maintain enough contact to become friends

Biggest Pet Peeve: Bigotry... senseless hatred... prejudice... close mindedness... and pubic hair on bars of soap

Brief Intro: "Hi, everyone"

Hmmm - what to tell folk and still leave room for questions? I was a fairly typical heterosexual male with lots of "geek-tendencies". I dated (almost to the point of serial monogamy) like most people do in this day & age.

My family arrived in this country when I was a toddler - I had a "normal" childhood of a chinese-american growing up in Los Angeles. I was fairly repressed as a child... sex wasn't discussed at all (except as a taboo topic which I would learn about "when I got older"). So, of course - I obsessed over it.

When I got into college, I took classes on human sexuality... then got involved with the student health center's peer-counseling program where I lead discussions and talks amongst my peers on sex & relationships. I left UC Santa Barbara around 1995... and then went back to the "normalcy" of my life for about five years where I did nothing except work and sleep. Then in 2000, I joined the cast of the Renaissance Faire...

Then around 2001 - I while camped overnight with a bunch of friends & fellow workers at the Renaissance Faire... I flirted with a gal who pulled me aside a few minutes later and point-blank asked me, "So, do you want a blowjob or do you have something better to do?"

... I was a bit taken aback. But then, I couldn't think of *ANYTHING* I had which was better to do at that moment.

Since she was an acquaintance ...I quickly got to know her better. Then she invited me to join her at a party in San Diego.

I did a bit more research into the lifestyle ...I enjoyed myself at these parties. And more than the sex, I liked the people.

I then got involved in some of the local swinger groups in my area... and have made lots of friends in my years of association in it. I've been to lots of parties... I've even helped moderate and run a group which hosted monthly hotel-parties for a short period of time.


Picture (if you feel comfortable sharing one): I've updated my avatar to be a picture of me for the duration of my "MotW" interview.

Okay folks... that ought to give y'all a few points to jump off from. Glad to be the current "Member of the Week" and I look forward to the grilling I'm about to receive.

[fun4Ds]

Can I call you Sam here ? I don't want to be rude

Also in the monogamous relationship you are currently in, how much does your partner know or understand, about your interests in the lifestyle.

[TNT]

It seems you had a relatively smooth entry into the swinging lifestyle but, I'm curious as to what you find to be the most frustrating thing about being a single male in swinging?



Teresa

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Can I call you Sam here ? I don't want to be rude

Sure... people have been shortening my online username to Sam (or SAM and even the occassional S.A.M.) since I started using it (not too long ago). Sam is actually a shortening of my dog's name (Samson).

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Also in the monogamous relationship you are currently in, how much does your partner know or understand, about your interests in the lifestyle.

She knows it was something I was involved in and I'm still in touch with many of the friends that I acquired during that time in the lifestyle. She's also aware that I still maintain contact with the lifestyle through online groups & such.

I haven't been "active" in the lifestyle since I started seeing her a few years back ...she's not keen on "sharing" - although we both know & understand the "limits" of what kind of activities are allowed with other people. (In other words, I know the current limits of my leash and I'm fully allowed to run to the end of it and bark!)

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by TNT

It seems you had a relatively smooth entry into the swinging lifestyle but, I'm curious as to what you find to be the most frustrating thing about being a single male in swinging?

Teresa

I find that there are far too many single guys who use the lifestyle as an "easy way to get laid" and not as a social outlet. Which, unfortunately - paints ALL single guys into a bad light. A few bad apples make EVERYONE scared to meet with / much less play with a single guy.

I actually find it more frustrating that I don't fit into *most* of the catagories that people are looking for when it comes to a partner. Not that I'm currently looking - but if I were... I see that most people aren't looking for my particular "type".

[2inSanDiego4u]

It sounds like you're currently attached. Is your partner interested in the lifestyle and/or do you have plans to introduce it into your relationship?

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by 2inSanDiego4u

It sounds like you're currently attached. Is your partner interested in the lifestyle and/or do you have plans to introduce it into your relationship?

No, she's not interested in the lifestyle at all at this point and it's not something she's interested in pursuing in the near future.

At this point, my interactions in the lifestyle are purely non-sexual... so I'll hang out with people and be friends with them... heck, I'll even be a voyeur from time to time if such activities present themselves. And I find that people in the lifestyle are really good people, so I love hanging out with them still.

Friends which I had in the lifestyle are still my friends. I love hearing about their parties and their interactions / hook-ups.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

And I find that people in the lifestyle are really good people, so I love hanging out with them still.

This is something we've discovered as well. We consider ourselves to be "social" swingers; we enjoy the social side just as much as playing.

Another question: As a single male, what has been your best online resource or site for swinging activities?

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by 2inSanDiego4u

This is something we've discovered as well. We consider ourselves to be "social" swingers; we enjoy the social side just as much as playing.

Another question: As a single male, what has been your best online resource or site for swinging activities?

The best online resource, I've found has been Yahoo-Groups. I'm fortunate in that I made friends in the local community and know about three or four different swinger groups on Yahoo in my area (and I'm friends with the owners / moderators of these groups).

And since I'm already a part of that community - I can talk to people... attend events... be social... and if I ever decided to "play" - they'd welcome me to join them.

In regards to a resource for "finding new partners" or such... ((shrug)) Back when I was looking ...I never had much success with any of online site. And believe me... I've tried a LOT of them!!

...and a few of them, I've still got profiles up. (The number of emails or hits I've gotten through those profiles?? Next to NONE)

[LFM2]

OK, first of all, I love the new pic. It's a very nice pick, you handsome guy!

Secondly, you rock at trivia. You kick ass when you play.

Third, I have some non-sexual questions for you.

1. What do you like to do when you're not working?

2. Where in the world would you most like to visit?

3. Are you interested in sport... if so what sport?

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by LFM2

OK, first of all, I love the new pic. It's a very nice pick, you handsome guy!

Secondly, you rock at trivia. You kick ass when you play.

Third, I have some non-sexual questions for you.

1. What do you like to do when you're not working?

2. Where in the world would you most like to visit?

3. Are you interested in sport... if so what sport?

Thanks - I really wish I could do better on those trivia games... while I do typically manage to stay in the Top-5, I have yet to win any of those monthly games.

1. When not working, I like to hang out with friends... go to movies... watch TV... read books... play on the computer... etc., etc.

2. Hmmm ...I don't know if I've got a good answer to this one. I tend to stay close to home. For me, it's usually not where I am - but who I'm there with.

3. I do a bit of sword-fighting at the RenFaire... I like mixed-martial arts fighting... I also enjoy a lot of those extreme "x-games" style sports (just because they're cool to watch). Aside from those... I don't really consider myself much of a "sports"-guy - although there are lots of my friends who consider sex to be a sport!

[Hotwallabies]

You've talked a lot about preferring to hang out with people in the swing culture. What specific things/qualities have you found in the swing culture that you enjoy so much?

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by Hotwallabies

You've talked a lot about preferring to hang out with people in the swing culture. What specific things/qualities have you found in the swing culture that you enjoy so much?

I think part of it has to do with the repressed 'anti-sex' environment I grew up in... coupled with some of the out-dated puritan-like sexual repression I see in the U.S. - the 'open-ness' to human sexuality or at least the positive sexual attitude feels very refreshing to me.

Also, I grew up with in a family that didn't show affection physically... no hugs or kisses or even real positive emotional support - and if nothing else, there's LOTS of that in the lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie]

You mentioned your leash in response to an earlier question, so what are the current limits of your leash?

Also, you mentioned that not many couples are looking for your "type", how would you describe your type?